In defense of boys

[BZ94]

So a good friend with a 3.5 year old DD texted yesterday to tell met that she's having a boy in September. Her words were "BOY! You'll have to help me through this." I told her I was happy for her and that she'll love having a boy because boys (at least my boys) LOVE their mommies. She continued making comments about how she wasn't sure she'd know what to do, she'd heard that boys get easier when they're older and that she'd have to 'wait and see.' Finally I snapped and texted "Well you're lucky-- you'll have one of each to compare!" I haven't heard from her since.

I've never expressed my GD around her, so she might not have known that she hit a nerve, but it just confirmed my suspicions that for the last few years while my boys climbed, jumped, and shouted their way through our playdates she's been a total SMOG who thinks her (totally bland, boring) DD is better behaved because she's a girl. Which is probably true, but I wish instead of acting like she'd been cursed by finding out #2 is a boy she could have said something like, "I'm so happy to get to have a son!" or "It will be good for DD to have a brother to play with."

I'm sure I'm being oversensitive but I hate when people with girls act scared of having boys. My boys are a handful but they're so much fun, so affectionate and loving, and although I'm disappointed not to have a daughter, I wouldn't trade them for the world. I just hate when moms of girls act like boys are a different species altogether.

[Kiara]

Insensitive of her! I dont think its good to compare boys and girls that way. They are all individuals and there are a lot of girl that are more wild than boys for example. No gender is better than the other. Congratulations to your boys!:)

[Haking]

That is too bad that she wasn't acting excited to be having son! I do think that people that have only one gender of children have a preconceived notion about the other.

I do think that boys may be a bit more wild at times where girls are more quite and gentle at times but not one gender is better over another. I have 1 DS and one on the way due in August and though I was a bit disappointed to be having a second DS at first I am now excited at having two boys. DS1 is so attached and I have no doubt that DS2 will be the same way though DS1 loves all the fun "boy stuff" like being rough and loud!

I wouldn't trade it for the world! I love my boys! :)

[motherofboys]

Its funny because so many people tell me 'you don't want a girl, girls are so much worse than boys' even though they don't now about my GD.
Anyway my ex-sil who I am still friendly with for my nieces sake (shes my brothers daughter) is expecting her 1st boy after 2 girls. She keeps messaging me asking how I cope with testosterone because she wants to kill everyone! She said it so many times that I got annoyed and said maybe I have a naturally high level of testosterone because it doesn't effect me. I've been fine with my boys, not at all moody or irritable.
She also keeps asking what you do with a boy. I told her that you do pretty much the same as a girl, you feed them, you wash them, your dress them, you change their nappies. And she said "but he'll have a willy" I'm sorry but she has my 3 boys, her sister also has 3 boys and her best friend has 2 boys. Her girls have always been the only girls when we have all got together. She has changed all of these boys nappies over the years she knows what she is doing. She also knows I'm expecting number 4 and although I joke saying I better not get a girl just because she got a boy (we have been pregnant together before and always have opposites) she must be able to see through that if she knows me so it winds me up.

I love boys, boys are great. For a start their toys are SO much cooler, as are the tv shows and films they want to watch. There is no way I could sit through bratz the movie or whatever girls like now. And their toys are all dolls and dolls houses, and tiny animals dressed in human clothing. They don't fire beams of light from their eyes or turn green when they get angry! LOL Sure girls have lots of pretty clothes but have you tried to climb a tree in a dress?

In case you can't tell I am the least girly person ever. Yes I do want and daughter and I'm sure I will enjoy all those girly things IF I ever get one, but I get very defensive of boys because of peoples attitudes.

[xokatietatie]

I get VERY defensive over my boys!!!! I desperately wish for a little girl, but when I encounter SMOGs I become so over the top team blue!!!

[CherryBlossom]

Sorry for the dumbness but what does smog mean?
I'm defensive especially when it comes to a mum with one son and pregnant with their second hoping for a girl ( fair enough totally get that!!!) but then say how much they'd hate to have two boys! How crap it would be to have two of the same sex right away.
I just had a friend who already has two girls. Pregnant again and both desperately wanted another girl. Apparently her hubby didn't want a boy .... As boys turn to drugs =/
They got their wish .... They're having another girl.

