When do you plan on telling people your pregnantg again?

[Rainbow baby]

Hi ladies,

Me and DH are on a different page with this.

His side is and why I 100% get and agree with!
As soon as we find out. His argument. Every baby is special and has earned the right to be Acknoledged with a heart beat!

Me. I don't think I could handle having to go over and over again how are you today and how is the baby going. I know I will be 100% on edge next time till at least a few weeks after the 20 weeks scan and when baby is felt routinely. I know I will have trouble enjoying pregnancy ever again! I except it. I have no idea why I feel so dearly about the fact to hide it for a while! I just do. I can't explain really!


Anyway I was wondering what every body was planning on doing and why! Then maybe we can work out the pro's and con's and come to an agreement!! I am not even pregnant yet mind you!! lol.

[Wanting-a-girl]

I was planning on telling at 12 weeks but my son decided to tell my mom a few days ago I am 10 weeks.... I think you have every right to be on edge after what you have been through!

[LacePrincess]

After the first scan, I think, which is around 12-13 weeks around here. I don't think I'll even be comfortable thinking the bean will stick until at least 8 weeks, and even then until I hear/see a heartbeat I'll still be worried!

[Tammy123]

Hi I think we will wait till 12 weeks. Our first pg we told both our families straight away and it was horrible telling everyone our sad news when we mc. With ds we told our mums straight away but waited till 12 weeks for everyone else. With this mc we also just told our mums and were planning to tell everyone else at 12 weeks. When we mc at 9 weeks, we just went through it ourselves, and then once it was over and we felt up to it we told our siblings that we had mc. I felt it was easier that way as I'm not the kind of person who likes having a lot of ppl around me at times like that. I do see ur dh's point though and I don't think it's wrong to tell ppl straight away. It just depends on u and how u feel comfortable xx

[WantingPink]

We are waiting until 1st Trimester is over to tell people. I am telling my Mom tomorrow on V-day!! I like to get the first 12 weeks out of the way before sharing the news with to many people. I think if I wait until I am really showing then people are going to figure it out anyway and then "act" surprised when you tell them. I think in your case people would really understand why you aren't sharing the news earlier. You need to do what you feel comfortable with and what is going to put your mind at ease. You DH isn't the one that will receive 1000 comments and hurt looks from if you do have another MC (which is very unlikely).

[Thorz300]

I've told parents and siblings and my BFF's everyone else will find out after week 14

[mommymachine]

We have told my mom and dad and a close friend, other than that we aren't going public until 20 weeks/we know gender. This is number 5 and we know we will get negative comments. We MAY tell MIL sooner than everyone else but not until 12-13 weeks. I do however love your DH attitude.

[harleyquinn]

One thing I have learned through this process of ttc and m/c's, is be careful who you share your information/feelings/news with.

Not everyone is worthy of your confidences.

I'd say why, but I don't think it is appropriate.

But thats my advice.

[sugarNspice]

For me, it gets later and later with each loss.

With DD#1 (full term, easy pregnancy), I was so excited and nervous that even though I'd intended to wait until 12 weeks, I started telling people as early as 6, when we first saw a heartbeat. I ended up regretting this in some ways (mostly professional), even though I did not miscarry.

With DD#2 (full term, easy pregnancy) I told a few family members and close friends after we saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks, and the rest of the world at 12 weeks.

With m/c #1, the baby was measuring behind--with concerns about heartrate--on all early scans, and so I decided to hold off on telling people until after the baby caught up. I did tell a couple (but only a couple) of very close friends about the pregnancy, but very few people. Ended at 12 weeks.

With m/c #2, I told almost no one, but I had pretty severe nausea, so I did share the news with people who were concerned about that (like the neighbor who saw me vomit into my front flower beds). Blighted ovum, d&c at 10 weeks.

M/c #3 was a chemical, and I got a bfp late enough that I pretty much knew it was over before it began. Didn't tell a soul.

With m/c #4, I decided to wait until after 12 weeks with a solid heartbeat. I had an early ultrasound, and the baby never developed beyond 5 1/2 weeks, so I never told anyone.

