Back and struggling...

[zetta11]

I haven't visited the forum in ages, but I was on here back when I was trying to sway girl for my second son, who is over a year old now. I am really struggling right now, as I have had at least ten friends/FB friends in the last six months announce that they are pregnant with girls (most of them have one boy already). Just today, two FB friends announced that they are pregnant with girls (one has one boy already and the other has two boys already). The one with two boys posted how extremely excited and relieved they are to find out it's a girl, and the comments kill me...basically how awful it would have been to have a third boy, how a girl will be soooo much fun, the shopping, and so on. My BFF is due with her first, a girl, any day now. Before she found out the gender, she went on and on about how she hoped it was a girl and how she really just didn't want to deal with "boy stuff - UGH." This to the mom of two boys. :( I know I'm probably overly sensitive, but it just seems like I'm constantly bombarded with this type of news, and it breaks my heart every time. I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want to seem like I'm unhappy with my boys. I'm not - I love and adore them with every ounce of my being. I just want to raise a daughter as well.

This brings me to the big question/problem. We are planning to have a third child, but I am paralyzed with fear of the feelings I will go through if we have a third boy. I know I would love him just as much as I love my other sons, but my GD with DS2 was pretty intense, and I honestly just can't imagine what it would be like this time. We really don't want more than three kids. I think DH would have been happy with the two, but is willing to go for one more for that chance of a girl. However, I want to cry when I even think about getting pregnant again, because I can't deal with the agony of not knowing the gender at first, and then the heartbreak I will feel if/when I find out I will never have a daughter. Then, quite possibly the worst part...all the dreaded comments and pity.

I really have no idea what to do. I know I will regret not going for a third, but I don't know how to let go enough to go ahead with TTC (we're planning to wait until late summer/early fall anyway). High tech is not feasible for us financially (if we had the money, I would absolutely do it).

I feel so sad and overwhelmed. Thanks for listening.

[mama2LB]

Hi there,
I can totally relate. I'm currently 21wks pg with DS2. We had a gender scan at 16wks so have known for a while and i've been feeling more positive since about 19wks but I had my 20wk scan on Wed, which confirmed boy. I hadn’t realised just quite how much I’d been hoping they were wrong at the gender scan. Since Wed I’ve been feeling pretty low again. And its so awful feeling this way isn’t it?!? The guilt is hideous.
Even though I’m pg im already stressing about the same thing as you. I just can NOT accept the fact that I wont have a daughter. If I knew I would in ‘x’ years time I would be able to relax and enjoy this pg.
For me I really don’t think I could risk a sway or leave it to fate again. I think I would want to go HT (even though we really can’t afford it either). I feel horrible saying this but at this moment in time I would pay £10k to magically turn this baby into a girl.
I truly hope you find your peace with whichever decision you make. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone xxx

[Mrs_P]

didn't want to just read and run.

i hit rock bottom with GD with ds3 and took a long time to fight it, i was determined not to go there again and honestly think whatever the outcome would have been this time i would not have been as bad, it was the hope that it could be i found the hardest to deal with. That being said ttc'ing really screws with your mind especially if you have a lot riding on it and a gd sticking its ugly head in. I had a look at your posts from before and i could be wrong but it seems last time that you caught the cycle after your m/c but had been off the sway for a while, if it was something you didn't get to try properly last time due to circumstances you may find swaying works for you this time, and if you really can't go HT you have nothing to loose from trying it again.

On the other side i would wait to try until you are ok with an opposite because that would be a real possibility again (hopefully not but you need to be in the right place to deal with it). If it is something that you cannot deal with then are you really sure HT is not an option, yes its expensive and carries its own long journey that maybe a hard one to walk but it does work for people and in the grand scheme of things if it is only a money thing maybe there could be a way for you (its something i wanted to do, money was a real issue but we could have made it work; although of course there are other things the money should have gone on and would have been in debt for ages to pay for it, but my hubby was against it, he would rather have had another boy naturally than even consider it).

On the other side i went into this trying again just for a girl (i was ready to accept another boy but was only really trying again for a last chance), i had a failed sway with DS3 last time (IG style) and did everything really strict (and probably OTT) this time, whether it worked or i got lucky i don't know (although i'm sure the clomid helped) but by the end of it all i really did just wanted another baby and after the journey i knew i wasn't going back into the deep depths of GD again.

The only other thing i did which really helped was find out the gender at 12 weeks, i really think either way i would have been ok but the not knowing was making me a crazy person and it was all i could think of; the gender of the baby.

If it helps i know loads of people with two boys and a girl, only a couple with three boys (although it can still happen) BUT the only thing i can promise you is if its another boy you will love him and accept him, of the all boy moms i know (of which technically i am still one) yes they may want a daughter but none of them regret any of their sons.