[mommymachine]

I hate it. I hate boy bashing. It makes me so happy I had boys first so I never had to have those thoughts in my mind about boys. I was just on IG and someone was saying horrible things about HER OWN son. It breaks my heart.

Also, I'm not sure who started the rumour that little girls sit nice. I believed it too. It's not true. At least not with my DD. She is second to no brother in energy level. She climbs tables and baby gates and runs around screaming. Her diaper is much harder to change than the boys...poop gets up everywhere. The only difference with her, is she does love clothes and wants to wear dresses and tutus and picks them out at only 15 months. And she does tend to show a bit more affection. I don't know if its cause she's a girl or because of personality. Oh she does hold grudges and her brothers don't. Those are the only differences. She hates hairbows. Hates them.

[mommymachine]

SMOG Is the dragon on The Hobbit. No I'm sorry I'm a bit of a geek. SMOG = smug mothers of girls.

[motherofboys]

I know someone with 2 of each said she would rather have had 4 girls because boys leave you and girls dont???? and I've seen people say boys take drugs and get in with wrong crowds or are not as clever and wont make any thing of their lives. Boys have no ambition. That could be said for any one of any gender.

[Mrs_P]

I am very protective of my boys to and i hate all of the negative comments and take great pleasure in telling people how great my boys are (yes they are loud and rowdy but i love every minute of it and they are all soooo loving) BUT i must admit i thought them when i found out i was having my first son :hide:. I thought every horrible gender stereo type in the world would happen to me and i'd get this horrible alien male teenager i'd have no idea what to do with. I loved him instantly but i worried for a long time what if i didn't bond with him when he became a boy and not a baby (i remember looking at this little toddler compared to my baby and thinking i hope i still feel the same then; rather stupid looking back as thats always been my favorite since - when they start to get their personalities).

Anyway i'm sorry she hit a nerve and i understand your reaction but GD can go both ways and it may have took a lot for her to confide in you, she may just be scared and turned to you because you seem so happy with your family and have been there (for me i'd never had a decent male in my life, i'd always hated my brother, had an alcoholic father and although i had really fallen for my then partner (now hubby) the pregnancy wasn't planned we'd only be together a few years and i worried so much i'd be alone and he wouldn't want us).

But then i do also know a couple of women in that place whose daughters are typical seen and not heard children and had a real culture shock when they had sons, my SIL especially she still tells everyone what hard work her son is (he's not he's just a toddler) and what a handful he is and she's a teacher!!. I hope for both their sakes she falls as hard for her little boy as the rest of us have for ours

[trifecta]

Finally I snapped and texted "Well you're lucky-- you'll have one of each to compare!" I haven't heard from her since.
I think your response was perfect and evidently it shut her up so that's even better!

[hotdogz&boyz]

I feel badly for people who think it is "what's between the legs" that makes a person. I wonder if they ever look around them and realize there are millions of different types of men who obviously did not ALL start off as rough, mean, loud children. It's what's between their ears that make them who they are, nothing to do with their biological sex genes.

I always wanted boys and girls. No preference in order or amounts, as long as I got one of each. And I am blessed and lucky to be getting just "what I wanted" as I have two sons and a daughter on the way. But it MADDENS me when I hear people talk negatively about either gender. My two boys...NOTHING alike. Not a thing. One is quiet, thoughtful, emotional, and fairly artistic. He can argue with you like no other, kid is gonna be a lawyer or a politician. He is not terribly affectionate but prefers independent play and any task that requires details or organization. Even THINK about raising your voice to him and he is a puddle on the floor. My other is a ball of white tornado who destroys all in his path, loves screeching at the top of his lungs, and couldn't care less if I scream bloody murder at him to stop laying on the dog. He is incredibly affectionate and would live his life curled in my lap if there were not so many things to investigate. He loves social scenes and is right there to be the first in the mud, puddle, dirt, snow, etc, etc. CLEARLY you can draw no conclusions in regards to the fact they are boys. It has to do with who they are as people.

My daughter...so far she is my most insane baby in utero and generally loves to give the techs/nurses a hard time when trying to locate a heartbeat or get a picture of a certain organ. I tease that she is gonna a handful. And ya know, she could easily be 1000 times more rough, active, and loud compared to either of my sons. She could be an emotional basket case as well...as everyone likes to tell you is a girl trait. But ask my mom who is her emotional basket case. She will tell you that she gave birth to a girl who is alike in nature to her youngest son. And that her middle child, a boy, is her "girl" of the group.

