4th kid...ANOTHER GIRL :(

[PATR0062]

I didn't know where else to turn to, and thought maybe here was a good jumping off point.

I am so depressed.
We just found out at our 20wk US that we are indeed having another girl...for a grand total of 4 girls :(

I knew that getting pregnant has always meant that there was a chance it would be a girl but when I actually found out I burst into tears right there on the spot. In fact I don't think I've stopped crying for over a week.

I feel like I'm mourning the loss of a million lost opportunities. And now most people around me think telling me that this new child (an individual in her own right) will be full of opportunities, but I don't think they understand, in fact I know they don't. I've missed out on the reaction my husband would have to hearing he finally would be having a boy in the house. I've missed out on my own excitement for the same reaction. I also feel like everyone around me, family included, is thinking "oh well, good for them, they know what to expect", when really I just wanted them to be over the moon excited for us... and now I will get no exciting messages or extra support. As soon as family knows its a girl they will simply back off and let us do what we know how to do best...raise girls. I'm sure I'll be able to cope but I'm not sure I won't be able to stop my self from crying every time I hear someone is having a boy :(
I'm extremely worried that this feeling will NEVER go away.

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm so sorry.

[atomic sagebrush]

I totally understand every word you say. I think that's one of the hardest parts about GD is that it's like you're robbed of that excitement. I hope things ease up for you and you can enjoy - I think all-girl families are like little bouquets of flowers :heart:

[BZ94]

I too understand what you mean about being robbed of excitement--even though with both my DS's and now my upcoming third I've eventually come around to the idea of having a boy, another boy, and still another boy, I feel robbed of getting to walk out of the ultrasound room absolutely ecstatic about what I've just been told. Not to mention all the future experiences my husband and I will never have (father-daughter dances, mother-daughter lunches, etc). Not sure that this helps but I do understand!!!!

[Gimmeapinkone]

Im so sorry :( I was the same when we found out #3 was another boy. Don't beat yourself up, just give yourself time to grieve over the son you aren't having. Just remember it doesn't mean you love your new daughter any less!

[canuckinaustralia]

So sorry you are struggling. I felt just the same when I found out I'm pregnant with boy #3. Some days I still feel in shock about it and can't even think about it too much or I break down :(

[Yuzu]

I felt that way when I heard I was expecting boy #4. I thought, "Four? I just can't catch a break!" It seemed so unfair that I couldn't experience what it would be like to buy pink, and have mom-daughter outings. I'm surrounded by bats and blocks and balls. I did get over it when my son was born; he is so awesome! But I was in a dark place for awhile. You're not alone.

[luvalittleman]

I didn't know where else to turn to, and thought maybe here was a good jumping off point.

I am so depressed.
We just found out at our 20wk US that we are indeed having another girl...for a grand total of 4 girls :(

I knew that getting pregnant has always meant that there was a chance it would be a girl but when I actually found out I burst into tears right there on the spot. In fact I don't think I've stopped crying for over a week.

I feel like I'm mourning the loss of a million lost opportunities. And now most people around me think telling me that this new child (an individual in her own right) will be full of opportunities, but I don't think they understand, in fact I know they don't. I've missed out on the reaction my husband would have to hearing he finally would be having a boy in the house. I've missed out on my own excitement for the same reaction. I also feel like everyone around me, family included, is thinking "oh well, good for them, they know what to expect", when really I just wanted them to be over the moon excited for us... and now I will get no exciting messages or extra support. As soon as family knows its a girl they will simply back off and let us do what we know how to do best...raise girls. I'm sure I'll be able to cope but I'm not sure I won't be able to stop my self from crying every time I hear someone is having a boy :(
I'm extremely worried that this feeling will NEVER go away.

Hey there, I'm so sorry you are still feeling sad about receiving the news you're having another girl. I found out yesterday via CVS that I too am having another girl, although it was suggested at my scan on Monday it was a girl so I have been in tears on and off for two days.
That means I will also be having my 4th daughter like you. I know exactly how you are feeling with regards to the gender disappointment and I wanted to say it's perfectly natural and OK to be feeling how you are. I think most people with 4 of a kind feel robbed of the joy of producing a certain gender - I know I do.
If I can offer a little advice to help you deal with this a little easier it would be to concentrate right now on not worrying about other peoples perceived opinions and expectations. There's a great saying " In your 20's you worry what everyone else thinks, in your 40's you stop worrying what other people think, in your 60's you realise they weren't thinking about you much at all". Try and remember that it's you having this child and what other people may think about this is completely irrelevant. For me, I am focusing on the parts I know I love that make me feel happy. This sounds crazy I know and I will probably discredit myself here but...I love giving birth. I know there's lots of pain but I love that rush of excitement when you've worked so hard bloody pushing and sweating and all the pain is over and they place this beautiful , tiny little baby on your chest. I love the tiny little newborn clothes, and finding out if their eyes will be blue like mine or green like DH's. There is much to feel excited about and your GD will ease in time.
You may have to actively try to focus on the parts of having a baby you love and there will be days you can't and feel down, but I promise you if you keep trying, keep focusing on what she may look like, how big will she be, what colour her hair and eyes will be, how it will feel to finally meet her and hold her, it will become easier to feel excited to meet her.
I hope your GD eases up on you soon and I wish you all the very best for the remainder of your pregnancy.

