Vent -- feeling overwhelmed, friend getting her DG, wish GD would go away!!!!

[BZ94]

A friend gave birth today to a little girl after having two boys. I officially have no close friends with all boys, and I'm trying to be happy for her but it totally stings. She used to live across the country and recently moved nearby, so it's something I'm going to have to deal with on a regular basis. She's a sweetheart (we are friends through our husbands but clicked instantly when we first met) so I don't want to let my jealousy get in the way, especially since we are the only two in our "group" who were brave enough to go for a third baby. She's not someone to rub it in or anything, but I know it's going to sting every time she gets to do something girl-y with her daughter and I'm still living over here in boy-land.

Also my boys have been giving me a hard time lately -- just being very active and BOYish. I love them to pieces but I just feel like it's so unfair sometimes that I have to put up with the wrestling and shooting games and potty talk and out of three kids couldn't get ONE girl! Random facebook friends and other people I know are bringing home baby girls every day, or posting pictures of them getting manicures or going to lunch together (don't get me started about taking my boys out in public)...I know I should be grateful for the two (soon to be three) healthy boys that I have, but I am mad at myself that I'm making my life harder by having a third (when I was trying to "get" the girl) when I should have been satisfied with my two amazing sons and now my life could be getting easier...

I want to be excited about this new little guy, but I just can't stop thinking about how tired I'm going to be, how no one will want to watch all three of them so DH and I can have some time off, and I can't talk to DH about this because he was on the fence when we decided to TTC (I convinced him) and when I expressed nervousness a few weeks ago his reaction was "didn't I warn you about this?" My parents already think I'm in over my head and my in-laws (who had three boys) say it'll be sooo easy, yet claim they'll only ever watch two at a time. I feel like if I was getting my DD all the other concerns wouldn't bother me because I would have something "different" to look forward to, but now it's just going to be more of the same. I feel awful writing that down--I know I'll love him (if we can ever decide on a name for him), but I just wish that for once I could be super excited BEFORE the birth instead of going into it with a "it'll all be great eventually" attitude like I did with the first two DS's.

OK, vent over.

[harleyquinn]

Ok, number one...I don't know anyone in real life with 4 boys, much less 5 boys (like I will prob have here shortly!! :) ) and pretty much all my IG friends that originally only had boys have went on to have a girl so I am pretty much the Lone Ranger of All-Boy Gender Land and I seriously get asked ALL the time if "those are all your children....?" like a dangling question I am supposed to fill in a blank for...idk..people are so strange when they are suddenly confronted by a woman with 4 boys! Its like they saw a unicorn or something. Just wait till I pop out my 5th cowboy and start carrying him around. Hehe :)

And you can't compare yourself to anyone because someone else will always win. Seriously..no matter what. So thats pointless.

Your boys sound little. IT WILL get easier and more enjoyable as they age. I had 4 under 5 years old and it was literally like running a daycare. Thank GOD those days are over!! And I really hear alot of pregnancy talking right now...not YOU. I guarantee you will have a new lease on life, the minute that baby is out and your hormones die down and you will feel alot more clear about things. Thats the way I am...the minute the baby is out, I feel like a different person...ready to close the last chapter and move ON.

I was thinking this morning I am glad I didn't know about swaying for my first 3 boys...I was taking robitussin for my DS#3's conception and I am really glad I did this boy swaying thing. If I hadn't I may not have my darling Trey. When he leaves for Kindergarten in the morning, a little sunshine leaves with him.

I am also just a huge BABY fan...I really look forward to the little-ness and all they learn and seeing what they are like. Hopefully you can get in the mode where you just can't wait to see tiny toothless gums and little smiles and how they love goofy things like saying "aaahhhhhh-BOOO!!!" (babies love this...try it!!) :)

[iluvmy4sons]

Sorry you did not hear girl. I have 4 boys and when I had Conor my 3rd my sil had my niece 7 months later. I was so jealous, but I pretty much got over it for awhile. With Carson my 4th I had bad gd for awhile when I found out. Then I started to buy some new things for him. He loves to cuddle and brightens my day I can't imagine my life without him. I am having a girl this time. I do feel like I would of been okay with a boy I was prepared to hear boy had name and everything picked out. Believe me girls use the potty talk too. My niece was worse then my sons. My one friend had a little girl who will be 2 and she is into everything and is giving my friend and her husband a run for her money. She has three kids boy, girl, and girl. She is always posting pictures of Emeryson climbing on the counters and getting into stuff. I am sure even though I am having a little girl that she is going to be a tomboy with being dragged to every sport there is and not be a girly girly with having 4 older brothers. My boys play football, soccer, basketball, lacrosse and run track.

