Friend just a DD... after three sons

[KidAtHeart]

I was doing pretty well with gd, until yesterday when I found out that a friend of mine just had her baby. She has three boys and didn't find out the gender for the fourth. I'm really happy for her... but nervous for myself. My head knows that the fact that she had a girl has absolutely no bearing on the outcome of my pregnancy. But I guess it just brings my desire to the forefront. I am trying to convince myself how awesome it's going to be to have four boys (we plan to find out the gender with our last ultrasound, at 28-32 weeks, but not tell anyone else). The three boys together really are a hoot - I'm sure not so different from three girls or three mixed gender children - but they are mine and they are very fun and even sleep together just about every night. It really is fun to watch (you know, when they don't drive me crazy), and I'm sure having a fourth will be a wonderful addition. It's just that... I have that void and I really hope that I can overcome that if this baby is indeed a boy. This is absolutely the last one. I'm happy for her... is it just that misery loves company? I really need to let go since it is what it is, and nothing I can do could possibly change the outcome, whatever it is.

[JoannaK]

I have four boys and I had pretty severe GD during the pregnancy with the 4th (we thought he was a she early on). And it was hard, but I just tried to keep enjoying every day of the pregnancy, because I knew once he's born, I'm never going to get those days back again, and I wanted to make the most of every day in the pregnancy. It's so hard when you see people in the exact situation (3 boys, 4 boys etc) and then they get that girl- I try to "zone out" and focus on something else because at the end of the day, like you said, it really has no bearing on your own situation. I know after 4 boys, I do feel like there's something "wrong" with my body (not meaning to offend anybody who's in the unfortunate situation of not being able to conceive at all), and I guess that's the void you're talking about- when you look around and see so many people with mixed genders, you start thinking it must be so easy for them, why is it so hard for us. But I guess with everything in life, we tend to look at situations that we desire to be in, and our mind starts making us believe that it's been easy for everybody- which is obviously not true.
I think the big debate about "oh you should be happy you can conceive at all" is really an irrelevant one because it's like comparing apples and oranges. While it must be a horrendous feeling to not conceive at all, and I pray I'm never in that situation, it's a completely different and incomparable feeling to not conceiving the gender you desire. I think at the very end of the day, you can have the absolute perfect sway, but if it doesn't work, I think there's a real opportunity in that for you to be able to think 'wow, after all that swaying, a boy made it through all of that'- and as silly as it sounds, it shows how strong that boy must be to survive conditions that go against the Y sperm, and I hope I would feel that way if a sway of mine were to fail- that I would respect him so much more for surviving those conditions and joining his brothers.
Not knowing is ALWAYS worse than knowing something, so I know how frustrated you must be feeling right now, not knowing the gender- but know that everything will get a lot better once you know SOMETHING (boy or girl)- there's a real sense of relief in it, because all the what-ifs are done.
Enjoy your pregnancy xx

[KidAtHeart]

Thank you for your post. I hope that not knowing is worse than finding out that it's a boy. Well, this is why I want to find out later in the pregnancy to have time to adjust. At least I got everyone off my back with not finding out at the 'big' ultrasound.

I agree with you - I have to respect this child for wanting to join our family so badly! We provided exactly two opportunities. In fact, I was coming to terms with the all-boy thing and was about to get an IUD put in when I found out I was pregnant. And at least I will have no regrets. Once he is born, he will make his own way into the family and I won't remember life without him - just like the other three. It's nice to hear from people who have experienced similar situations. Thanks again - your words are comforting.