[prayforaboy]

Luvalittleman - I love your attitude... we might find out gender of he baby in 4 weeks and I am convinced that it is a girl. I am assuming that i will go through some major GD... because this is our last.... but i loved your reply here. PATR and Luvalittleman I am sorry that you did not hear boy.... I will be in the same boat if i hear girl.

[Shenanigans]

I'm so so sorry. I felt the same way after hearing that DS3 is a boy. I cried for days. I felt like I was letting everyone in my family down (out of 9 grandchildren so far 8 are boys) letting my husband down, my older boys who want a baby sister, etc, etc. Not to mention all the sarcastic remarks from people. I just wanted to say sorry and I understand and it does get better little by little.

[WantMyPinkMiracle]

I didn't know where else to turn to, and thought maybe here was a good jumping off point.

I am so depressed.
We just found out at our 20wk US that we are indeed having another girl...for a grand total of 4 girls :(

I knew that getting pregnant has always meant that there was a chance it would be a girl but when I actually found out I burst into tears right there on the spot. In fact I don't think I've stopped crying for over a week.

I feel like I'm mourning the loss of a million lost opportunities. And now most people around me think telling me that this new child (an individual in her own right) will be full of opportunities, but I don't think they understand, in fact I know they don't. I've missed out on the reaction my husband would have to hearing he finally would be having a boy in the house. I've missed out on my own excitement for the same reaction. I also feel like everyone around me, family included, is thinking "oh well, good for them, they know what to expect", when really I just wanted them to be over the moon excited for us... and now I will get no exciting messages or extra support. As soon as family knows its a girl they will simply back off and let us do what we know how to do best...raise girls. I'm sure I'll be able to cope but I'm not sure I won't be able to stop my self from crying every time I hear someone is having a boy :(
I'm extremely worried that this feeling will NEVER go away. HOW DID YOU DO THIS I WANT A GIRL ANY SECRETS FOODS YOU ATE TIME OF BABY DANCING??? Anything.???

[4devochki]

Patroo, I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Another mom of 4 girls here, and I'm trying to wrack my brains to think of how I got over that initial breathless, kicked-in-the-gut, howling at the moon feeling of unbelievable grief...and I can't remember. Our youngest (#3 and 4 were twins) are already 5. It does lessen, just as everyone says, as you get closer toward the birth, and prepare for the new little person's arrival. Making all the arrangements, tending to everyone's needs...thank goodness it keeps you busy.

My own pregnancy and birth experience was different from a lot of ladies' here--I was older, already facing tubal infertility and doing IVF because of that. I had had a negative cycle and then a twin miscarriage, so that sucked. When we got the early u/s with twins, I was excited but mostly terrified, knowing that twins have a higher chance of miscarriage, and then my age, etc., etc. So I spent most of the pregnancy terrified that something would happen, which left less time to be pissed off that I wasn't getting the boy I'd always wanted.

No, I'm not telling you to be grateful you're having a healthy bub, that you're fertile, blah, blah...because that doesn't help. Everyone has their own circumstances, and your own losses are your losses.

With time, the beautiful things about all girls will touch you more. I'm reading the Little House books with my 8 year old now, and in the Fall we read an abridged version of Little Women...loving families of 4 girls in literature...

All this to say I feel for you, I really do. My girls all have good boy friends in school, and playdates do make me wistful...mostly I just try to enjoy their company. I know that some of the all boy moms around me are also hurting, wishing for some of what I have...I wish I could hug them and confess that I have the same hurts.

OK, enough rambling. Try to be well, take good care of yourself, love your little ones.

[Adia]

So sorry honey, I do understand. Big hugs...

[4devochki]

If you are the religious type, might you consider that there is some meaning in all this--you are a fabulous girl mom! Your girls will be a strong band of loving sisters! Each one has something unique and terrific to give to the world!

I am not religious, but after fearing to have daughters so much after my horrible relationship with my mom, I figured fate is trying to teach me something about needing to do what I most feared.

