daisyfay311
May 2nd, 2011, 12:41 PM
Just some things that have happened to me in the last few weeks...thought I would share, maybe it could give someone a laugh.
1) Someone tells you that you look like you're putting on weight and your first thought is, "Yes!" (as opposed to your pre-swaying response, which would have involved some very inappropriate words and an impression of Linda Blair from The Exorcist)
2) The guy at McDonald's puts cheese on your hamburger after you specifically ask for no cheese and you flip out on it because you've already "had too much calcium today." You briefly consider that you might be overreacting but then get excited that making a scene might increase your testosterone so you just continue raising hell.
3) Your kitchen counter looks like a health food store (supplements), your bathroom counter looks like a chemistry lab (ph tester and accessories) and your bottom is so big that the local airport is requesting to use it as an emergency landing zone for commercial jets.
4)You run into the guy who works at Marble Slab Ice Creamery and he asks where you've been since you haven't come by for your thrice-weekly visits for chocolate swiss with Oreos lately.
5) In contrast to #4, the lady working at the service station near your house just gets the bottles of orange pineapple juice ready when she sees you coming.
6) When you tell Dh you're in the mood to dtd, he gets all excited and goes and gets the cup ready because he knows you're going to want to test his sample.
7) You have invented wild stories about vitamin deficiencies and exercise programs and you can't even remember what because your family members, friends, and co-workers have all noticed that your eating habits have become incredibly bizarre.
8) When you tell your doctor you're getting ready to ttc and he says "Have fun" you get all huffy about it, thinking what is fun about all this, I am so stressed, etc. etc. until thirty minutes later in the car when you realize what he meant.
9) It now takes you three times as long to buy groceries because you have to stop and read the ingredients on every item--and then you have to go to another store because you need a different product.
10) Your Dh hears you making strange noises on the couch and comes in to find you holding a glass and grimacing. He discovers that you are trying to drink gelatin in fruit juice, tries it, almost gets sick, and tells you that you don't have to drink this, this is ridiculous. You are half crying half gagging trying to drink the junk but Dh still has to pry it away from you.
11) You find yourself obsessing over your co-worker's plate of salty potatoes and bananas at lunch and wondering why she has three girls and a boy. Then you slowly realize that her kids are teenagers, there's no way to know what she was eating when she got pregnant with them, you're staring at her, she thinks you're weird, and you just need to eat your raisins and mind your own business.
12) You see Dh about to have a glass of Coke and some girl-diet snacks and you go into a hysterical meltdown about all the work you're doing for him and his son and why doesn't he care and now he's scared to eat anything.
13) You get a wave of guilt for trying to manipulate the future, feel bad for your potential next dd, worry you're neglecting your current dd, and end up playing Barbie play-doh for four hours. While drinking juice and popping potato chips.
14) You set the alarm for six a.m. on Saturday and you don't even mind because you're so excited about peeing on an opk and taking your temperature.
15) You start playing games with yourself....if there is an odd number of pieces of laundry in this load, I'll have a boy...and then do "do-overs" when it doesn't work out.
I think I am losing my mind!!!
1) Someone tells you that you look like you're putting on weight and your first thought is, "Yes!" (as opposed to your pre-swaying response, which would have involved some very inappropriate words and an impression of Linda Blair from The Exorcist)
2) The guy at McDonald's puts cheese on your hamburger after you specifically ask for no cheese and you flip out on it because you've already "had too much calcium today." You briefly consider that you might be overreacting but then get excited that making a scene might increase your testosterone so you just continue raising hell.
3) Your kitchen counter looks like a health food store (supplements), your bathroom counter looks like a chemistry lab (ph tester and accessories) and your bottom is so big that the local airport is requesting to use it as an emergency landing zone for commercial jets.
4)You run into the guy who works at Marble Slab Ice Creamery and he asks where you've been since you haven't come by for your thrice-weekly visits for chocolate swiss with Oreos lately.
5) In contrast to #4, the lady working at the service station near your house just gets the bottles of orange pineapple juice ready when she sees you coming.
6) When you tell Dh you're in the mood to dtd, he gets all excited and goes and gets the cup ready because he knows you're going to want to test his sample.
7) You have invented wild stories about vitamin deficiencies and exercise programs and you can't even remember what because your family members, friends, and co-workers have all noticed that your eating habits have become incredibly bizarre.
8) When you tell your doctor you're getting ready to ttc and he says "Have fun" you get all huffy about it, thinking what is fun about all this, I am so stressed, etc. etc. until thirty minutes later in the car when you realize what he meant.
9) It now takes you three times as long to buy groceries because you have to stop and read the ingredients on every item--and then you have to go to another store because you need a different product.
10) Your Dh hears you making strange noises on the couch and comes in to find you holding a glass and grimacing. He discovers that you are trying to drink gelatin in fruit juice, tries it, almost gets sick, and tells you that you don't have to drink this, this is ridiculous. You are half crying half gagging trying to drink the junk but Dh still has to pry it away from you.
11) You find yourself obsessing over your co-worker's plate of salty potatoes and bananas at lunch and wondering why she has three girls and a boy. Then you slowly realize that her kids are teenagers, there's no way to know what she was eating when she got pregnant with them, you're staring at her, she thinks you're weird, and you just need to eat your raisins and mind your own business.
12) You see Dh about to have a glass of Coke and some girl-diet snacks and you go into a hysterical meltdown about all the work you're doing for him and his son and why doesn't he care and now he's scared to eat anything.
13) You get a wave of guilt for trying to manipulate the future, feel bad for your potential next dd, worry you're neglecting your current dd, and end up playing Barbie play-doh for four hours. While drinking juice and popping potato chips.
14) You set the alarm for six a.m. on Saturday and you don't even mind because you're so excited about peeing on an opk and taking your temperature.
15) You start playing games with yourself....if there is an odd number of pieces of laundry in this load, I'll have a boy...and then do "do-overs" when it doesn't work out.
I think I am losing my mind!!!