help - scared I'll crash

[tm29]

I had an early gender scan at 14 weeks and my lovely, happy, exciting feelings about pregnancy disappeared in an instant. I truly believed I was having the little boy I've always wanted and I heard 'girl' from the sonographer. In a week and a half I have my 20 week scan and will probably get the gender confirmed.

I have spent the last few weeks crying and joining forums and researching 'early scan mistake' stories and asking psychics what the gender of my baby is. It has been a mess. But I know that the TINY chance the 14 week scan was wrong has been keeping me going to some extent and I am really, really scared about how sad I would feel to know there's no possibility at 20 weeks.

How do I get through this? any advice from people who have been through such severe feelings?

[ejk741]

I did the same.. after I found out DD was a girl I watched the ultrasound video hundreds of times to see if I could find boy parts that they missed. Once it was confirmed on 20 other ultrasounds (maybe not that many... But I had A LOT.. I had some complications) I believed it. I felt better thinking about/ researching HT. It really allowed me to be happy about my little girl knowing that I would someday have a son. With that being said.. I hope you hear boy. If you don't.. I hope that you find your own way to cope with GD. Best of luck to you!

[Adia]

Hang in there honey, it gets better, I promise.

GD is an even bigger monster when you are pregnant, it does change shape once the baby is born.

I held on to the smallest sliver of hope when I was prego with DD3 but i knew deep down she was a girl, and my favorite little mini-me as well!

BIg hugs, time eases every ache.

[tm29]

Thanks Adia for the soothing words. My gd HAS to change a bit - I can't continue this way.

ejk741 - it sounds like I'll be following in your footsteps. I'm going to go HT too if possible with Dr Potter. I need to get on with it because of my age, so I'll hope to do it after I've breastfed my little girl for 6 months and had a couple of months rest. I know I'll still want to have a son no matter how much I am going to adore my daughter .

Thanks for replying.

[tm29]

I did the same.. after I found out DD was a girl I watched the ultrasound video hundreds of times to see if I could find boy parts that they missed. Once it was confirmed on 20 other ultrasounds (maybe not that many... But I had A LOT.. I had some complications) I believed it. I felt better thinking about/ researching HT. It really allowed me to be happy about my little girl knowing that I would someday have a son. With that being said.. I hope you hear boy. If you don't.. I hope that you find your own way to cope with GD. Best of luck to you!

I'd love to know more about your HT plans if you feel like sharing them... researching is also making me feel better.

[ejk741]

Well.. I have literally been planning for two years lol. First I researched clinics and this board helped me settle on Dr. Potter. I went back and forth and kept thinking that maybe we should just do a really good sway. I wasn't willing to deal with a failed sway.. so HT it was. I did my pretesting this past winter and just had my egg retrieval about a week ago. I was at high risk for hyperstimulating so all of my embryos were frozen. I will get the results in about two weeks. I plan on doing a FET this August. I'm not sure if you have been on the HT board.. but the ladies there have boat loads of great information.

[tm29]

Well.. I have literally been planning for two years lol. First I researched clinics and this board helped me settle on Dr. Potter. I went back and forth and kept thinking that maybe we should just do a really good sway. I wasn't willing to deal with a failed sway.. so HT it was. I did my pretesting this past winter and just had my egg retrieval about a week ago. I was at high risk for hyperstimulating so all of my embryos were frozen. I will get the results in about two weeks. I plan on doing a FET this August. I'm not sure if you have been on the HT board.. but the ladies there have boat loads of great information.

Amazing. Wow I wish you so much luck I feel I really understand what you've been feeling! I'm not prepared to risk a failed sway either. Dr Potter is now my plan too - and I think I'll go in June next year if it all works out. I assume I can have the pretesting done in the UK.

So now I just need to hope I meet the criteria. I think I should - but I feel nervous about something I was told (maybe in this thread) about your natural fertility level mattering very little when it comes to HT - you still may get a really bad set of odds for success.

Are you going to be taking medication/injections etc? I don't mind doing what it takes, but I'd like to go as easy as possible on meds.

[wantmoreblue]

No advice, as I am going through all the same feelings.

I was supposed to be team green to help minimize my GD, but at a 35 week scan the US technician revealed "girl." This pregnancy has been so difficult already, but after hearing that I just lost all hope, and any shred of excitement. And yes, went through a time of denial researching scan mistakes, too.

My feelings are so out of control right now I am just hoping it is the hormones. I am praying for all us GD women. No one should have to go through this kind of pain. Hope it helps a little to know you are not alone.

