Does anyone have GD so bad that they can hardly bear to go on?

[prettyflamingo]

Because sometimes I do.
Sometimes I feel so desperate I can't imagine a future.
I feel so cheated I can't breathe.
I feel so raw I can't smile. And the ache in my heart is so deep I can't sleep.



Does anyone else feel this low? I am at the bottom and struggling. I fear it.

[secretly sad]

I felt like this too at one point in my life. It will pass I promise. Mine hasn't gone away but it is better as time goes on. GD Is truly horrendous, you're not alone. Hugs xxx

[Mrs_P]

oh hunny what a sad post, didn't want to just read and run, not that i have anything amazing to say either just wanted to send you big hugs :hug2:

sometimes it takes a while for the storm to pass and the sun to shine but it does get better. My gd was at its worst three years ago when i found out ds3 was a little man and i had to face the reality that i may never get a daughter. Not long after he was born i nearly lost my precious little ds2 to a freak accident (thank god he was fine) but it still haunts me to this day and gave me the kick up the bum to appreciate what i had. Not that that filled the hole but it made me realise just how lucky i was and that i was not going back to that sad lonely place again, not when i had my three heathly happy boys behind me. I finally let go, gave swaying my all and hoped for a little lady this time last year but it was different as i accepted the fact that i would probably fail and i was willing to hear boy again, i just needed that chance at a little girl to move on - thanks to atomic (and clomid) i am now expecting her in a month, seems so surreal but for me it was when i gave up all hope of ever finding her that she found me. I really hope you dg too x

[crazyladyneedsababy]

hun I didn't want to read and run, I had GD bad with DS2 but now I wouldn't be without him, I wouldn't swap him for 10 girls :) It does get easier as they say time is a great healer. :bighug:

[Little Lunasa]

Your post made me really stop and think.. I haven't experienced anything like you describe but after reading your words,for the first time I can appreciate how deep the feelings go... Hope your dreams come true xxx


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[luckyfourleafclover]

I feel like that too but not all day, every day, some days are worse than others.

I am still full of hope that it WILL happen for me one day - if I simply don't give up until it does.

this website helps so much - you are not alone - you are not the only person in the world to feel this way

[RKT Mama]

GD has an amazing way of taking over your entire world that it is all you can think about. The problem is sometimes it is an easy thing to blame bigger issues on. "If only I had my girl/boy my life would be right".

I am awaiting my girl after years of GD, thinking that was my problem in life (and don't get me wrong, I am still obsessing about the gender of my baby) but this site and the last few months have taught me that actually getting my dream gender is probably not going to solve anything, in fact another baby will just make things more complex as I try to juggle a demanding job and 4 kids.

The depth of your dispair sounds quite extreme. You might want to consider if you are depressed and what you are really hoping for before it damages you or your family as I fear that like me you may have bigger issues to deal with before even considering another baby(if that is your plan)

[zebaniee]

I opened up to my partner the other day and said thy I fear my gender disappointment is so bad that I would consider an abortion if the baby is the 'wrong' gender. I feel mounting stress that I cannot just keep having children to get the 'right' gender and I mentally and financially cannot afford it. My partner looked at me in disgust and went on to say how is the baby going to feel when it finds out that I did not want it. I know from my own experience that while I was very disappointed when I found out my second baby was another girl, by the time she was due I was looking forward to the new addition. I have no idea if this rambling helps, but I want you to know you are not alone xxx.

[angel in a pink sky]

Oh Sweetie,
I know you are devastated. We all have been there to some degree and you are not alone. You are adjusting to a new reality and it is going to take time to get adjusted. You will get there please stay here and let us be there for you until you get to the other side.

[pinkprincess85]

[QUOTE=prettyflamingo;409856]Because sometimes I do.
Sometimes I feel so desperate I can't imagine a future.
I feel so cheated I can't breathe.
I feel so raw I can't smile. And the ache in my heart is so deep I can't sleep.

I'm right there with you hun, I've always felt im sat behind a sheet of glass just watching everyone else get what they want whilst I made do, sounds awful but I cant even win on a scratch card - I literally have no luck at all. Yes ilove my 3 boys but I never saw myself with 1 boy let alone 4! (another on the way!) since I found out this is boy 4 I've felt that sheet of glass has turned into a very small glass box around me- im alone in it + there isn't anyone that can help! my dh said he feels sad too but is under the impression we can have more, but I really don't want to end up with 5,6,7,8 boys and deep down I know if we carry on that's exactly what we'll get! he's happy to try and save for high tech but In reality its far too much for us + i'm having to come to terms with stopping after this one + never having a daughter to share my life with :( , it's true agony feeling this way and I completely sympathise with you - I too feel I cant breathe, I have tears in my eyes going to bed and I have tears in my eyes when I get up, I don't sleep a lot + don't really think of anything else either. I've got nearly 5 months left to go in this pregnancy + cant see how i'm going to get through it, I've had all sorts of awful thoughts :( . Your not alone hun.x

[OneLastDream]

I'm so so sorry you are feeling this way. It completely mirrors my thoughts and I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. I now have less than 3 weeks to go and hoping that holding my baby in my arms will erase the worse feelings of despair. I know this is something I need to live with for the rest of my life but I also know I had bad gd with ds3 and he is just the best thing ever. I wouldn't swap him for all the girls in the world. How many weeks are you ? Sending you lots of hugs. The feelings you have now may never entirely disappear but I do promise they will fade xx

[Yuzu]

TRIGGER

More than two years ago, when I found out I was expecting DS3, I felt this way. During the ultrasound I yelled, "It's a boy????" and I immediately started crying. I was so sure that after all of the years of waiting and wanting I was finally getting my girl. When that tech said 'boy' it was like a dark cloud rolled over my life.

I've never been the kind of person to think about hurting myself, but on the way home from the appointment I thought, "what if I were to run off the highway and into a tree?" I really thought about it. Everyone would think it was a tragic accident. They would think I swerved to miss a raccoon or a deer and I hit a tree. I could even see the news headlines, 'Mother to be in Tragic Accident.'

But I only thought of it for a microsecond. I couldn't do that. But I was still horribly, terribly saddened. When I got home I had to delete all the bookmarks of girl's clothing that I had saved, and I just thought I would cry until my heart broke.

You're not alone. GD is terrible. What helped me was to start talking to my baby: telling him stories, singing to him, really having conversations with him. And my GD eased somewhat. When DS3 was born, he was crying (like newborns do) and I said something to a nurse and he immediately stopped crying! He recognized my voice. It was one of the most glorious moments of my life. And even today, now that he is 2 1/2, we are just so close as mommy and son. We have a special bond. It was worth the pain of GD to have this awesome guy in my life.

I have a fourth (!!!!) son now, and even though I had GD it wasn't nearly as bad. I hope you can get past this dark point, and that my story helped a little bit. You can always come here to vent, if you need to.

Hugs.

[Starr]

It does get better, in time. I've been blessed to have 4 Boys...I sunk into the lowest of lows of a depression after the U/S for DS #3- I went in the woods and screamed and cried inconsolably. The depression continued for sometime. Of course, the moment he was in my arms I fell in love, just as I had 2 times before- I wouldn't trade one of my precious boys for any girl in the world...but, boy would I do anything else to have my daughter! Surprisingly when I found out DS #4 was a boy I did much better, it was almost expected I guess. I certainly have my moments & days of strong GD, but I've really come to a better place. Best wishes Hun!

[Adia]

It does get better, in time. I've been blessed to have 4 Boys...I sunk into the lowest of lows of a depression after the U/S for DS #3- I went in the woods and screamed and cried inconsolably. The depression continued for sometime. Of course, the moment he was in my arms I fell in love, just as I had 2 times before- I wouldn't trade one of my precious boys for any girl in the world...but, boy would I do anything else to have my daughter! Surprisingly when I found out DS #4 was a boy I did much better, it was almost expected I guess. I certainly have my moments & days of strong GD, but I've really come to a better place. Best wishes Hun!

I'm telling you their is something raw, real and gutting about the 3rd one of the same gender. I have seen it time and time again....and I have seen them usually turn out to be our favorites too, I think becasue we had so many deep emotions about them they win our hearts over even when they aren't our DG!!

I am the same I know I'll cope much better if DC4 is a girl, but I still hope for a boy in the mean time!!!