My biggest fear

[RKT Mama]

I am 37 weeks pregnant with baby number 4. 3 amazing sons who I love more than anything but I struggled a lot with GD after finding out at 20 weeks that DS3 was a boy.
Fast forward 4 1/2 years, a failed IVF, 2 failed adoption attempts and a lot of swaying.
Anatomy scan said girl which I was very happy about although it only took about 24 hours before I started worrying it was wrong.

Today I visited my midwife and she commented how anxious I am this time compared to my last pregnancy (this is the third one with her so she knows me well). Last time I knew it was a boy and I have to admit a part of me wanted something bad to happen to him because then I could try again (he was supposed to be our last)

I work in a maternity unit so I can easily say that I am nervous because I have seen a lot of horrid or sad things that have happened during pregnancy/birth although of course the statistics of them happening to me are low.

But after I left, it hit me, my biggest fear is delivering this baby and it being a boy. No one but DH knows this is supposed to be a girl and I happily tell people I don't know or care if its a girl or boy.
But I am petrified of having to stand in front of my friends and family pretending to be happy about a (presumably) perfectly healthy baby boy that I really don't want. Having to empty out drawers of pink clothes that I will never need but am not supposed to have because I am not supposed to know.

If my baby died or was very sick, society would happily allow me to be sad and support me in my grief, but being sad about a healthy baby is not something you are allowed to admit to, despite the fact that the grief is just as real.

Forgive my hormonal rant, I feel like a horrid person being more worried about a penis than a dead baby.
I'd never even admit it to DH.

[Cauliflower]

Hi,

I totally understand you feelings. My attempt is getting closer and the reality is hitting me, I could have anothe boy, I ould experience never to have a girl. I keep telling me it is ok if it is a healthy baby boy!
Keep reading about 3 boys mums telling how wonderful it is. Still I know I will be disappointed, and have to pretend I am happy with whatever gender, just want a healthy happy baby!

Big hugs to you:bighug: why dont you have one more scan done? It could be a baby girl, and then you dontbneed to be anxious!!

[Mrs_P]

I am 37 weeks pregnant with baby number 4. 3 amazing sons who I love more than anything but I struggled a lot with GD after finding out at 20 weeks that DS3 was a boy.
Fast forward 4 1/2 years, a failed IVF, 2 failed adoption attempts and a lot of swaying.
Anatomy scan said girl which I was very happy about although it only took about 24 hours before I started worrying it was wrong.

Today I visited my midwife and she commented how anxious I am this time compared to my last pregnancy (this is the third one with her so she knows me well). Last time I knew it was a boy and I have to admit a part of me wanted something bad to happen to him because then I could try again (he was supposed to be our last)

I work in a maternity unit so I can easily say that I am nervous because I have seen a lot of horrid or sad things that have happened during pregnancy/birth although of course the statistics of them happening to me are low.

But after I left, it hit me, my biggest fear is delivering this baby and it being a boy. No one but DH knows this is supposed to be a girl and I happily tell people I don't know or care if its a girl or boy.
But I am petrified of having to stand in front of my friends and family pretending to be happy about a (presumably) perfectly healthy baby boy that I really don't want. Having to empty out drawers of pink clothes that I will never need but am not supposed to have because I am not supposed to know.

If my baby died or was very sick, society would happily allow me to be sad and support me in my grief, but being sad about a healthy baby is not something you are allowed to admit to, despite the fact that the grief is just as real.

Forgive my hormonal rant, I feel like a horrid person being more worried about a penis than a dead baby.
I'd never even admit it to DH.

if its any help i do know how you feel - i am 35.5 weeks pregnant with our little girl after having three beautiful boys and severe gd with my last (which still seems really hard to admit or remember just how low i sank, especially when he is sitting on my knee as i type giving me some of the many kisses and cuddles i am lucky enough to receive off him daily - i love my boys so very very much but he just has a special place in my heart).

I am feeling a hormonal wreck in the lead up to the delivery to - i am worried it will be too hard on my little guy, that i won't love my daughter as much as my sons (something i have worried about needlessly before all of my children) or that i have unrealistic expectations for her (a first for me as i never expected anything from the boys - i always wanted a daughter). Above all i am worried about the shock that she may not be a she or that something will go wrong during delivery. This has been such a hard pregnancy and i am so worried we will loose her or something will go wrong, i just can't picture a girl in our family - despite the dream for years. I think the shock thing is an understandable fear, your expecting one thing, it must be horrible to think your going to get what you want and then have your dreams taken away at the last minute - i always said this time i could cope whatever but i needed to know one way or another before i could dream. I'm sure they are right though, the chances of it being wrong are very very slim - i am so nervous this time round too i think its just cause you are about everything you wanted for years and that generally doesn't happen so you are expecting or looking for problems - i am exactly the same. I am sure in a few weeks time you will be sitting surrounded by your gorgeous handsome little guys with your little bundle of pink tucked safely up in your arms in the middle of all the choas - you just need to hang onto that image x

[iluvmy4sons]

I am pregnant with my little girl at 4 boys. I am having the same thoughts as Mrs. P. I am 31 weeks and worry constantly. I am having another ultrasound on Wed so that will put my mind at ease some as long as they tell me she is still a girl. I even posted my ultrasound on ingender again a couple of weeks ago to get opinions again. I always wanted a daughter and now I am wondering how she is going to fit in. I know she will once she gets here. I always thought the same thing with my other children, but not this bad. Then I am wondering how I am going to handle 5 children and getting them to sports and school functions. The ages of my boys are 17, 12, 7, and 4.