I love your retort and I am glad you made her realize that she is blessed to even have the opportunity to raise one of each sex. I certainly hope she doesn't assume any differences between them are gender related. Because I can assure you, as can prolly most woman in here with multiple children of one gender (which is a high proportion)...there are so many things that are easy to brush off as gender-related, when you only have one of each. But they are actually just a personality trait, which probably would have been passed regardless of which sex chromosome was given.

[Cinss]

People irl can be so strange, i love coming on this forum to hear about how sweet and fun boys can be, we tried for so long and swayed out butts off to get this little guy, and mothers irl keep telling me i dont know what im in for, he's going to do this and that (naughty stuff) like WTF how do you know what MY son is going to be like!??!?

[motherofboys]

I always wanted boys first. As the oldest with only younger brothers I felt I had to protect them and I didn't have a great time growing up and used to wish I had a big brother who when he realised what was wrong, didn't sit back scared and let me protect him but stood up for me and made it stop.
I wanted at least 2 boys as well, so having 3 was fine by me. Its just that this could be the last chance, we planned 1 more after this but DH has changed his mind and I'm hoping he will change it back but if he doesn't this is our last chance and thats made me want this one to be a girl.

[BZ94]

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I was afraid that I'd sound over-sensitive but you all "get" it.

My friend's response just confirms that suspicion I've always had that she thinks her daughter (who, seriously, has zero personality) is better than my crazy boys. I tend to avoid get togethers with her that involve our kids because I don't want her judgement. I was secretly hoping she'd have a boy next because I wanted her to understand that a.crazy kids don't mean I'm doing something wrong and b.boys are just as good as girls!

When I first found out that DS1 was a boy I worried that I wouldn't feel a "connection" with him and he's the biggest momma's boy ever - loves to cuddle and is into going to the theater and doing dress up and acting stuff out. When I found out DS2 was a boy I was worried that I wouldn't love him as much because it would be more of the same and he's totally his own little guy -- into trains and trucks. I never thought I'd be interested in that stuff (I'm pretty girly) but I find myself getting weirdly excited when I pass a dump truck or excavator (I can't believe I know what an excavator is). Even though I've been disappointed about DS3 (due in June) I know that I'll love him as much as I love the other two and that he'll probably come with his own passions and interests totally different from his brothers (sports?). And even though theres been more of a "learning curve" when it comes to raising boys, I honestly think I'd be bored to death playing princess and tea party. I wanted a girl for other reasons, most of which I've found I can get through my boys.

I know part of me is jealous of those who get one of each because they get, in my opinion, to experience everything. But I just wish this friend, who'd previously had a mc trying to conceive her second, would have acted more excited about her son. I've also had my SIL say she'd only have a third if she could have another girl (she has one of each) and it makes me feel instantly protective of my sweet little nephew, and I've overheard an acquaintance say she doesn't care what she gets now that she has her girl. I'm sure I would have felt those things too, but it still burns me up when I people say them around me.

[Satox3]

Smog!! Love it. I dont think youre being sensitive at all... some people are just really ignorant, smug, and rude. I had a friend who was pregnant with her first at the time tell me that she only wanted girls. Because she wouldn't know what to do with boys... They looked smelly all the time... And too misbehaved/high maintainence, from what she knew of the ones in her family. Plus little girls are cuter. Sigh. I flat out told her that her nephews weren't smelly looking, misbehaved and high maintenance/clingy because they had a penis. It was because of the parenting. I hate to say this... Because I hate to toot my own horn... But my child is well behaved, low maintenance/not at all clingy, and very clean looking ... More so than her daughter even.

[Funkyfry]

SMOG- love it!! I have two ds and would love a dd but don't understand how mothers with dd don't want ds? I would presume its natural to desire at least one of each? My friend has two dd and always says she would not go again as she would be afraid the next might be a ds ? I find it so hurtful

[BZ94]

Thanks again for the replies, and understanding. Had lunch with the friend who's expecting a DS after her DD and she brought along her 3.5 yr old DD (my boys were home with dad). While very well behaved, her DD is also painfully shy and wouldn't even look me in the eye or respond to anything I said to her (and she's known me her whole life). I decided that I'd rather have my crazy boys who at least are extremely friendly and easy to talk to than her practically mute DD. And now I can understand why she's nervous -- she won't know what to do with a child who is actually breathing.

