I just can't win :(

[prayforprincess]

As many know, I have been trying for awhile and unexpectedly found out I was pregnant in April.
I am 9 weeks now and still have not miscarried, but it doesn't look good for me.

I found out at 6 weeks that the baby was on the lower side.
Then since 7 weeks they have confirmed that the baby is very low -- as in sitting on top of my cervix. It just implanted low, there is no explanation for it.
The baby is healthy and growing beautifully with a good strong heartbeat. But it does not look promising for me.

I have had 3 c-sections and have a lot of scar tissue in my lower uterus.
My doctor is concerned that I will develop both placenta previa and placenta accreta (this is basically when the placenta buries itself within the uterine scars). With delivery, she fully expects me to hemorrhage and need blood transfusions which will most likely end in a hysterectomy to save me.
All this is fine and dandy -- its my last baby, and while not ideal, if I lose my uterus in the end and am holding my healthy baby then so be it. But unfortunately its still not that simple.

I went in yesterday and my cervix is already starting to shorten from the pressure on it. 2.2 cm.
The baby is literally sitting on my cervix and its already beginning to funnel.
Many of the doctors say I will just miscarry. My doctor is fearful -- what if I do not miscarry within the next few weeks? What if this continues to progress and the baby continues to grow and I miscarry at 18 weeks? At that point, she will need to do a d&c or what not and the same situation as delivery applies -- I will bleed out when they try to remove the placenta and lose my uterus. Yes they can put a stitch in my cervix and put me on strict bed rest, but even then they can't guarantee I will carry this baby to term.

So, in order to preserve the future of my fertility and the chance of having a healthy successful pregnancy and baby, my doctor is suggesting I abort this pregnancy of my otherwise healthy baby.
This is tearing me apart. My husband feels like there is no decision to be made and it is clear. Even though the baby is healthy, with its position in my uterus it will most likely never hold to term and we can lose the chance of ever having another baby if we try. I feel like its so much easier said than done to a man. He is not carrying it, he has not fallen in love with it the way I have. And yet I know I will just die if at 16 or 20 weeks I end up losing this baby, my uterus and any chance of ever having another baby again.
Why me? Why can't I just catch a break? Why do I have to make this decision. I just want it to happen on its own, but the risk in waiting for that to happen is at the expense of never having another child when it does.
I go in tomorrow for another u/s from the specialist in Maternal Fetal Medicine. I'll see what he says -- though I know it won't be much different.

I have just tried for so long and I thought this was it -- I was so happy about this pregnancy. Like somehow the way it all happened was meant to be. And beneath it all, something in my gut has told me from the beginning that this is my girl. This is killing me. I just want to hold my baby and I'm wondering if that will ever happen again for me. :(

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh my Gosh I"m so so so sorry to read this.

I know a girl from this site who went through this (including the placental accretia and in fact percretia) and came out of it with a live baby. I will try to have her message you. Thinking of you.

[ELP]

Oh Princess, this is so incredibly cruel :( I can only pray that overnight a miracle occurs for you and that little baby has started crawling upwards for you xx

[prayforprincess]

Oh my Gosh I"m so so so sorry to read this.

I know a girl from this site who went through this (including the placental accretia and in fact percretia) and came out of it with a live baby. I will try to have her message you. Thinking of you.

Aww, I wish it was just that. But the baby is sitting so low they believe regardless of the accreta, that I will go into labor early and lose the baby.
This is just so hard. I feel so trapped, no matter which way I turn -- it sucks

[Dana-Alicia]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's just so cruel... Will be thinking of you and your baby...

[The Anchor]

My heart is breaking for you. I hope you can find peace and the answers you need. HUGS

[Wanting-a-girl]

O what a terrible situation :( I'm so sorry for what you have been faced with! Obviously it's not a clear cut decision maybe you would like to get a second opinion

[prayforprincess]

Thank you. I am. My u/s tomorrow will be the 3rd opinion.
It doesn't look good

[Wanting-a-girl]

Well I hope you get some answers!
I couldn't imagine being out in this situation :(

[2lovelyboys]

Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you! I hope your appointment gives you clarity, strength and peace of mind enabling you to make the best decision for you!

[EmmyRoo]

God you poor thing, this is just awful I could cry reading it. I hope so much that things look more positive after you see the specialist. Sending hugs and positive vibes. Xx

[kpmum]

How absolutely heartbreaking for u and ur family. I pray that u find the strength to make the best decision for u. Lots of love x

[Little Lunasa]

I can only imagine how terrible this must be for you....Sending you hugs and positive energy xxx

[fish2012]

oh pray poor poor you this has been such a long road for you so sad you're in this position what a tough choice,

You've changed you profile pic before not seen your handsome boys before they are so precious

[Yuzu]

Oh, this is so heartbreaking! I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now; I'd love to be able to give you a big hug. Instead you have all my thoughts and prayers.