[BZ94]

Thanks for the replies! I know that some of this is pregnancy talking, but I do feel like we're in such a good place routine-wise with our other two (4.5 years and 2.5 years) and once #3 comes along it's going to be total chaos and no one is ever going to nap at the same time, let alone sleep through the night! When deciding to TTC I told myself that that part of it is temporary and having three kids is what I always wanted, but I know deep down that I was really counting on that girl (silly, I know, since swaying really only does so much and statistically it just seems like the odds were against it).

In a way I'm looking forward to doing the baby thing one last time, since #1 was super colicky and his first few months were a nightmare and #2 was all about getting adjusted to having two kids and kind of a blur. I really do want to savor the newborn phase since I'm much more confident now and know it's the last time.

However both #1 and #2 are HUGE momma's boys and very cuddly, so I'm a little nervous that I'll be spending so much time with THEM on top of me that I won't even be able to give #3 the attention he deserves.

And I know that having a daughter did not guarantee a girly-girl. I was just hoping for a child that can sit through story time at the library without trying to climb the shelves, or someone who will do an art project with me instead of playing shooting games on my computer. Maybe that will be boy #3, but I'm not optimistic. My boys are such....BOYS...and I'm tired of making excuses for not taking them places that I know there are going to be a lot of little girls because I don't want the girl moms to look at me like "what are you doing wrong? why can't your kid sit still?" Because I KNOW that's how I would have been if I hadn't had any boys!!!

Hopefully getting my body back and meeting my baby in two months gives me a better outlook. Again, I know how lucky I am to have these babies (I have plenty of friends who've struggled with infertility), I just hope I can survive the next few years without going mad.

[harleyquinn]

I don't know if you have seen this, but another member posted this in another section and I don't think she would mind if I copied it. (hope it works)

Yes its hard when they are little. You have to brainstorm for ways to make it easier...in ways that makes it work for you and what you need. Looks like yours are on the brink of Kindergarten and pre-school too, so maybe that will help? One thing I did, is throw out the experts opinion that family dinner is OH SO IMPORTANT, and I feed the kids separately, otherwise..I don't really get to eat or talk to my husband. Think. Do it. Whatever it is, and let me tell you these kids come out in the wash if you are doing something that works for YOUR family rather than some what Parenting magazine tells you is ideal. It brings to my mind that maybe alot of this GD business is disappointment in parenting in general, and not necessarily all about gender. Kids are tough because they are demanding and you have to find a way to not let it deplete you, especially when you have alot of them :)

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[Franm]

Lol ladies now take a Deep breath and listen....I Have 6 BOYS!!!!!! And very likely expecting boy #7 so before u start stressing bout ur energy levels think of me :) wen they here its not easy what eva the gender and both can be just as energetic and boystrous but gender dissapointment is normal so please dont feel guilty but we must all appreciate the blessings we have. I know its hard antenataly when hormones and anxiety are all in the mix but once ur sweet boy is here you will just luv him all the same and life will just go on coz it has to. Lots n lots n lots of hugs i know how u feel but try not to stress ova wot u cant change. Enjoy ur new little boy to be! :):)

[sugarplum]

Oh my gosh I just cried reading your post - I am due to have my 3rd boy in a couple of months and I feel everything you wrote EXACTLY. I mean to the letter! I'm also hoping this one will be my crafty, computer-shunning boy:) ....though seriously, I know he will be whoever he will be - more than likely just like his brothers! I don't have any advice for you I'm afraid, just wanted to let you know you are not alone :)

[1+2+3boys]

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. Sometimes when I have a bad day and the kids are hard work the GD kicks in and I think, why do the twins have to be boys because I still have another double round of digger obsession to go and at least if they were girls or one of them I would have a something different to experience the breath of fresh air would make it all seem easier.
A lady in my playgroup with two boys just had her 20 week scan and is having a girl and she offered me her old boy clothes for my twins. I felt really happy for her but at the same time so sad that she was getting to get rid of her boy clothes and I still have mine stashed in the garage that I feel I have a good chance of needing again.