In the meantime another friend just announced she's having a DD - her first. I wish it didn't sting or that I wasn't jealous when I see her post on FB the cute clothes she went out and bought after her ultrasound. She struggled to get pregnant and managed to act super supportive when I announced I was expecting #3 even though she was going through her second round of IUI and getting discouraged. I also think a DD is perfect for her because she only wants one child and has never really been a kid person -- just decided a year or two ago when she met her DH that she wanted kids. Still, I can't help but feel like anyone who doesn't have at least one DS feels superior when their daughter is sitting still and "cooperating" and my boys are jumping on the furniture.

I'm hoping when I see my beautiful DS #3's face I'll forget all about my GD and embrace my family of all-boys.

[KidAtHeart]

You will embrace your family of three boys. I don't think it took me all that long to get used to having three boys (it's so cute to see boys be tender towards an itty bitty baby) - it was always more the desire to parent a girl. The three boys are darling together (when they're not fighting - ha!), and are actually pretty easy. They all like legos, Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. Most nights we find at least two of them sleeping together. They look after each other. Once you get to know your DS3, he will fit right into your family and you'll wonder what life was like before he came along.

[Mrs_Incredible]

I have 3 sons, and fear i would have been subconsciously a smog had i had a girl first time round (ashamed to admit but it's true). I always wanted daughters, still do, but my 3 boys are so different so I'm thankful they've taught me so much. I fell in love with each of them instantly. Its the bickering that gets to me, but that's kids, personalities and age gaps, not gender.
Sent from my Lumia 920 using Board Express

[motherofboys]

I know a mum of 2 girls who when we met up with my 3 and our other friends 1 our boys were running round having fun and playing typical boy games and her daughters were so quiet. She said at the time she'd like another but wouldn't want a boy. Apparently she just isn't a boy person. She wouldn't want to stand in the cold on the side of a football (soccar) pitch on a Saturday morning. Which was something I was doing myself at the time and I remember thinking "if you can't make a tiny sacrifice to be cold for an hour while your kid is doing something that makes them happy then it doesn't matter whether they are a boy or a girl" (plus we had a couple of girls on my sons team anyway)
I also know a mum of 3 girls who looks down her nose at me when I talk about things my boys like and things that they say and do. There are some things that people who have not had boys just will not understand.

[BZ94]

I agree with others that I probably would have been a SMOG if I hadn't had a son -- would have only wanted a boy to satisfy my husband (who probably would have made me keep going until he got his son no matter what lol). I would have thought boys were "gross" and probably would have thought moms of boys who's kids were all over the place (like mine usually are) were doing something wrong.

It's funny how your "interests" change and adapt to your kids' interests. I get ridiculously excited over construction vehicles on the road that I can point out to DS2 and actually laugh at some of the potty talk that goes on at our dinner table. Even though I'm sad that I won't be sitting on the sidelines of ballet class (although there's a good chance DS1 might be into acting/theater, much to DH's dismay), I agree that when it's YOUR child you support their interests no matter how foreign they might seem...

That said, I did log into this site today after skimming the GAP KIDS Diane Von Furstenburg line and getting a HUGE lump in my throat over the girl clothes I don't get to buy. Baby steps...

[ejk741]

As a mom of a girl it is funny to read this. I think that no matter you have, people will have something to say about it. I remember when I found out I was having a girl people said that they were sorry for my husband. They also said that they felt bad for me in 13 years, because (of course) she is going to hate me. I will have to worry about her getting pregnant... I will only be surrounded by pink and princesses... she is going to be winey and needy. This could not be further from the truth. My daughter is outgoing and funny. She is a girly girl, but she loves to ride her bike and help her dad at work (he is a motorcycle mechanic). She is also sooo soo easygoing. I think that the ladies that are saying that they would never want a boy are either:

1. actually smug or 2. insecure... maybe they want a boy and it is just easier to deflect the comments they are receiving about only having girls than to reveal to everyone that they too would like a boy.

Either way.. I am sorry that we all have to deal with judgement. It really isn't fair coming from any side!