[love-my-kids]

Hello it was me who went through this. I had 5 previous c-sections and right away my Doctor suspected placenta previa and accreta. I had a lot of bleeding early on and thought I was going to loose the baby. They had me come in for ultrasounds once a week. At my 20 week scan I was diagnosed with placenta percreta and a complete placenta previa. I was told how risky it was to continue the pregnancy and my husband was scared to death that I would die. I was sent to see a high risk specialist for the last weeks of my pregnancy. At 28 weeks I started bleeding and was sent to the hospital on complete bed rest and at 32 weeks they decided it couldn't go on anymore. The placenta had grown though my bladder and was very invasive. I had a very planned c-section with many many Doctors there's to help in different areas. They cut me all the way up and down to get my daughter out to avoid going in close to the placenta and DID NOT take the placenta out. They felt that if they did I would bleed to death... It has been a long recovery. Many ups and downs. A 20 day nicu stay for my daughter. Im 6 1/2 months pp now and still have the placenta in me. The plan was for it to shrink away from my bladder so they could go in and do hysterectomy and remove the rest but it's still in my bladder and had shrank about about half way now out of my uterus. Im having an mri or ultrasound monthly to watch it and now their thinking they might just let it go away on it's own unless a have a large bleed that they can't stop or an infection that wont go away. I have had a few infections already but they were able to treat them. My baby girl is a very healthy and doing wonderful. I would do it all again for her. I really hope things turn out alright for you and your little one. Im here to talk if you want or have any questions. You can pm me for my email. *hugs*

[I Love Ladybugs]

My heart is in pain for you and I pray for peace in whatever decision you make. I wish the world over that this little baby would have implanted in a favourable position for you. (((Hugs)))

[6bluewant1pink]

I am so sorry to hear what's going on :sad: you and baby are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs

[Emily]

I am so so sorry to read this. Yes, get a second opinion (the doc will totally understand and may be able to suggest someone) and get them to break it down into the raw facts. I want to say just hope that everything will be OK and maybe it will be but unfortunately life isn't always like that. I think you have to go with the experts opinion when all has been investigated and considered. Like you say, you could very well be left with nothing. If this pregnancy really doesn't stand a chance you actually have no choice as it will have the same result with or without intervention. Sorry to be so negative I just think at times my normal fluffy advice isn't useful or helpful. Big hugs.

[prayforprincess]

I went in yesterday for an ultrasound. They thought it was either a cervical ectopic or a c-section scar ectopic. So they rushed me into Brigham and Women's in Boston to meet with the head of radiology since this is something that is hardly ever seen.
Turns out, its the worst of both evils. This baby implanted in my uterine scar and that is where the placenta is, but the baby is growing in my cervix.
So they need to get it out asap because if they wait the sac can burst and I will hemmorage into my stomach and die.
But the problem is that they can't do a "regular" d&c because the placenta is embedded into my uterine scar. So they have to make 4 incisions in my abdomen, clamp my veins to try to prevent me from bleeding out while they cut the scar and placenta out of my uterus and then stitch my uterus back together in hopes to save it.
The good news is (if there is any) that if the surgery is successful, it will smooth out my uterine wall where the scarring was and my uterus will be stronger and in better shape after the surgery than it was before.
My surgery is at 1pm today. I am scared as hell. I just want all the go well and they tell me it was successful and I will be fine to have another child.
Prayer for my uterus

[chocolate]

Oh my goodness, I hope its gone well xx

[I Love Ladybugs]

I will be praying for you and your surgery today...I am so sad for you with this baby and so wished for a different outcome for you. (((Hugs))) over and over and may the doctors be able to repair your uterus in such a way that you will be able to carry your princess. I am crying for you and the fact that you have to be dealing with the loss of your sweet baby inside.

[Wanting-a-girl]

Good luck today! Hope all goes smoothly! Did they say how long you have to wait after surgery to start trying again?
So sorry for what is happening to you :(

[ELP]

Oh Princess, I am heartbroken for you right now, I pray that this goes so smoothly and you can heal both physically and emotionally and have your beautiful baby in the future xxxxxx

[BabyGirl4Me]

Prayers for you and I hope your surgery goes exceptionally well today. Praying for peace for you and your family too.

