Im so scared i'll had another chemical

[sushikitty]

I am just finding out that I am pregnant (Pic in BFP). But it still bothers me that after the test the dollar store test said neg. Today my period is supposed to come. I am having cramping and lower back tightening. I keep running to the bathroom expecting to see blood but its clean. I want this baby to stick!

[Tiggerian]

Oh hon! I'm the same - I got mild period pains and lower back ache and keep thinking "omg im gonna loose this one". I try to keep poistive and think of its just things stretching, oh its normal (which it is) but it just doesn't help the fear does it!? I can't wait for the 12wk scan and to feel it move to get some more peace of mind!

[iwonder]

Right there with you. Every little cramp or ache is being analyzed as what could that be? Trying to keep busy and keep my mind off it.

[sugarNspice]

If it is a chemical, it is a chemical, and there's nothing you can do to change that... just as if your baby has abnormal chromosomes that are incompatible with life, that's already been decided, and you will have a miscarriage, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't mean to sound harsh by saying this, I just mean that this is part of the reality of human reproduction. I've had so many losses, and I do worry, but what I find helps me is distraction--trying to focus my mind on other things. Like maybe TV or reading a book, or trying to pay attention to my daughters with *all* of myself, not giving my head space for the worries. Or a cool bath (it's super hot here right now), or some quiet time with candles in the evening, or a talk with DH, or whatever.

Because there really is so much that is outside of our control as pregnant women, as mothers, as human beings. But we do have some control over the worries, and to the extent that it's possible, keeping our stress levels as low as we can *does* have benefits for our health and that of our unborn babies.

Your FRER looks nicely positive to me, and the reason the dollar store tests aren't showing the BFP yet is because they're not as sensitive. FRERs absolutely are more reliable than cheaper tests...

:fx: that this is a sticky bean! If it'll ease your mind, you could always ask for betas. A chemical will not show normal levels/doubling times.

[sushikitty]

Thank you all ladies for you comfort and insight. I forgot what week is when m/c rate goes down? Was it 10 weeks? I am not sure if I am going to wait until the m/c rate goes down or until I find out the gender.

[atomic sagebrush]

I woudln't get my hopes up till 14 weeks. I know that seems like a long time but I"ve seen losses quite a few up to that point.

[The Anchor]

Yes, I know it sounds crummy, but that's why most women don't announce pregnancy until second tri. They say 25% of all pregnancies are lost in the first tri, and maybe even more if you count the woman who m/c that didn't even know they were pg. It's a tough time, for sure, but the women on this forum can hold your hand :)

[Tiggerian]

If you count the ones where they don't know they're pregnant, the rate is actually pretty close to 50%

The rate starts dropping at about 12 weeks, but like atomic says about 14 weeks is where it dramatically drops.

Still, I wouldn't despair and try not to stress too much about it. Try to focus on smthg else - like I do with baby names. I've already found the pram I want, the cot and changing table too. I just go manic in other places and use my energy there otherwise I'd be a nervous wreck!

[sugarNspice]

I think the miscarriage rate drops somewhat with each week that goes by, throughout the first trimester--and drops dramatically if a heartbeat is established. So if you're, say, seven weeks, and you've seen a right-size-for-dates bean on ultrasound with a heart rate in the expected/normal range, your chances of coming home with a baby are higher than if you are twelve weeks but haven't had an ultrasound or heard a heartbeat on Doppler.

I hope this makes sense--it's not to say that having an ultrasound early improves the chances that the pregnancy will be healthy, but that if you know there's a heartbeat, you know that the pregnancy is more likely to be viable.

Of course you can have a loss with a heartbeat, but it's less likely. Good betas (appropriate for dates/rising normally) are a good sign, a heartbeat on ultrasound is a good sign, normal growth for dates is a good sign, and pregnancy symptoms are a good sign. But none of these things is a guarantee, and you can have a viable pregnancy without them (ie, no heartbeat because your dates are off) or a miscarriage with them.

There's just no way to know for sure. But: the good news is that each day you're pregnant is a day that you're pregnant, and the chances of loss do get slightly smaller every day. So celebrate the fact that you're pregnant as much as you can, and try to take care of yourself the best you can to keep the worries at bay :happy: