Anyone else torn between finding out and not finding out ?

[Mum23boys]

Im in 2 minds whether I want to know. DH doesnt want to but Im unsure.

Part of me wants to only know if its a girl but then if i find out if a girl would i have rathered wait and have that surprise at birth ?

Part of doesnt want to know if its a boy as i know at birth i wont care but part of e wants to know so i can stop getting my hopes up that there is still a small chance of a girl .....

I think my main reason for not knowing is fear and being too scared. Im worried how i will react and dont want to risk suining the rest of my pregnancy.

Is anyone else feeling this torn ? I tink it doesnt help that i have 6 pregnant friends 5 of which are having girls !!! grrrr

[Sunshiner]

Hi there, I've jumped across from the due in March board but I saw your post and wanted to say I'm in exactly the same position of being totally torn. We had the gender written down for us at the 20 weeks scan and it's locked away in a drawer waiting for us if we wanted to find out at any point! I now have 5 weeks to go and it's still unopened, for all of the reasons you describe above, mainly because I'm scared i'll feel disappointed and don't want to feel sad for the rest of the pregnancy.. The one thing that keeps making me want to find out is the fear that my first thoughts on seeing our precious baby could be ones of disappointment and I know that would break my heart to feel that way and I'd feel unbearably guilty. Have you thought about having the gender written down and then opening it nearer to your due date? Sorry I haven't been much help I just wanted to let you know I know how you're feeling!

[Thorz300]

I'm just as torn! At times I think it will be better to wait so I'm not sad during most of my pregnancy, but the other part of me is worried it would affect my bonding with the baby if its a boy! I don't want to risk not bonding with him because I can't get over the GD in an instant. It's a tough one because I would love the surprise but in the end I think for me it's best to find out!

[Mum23boys]

I couldnt find out near the end id be thinking if ive got this far as i might as well see it to the end and have the surprise :-)

[rainbowflower]

I'm not pregnant yet (nor even trying!) but have been thinking about it too. Those I've asked who have had a gender preference have always say they'd do the opposite of what they did! Those who had an opposite and found out at birth have now said they'd rather find out early next time as they wouldn't want any sadness/disappointment when their baby is born. Those who found out (I'm one of those) think they'd rather wait until birth next time as gender scans, etc, were quite emotionally draining. I don't know personally I could put myself through another gender scan again, and I felt like a touch of anticipation/excitement had been taken away when we found out early. It was good to come to terms with another boy whilst pregnant and I was very excited about our new boy towards the end, but personally I love team yellow!

I think it depends on gut feeling. If you want a girl and gut feeling is pink it's probably best to find out early as it'd be a big shock if it was a boy. If you already believe it's a boy you have nothing to lose by waiting - if you're already mentally prepared for a boy and then at the birth you find out it's a girl then that's a bonus!

[Mum23boys]

Rainbow that is EXACTLY how I feel hence preparing myself for team blue and calling this bub little man etc that way it wont be a shock but I know i may still feel a little dissapointment as although i feel 99% sure this is a boy i have that 1% hope its our daughter ...finally !!

[Adia]

Such a tough decision, I know Hobbermittens was adamant that she not find out until birth because GD with DD2 was so bad and she didn't want to risk it again, that was absolutely the right decision for her, but drove her friends nuts!!!:wink:

I think its completely individual and ultimately you know what you can handle.

I like Sunshiner's idea. She knows she can find out if she really wants to, but she's holding on. She has the option anytime she wants it.

As for me, i went into a terrible slump after finding out DD3 was my 3rd girl but I know that the anticipation will make me crazy. If I can get prego soon I will find out the gender ASAP. This will be our last baby so I need to know. I need to cope privately if its a girl and have the power to share or keep secret if its a boy. But that is just me!

Good luck and please post if you do find out!!!

[inshaallahxx]

I'm not even trying and won't until June or July but I'm already thinking about this too. Mostly because every one that I thought would be supportive is just so ugly and negative. They tell me all I ever have will be boys. I'm starting to believe it. :(

So now to decide whether to not find out.
Find out and not tell any one. Or find out and tell every one.