Not sure if any of this is any help but i do know what your going through, i was there this time last year and if you want to talk please feel free to pm me x

[desperate4blue]

Hi everyone. Im so touched by all your comments.
I have 3 girls. I didnt know anythinf about swaying or high tech until the birth of my daughter last year! Soon afterwards I became depressed and wondered if i would ever have a boy of my own! Yes as u know the feeling is horrible it doesnt leave me for a moment; even whem im asleep. People say to me be happy with what your given; i am but its what i dont have i want at any cost! Im hopefully going to try high tech once and if not sway in the future. I just want a son of my own, when will my prayers be answered!!

[desperate4blue]

I just wish gender selection was an option in the uk. Whats really funny now but wasnt at the time; after my daughter was born I wrote a letter to the prime minister asking him to lift the ban and make this legal. I raised points such as less kids would mean less benefit payouts; people would have fewer kids; only the people who were desperate would use gender selection; the country would atttact visitors etc. Oh I laugh at myself now but at the time I meant every word, mind u I still do!

[1+2+3boys]

Just read your story. Not sure what I can say to help but I have great sympathy for you. I really wanted a girl for number two and then ended up with double gender disapointment- Twin Boys. At least being identical I can play the coping card that I only had one chance for a girl instead of two because if they were fraternal then there would have been two eggs and two chances. I only wanted three children but can not yet accept not having a daughter so am going to have just one last one. I never got to sway for number two which became two and three so I have to at least try and if it is a boy I at least will know that I tried and it was not meant to be. I am so scared it wont work some days but know I would be happy in the end with a last boy. The more I read though the more I think it is possible because it looks like my life and diet was very boy friendly.

HT is not an option for us either as we can not afford it and even if we could, my partner doesn't really see why we should when we are a fertile couple. I wish it was more readily available, if only we didn't have to travel for it. If only all IVF clinics did it just for people who already had 2-3 of the same.

We may have to wait a couple of years to try for her and it is hard some days with my sons truck and digger obsessions and knowing I have another double round of it to come and I have at least two years of not knowing if I will get the one thing I desire so much. I love them though and I am clever at making up non truck games lately and enjoying them so much

[tmbabcock]

I know exactly where you are coming from only opposite sex. I didn't sway for a boy with DD2 but I swore I was having a boy. Everything about my second pregnancy was different. When I found out it was a girl I swore it was wrong. I paid extra to go to one of those ultrasound places and the lady told me she thought girl. Well they offered a free ultrasound if they couldnt be 100%. So we went 4 days later and had a different ultrasound tech. She said it was for sure a girl. I still didn't believe it. I even cried a little. (Which I got ridiculed for by mother.) I even sat down and watched the dvd they gave us frame by frame convinced the ultrasound tech was wrong. I got happy about having a girl about 2 weeks later. But it was really, really hard for me and took some time to adjust. My husband and I will be starting to TTC for a boy come this August. This time we will be trying to sway boy and both my husband and i plan on be very strict and stick to everything as best we can. We could afford HT we both agree we would totally do it but unfortunately we just dont have the funds. This time we both going to do everything we can and if it's another I'm just gonna come to the conclusion that it just wasn't meant to be. If it is a boy we are 100% done. If it's a girl we are about 98% done. We really dont want 4 kids but we've talked about if the 3rd one is a girl saving money for about 5-7 years (I'm only 25) and actually going the HT route down the road. But trust me when I and everyone else says, You are not alone.

[purple giraffe]

I totally understand!! We had DS1 in 2008 and it was great, I assumed we'd have a DD next as that's what everyone around me was having (silly, isn't it?!). So was completely shocked to hear by DH say ..... it's a .... another boy.
I never understood GD until that moment. It was incredibly hard

I believed very strongly for a long time we would only have 2 children but a year on, we can begin to imagine stretching to number 3. I have bought a personalised swaying plan to hope this will work for us. PGD was too expensive and agree to above, this should be available in UK. I see many parents around town with four, five boys or girls.

What I am trying to say that I feel very strongly that my need for DD will never go. Three is our absolute limit but I am staying positive and believe she will be here one day, hopefully soon.
I hope you are able to sway too and it is successful, I wish for everyone to have their dream xx

[zetta11]

Thank you so much everyone, for your kind words and support. It helps so much to know that I'm not alone in my feelings and that people understand. Mrs. P, you are right - we caught the cycle directly after a m/c with DS2 (unexpectedly), and I been off my sway briefly. I need to start getting my thoughts together and plan for swaying, but the thought of swaying kind of makes me feel low...it brings back the time when we were TTC number 2, and I was swaying and miserable on the diet, but so hopeful it would work, then the crushing disappointment when it was all for nothing (although of course now I would not trade DS2 for 1000 girls, I love him so much). Anyway, I need to get past those feelings and figure out how to approach this whole TTC plan.

Thank you again for listening and for your kind responses. It is so nice to hear from people who can relate.

[desperate4blue]

Hi everyone

I myself fight with my feelings everyday as to why i am so miserable
For something i dont even have; isnt the feeling strange. Appparently a poll
Was taken in the uk a few yeara ago where people decided that pgd should not be allowed for gender selection but i bet these people were mostly folk who had boys and girls already and probably wouldnt understand the pain v go through!