M/c #5 was the hardest of all. DH & I decided to wait until after a CVS had confirmed normal chromosomes, and I was beginning to feel movement. This happened at 15 weeks. The baby died sometime between this and my 18 week ultrasound (or maybe even a little earlier, and the movement I'd thought I was feeling wasn't even real). We'd told lots of people, and in many ways, having to tell everyone that, no I wasn't going to be having a baby after all, was the hardest part of the loss and the grieving process. It was brutal and excruciating. Even though many people were extremely supportive, having to repeat the devastating news over and over again was terrible. The worst part was having to explain the loss to my older daughter, who desperately wanted another baby sister, and who continues, to this day, to ask if I'm pregnant again with a new baby to replace that one.

Next time: we'll wait 24 to 28 weeks before we even begin to think about sharing the news.

[pebmcpd7]

We don't tell anyone until our anomaly scan is over!!! It is our wee secret till then!!! I couldn't told out any longer than that anyhow's, my bump starts expanding!!!!

[EmmyRoo]

It's weird, but with DS1 and DS2 we told parents and siblings early (5 weeks and 7 weeks) due to the fact we were seeing them and couldn't get away with not drinking without arousing suspicion! I also told work at 7 weeks with DS1 as I was so nauseated and working full time. Our rationale was that if something went wrong, our parents and siblings were who we'd turn to for support. We never told friends until after the 12 week scan.

This time however, when things did go wrong, the first thing we did was ring our parents, tell work, tell the boys' childminder and text the one friend who did know to ask her to pass it on to everyone else. I was surprised that I wanted the world to know, as I'm normally pretty private about such personal stuff, but I just couldn't face meeting someone who didn't know and having to tell them. A couple of weeks on I'm now able to leave the house and face strangers without having a desperate urge to tell them what I'm going through.

Next time, hoping there is one, I think I'll actually tell my friends early, save myself the stress of trying to keep it secret and hide the bump, as I now know I'd want them to know if I had another loss.

X

[Rainbow baby]

Thanks ladies for all the reply's!! One of the reasons I don't want to say anything is because of my children! With my angel I told my parents at the 12 week scan and they ended up telling my kids even though I didn't want them to know! I honestly don't even know if I want to tell them again! I would rather them turn up at the hospital to a healthy lets just say little sister for now ;)
My children...my poor children suffered so much they need not suffer again and I feel this is my fault, my fault for letting them get excited, making them toss out cloths and toys in the exciting await, helping me, massaging my feet, talking/singing too the baby :tissue: I honestly hold a lot of guilt regarding this and it is something that has made me determined to give them what they were/are waiting for! It broke my :broken: when my eldest ds 10 said "mum please don't tell me when there is another baby, I don't want to have to hurt this bad again, I would rather you wait until you know he is ok". I am so unsure of what to do with the children, I plan on seeing a shrink to help me out with this and waiting as long as I can.

[Rainbow baby]

Sugar and spice, I know what you mean, I was sure I was feeling my son everyday and thought I felt a big kick the night before we found out at 20 week scan that he had passed. He had passed a few days to a week before the scan. I felt him for weeks after too! They explained it to me it may be everything is so compacted and swollen other things are felt easier at that stage, plus my body knew before I did and was already dealing with it! It is weird to me though I have never really been sure it was baby until around 24 weeks with my older sons I never felt much of anything until then!! When do you plan on telling your older children?

[The Anchor]

I had JUST told family and a few friends IRL...within a couple fo days I started spotting, and u/s a few days later showed no h/b - lost bub at 12 weeks. Like we had jinxed it somehow. If I could, I would hold out telling anybody until 6 months. This however, is COMPLETELY impossible for me. I looked like I was 5 months pregnant at 12 weeks last time around, and appeared absolutely maniacal at work wearing thick bulky sweaters in 30 degree weather.

[harleyquinn]

I don't plan on telling anybody, I even quit FB because at this point, I see it as a major life change along with a few other things we are going through and I don't want people writing me and asking me how I am doing, if I am trying again etc (I told people too early last time...I thought I was good and like Anchor, had a gigantic belly straight away) so I just desperatly want my privacy and will let others know when I have an anatomy scan and KNOW that all heart and parts are working....no longer CARE about the comments about a 5th boy. I really get those comments, let me tell you. It was hard for me, when people would know I had a loss but say the worst things that didn't help at all and made me like them less :( But I know they just don't know.

My kids already know I am pg...its hard to hide it when you are going to ER for hours on end and lots of appts and constantly worrying. I decided to be honest right away because I don't want them to think I am distant or they did something wrong...I am just distracted and it isn't them. So I did tell them. Whether that is right or wrong I have no idea, but it seemed the best to do for our situation.

