Double Gender Disapointment

[1+2+3boys]

Has anyone ever had twins of the opposite gender to what you really wanted?
All I wanted was a little girl for number two but I got twin boys and that stole my one last chance I would have used to try and have a girl. It's a unique experience but I know I can't be the only one.

They are amazing and I am grateful for them and wouldn't change them but I can't help but feel like I am the subject of a joke sometimes

[hotdogz&boyz]

I'm sorry :( I imagine that was a bit of a "blow" to your plans!

When we were preggo with our third (four has always been our number), my MIL (whom I despise) kept saying and joking that we were having twin boys. Our second pregnancy was twins early on, likely identical (although impossible to truly know, they shared a sac), and we lost one. So she kept saying she bet we would have twins again and they would be our 3&4th boys. I don't know if it malicious or just her way of coping with the potential for no granddaughter any time soon. I wasn't too bothered by it, my GD has never been terribly strong, just an idle yearning. But it was annoying, since it would have "taken away" our last chance at getting a girl. Which would be a double blow to cope with. So I can at least empathize a bit.

Twins are really special in their own right. And I bet pretty challenging! Hopefully you can come to peace with having your three guys. Or you decide a 4th is in the cards ;)

[1+2+3boys]

I'm sorry :( I imagine that was a bit of a "blow" to your plans!

When we were preggo with our third (four has always been our number), my MIL (whom I despise) kept saying and joking that we were having twin boys. Our second pregnancy was twins early on, likely identical (although impossible to truly know, they shared a sac), and we lost one. So she kept saying she bet we would have twins again and they would be our 3&4th boys. I don't know if it malicious or just her way of coping with the potential for no granddaughter any time soon. I wasn't too bothered by it, my GD has never been terribly strong, just an idle yearning. But it was annoying, since it would have "taken away" our last chance at getting a girl. Which would be a double blow to cope with. So I can at least empathize a bit.

Twins are really special in their own right. And I bet pretty challenging! Hopefully you can come to peace with having your three guys. Or you decide a 4th is in the cards ;)

Thanks :) Sorry you lost one so early on. Twins certainly are a stressful and alot more complicated pregnancy so I am very lucky to have them. Everyone was saying I would have twins cos they were due again in the family. I feel very lucky indeed and they would not be who they are today if they were girls. I thought I was at peace with my three guys, hence my signature but the most random things can spark it (like the twin girls born and due soon on this site)
I count myself lucky cos my friend was having twins and one died just before birth, her one daughter and now she has 4 sons, the youngest two twins. She never wanted a daughter after losing her first so I guess everyone copes with that differently. She is so string and the most awesome boy Mumma I know. I'm so glad to have both my boys here with me. I will see how their toddlerhood goes as to if we decide to have another.

[MatildaMai]

I had twin boys first up. I just assumed they'd be girls as all the sets of twins I knew were girls. How dumb is that? Also I had two stepsons so I figured we were 'due' a girl. Obviously it doesn't work that way! I didn't even realise I had such a strong preference for a girl until I found out at the u/s they were both boys. Being fraternal chances were pretty good for at least one girl. The u/s crushed me - I couldn't breathe - I cried and was so upset for months. Ridiculous given I had 2 healthy babies but at the time it felt like the end of the world.....

The whole experience gave me a chance to really think about why I really wanted a girl and all the assumptions I'd been making and I realised it is largely all about having another go at a mother/daughter rel'ship as my mother and I come from different planets. It's never been a good rel'ship. And I've accepted that at 40yrs of age I probably can't fix it or change who she is or I am. But I adore my twins and it has been an amazing experience. They are nearly 5 now and DH finally agreed to let me do HT for a DD and she is nearly 8mths old. I just couldn't let it go.....

[1+2+3boys]

I had twin boys first up. I just assumed they'd be girls as all the sets of twins I knew were girls. How dumb is that? Also I had two stepsons so I figured we were 'due' a girl. Obviously it doesn't work that way! I didn't even realise I had such a strong preference for a girl until I found out at the u/s they were both boys. Being fraternal chances were pretty good for at least one girl. The u/s crushed me - I couldn't breathe - I cried and was so upset for months. Ridiculous given I had 2 healthy babies but at the time it felt like the end of the world.....

The whole experience gave me a chance to really think about why I really wanted a girl and all the assumptions I'd been making and I realised it is largely all about having another go at a mother/daughter rel'ship as my mother and I come from different planets. It's never been a good rel'ship. And I've accepted that at 40yrs of age I probably can't fix it or change who she is or I am. But I adore my twins and it has been an amazing experience. They are nearly 5 now and DH finally agreed to let me do HT for a DD and she is nearly 8mths old. I just couldn't let it go.....

