Mad at my father

[CapricornAquarius]

Im the youngest of 4 girls and when I was born my father wanted to give me up for adoption cause he was so disappointed about having another girl. He didnt see me for 4 days while my mother was in hospital, my mother refused to give me up of course, and convinced my father to just take a look at me, when he did he changed his mind and then said 'I cant give her up, lets take her home'.

This has affected me my whole life with feelings of rejection, but the most strange thing is, I have 2 beautiful daughters whom I love so very much, we are going to ttc some time this year and Im obsessed with ttc a boy & doing the whole sway thing, I feel like my dad will think Im a failure if I dont conceive a boy, I hate myself at times cause Im now doing the same thing as my dad, I dont want to feel disappointed if I fall pregnant with another girl, but I know I will:sad:

Sorry just had to express my feelings.

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm so sorry. I am sure he loves you and just like you are probably feeling, the child itself is not the "problem" but a dream unrealized and we all deal with it in different ways. I don't think you will let him down- if anything he would understand based upon his own backgroud, right?

Maybe you should speak with him about it? TMI? I know my dad knew I wanted a son and he would call and say dumb things when I was pregnant with my DDs like you know it's another girl, etc and he didn't do that to hurt me...he was trying to protect me in his own way. Still made me mad but I know he meant well. I'm rambling....I am sorry that you are feeling down...having 3DDs, I do know exactly how you feel!

[LolaInLove]

Oh girl, that is just so hard. I am sure you are aware of this, but that was a terribly crappy thing that your father did to your mother and to you. I wish you didn't know about that.....but I understand that feeling about being scared to have another girl because my ex-dh was like that. He would tell everyone after DD2 was born that "we would keep trying until we had a boy" as if all the girls in the meantime were not acceptable. I hope your DH is supportive and doesn't make you feel that way. And you can't worry about other people's feeling about what gender child you have, even though it is easier said than done......trust me, there are a ton of us on here that have talked about this feeling inadequate because we have all sons/daughters, and it is just SAD that our families/society make us feel that way. I hear you though, I really want my 3rd and last child to be a boy, so the best thing we can do is give this swaying our best shot and if it doesn't work, know that DD3 was meant to be.

PS. I bet we are born around the same day, I am a "cusper" of Cap and Aqu also. 1/21

[purplepoet20]

I sadest thing of what you said is that you found out about what was going on... Even if another girls wasn't wanted or for others who have a dozen boys, the children should never be told about stuff like that. That is what affects the childs mental family image. My mom told me every year on my birthday that I don't get to celebrate because I shouldn't be here (my older sis passed before I was born and my parents only wanted 1B&1G, I was baby #3). I was told I was only born because my brother needed a sibling to play with.

As a parent with the fear of having my kids being exposed to comments that they were not wanted... I have decided to beat anyone up for saying one of my boys were not wanted. My dream daughter could never replace my Lil Bear, my Moosy, or #3 if that is a boy too.

My dad has said that I will have all boys so I shouldn't even try for a girl.

[Zivic-Bubac]

As a parent with the fear of having my kids being exposed to comments that they were not wanted... I have decided to beat anyone up for saying one of my boys were not wanted
I completely agree.
CapricornAqua, I'm so sorry you were raised listening to this horrible story:hugs:Even if your father felt that way, he and your mother shouldn't NEVER EVER tell that to you ( I know it's grammatically incorrect, I'm sorry)
You know, my parents (esp my mom) wanted a boy too, and as my mother likes to say, they GOT LUCKY 3rd time :mad: It took me quite a while to realize how deeply unfair that statement (her feelings?) is ( they were unlucky to have me and my sister, I mean WTF?)
I believe, in my case, it was cultural thing, our culture worships 'male children' Sad, but true. I wonder how much am I conditioned by that upbringing to want a boy...Maybe you were conditioned subconsciously too, being raised in a family that didn't hesitate to tell you that awful story about giving you up...

