Counseling for GD?

[Mathilde]

Has anyone had counseling for GD? I'm a two time failure at HT and now swaying pink as I believe my future depends on it.. Feel so low everyday trying, barely eating, hoping and praying.. Friend had scan yesterday and posted a beautiful dress on fb. DH doesn't really want more, neither do I, I want a daughter!!!! So we are not emotionally in for it like when we made the boys. So sad.
Last chance baby, DH is sturdy as a rock, and will not be manipulated anymore. Hey, I had GD when I got my first baby doll(expensive plastic real life) and it was a he... Then my best friend got one just the same and I tried to by "her" off her!
Mathilde

[atomic sagebrush]

I know some people who have had counseling and it didn't end very well. The counselors always assume GD is rooted in some kind of childhood trauma and not that it's a natural desire that some people feel. Some of the counselors put a political/sexist spin on it (esp. for women who want sons).

But I want to remind you that barely eating is NOT LE Diet, it's not what is going to get you your girl - you have to be able to sustain a healthy pregnancy at the end of the diet or it does you no good.

A lot of people have found that once the option is off the table it can get better...it's possible to find ways to achieve the same things you want from a relationship with a daughter from other places (80% of it anyway). Friendships with other women, your relationships with sons and future daughter-in-laws and grandchildren and so on.

[2lovelyboys]

Please keep your chin up (easier said than done I know)! Really want to give you a hug! You are putting a lot of undue stress and pressure on yourself and it won't help!

I do know how you feel, am desperate for a DD! Bumped into an old school friend yesterday, she has one DS (same age as my DS1) and is pregnant with a DD due 6 weeks. I hope I pulled off a happy and excited for her face but its certainly not how I was feeling :( My BIL & wife are pregnant, also due in 6 weeks, I have started dreaming about their baby, they don't know what they are having, currently whole family is male .....am hoping I can be happy for them :(

[Zivic-Bubac]

A lot of people have found that once the option is off the table it can get better....Good for them...I want a recipe ;)

[BabyGirl4Me]

Mathilde - I just wanted to leave a post and say I understand. I keep praying the pain of GD goes away one way or another. It's that constant ache in the heart and soul, and it just doesn't quit. I thought about counseling but I never went through with it because truth be told I don't think I would find a counselor who would understand or really show me constructive things I can do to help that I don't already know.

Sometimes if I find myself dwelling on negative thoughts I do this technique called "thought stopping." So I catch myself thinking a lot of negative thoughts, and then (in my mind) I shout STOP! and picture a big red stop sign. Then I take a good 60-90 seconds to think of random states and list them in my head (you can repeat the same states and you don't have to think of all of them, the purpose is just to stop your mind from thinking the negative thoughts) After 60-90 seconds of focusing your attention on naming different states, I find that I feel a bit better and I've stopped my mind from thinking negative thoughts. I try to focus on something else after that, or sometimes I do what's called a "thought log."

With thought logging, I make lists of those negative thoughts that are swirling around in my head like "I'll never have a daughter." or "I don't deserve a daughter." or "I'm not good enough and not worthy of reaching my goals." and I write those thoughts down on a piece of paper landscape style (so the paper is longer side to side not up and down) that's divided into 2 columns. the negative thoughts go on the left side.

Then after writing down those negative thoughts, I go through below them and list the emotions I feel like sadness, hopelessness, anger, resentment etc and rate them on a scale of 1 - 10. For me, 10s are the strongest feelings and 1s are the weakest feelings.

When I'm done with that, I examine every negative thought and counter it with a more realistic perspective that is based in reality. Those thoughts go on the right column. So for example "I'll never have a daughter." I can replace it with a more realistic thought like "Well, lots of people on the GD site have had lots of boys before and then later on get pregnant with baby girls, so it can happen that I can conceive a daughter."

So you go down the list of negative thoughts and challenge them with more realistic thoughts. At the end of the process, read all of your realistic thoughts and then go back and re-rate those feelings you felt at the bottom of the page and see if your numbers for negative feelings decrease, and if there are any positive feelings, those numbers may increase.

Sorry this is a long post. I don't mean to butt in and tell you how to live your life, I just thought I'd share these little tools I use to help make my days better in hopes that maybe they will provide some help for you too. *hugs* and hope you're feeling better soon. :HH:

[Mathilde]

WOW! Queens of compassion! Thank you, frequently dip "down there" and all your individual feedback means the world to me:) have the flu now, third day running, fever and all. DS1 also home, we watch James Bond in bed. AS I know where you are coming from regarding non-understanding counsellors, we will have to continue to be each others support here. I eat ok enough, as I have said earlier I have studied nutrition and know too well how I should be eating. No breakfast, little lunch, ordinary dinner(skip meat) have the vegetables and sauce. Drink two glasses of diet coke, two mugs weak tea and water. Eat a plum or orange daily.. Really miss breakfast with the family..
Babygirl4me: good idea, think ill do that!
Earache on its way!