Thanks, nice to hear your story and that you got your daughter that you wanted. My Mum and I are from opposite planets too! TBH I really am glad that my boys are identical because I think it would have hurt more knowing I had had two chances for a girl in one go and still didn't get one.

[sushikitty]

Hang in there girl. Maybe you will want to try again? Don't give up! We have 4 sons/ Each time I see a "hot dog" on the ultrasound screen for the first time, I solemnly swear no more kids. We are now looking into our 6th child in hopes for our first daughter together. What I tell my self and my friends with 3+ boys is that; God is just building up an army of boys to protect their one day sister. ;)

[1+2+3boys]

Hang in there girl. Maybe you will want to try again? Don't give up! We have 4 sons/ Each time I see a "hot dog" on the ultrasound screen for the first time, I solemnly swear no more kids. We are now looking into our 6th child in hopes for our first daughter together. What I tell my self and my friends with 3+ boys is that; God is just building up an army of boys to protect their one day sister. ;)

That is a very sweet way of putting it! Our boys have all been very obvious on ultrasounds too so if the next is a girl I think I will be able to tell. Goodluck to you

[marriedmomof2]

I am sorry, that sucks . My mother and I are also from different planets. No mother daughter relationship at all. I always say if I have a third boy then God is preparing me for a very special grand daughter/daughter in law. My mother in law is so amazing she calls us her daughters . Her and I are closer than I am with my own mom. I think I was blessed with her. Who knows, there maybe another person out there looking for a mil like me.

[Beckey]

What is HT for a DD?

[1+2+3boys]

What is HT for a DD?

HT stands for High Tech meaning IVF with Pre Determined Gender testing to garentee the gender if you get pregnant. It may cover a few other thigns but I am not sure. DD stands for dear or darling daughter

[ocean]

123 - There's a woman over at ingender that is having a lot of trouble. She has 1 son and is pregnant with twins, who she strongly believes to be boys. The chain is called 'egd to acceptance' and just wondering if you would be willing to reach out to her, she's in a bad spot.

Gender Disappointment - In-Gender.com (http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/6.aspx)

[1+2+3boys]

If she were to come here I would support her. I just am trying to cut down my internet time and signing up to a new website that I can't understand how it works would not help. I just am about to delete my facebook so couldn't connect that way.

I could not read much but it sounds like she is feeling suicidle without even knowing the gender first? I'd be happy to pass on a message through you ocean if I know a little more cos I like to help people having twins and especially ones in the same position as me. Does she know if they are identical or fraternal? I was so glad mine are identical because it meant I still only had one chance at a girl because they had to be the same sex but if they were fratnernal and knowing I could have had one girl but still got two boys would have been harder to accept. I would try to not think so much into it until she knows the gender and hopefully she can find out sooner. How many weeks is she?

I wanted three kids but love being pregnant and feel like one of my times to be pregnant was stolen so it makes my desire to have another one much higher. I so would get more involved to help if I could!

[ocean]

Thanks 123 - she knows one of the twins is a boy for sure, and believes she saw boy bits on both. She doesn't know fraternal/identical, I don't think. Since then, someone's recommended someone else on that site who was more in her same situation, and maybe that'll help. It's a tough one, I hope she gets better soon

[1+2+3boys]

Thanks 123 - she knows one of the twins is a boy for sure, and believes she saw boy bits on both. She doesn't know fraternal/identical, I don't think. Since then, someone's recommended someone else on that site who was more in her same situation, and maybe that'll help. It's a tough one, I hope she gets better soon

I'm glad to hear she has someone on that site who can talk to her. It's such a tough blow knowing two of your chances have been taken up in one go especially when you originally thought they would be your last. Do you know if she was swaying? I wasn't with mine so I kind of knew deep down they would be boys and also the shock of twins is a biggy but I did suspect twins. It must be a hard thing not knowing for sure, at least I could deal with it because I found out I was having boys number 2 and 3 at 16 weeks.

Statistically speaking, It is more likely the other one is a boy but not overly so. I can't imagine her seeing flashes of something and the tech not. Hopefully it was because there was 'too little' to see. They could be identical or fraternal by the sounds, you can;t be sure with two placentas unless they are B/G twins.
There is about 1/5 -1/9 chance she is having identical twins and with Fraternal's G/G G/B and BB all work out pretty evenly and account for a third each of the non-identical twin population. There is still hope but it must be killing her not knowing. I remember the awful impatience of NEEDing to know the genders. It is a shame she feels as bad as she does about it all and it makes me sad. I hope she can find closure soon. Once again, feel free to pass on my message since I don't visit that sight and I'd love to know about her second twin once she knows. :)

[ocean]

Thanks I'll pass along 123! I don't think she was swaying. She even looked into HT but couldn't pull the trigger on that.

[1+2+3boys]

Thanks I'll pass along 123! I don't think she was swaying. She even looked into HT but couldn't pull the trigger on that.

Thanks, I just had a read through the last few pages to get a better idea of the situation but couldn't comment as I am not a member but it sounds like she is very overwhelmed and may have other things causing her depression that are in turn making her GD so extreme. I liked your comment to her.
A twin pregnancy is very hard on the body and mind then having two babies and an older child to care for. I highly recommend she find a twin support group whether it be a local multiple birth group or even an online forem which are easy enough to find if you do a Facebook or google search. It's nice to have support of those in the same situation as you. When I was on Facebook I found my twin support group amazing and it helped answer all my questions and put my mind at ease

[1+2+3boys]

I had no real preference for my first (though slightly more boy but I didn't really mind) and I wanted more sons than daughters but never no daughter. I hoped my twins would be girls and they are not but they are who they are and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed to be able to have them and experience twins. Even now at 13 months they are beginning their amazing life long bond and the double smiles are just heart melting. At the momment I see them more as babies and not little boys because they are too young to act like boys and if they are like their older brother they will not even be typical boys. I guess I do not need to be on the Gender Disapontment forem anymore because I no longer am disapointed, I just still long for a girl. But I needed to get this out because it hit me late and I went through a bit of Post Natel Depression (nothing to do with my boys genders because it came around 6 months when other areas of life got too much) which brought back the unresolved feelings that I was too busy at the time to process.
I hope everything is O.K with that Woman's twin pregnancy, I had hoped that having problems with the pregnancy and babies' health would help tone down the GD. Twin pregnancies can be quite stressful. I was put on bed rest in hospital from 30 weeks due to pre eclampsia and it was hard being away from my big boy and not knowing how long my pregnancy would last. They were born at 35 weeks in the end and very healthy.

My twin boys are amazing and if they had been girls they would not be the people they are now so I wouldn't change them for a thing. Nothing makes me happier than hanging out with my three children who happen to be boys. Nothing about them is bad and if I did have one more and it was another boy I would be O.K in the end because how could another once of my amazing angels possibly be a bad thing?
Of coarse I would miss having a girl very much but that has nothing to do with my sons. It just would have been way more convenient to have had a girl this time because the future is uncertain and I do not know if we will have enough money to be able to afford another child and 3 would be so much easier than 4. I love kids, especially mine and would love to have number 4 but being realistic three would be an easier number. I hate the uncertainty, I felt more O.K when I decided not to have another so I could accept what was but then the cluckyness for another baby came back.

I have actually been thinking of taking a break from this website for a few months to see how much I really think I want a girl when I am not here fueling my desire. At the momment I feel like my desire is strong but not extreme.

The reason I hang around this website is because if I do try again and sway I want to know everything I can to give it the best chance of working. It would be my last chance and I would not be swaying lightly and I'd want to know I did all I could at least if it did not work (HT is not an option). I wanted to slowly read up to become an expert but recent life events make me think that if we have one more it will not be until the twins are at least 4.
I am just clucky at the momment because when DS1 was the age the twins are now I had just started to think about the next one. So I was totally O.K for a while but then the desire came back. I really should be posting in the gender desire forem wondering about people in my spot who want to try in a few years but wish they could now. It seems like such a long time to wait for my possible girl and it seems like now would be a perfect time to sway too due to my circumstances. I feel like I would have a good chance and if I wait a few years would have to work hard again to get in that spot (weight and diet wise) I am still breastfeeding but intend to stop when the twins turn two.

I agree with the comment "The disapointment goes but the desire does not" How on earth could I be disapointed at my boys, I am not, they are the lights of my life. I am happy with my life but something is missing that could make me way more happy. I just still have not accepted that I had to be one of the people to end up with an all same gender family. All one gender familes are fine but it was never supposed to be me. I never thought it would be me. At least one of my children was supposed to be the chance to do the Mother and daughter relationship right.

Feel free to pass this comment on Ocean. She will be O.K. (I hope) GD does get worse when you are depressed. Depression brings back all sorts of things in your life that made you sad. When I am really down I go through phases of "Will I ever have a daughter,"(and come on here) "I'm so angry that I had to have a caesarian with the twins," (and go about researching if I could have prevented it) and I'm so mad I wasted so much time of my life with my loser ex boyfriend and missed out on what was meant to be the time of my life" (and fantasize about having my body pre kids back and try to get lose weight to feel hot again and plan how I can make more friends since he took so many away)

I am taking a Facebook break for a few months so soon might add this website to the list because my goal was to spend less time on the internet! I love it but find it addictive. All the best to everyone xoxo