My husband kind of got excited when I told him about not finding out but I'm not sure I would be able to wait. When I found ds2 was a boy cried but was kind of expecting it. I definitely got over it and was able to enjoy my pregnancy and bonded even closer to him when he was born.
So I think I might do that, it gives the chance to get over while the baby is not here yet.
If it's a girl I will have that much longer to decide. I don't think I will tell any one if it's a girl and just surprise every one with her! Gosh I pray so much I get prego with a girl. It will be a dream come true

[mommymachine]

With DS3 I am so glad I found out at 17 weeks. I was very sad. But DH let me name him after my dad whom I love so much. So the 4.5 months I knew he was a boy I was calling him Robbie and bonding with my little Robbie, then I started to get super excited for little Robbie and by the time Robbie was born I was head over heels in love. I'm so glad I did it that way. I had to opposite experience with my DD. I didn't believe the ultrasound. I didn't believe 9 ultrasounds actually and it gave me great anxiety. I hated my baby shower and all the pink gifts thinking I would have to return them. I hated the doubt. When she was actually born a girl I was over the moon! I couldn't believe the ultrasound was right an that I was getting my little girl the whole time!!! So. This time gender does not matter "as much" but it still matters a little. I have my DD but now I hope to give her a sister, it's not our last baby so I'm not panicking. I still don't know whether or not I want to find out. DH has always wanted to know and this time is no exception. So I guess I'm just going to find out and hope I don't have the same anxiety if I find out its my DG.

[rachel]

i can totally relate to you im so ashamed to say i cant bear to find out its a boy and cry but i don want a surprise at birth its better i know to deal with it and bond better before the birth

[Justjessica]

Aww hun it is tough and I know exactly what you are going through as I only decided in the waiting room I was so torn. I also call my baby he all the time to try and prepare myself. Good luck with whatever you decide. I really, really hope you hear pink, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Bigwish]

With my first i was in team yellow, but i was convinced that i would give birth to a girl. When i heard 'it's a boy' i was so shocked about the fact how much my body has fooled me, took me two weeks two get over it. No GD at all btw.

It was the reason why i wanted to know with ds2. But the moment i was told the gender, i was dissappointed about the fact that it wasn't a surprise anymore. In hindsight i was really hoping for a girl.

I think next time i want to know, just to prepare myself. But not sure about it...

[Atsaukina1]

yeah everyone thought my 1st was a boy and a lot fo people thought second was a girl lol so obviously my belly fools everyone lol. I never know either way so always a complete surprise. wish mil would wait to make her beautiful quilts so if it is a girl i could get a totally girlee one but I won't tell her that lol and will just love my gn one(boring lol)

[Atsaukina1]

one thing though ladies if you do cry at birth no one will know it is because of gender because lots of mamas cry seeing lo. it is a very emotional experience. me i'm too exhausted for even wondering what the baby is lol

[weeziewoozles]

We found out with DS1 and DS2 as I just wanted to know. With baby one it was fine either way as we've always said we want four. With baby two I was shocked as we'd followed Shettles (I didn't know he had been debunked). So I was disappointed for a while. But like someone else said, choosing the name helped me to bond with him. I'd have probably been manic if he'dturned out a girl by then as I was excited to meet him. This time round I think we'll find out again because I am really confident in my sway so I will really that time to adjust if we hear boy again.

[Mum23boys]

I just confuse my self the more i think about it !!!

[Rosie85]

For me I love the bonding experience I get knowing the gender right away but I do feel it would have been neat to do a surprise! I kept saying this one was going to be that surprise but I ended up finding out 1 month earleir than my first two, haha. So I doubt I will wait to find out with my next either...

[heidih1977]

I was planning on waiting to much closer to the birth but I think I am ready now to face hearing boy in 1.5 weeks. The waiting and symptom assessing is driving me crazy. I am absolutely sick at the thoughts and hearing my dream possibly being crushed but the sooner I get used to the reality this is most likely a boy the better for me and the little man that will arrive in july. i really hope you hear pink after 3 blues you definitely deserve it.

[LO123]

I am similar to Heidih, the waiting and obsessing over it is driving me crazy. I am now so obsessed I am not sleeping and even crying just thinking about it. I think I just need to know so I can move on with it and accept if it is another boy. My scan is the 13 March, 4 weeks away and now I don't even think I can wait that long. I know I couldn't stand feeling like this the rest of my pregnancy, I feel so bad now in can't be any worse if I hear boy.

