Incident over weekend, please help me get over it.

[Leechez]

Hi,
I went to a friends hens night over the weekend and I find that when people ask how many kids I have and that they are all boys, I would say 80% of the time I get asked if I will have a fourth to try for a girl. I usually just say yes and thats the end of it, they tend to be more shocked at the fact I want 4 children. However the other night a couple of the girls started saying stuff like, what if it isnt? Are you going to keep going? You will end up with 10 boys then they were telling me about people they know with alot of kids all the same gender because they kept going. I had had a few cocktails and just said, 'oh it'll be fine, it will be a girl" then the discussion progressed on to all the old wives tales people have heard about to have a particular gender, then someone said "do what the beckhams did!" Then one of the girls was going on and on about it, she was so misinformed and really bothering me, by now I was just talking to 2 of the girls, I had known one for a while but didn't know the other from a bar of soap! And then I made the mistake of saying gender selection is something we have tried and might think of doing again! This seemed to make her really angry and she was saying stuff like "can't you be grateful for what you have, just be happy to have healthy children, that's ridiculous" and so on. I ended up having to justify my feelings to this narrow minded woman, anyway this went on and it really upset me a close friend stepped in and pretty much told her to shut her trap, she has no idea how I feel. The other woman left (it was quite late) and I went on to have a fun night but now I can't stop thinking about what happened and its really messing with my mind. I was already unsure we would try IVF gender selection again but was leaning towards yes. My husband and I are intending to go to Dr Potters seminar tonight but my motivation is at an all time low. I know I don't have to justify how I feel about wanting a particular gender to you guys on here, but how can I get this womans comments out of my head?

[nuthinbutpink]

It's your life. My signature states what I believe.

[RKT Mama]

Sounds very much like the first part of the evening answered the second. You want to do IVF so you don't land up with 10 boys trying to get a girl.
People who have never had GD( or those who have but not done something about it) cannot understand the depth of emotion attached. IVF is put on a pedestal as a big deal but actually it's not. A huge amount of research has gone into making it a procedure that hundreds of women go through every day. It is very safe (if done by trained people), leaves no scars (except emotional) and can give you what you want, a healthy baby girl.
Personally I would write off this women as a poorly informed, whatever choice word you choose, and go and enjoy Dr Potters seminar. It's your body, your family and your business but like everything to do with having kids, someone always has an opinion

[queen-bee]

I would have given those stupid girls a black eye! But then again there are so many ignorant and narrowminded people, you just don't have a chance to shut them all up. Maybe it's a good idea to just be quiet about your big plans and have your last laugh later.

[Adia]

You get something negative and bothersome out of your head by replacing it with other things....reading up on IVF, working on your personal sway plan, etc. You can do it. We can all relate!

Big hugs, we understand and think you should follow your dreams as it fits for you and your DH!!

[1+2+3boys]

Aw, hugs, She sounded like she was a bit drunk maybe and making a scene to feel better about herself. Those so willing to put others down in front of others are obviously nasty with troubles of their own and are not worth listening to. Don't feel bad, there is no way they could know what it is like. Silly Woman.
Keep your chin up and enjoy the seminar. I wish I could be there. When you hear Dr. Potter speak you will probably forget all about it and have a great time chatting with people who know what you are going through xo

[Leechez]

Thanks Ladies. I'm feeling better, I also spoke to a good friend that helped me out too. I have learnt to try and not let the comments about all the boys bother me and if asked if I would have a fourth, just say 'maybe'. And yeah just don't say anything about our plans like queen bee said we can have the last laugh. It will be great to meet people in the same situation tonight.

[Dana-Alicia]

We always tell eachother to follow our hearts and make our dreams come true. Why shouldn't we do this when it comes to our family? They are the biggest part of our lives! I think it's an even more legit dream than having a better career, a bigger house, a gorgeous body. So if you are bold enough to follow your dreams, you rule :D And this woman is just ignorant and is projecting her issues on you. Leave it there, where it belongs.

[Dollydot]

She doesn't know your heart, put her out of your mind...

[ELP]

how can I get this womans comments out of my head?

Firstly, you won't:) They are just going to completely annoy you and keep repeating around in your head for at least a week! I have a bit of it myself atm, different root subject, but same scenario:) Flippin irritating isn't it!!!:)

Imo you already took the biggest step and said,
'I have gone Ht for a girl and will again'

What if you have 10 boys?
'Well as Im going HT I wont have and if a lady doesnt join our family then it will be me and my ace little guys:)'

"can't you be grateful for what you have, just be happy to have healthy children, that's ridiculous"
Well I obviously am greatful thats why I want more, but Im gonna mix it up this time and get a coupe of pink ones!!

And for the ones who think you are messing with Gods plans just ask them if they had really sticking out ears/nose
Would you have your ears/nose adjusted?
Well thats messing with what God created for you for the sake of pure vanity, Im creating life!!!

You should definitely go to the seminar. Just always have your automated responses ready for the negative poeple, I have found alot of the time a couple of well rehearsed homouress answers usually shuts them up:)

[Northern_Shutterbug]

I can understand why you're hurt, but do you know the lady's history? She may have had recurrent miscarriages, lost a child or just can't have children. I've found that normally people who get angry have suffered with one of these.

Just trying to show there may be another side. It upsets me when people complain about their pregnancies now. I would be happy with a healthy pregnancy, but I know I'll still suffer GD, so can kind of see both sides.

[Wishful thinking]

Ask yourself a few questions:

Does this lady's opinion matter that much to you?
Is she going to help finance PGD?
Has she supported any of your children financially?
Will she support any of your children financially in the future?

I understand being hurt by what she said, but in the grand scheme of things, she is a nobody in your life. Don't give nobodies that much power.

[Emily]

I agree with the other posters - she either has major issues of her own (miscarriage or GD) and should be pitied, was drunk and confrontational for attention, is ill-informed but thinks she is super smart or just plain rude. Either way she isn't a close friend so her opinion isn't worth worrying about.

I like to go over these types of conversations in my head thinking of fabulously cutting one liners or even visualise throwing drinks in people's faces. Yes it is childish but is quite cathartic! Also, people don't argue back in your imagination so you are guaranteed the last laugh;)

[Mathilde]

I had a similar experience three weeks ago at my best friends hen night at my house, ended up telling a lady I had done HT twice, which I really regret now, as its not her business at all, but I did and its out. The trouble telling peole is that I feel like such a failure for it not to work. Am pg now, and know God wanted this little one in me now and not then, but terrified of the outcome and whish I could do it again and again and again, I promise: if I won millions in the lottery I would create a fund for ladies like us to get our dream, and when we were older we could "pay it back" into the fund for future dreamers as well:)
Nothingbutpink: I love your motto! Regularly pop by to read it, it gives me strength:)

[luckyfourleafclover]

Mathilde I love your idea 'create a fund for ladies like us to get our dream, and when we were older we could "pay it back" into the fund for future dreamers as well'...and I have been thinking of something like that as well recently...if my next cycle works I will seriously consider looking into how to get something like this started...