[housefullofgirls]

I have 4 girls and currently a little over 17 weeks pregnant. I understand completely what you are talking about. I want to give you a great big hug. It gets better. Much better! I cried, I was depressed too. At the time a close friend of mine due 5 days before me was also pregnant with her 4th and she had a boy & I had a girl and I was like why me. Why can't that be me. I was so tired of the wow look at all the weddings you have to pay for comments and the oh maybe next time the oh is this finally your boy when I'm out and about with the 3 girls at the time. Strangers telling me how awful it must be for my husband. How awful the teenage years will be. BTW my oldest will be 16 years old in 3 weeks and she's awesome. It's alot of fun. I mean people are so negative and mean I think most of my ill feelings where OH NO I HAVE TO KEEP HEARING THESE COMMENTS and these people strangers and family alike where making me feel like I wanted a boy more than I really wanted deep deep down somewhere lol. I will say in my due date group on another site a mom of 4 girls wrote this to me

"Michele I'm sorry you are struggling with all these emotions {{{HUGS}}}. Believe you me, when I was pregnant with our fourth I had some of the same thoughts. Although I knew I'd be ok if we were to have another girl a part of me wanted so much to welcome a lil boy ... mostly due to the fact that I was over princesses, pink and ballet lessons. I was ready to bring on the football, baseball, blue and all things boy for a change of pace. However, at the same time I was almost afraid to think of having a boy ... WTH would I do with a BOY!

Well of course I didn't have to worry about that because it was another lil lady for us. I didn't have to a hard time accepting it, in fact with time I liked how special it was. I had four of the same gender, the dynamic of our family was going to stay the same. Did you know that less than 10% of families with four children have ALL girls ... I personally thought that was neat, our family was unique.

I can't tell you how often we are asked, "So ya gonna try for a boy?" Happens nearly every time we are out to dinner as a family. The comments only got worse when I was pregnant this last time (#5) as a surrogate. Yep, everywhere I went with the girls I heard comments. "This one better be a boy" or "It's not another girl is it?" Or the one I loved, when I'd tell people yes indeed it was a boy but I was a surrogate so he wasn't my boy ... people would actually ask me if I had second thoughts about "giving him up" knowing it was a boy. WTF!!!! What is peoples deal with thinking having all one gender is a curse and bad enough that I would steal someone elses child just to have a boy?!?!

Anyway darling, I wanted to let you know that for me personally I am sooo glad I have my four lil ladies. Sure it sucked when it came time to name a 4th girl, I was bummed that I didn't have to buy much especially being the shopper that I am, and no I will never have a linebacker but ... I have the four most special lil ladies in the world and I couldn't imagine our family any other way now.

In fact as a daycare provider who cares for boys on a regular basis and an auntie to 3 boys (my sis has all one gender too) I am THANKFUL I have girls ... boys are a different breed! Personally I don't understand them. LOL :rofl:

I'll send you some blue :bbabydust: vibes only because I know you want them, but if ya see a lil hamburger on Wednesday instead of a hotdog I'll gladly say WELCOME TO THE CLUB!! :cheerleader:"

and I promise you (my 4thDD is 22 months old) you will feel the same because I do. I can't tell you how special it is to have them all be the same gender, how close they are and how they play so nicely together. This pregnancy was a oops surprise we were happily done but of course I've been obsessing over is it a boy and praying lol. Well on Sat my SIL came over with her 2 boys 2.5 and 16 months and now I'm terrified of having a boy I prayed and said I changed my mind BAHAHAHA. I have always believed that whatever I'm given I'm meant to have (im not really religious but do believe in that) and right now I def do believe that after hanging out with both my nephews I have girls for a reason lol. It also might be a defensive mechanism my thinking this to protect myself from being upset? I'll take it I was so depressed and upset for months after my 19wk US with my last 2. I love my girls and now would never want it any different.

[4devochki]

I don't like your post, I LOVE your post, Houseful.

And I just wanted to say I'm in awe of what you did as a surrogate, just in awe.

[Ollynem]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am also and I have some idea how you feel. I too feel like I have been robbed of the chance to parent a boy and everything that comes with that.

[xxxx]

I am so sorry ladies, I completely understand how you all feel with same gender, but believe me, they are lovely and if you insist, you can always try again or maybe go HT. My mother used to say that she wish every woman to have atleast one different baby sex no matter how many of same sex you have. I know it is possible to have a different gender. More babies can yield this and a different attitude i.e diet/lifestyle can make a difference. Hugs to you PATROO62. Bless. I will not tell you not to worry because I know you will still worry, I will not tell you not to mind what people will say because I know you will mind. But I will say enjoy the rest of your pregnancy because you are blessed and this is cos you are fertile and still have the opportunity to try again naturally by swaying hard or going HT. Not many people have this fertile opportunity to try again. You are blessed and God bless you more.

[twinsforme]

Big Hugs xxx