[fish2012]

I was so dispointed ds2 was a boy (team yellow both times before) even thou my gut told me he would be I found it hard to bond with him. I hope finding out asap will help me keep the dispointment of never having a girl seperate from my love for this little guy which I know will come.....it's so tough

[heidih1977]

yeah it is really tough. I am also torn with guilt feelings for even feeling like this way at all when you think about all the women that suffer losses or cannot even conceive in the first place. My scan is 8 days away and I feel physically sick at the thoughts of it. Even though I am trying to convince myself this another boy in order to avoid disappointment I know I will be absolutely gutted. There are now 5 other friends/ family members that are expecting later this year and there is one confirmed girl already. I just know I will be the one with the next boy and they will all be sitting opposite me in the summer with their little girls....I just don't know how I will cope with that. I am not a naturally jealous person but this topic or subject just engulfs me with jealously when I think of friends having little girls and me none. God I won't be sleeping a wink this day week!!!!

[zareenNFO]

If you're not finding out if you're having a girl or a boy (or considering not finding out), there's a website you should know about called NotFindingOut. It's an online baby registry that caters specifically to parents who are waiting for the delivery room surprise. All of Not Finding Out's products are paired into girl and boy complements, so you register for a specific item, you just don't know if you're receiving the girl or boy version of that item. Not Finding Out also carries a lot of gender neutral items so you can register for gender neutral items AND gender specific stuff. If someone buys a gift for you before the baby is born, you will receive a beautifully wrapped Preview Card showing both the girl and boy version of the item they bought instead of the gift itself (since receiving the gender specific gift would spoil the surprise!). As soon as your baby is born, your gender specific gifts are shipped straight to you. Very fun!!!

[Mum23boys]

yeah it is really tough. I am also torn with guilt feelings for even feeling like this way at all when you think about all the women that suffer losses or cannot even conceive in the first place. My scan is 8 days away and I feel physically sick at the thoughts of it. Even though I am trying to convince myself this another boy in order to avoid disappointment I know I will be absolutely gutted. There are now 5 other friends/ family members that are expecting later this year and there is one confirmed girl already. I just know I will be the one with the next boy and they will all be sitting opposite me in the summer with their little girls....I just don't know how I will cope with that. I am not a naturally jealous person but this topic or subject just engulfs me with jealously when I think of friends having little girls and me none. God I won't be sleeping a wink this day week!!!!

I HAVE 6 PREGNANT FRIENDS ALL DUE THIS YEAR ..... ALL WITH GIRLS !!! Talk about sods law !!! Whats the betting mine is the only boy .... i sooo wished it was evenly spread and some got boys but no its like someone up there is laughing at me !!

[heidih1977]

oh gosh well I reckon you HAVE to get a girl this time around mum23boys....it would be a gross miscarriage of injustice if you don't! will keep everything crossed for you. I shall be facing my fate this coming friday!

[iluvmy4sons]

My husband does not want to find out but I can. I need to know because I always pick a special outfit for the baby to come in. I am not sure I could handle picking up a little dress or pink outfit and then not being able to use it. This baby is my last. I had a hard time with my DS4 this time I am prepared to hear boy. If I do I will be running up to the Carters outlet next weekend and buying the outfit I saw to take him home in.

I think this what I will get if he is a boy it has a little hat and shoes to go with it as well.

2-Piece Overall Set | Baby Boy Little Whale (http://www.carters.com/carters/2-Piece-Overall-Set/V_121B383,default,pd.html?dwvar_V__121B383_color=G ray&cgid=carters-baby-boy-collections-little-whale&start=)

[fish2012]

That is so cute, buy it anyway you can always give it away!