[mommymachine]

Oh ladies. I could have written your posts. The last 4.5 months of my last pregnancy were so terrible. I hated it. I hated the doubt, the anxiety, I hated my pink baby shower, seeing all the pink clothes I was sure I'd have to return. But she's here. She's a girl, she's healthy (praise God) and she's almost 17 months old. She adds so much to our family. Yet, I don't think it was silly of me to worry like I did. Those feelings were real to me. And I was all alone with them. Don't be ashamed of your feelings, but tell yourself they are normal and others know what your going through. In a few months you'll be holding your daughters, and it will make you love your boys even more than you do now:)

[hotdogz&boyz]

I had thoughts of both things myself...how I would cope if my "girl" was not really a girl and we had to tell people (who all knew it was a girl) that it wasn't after all. And how it would feel to walk into her girl room, with clothes and headbands and plenty of pink/purple and me to have to clear it out. If I would fall apart like I thought I would. Even though I never thought my GD was very strong, nor was my preference. I worried that after being told it was a girl, that I would completely fall apart if it wasn't.

But even worse was the worry and anxiety. Unfortunately I also know some of the more tragic things that could happen. And my pregnancy was high risk to start. I felt on edge to the very last second. And truthfully, I STILL feel on edge. It just feels surreal and like something is going to happen to take her away from me.

My daughter is 2 weeks old. She is perfect. She came out every bit of a girl. She fulfills a part of me that I think I never fully realized I was missing (maybe because my GD never was full force, perhaps that is the difference). There is no reason for me to believe anything will happen to her...but I still worry. Now, in much the same way as I worry about something happening to my other children. I hope it wanes off soon, after it all sinks in.

But I agree that visualizing yourself holding her, surrounded by your boys is a great way to drive out the negative thoughts. Yes, you might hear the *random* story of so-n-so who was told girl and had a boy. But I do think it is far more rare with current technology. And I think it is even less likely to happen to a GD mama. We are more likely to ask a million questions, have them check way more than once or twice, and have other eyes check out our sonogram pics. I think a lot of folks who end up in that situation are those who get a 90% guess and take it for being definitive. Or they have an ambiguous picture and never question it. Just remind yourself how many people are told correctly!

Hang in there, your daughter will be here soon :)

[Adia]

I think your fears are perfectly warranted based on all that you have been through and your line of work. Working in a maternity ward as a nurse will show you everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. I am so sorry you have had both failed IVF and adoption attempts. That had to be so disappointing.

I think you are VERY wise to not tell people the gender for many reasons. This has been a long journey and you need to see for yourself that it has turned out the way it is predicted to turn out.

I wish you the best. Your days are numbered and I am sure you will be holding your little girl before you know it.

Hang in there... these hormone hauntings will only go on for a few more weeks and then you will be enjoying your new bundle of joy.

Big hugs mama!!

[RKT Mama]

Thanks everyone. I have to say that admitting it (even if only on-line) has made me feel like it is more manageable.
The chances that the scan are right are extremely high although I have come across a couple of babies that as above were wrong and 2 with very abnormal genitals that looked like girls on scan but weren't. Very rare though.

One of my Facebook friends posted yesterday that her almost 20 week son has died in utero (her second loss in a row) and it reminded me again that while we can't acknowledge our GD to the world like you can when a baby dies, at least you have a live baby at the end of it.

[Adia]

....The chances that the scan are right are extremely high although I have come across a couple of babies that as above were wrong and 2 with very abnormal genitals that looked like girls on scan but weren't. Very rare though.

One of my Facebook friends posted yesterday that her almost 20 week son has died in utero (her second loss in a row) and it reminded me again that while we can't acknowledge our GD to the world like you can when a baby dies, at least you have a live baby at the end of it.

See, being in the medical field you know too much!! Its a huge handicap to those who practice medicine!!!

So sorry about your friend and her loss, that is so hard. I do agree, at least you can admit that to the world whereas GD is pain we must keep inside.
I think GD is valid and real, but you are so right, we can only admit it to each other.

[KidAtHeart]

I'm so glad you started this post. I feel the same way! I am 36 weeks, expecting a girl after three boys. We didn't find out until recently - around Mother's Day. We kept it to ourselves for about a week but then decided to share the news. Everyone is thrilled for us. I don't even mind fielding the questions 'but I thought you weren't going to find out!' - to which I reply 'my husband really wanted to know and since we had a late ultrasound, I let him talk me into it' - all very legit.

We just painted the room pink. Both of my older boys even ask what if it's really a boy? Well, we will just have to repaint. Of course, it will totally kill me if, God forbid, something goes wrong or if it's a boy. I've dreamed of this for ten years and now that it looks like it's going to happen, it's as if it's too good to be true. Well, I keep telling myself that a trained professional told me that it's a girl so I am totally justified in painting the room pink and getting little pink outfits. And if it does turn out to be a boy, well, then at least I got to enjoy the illusion for these few weeks. Plus, the rest of the world may actually have sympathy for me since they know that it was supposed to be a girl. I may not be able to grieve to them like I can to you wonderful ladies, but there will be a certain level of understanding, even if I'm expected to sweep it under the rug immediately. So that's how I'm consoling myself. I'm definitely fretting, but not totally anxious. I have an ultrasound on Monday so I want to confirm 'girl' - but until she's in my arms, I will still have my doubts :) fwiw, a friend of mine, who also has three boys and just had a girl, who is about 3 months old now, said she still can't believe it!