[Rainbow baby]

Thanks ladies, Harleyquinn I know what you mean about people saying things and as much as you know they meant nothing by it you just can't help but hold them at a distance and have less time for them! I even had somebody say "oh well you don't need any more boys anyway"! In that moment I looked back to rip them apart but I could see in their eyes they had realised they said something out of line and they already had tried to fix it! Nobody can say the right things, I wished they stopped trying! I deleted my face book for a few months after too! I think I will when I get my bfp as well!

[harleyquinn]

^^I got that comment too.

Comments about multiple boys usually don't bother me at all, but when one is dead..then they do. You may not KNOW you WANT a 5th boy, but you do. I think what bothered me the most though..is people I really care about saying I am nuts for wanting 5 kids, and I better hope for girl because of the clothes. Or if I were you, I would get a job and move on from the baby phase. Why do I tell people anything??

I am sorry to sound so bitter. I really am. :(

[Rainbow baby]

I have said that a few times also because it is true! You really do not know what you want, I doubt many people could agree with that! I never knew I wanted another son so bad until he was gone! We were actually told he was a lil girl when we found out he had died! It made not one scrap of difference. I am bitter too. I just wish I wasn't effected by what comes out of ignorant peoples mouths but really I am :(

[jellybeans]

I have been thinking about this too. I've decided that we won't be telling our boys until I am big enough that they ask...ds1 has been very confused by my recent loss, i feel that miscarriage is a very complex thing for a 3 year old to understand and I would hate for him to have to go through this again. I am however still planning to tell a few people very early on, my parents and my two best friends who are the people that are being a massive support to me right now. Other than them, I have no idea when we will tell anyone else. We thought that we were all clear after firstly a great 12 week scan and blood results, and then a seemingly healthy morphology scan at 19 weeks...I had just announced the gender on Facebook the day before I found out that we had lost our baby. I will definitely not be putting anything pregnancy related on Facebook at all in the future..people who I don't see can just be surprised by a birth announcement instead!

[onthepond]

With our DD (our 1st), we waited to share the news until we were 14 weeks. With our 2nd (unfortunately a loss at 10 weeks), we shared with a few and were heartbroken to have to share the loss. If we are blessed to get pregnant again, we are seriously not sharing with ANYONE until we are 14 weeks, and at that point, I think we will tell my best friend and mom and wait to share with everyone else until it is beyond obvious. We also will not be posting anything of FB at all until after baby is born. Just us, though, and all have to do what feels best for them! GL to all.

[LolaInLove]

I am just about 7 weeks and I told work this past week, only because my job is brand new (of course!!!) and I didn't want to get fired in my 90 day window for being slack or unenthusiastic, when in fact, I am about to barf or fall asleep at any moment. That was hard decision for me, because these folks are new to my life in general, but I decided that it was more important for my boss to know why I was acting strange so I didn't lose my job or get penalized in any way. I am the breadwinner in the family, so that would have been a very bad thing. Anyway, they were great about it. My company is a national one and has 93% women, so it is never viewed as a bad thing, thankfully.

As far as family and friends, I told my parents and sister, who would be perfectly fine and supportive if I lost this one too, but not my DH's family, who were almost more devastated than us when we lost the last 2. My 2 best girlfriends know also, but it's all under wraps until we get to 12 weeks or so in the "public." My oldest actually figured it out because she saw a test in my bathroom garbage can and can tell I felt bad. (We have a creepy weird connection, like twins almost....she's my doppelganger.)

But I agree with all comments, you just tell when you are ready. It's hard when you disagree with your DH, but hopefully he can come to a compromise with you and understand how the comments upset you after a loss. He's just excited, but maybe you can just tell a few close family members and no one else for a while.

But think positive thoughts.....a lovely member here with a loss told me to not waste my time worrying about losing this baby. She said she spent her whole pregnancy after loss worrying and she regrets that....also that it will hurt either way, so why not just go about it all as if everything is fine. So, that's where I'm going with this one for now. Good luck!!!

[TeraDN]

We plan on waiting til 16 wks. then it will be quietly leaked to family. Most of our friends and family think we are crazy for going for #5. So even with our history of losses at 12 wks, it will be a crazy bunch of hey dont you know what causes that ? to what 5 kids? % KIDS!!!? yeah.....