[KidAtHeart]

I'm so glad this website exists! It really helps to know I am not alone. I am driving myself crazy. We did not find out at the 20 week scan bc I was too scared to hear 'boy' again. We found out with first two and not the third. Surprisingly, I didn't get gd in the delivery room - I was just so happy to have the baby OUT that I didn't think about it for awhile. It hit me later that night when I was alone. Cried myself to sleep. Fast forward four and a half years later... gd still here! I think I would feel disappointed at the birth if I heard boy, so I am going to find out at my later scan (between 28-32 wks). The saving grace is that no one will know that we know, so I can choose to keep it a secret and come to terms with it in private instead of having a baby in my arms. I know I will love him no matter what, I don't really have any negative issues with having boys. It's the loss of a dream. Ah well. At least I know I did everything in my power to follow my dream and if it isn't meant to be, I hope I will learn to let go. I think I will be repeating the serenity prayer a lot!

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

[1+2+3boys]

I can't wait to find out what you are having, I so hope it's the little girl you want and sorry to hear about your lost twin. I have three boys too and have never swayed and next will for our 4th and most definitely final baby. This is what I am hoping to do...

I don't want to find out the sex at the scan because I don't want to stop being excited about the pregnancy or feel sad while I have hormones to add to it plus the tiredness of looking after my boys whilst pregnant.

I will make sure no one announces or tells me the sex of the baby when it is born and try not to look when it is placed on my chest to hold. I will look into my new babies face and bond/ get to know my baby for as long as I need to. Then I will look between the legs to find out for myself so I can react in my own way and not be influecned by anyone elses tone of voice or what they say etc. (My partner ruined the sex scan for our twins by saying sorry when we found out so it was hard to think positive after hearing that). Then even if it is a boy and I am a bit sad, the momment of birth was not ruined and I will already have bonded with him enough to not mind as much.

That's my little fairy tale. I wonder if anyone has done this on here and what it was like. I think I will call it a 'he' in the womb too

[Mum23boys]

1+2+3BOYS - I think that sounds fabulous !!! My hubby likes to be the one to find out the sex and announce it but Im liking your idea though cant put it to my hubby as he doesnt understand - he thinks so long as a baby is healthy the sex is no isssue. I have been calling this one "little man" since day 1 - always refer to him as a him or say your son to DH - sometimes he ignores it other times he says it could be a girl stop saying he but its my way of dealing with it - ve been doing it for 16 weeks now and actually feel ok with the idea of a boy as its as if im bonding already calling it a he.... if it is infact a girl it will be a bloody big shock !!! ha ha

[Bunneyfluff]

With ds1 we had a surprise and as I had no GD it was lovely. Ds2, still no real preference so didnt ask but we could see for ourselves what he was when the tech measured his femur! Ds3, wanted to find out as I wanted a girl and after we left the room I fled to the loo and cried. Then spent a few months feeling awful and guilty until I got used to the idea. Next time I will drive myself mad until I know so not knowing till birth will be too much. Although I have a friend who had GD with her second girl and didnt find out until birth and it was fine, I know I will have to know to be able to come to terms with it. But next time, I want to get the tech to let me try to figure out for myself. Then no one has to tell me 'it's a boy', and by finding out for myself I hope it will ease the GD if it is a boy. Last time the tech announced it right at the start of the scan and I was trying so hard not to let my feelings show I didn't enjoy the rest of the scan

[Mum23boys]

Some days Im ok with not knowing and especially with 7 pregnant friends all due girls Im kinda glad i dont know to be honest cos if it was a boy all them having girls would maker it harder to deal with . Other days I am really impatient and want to know but im kind of thinking that it will be a brilliant surprise either way - Ive convinced myself its a boy I call it him all the time or little man - and so I dont think i will be as bothered at birth as i would be if i was really thinking i stood a chance of a girl. Dont get me wrong im sure my heart will sink a little but ive never looked at one of my babies and not felt instant love so im sure it will be fine.

[Angelcrazylove]

i'd love a girl and i totally feel you sista, the not knowing is so driving me crazy but at the same time i'm excited for the surprise of it all, as obsessive the gender guessing is making me i still wouldn't trade it in to find out the gender beforehand..for me, i think of it like this, a girl is a cheeseburger and a boy is a chicken burger, i would love/prefer a cheese burger but if i get a chicken burger i'll love that to..i hope my baby has some cheese on it but if it doesn't it'll be some yummy crunchy chicken :) x

[Mum23boys]

Well we had our 20 week scan and DIDNT find out so thats it now we are definately team green !!!

[Wanting-a-girl]

Good for you that takes a lot of will power! I don't think I can do it even though I would love a surprise