So conflicted

[klbr933]

I'm 17 weeks with baby 3. I have two adorable,loved, wanted boys.

I think I want a girl. But I don't know if I want a girl or if the world wants me to have a girl.

I lost my own sibling (a sister) nearly 2 years ago. My grandmother died shortly thereafter and now my own mothers health is failing. I was once surrounded by a group of women who leaned on eachother, laughed with one another, and it was nice. Now, I'm feeling so alone.

I'm scared if I have a girl she will be sick like my sister (depression).

I had a hard time when son 2 was announced boy at the 20 week ultrasound and upon his birth I FELL in LOVE but I struggled for the rest of the 20 weeks of pregnancy wanting a daughter. Now,this little boys energy has gotten me through the last two really awful years. So I was planning on going team green for this pregnancy but I think I really do want a daughter and am worried bout delivery and emotions and everything.

If you have made it ths far, thanks for reading. I feel like I have no one to talk to. And I guess I was wondering if anyone had some thoughts or tips on what I'm going through.

Thank you.

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry about your losses. I think many of us can relate to you post.

[The Anchor]

You are not alone. So many women have expressed these same feelings. I hope you are able to find peace...

[4devochki]

Depression, scientists now believe, comes from a complex mixture of genetic and environmental/cultural factors. If you are aware of the family propensity from an early age it will help you give your sons and possible daughter the tools to talk back to any cognitive errors that lead to depression. See the work of David Burns, Aaron Beck and others.

If it's what YOU want, I hope you get your girl. All the best for your pregnancy! And I'm very sorry you lost your sister and grandma, and hope you have good memories of them both to sustain you.

[klbr933]

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. Devo---thanks for those authors. Beck looking especially interesting to me.