[queen-bee]

DS3 had a very obvious boy nub at 12 weeks, so GD hit me pretty early. I knew what I was going to hear at my 20 weeks scan and just wanted to be done with it. Of course, deep down I was hoping for a miracle, but mostly I was hoping not to break in tears. I then spent the rest of my day in bed crying and ignoring phone calls from people curious to know sex of my baby.
My husband saw how bad I was and suggested we do pgd with Dr Potter. I had my first consult with him a couple of days before DS3 was born. Planning my ht journey kept me sane. DS3 is the most beautiful baby I've seen. Maybe start looking into ht options and you will start seeing your scan and then birth of your daughter as one more step towards getting your son. It may sound selfish, but I can guarantee you'll fall in love with your girl the minute you see her. It will just help you cope with GD.

On another note, my sonographer told me she sees lots of people who were told wrong gender at 14-15 weeks. Maybe there's still hope?

[tm29]

DS3 had a very obvious boy nub at 12 weeks, so GD hit me pretty early. I knew what I was going to hear at my 20 weeks scan and just wanted to be done with it. Of course, deep down I was hoping for a miracle, but mostly I was hoping not to break in tears. I then spent the rest of my day in bed crying and ignoring phone calls from people curious to know sex of my baby.
My husband saw how bad I was and suggested we do pgd with Dr Potter. I had my first consult with him a couple of days before DS3 was born. Planning my ht journey kept me sane. DS3 is the most beautiful baby I've seen. Maybe start looking into ht options and you will start seeing your scan and then birth of your daughter as one more step towards getting your son. It may sound selfish, but I can guarantee you'll fall in love with your girl the minute you see her. It will just help you cope with GD.

On another note, my sonographer told me she sees lots of people who were told wrong gender at 14-15 weeks. Maybe there's still hope?

I am so, so happy you're getting your daughter now! What a great husband you have - mine is very understanding, but he doesn't approve of me thinking about HT. I'm finding that researching HT - just like you say - is a recipe for sanity. I do need to believe I'll see my son one day.

I love what your sonographer said. I had three psychic readings done and was told BOY even though I told them about the scan results predicting girl. Who knows? It was brave of them to go against the evidence of the scan! If they got it right I'll be the biggest convert ever.

But for now - like you - I'm researching HT and thinking in terms of trying PGD/IVF next year. How soon after DS3 did you go for HT? I was thinking of doing it 6-8 months after this L.O.

[tm29]

[QUOTE=queen-bee;
On another note, my sonographer told me she sees lots of people who were told wrong gender at 14-15 weeks. Maybe there's still hope?[/QUOTE]

This is particularly good to hear! I know NHS scans are sometimes off at 14/15 weeks, partly because they sometimes use older technology, and partly because if you get an NHS scan that early they aren't looking specifically for gender so may not bother trying to get much detail. So I could understand a sonographer being skeptical about early NHS scans. But maybe your sonographer was talking about private scans too? You think?

9Grasping at straws here - in case you didn't recognise the signs!)

[tm29]

No advice, as I am going through all the same feelings.

I was supposed to be team green to help minimize my GD, but at a 35 week scan the US technician revealed "girl." This pregnancy has been so difficult already, but after hearing that I just lost all hope, and any shred of excitement. And yes, went through a time of denial researching scan mistakes, too.

My feelings are so out of control right now I am just hoping it is the hormones. I am praying for all us GD women. No one should have to go through this kind of pain. Hope it helps a little to know you are not alone.

I somehow missed this reply. God I'm so sorry you're feeling this way too. You really wanted another boy? I'm not sure team greening it would necessarily reduce GD would it? Is the theory that it's better to face the issue when you're overwhelmed by holding your new baby in your arms? I think that's risky. At least you have a chance to come to terms with the situation if you know in advance. The other way sounds like a recipe for PND. I wouldn't want to live through the first week of GD with a new baby. Horrendous.

I think it's better you know - and I'm so sorry you didn't get another little boy. No advice either - just deep sympathy

[tm29]

wantmoreblue - I wanted to tell you I made a decision not to find out if it is definitely a girl at our 20week scan. I'm going to ask the sonographer to say if it's definitely a boy - or to say she can't get a good view. That way I either get to CELEBRATE or I get to hope a bit for the rest of the pregnancy. Then if I need to face the fact that I have a daughter it will be after another 6 months of counselling and with an amazing live baby in my arms. I think that will definitely be better.

I did a few old wives tale gender tests and had 3 psychic predictions and they all said BOY and while I know they could all be total rubbish I've felt so much better that even if I am deceiving myself I think it is much, much healthier for me to feel this way than it is for me to cry all the time. PLEASE NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT OLD WIVES TALES BEING RUBBISH AND PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS BEING WRONG - I WANT TO BE HOPEFUL FOR NOW! Living in this state has got to be healthier for my baby than living in a fog of GD.

I really hope you're doing okay. Hugs to you.