Feeling gutted but terrible about it

[prayforprincess]

So i just found out this morning that my brother and his wife are expecting a baby.
I am so happy for them, I truly am. They have been trying for a little over a year doing treatments. My brother has klinefelter's and his wife has pcos. They just completed their 1st ivf cycle and she is pregnant.
Everyone has their problems and they have definitely had their fair share -- which is why they deserve this happiness so much.
But I can't help but think they are having a little girl. My father just got off the phone with me telling me that too. I actually started to cry on the phone with him and had to hang up.
I just feel like, of course they would have a little girl. I tried for almost 3 years now, did many many ivf treatments and never had a girl. And their first time not even trying for a girl I just know they will have one. And what's kinda worse -- she wants a boy. Which is more of a reason I just know it will be a girl.
I don't want to have these feelings but I feel like them having a girl is a daily reminder of how I don't and may never. If I get pregnant again and have a 4th boy, and they only have boys -- then having a girl will always be on my mind forever but won't be shoved in my face either. If that makes sense. Sometimes I ask myself why things can't just be fair.
I don't want this to bother me, and I don't want to feel this way. I wish more than anything I didn't want a girl so badly. Its like I try to take these feelings and hide them somewhere deep inside because feeling them everyday is just too much to bare. But if my brother has a girl, I don't know how I'm going to be able to do that.
If I could just have a girl, all this pain would just go away. I don't want to live with this -- I feel so selfish even thinking all this. Like, How dare I? Why can't my boys just be enough? Why do I feel like I am such a horrible person for even having these feeling?
My head has told me over and over to let having a girl go, just be happy with what god gives me. And there are moments when I believe I have convinced myself -- what more could I do?
But the truth is my heart won't let go and I live with this pain everyday I just try to tuck it away and focus on other things, I know I have no choice. But situations like this bring everything to the surface and remind me of how much I really do hurt ...

[black&gold]

I can totally relate the the way you are feeling! I've wanted a girl since DS1 and to be honest, with each pregnancy it's gotten easier and I no longer have GD... which is not how I expected to feel because you'd assume each boy would make it worse. BUT! I STILL always hope when I hear people are pregnant that they have boys though! That sounds horrible, but it's true. My sister and I were both pregnant at the same time with our first and second babies. We both had boys the first time, and she had a girl the second time and I had another boy - I was a little gutted at first, but honestly what made it worse is that till this day I still feel like she acts weird around me because we both complained constantly about not having girls - so she knew I wanted one. Shockingly enough, when I see my neice it really doesn't bother me - or anyone else's girl for that matter - probably because they aren't my own and it's really just the draw to have MY OWN that gets me. Every other mom I know pretty much has girls, or one of each or is about to have one of each. For me I feel like people pity me for only having boys, like I'm missing out on something. That is truly what annoys me the most because I seriously am so thrilled with my boys! I hate though how I know with this pregnancy if it's a boy that no one will care and it'll just be like "aww.. sucks to be you" but if it was a girl I'd have friends freaking out, throwing me a shower etc.

You seriously aren't alone, and although I don't struggle with GD anymore, it still "annoys" me when certain people have a girl!

[prayforprincess]

thanks.
I know what you mean. My whole family and all my friends know how desperately I want a daughter.
My fear too is that once I get pg again, that if its a girl everyone will be overjoyed throwing showers and all. But if its a boy, everyone will gasp "oh my, oh I am so sorry", wondering how I will cope or if I am ok. No one will be happy for me if I have a boy, kwim, or about the pregnancy because they know how much a girl means to me.
I just won't want to see so much disappointment from everyone on top of feeling it for myself. I just don't feel I will ever be so lucky to have a girl -- that's just the fairy tale ending you know? And clearly, as my sig shows...I don't have fairy tale endings :(

[black&gold]

I totally hear you, I feel like it would be way to perfect for #3 to be a girl for us that there's no way it'll happen. You've been through so much, so I think you definitely deserve your fairytale ending!!!!!!! My plan (we're waiting until delivery to find out gender so I can avoid all the annoying comments) is to just let everyone know how thrilled I am to have all boys, and how amazing it is for my kids to have same gender siblings - that usually shuts people up because it really is true! Even if I don't feel that way, I feel like it shoves their comment back in their face and makes them feel like the idiot lol!

I'm rooting for you if your decide to have another! I've heard so often that your gender percentage totally resets at #4 back to 50/50 shot. Who knows if it's true.. but I have seen it happen lots recently :)

[I Love Ladybugs]

Prayforprincess......I think about you often and pray that when you conceive again, that you will be blessed with your so longed after daughter! I know how cruel the desire of the heart is when unfulfilled, so I wish that you not only get the fairytale ending, but it erases the hurts of your heart. You only have 40 more days until you can try....right? Sending you lots of pink dust...I either have a little (depends on our upandcoming u/s) or tonnes (totally unused)!!