[3boys]

Praying for you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this xx

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm praying that all went well. :(

[1+2+3boys]

I just read your whole story and am speechless. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck that the operation goes well and so sorry that you have to lose this baby too :(

[prayforprincess]

All prayers really helped. The surgery was a success. I am in soo much pain though. Really, this feels just as bad as a c-section.
The surgeon worked miracles. He was able to cut out the placenta and all my uterine scar tissue. He carefully stitched it back up and smoothed it out.
My uterus is stronger than it was before because he cut off the weak spot where all the scarring was.
He said that it is absolutely unheard of for this to happen to anyone twice -- heck, its pretty much unheard of period. The chances of it every happening again is little to none since he smoothed everything out.
He believes what happened is that there was so much scarring and it was "sticky" and while the embryo was floating around looking for a place to implant it just got stuck in my scar and implanted there. Poor thing.
What hurts the most is this baby was determined to live. He couldn't believe the placenta developed in such a "dry" area with little blood flow etc. The baby was growing on track to the very end. I just think this was such a determined little soul and would have made a wonderful little person. That is what hurts, because if it was anywhere else, he/she would have been fine :(

But I have to move on and thankfully I can have another baby and start trying again in 3 months when all this is healed well.
Long live the uterus!

[Wanting-a-girl]

So happy everything went well for you! Still very sorry for your loss tho :( I hope that you are feeling okay

[I Love Ladybugs]

You are such a fighter...and I pray that the next 90 days fly by so that you can get some good use of that bionic uterus!! Many hugs for the loss of your little one and that is amazing how dearly s/he was hanging on....(((hugs)))

[Dollydot]

Glad your op went well but so sorry for your loss. Reading your heartbreaking story really but things in to perspective for me, what i needed.. get well soon..

[ELP]

This is such good news, I am so sad for the loss of your liitle babe and I wish you a full and speedy recovery and future safe bfp xxxxx

[prayforprincess]

This all really does put things in perspective. At the end of the day, i just really want a baby again. I want to carry it and hold it and watch it grow. Do I want a girl, absolutely! But if i could only have another boy, i wouldn't give that up for anything. I was so close to having nothing and it just makes you grateful to be able to just have a healthy baby that is so full of love.
I am going to start the LE diet and hope that helps me to have a girl. But I personally believe diet is nearly the only sway factor that may make a difference and in the end if I have a 4th boy- i know i will have atleast tried and will be thrilled to just be blessed with the chance to create, carry and love another baby.

[I Love Ladybugs]

You will have 100 days on the LE diet and then we can be cheering you on in the ttc pink journey. I pray for your emotional, physical and mental healing in the upcoming months and that you will be blessed with a healthy, beautiful baby by this time next year!!

[1+2+3boys]

THanks for the update, I'm glad all is O.K with your uterus. It's so amazing what doctors can do these days! I hope you have a fast recovery physically and mentally. It sounds so unfair what happened with your wee one.
I really hope everything goes well for you in the future

[Dana-Alicia]

I'm so sorry you lost the baby. I wish you a speedy recovery and a healthy baby next year fx 4 a girl! Hope you can take your time to grieve as well :kissy:

[fish2012]

oh pray so pleased to hear surgery went well, praying for a speedy recovery for you and for your angel

Who knows what He has planned for our angel girls but it must be important if He needs them more than we do xxx

[2lovelyboys]

I'm so glad all went well!

[crazyladyneedsababy]

Im so sorry for you loss, been reading this through and your a very strong lady. xxx

[myrainbowgirl]

What an amazing story. So sorry for your loss...I can imagine that it is incredibly heartbreaking. Pink dust for your sway in 3 months! Hugs!

[auroara78]

pray, sorry to hear all of this...but what a miracle to get your uterus working great now...I am going to praying and hoping for you and your family come 3 months to conceive your last little babe! Rest up.

[Charlee]

Pray I can't believe I missed all of this! OMG... I am so sorry hun... jeez... how are you feeling???

Well it's just insult upon injury, huh? You deserve to have a few "why me?!?!" days... But OMG how lucky are you to have such a wonderful surgeon? This is why it was taking so long to get pg in the first place obviously. Did the DR's think that too? I have a very strong feeling that it won't take it as long to get pg again :)

So sorry about your loss :( Hopefully that baby will look down and see your sorrow and bless you with another little fighter... it's amazing how all of a sudden gender seems like a silly thing to worry about when the big picture comes into view... you will always want a daughter, but your next pregnancy will be decidedly GD free... what a wonderful gift :)

Sending all my positive energy for a quick recovery and a TON of rainbow baby dust... if anyone has any it's me :)

Please update us as soon as you feel ready :)