You know what really helped me? Reading threads from all boy moms in Gender Disappointment board how much they want a girl, how much they envy families with girls,etc. One lady even said she feels like a lesser mom for having only boys, which I find super interesting, because here, women with like 3-4 girls are 'lesser moms' because they obviously failed http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angry034.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php) It all makes me so mad and sad... ( oh, I can rhyme in English now http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing002.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

Hugs to you my dear, and enjoy your 2 beautiful girls :awe:

[Zivic-Bubac]

PS. I bet we are born around the same day, I am a "cusper" of Cap and Aqu also. 1/21 Totally off the topic, but you sound more like Aquarius to me.
You can't be a cusper, you are either Capricorn or Aquarius. Go to www.astro.com, and enter you DOB and time of birth and you will be given personal portrait (very short version, but it is for free) and of course it automatically calculates your sign and ascendent.
I was born Oct 22 , before time lol! and it is boundary date for Libra and Scorpio but I'm all Libra, my Sun is on 29 degree of Libra ( each sign has 30 degrees). So go check it and let me know asap am I right LOL!:wink:

[Zivic-Bubac]

d

[Hobbermittens]

Why did your family tell you that story?? I had horrible GD over my last daughter, but I would never, EVER tell her!! I will take that to my grave. It isn't her fault she is a girl, and she will never know how disappointed I was with the fact that she is one. Your parents never should have shared your father's feelings with you. It just made you feel awful about something you couldn't control or change! I am sorry you have been feeling rejection your whole life because of it. :(

If you want a baby boy, sway and do all you can to get him...but do it for YOU. Don't do it for your dad.

[nuthinbutpink]

Why did your family tell you that story?? I had horrible GD over my last daughter, but I would never, EVER tell her!! I will take that to my grave. It isn't her fault she is a girl, and she will never know how disappointed I was with the fact that she is one. Your parents never should have shared your father's feelings with you. It just made you feel awful about something you couldn't control or change! I am sorry you have been feeling rejection your whole life because of it. :(

If you want a baby boy, sway and do all you can to get him...but do it for YOU. Don't do it for your dad.

I have to say, he may be "bad" for acting that way but whoever told you about it is not a nice person.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

That is an extremely sad story. I can tell you from having a 3rd and it being another girl made me have the worse GD ever. I love her, but I am still working through it with some hope of the future.

I do not want to tell you what to do, but that is all that I can tell you that make sure you are completely fine with a 3rd being another girl.

And if you are not and you have the funds, I would give HT a try. You are not guaranteed a pregnancy but you will know 100% it will be the DG.

I said over and over to my dh that I would be fine with another girl. When I first went to the Ultra sound board on ingender.com and Charliescat said girl, I was hysterical. It never went away.

3rds are hard when they are not the DG.

Also I am not sure with #1 and #2 if you had that strong desire for a son.

I just think High Tech is the way to go if it works. It does not always work.

I would never TTC natrually (sway) for a gender after 2 of the same if I can go back. I would not do it over either though if that makes sense because I love her. But if I did not have her and I can do it all over, I may have did things differently. The funds were not there for us so it is a hard call to go over the entire situation.

I may sound nuts but I tell my DH that everyone should do ivf/pgd after 2 of the same. But that is only if you will be completely unhappy with 3 of the same. Most people out there are fine with it. But the small population that take it really hard are on these boards I think. I may be wrong.

I am so sorry for rambling.

[CapricornAquarius]

I Thank you all so so very much for your support & encouraging words, I really really appreciate it xxo

My father has never told me this, it was my mother who told me, I have often wondered why & I think she told me because she wanted me to know that she loved me no matter the gender, but then she throws in 'I always wanted 2 girls and 2 boys' I dont think she realises how hurtful this is, I just wish she never told me any of it. I know they love me, but they just dont realise the effect this has had on me, I dont have the courage to talk to them about it and even if I do they just wont get it.

My husband is very supportive, he always says to me, it doesnt matter what we have, I wish I could feel the same. Its just growing up knowing what I know has made it that much harder for me.

Those of you who are wondering my star sign, Im a Scorpio, its my children who are the Capricorn and Aquarius LOL

Im sorry for those of you who have had similar or hurtful comments been said to you by your parents, this is why I will never express these feelings to my girls, NEVER.

[TTC5]

I'm so sorry for you =(

[LolaInLove]

Well, come hang out on the Blue threads with us, girl! We are all in the same boat wanting our little man after our much loved girls.

[TexasMommy]

First off, Im very sorry that you have to deal with knowing your father felt that way at first. Secondly, Im in the same shoes as you. I have 2 little girls & am currently pregnant with baby #3, we dont know the gender yet, im 9 weeks so it will be sometime in July before we know. I want a boy really bad because this will be our last baby. But i know theres a good chance it can be another girl... it makes it hard tho because EVERYONE tells us "well this one just HAS to be a boy" I hate when things like that are said because I dont want to feel like a failure if we have a girl. I wanted my 2nd daughter to be a boy but now I couldnt imagine life without her & i know in the end ill feel the same way if this baby turns out to be a girl, Id just love to experience a little boy.