[rachel]

my brother in law had a girl first pg and when i found out i was having a third boy she called me to gloat i was maddddddddddddd so i can relate in how u eel it sucks

[Adia]

I can relate to your feelings all too well. I come from large family for both DH and myself. We have 12 siblings between us.

Our families are very religious and feel that they should have a lot of children so undoubtedly their are some SILs and BILS who want their DG and get it with no effort.

And we have the ones with 3 of a kind (GGG) who swear they are done but then have an oops and it is a boy....:sigh:

Most of it is complimented by the religious belief that because they are faithful to their extreme religion, they get what they want. DH and I left the religion and therefore can't get what we deeply desire, a son, according to the ridiculous beliefs of our family. Right now we are having trouble just getting pregnant.

We haven't really shared our deep desire for a son with our families but my mom and some of my siblings know I would love one and was crushed with DD3, and MIL is nice enough to bitch at me every time I see her about "why don't you have a boy?....When are you going to have a boy??" :rolleyes: I could slap her, seriously!

Anywho, a few weeks ago the SIL with GGG and the oops! plastered all over FB that she had a boy after being Team Green. I was crushed and started crying. I tried to hide it from DH but he found me. I cried that more than anything I don't want to feel this way any more. I want to be happy for them, happy for me, and accepting of whatever happens.

My brother and one super spoiled SIL wanted 2 boys and 2 girls. SIL ordered a girl after BB and got one. Now she is pregnant again and undoubtedly it will be another girl, because that is what she ordered. She bothers me a lot and makes sure to comment of FB about how complete her family is with a DD, etc. Their DD is almost 2 years old and out of the 4 times I have seen her, this last visit was the first time I could actually hold her and tolerate my heartache. I have always behaved well but pretended I was too busy to hold her, play with her, etc. It hurts so much and after 5+ years of GD, I just want it to go away.

So take comfort in knowing you aren't alone, I feel your pain so well and pray that both of us find a way to get our DG.

Big hugs mama, you have been through a lot.

[myrainbowgirl]

Totally understand. When I was pg with DS3 (didn't know he was a boy yet), a very good friend of mine who at the time had GB, was pg with her 3rd. She was totally convinced it was a boy. I at the time was convinced I was having a girl (I was a month behind her). When she called to tell me she was having a girl, I totally had this sinking feeling in my heart that it was another boy. I just KNEW. I just knew that it was God "making" me be content with what I had by putting my DG right in front of my face. (Our kids play together, we babysit for each other, etc.) Same thing happened with DS2...SIL was pg at the same time, and found out girl after BB. THAT was super hard because at the time there were 7 grandsons and no granddaughters. We were due around the same time, and I hadn't had my scan yet...but when I heard they were having a girl I just KNEW I was having another boy. Sure enough, I was.

Of course, now I wouldn't trade any of my beautiful boys...such precious gifts they are to me. And if this baby is another boy, I know I'll be ok (eventually). I truly believe that God's plan is best & that if I don't get a DD, there is a good reason for it. I LOVE what Msblakely said about saying to other people how much you love having all boys and what a blessing it is to have the same gender children. Maybe after saying it enough, you will start to believe it! I am totally stealing that line if we have another boy! The only thing is that I know certain friends of mine and family already know how much I want a girl, but at least I can say it to all the strangers who are constantly commenting on "Oh, you have your hands full" & "Wow, all boys" & "I bet you wanted a girl" (after pointing at DS3). Anyway, big HUGS to you and know that there are many, many of us in your boat! Hang in there and I hope you get your DD soon!

[marriedmomof2]

I truly know how you feel. I have been keeping info put to the side since 2010 about swaying for a girl (since I decided to convince my dh to have another one.) well my sil is expecting a girl and she keeps throwing it in my face about how her girl will be the only girl in the family. No one knows that I want a girl. I am great at keeping secrets and I will keep this one. Only you ladys know.

[Beckey]

Oh wow... For some reason I thought I was alone in these feelings. I'm SO sorry to hear there are others in this situation, because I know how sad and guilty I feel. I have 2 beautiful little boys, and did the shettles method to conceive a girl this time, plus diet etc and so for the first time could not wait to find out the sex before birth, only to find another little boy is growing inside me-3 was our limit and I feel I'v now lost my chance, I'm gutted!! I have a friend who's having a girl and is sad about that-I find myself so jelous of her... It's not often we are able to openly speak like this as were supposed to be happy of a healthy pregnancy, and of course we all are-and we would not love these little babies any less-but we grieve for what we may never have, and that really hurts.
I feel for you all and hope we can all somehow get through this time-even have our dreams still come true somehow xxoo

[Kerrin2b]

I can totally relate to this, I felt the same when I heard my sister in law was pregnant with her first, I had myself convinced she would have a girl and I prayed she wouldn't (which I felt awful about) but I just didn't want her to have what I wanted, when she went into labour I felt physically sick I was so relieved when I got the phone call to say she had a boy I was over the moon, I thought I was an awful person but hubby reminded me that we can't help our feelings so don't feel bad please just know your not the only one x s