Found out a week ago that we're having a boy, wanted a girl, was too scared to sway.

[Shakti]

I'm back, and we ended up not swaying for this one. Mostly because conceiving our first was scary in the first place, and I wanted to establish whether we were fertile or not, first child for both of us. We conceived in one cycle. If I had any idea we were this fertile then I would have swayed for a girl in a heartbeat. And we're having a boy.

Really conflicted on how to feel, I wish we had swayed, but I also feel like a bad mother for saying so. I found out a week ago, and still crying. My husband is happy to help me sway for our next child, who is also likely to be our last, and said he's happy to go as high-tech as we can afford to, though in all honesty I doubt we'll ever be able to afford to go high-tech, nor will we be able to afford adoption, which is even more expensive here than high-tech. My husband wants 2 children, and I want 3, if he gets his way then the next one is our last chance to have a girl. Because I'll be almost 34 when we start conceiving our 2nd, I feel like that's more reason to do a sway as hardcore as we can both manage for our 2nd.

We've got 2 years before we're going to start trying for our 2nd, so that does give me plenty of time to do our homework, and to tweak my lifestyle so that it is more girl-friendly. I'm in Holland, and the woman in charge of the Dutch study does run a service complete with blood tests and a personalized plan for around 1500 Euros. That one has an 81% success rate, so if anyone knows of any other methods that have a similar success rate, please let me know.

One more question is if you were in my shoes, had a really good solid sway for your 2nd, and ended up with an opposite, would you still do the same sway for your 3rd? If so, then the odds of having a girl for our 2nd or 3rd would go up to 96%, which is very comforting.

As far as my lifestyle goes, I've been vegan for 3 years, but in hindsight my diet did have lots of boy friendly foods such as beans, lentils, tofu, seitan, avocados, tomatoes, etc. I did try a test run of the LE diet when I was thinking about swaying, but found that my body has zero tolerance for junk food. When reading the labels of a lot of the foods we eat on a regular basis, they do have added salts, and I already picked up the bad habit from my husband of putting salt on lots of things. I was also taking Vitex, partly because I was still hoping for a girl in the back of my mind, partly because I had just come off the pill and needed to regulate my periods. I also practice yoga at least 5 days per week, and I'm going to start a 2 year teacher training right after our son is born and then we plan on starting to conceive our 2nd child when I finish this training. So as far as exercise goes, I think adding an hour a day of cardio to that is my only pink sway-friendly option, but no idea how I'm going to be able to manage that while looking after a toddler. So I think that just leaves things like sleeping with a lime-soaked tampon, supplements for my husband and myself, etc.

Mainly right now, trying to figure out lifestyle tweaks that maximise our chance of a girl for our next child, and are manageable while looking after our son.

Thanks everyone. And hoping I can relax so I can enjoy our son. Which would be a lot easier if I could be confident that our daughter will ever exist. This is really hard. :-(

[odd]

Oh wow...this being your first child, you will enjoy him more than you will ever know or realize! trust me. Girls are cute with their clothes etc.. but boys are just the sweetest li'l things and any mother with a boy will tell you how blessed we are. I wouldn't trade my li'l boy for the world and if I had to do it all over again, I would still have him and then try for a li'l girl like I am right now. You're in for a pleasant surprise.

Good luck for the rest. :)

[Shakti]

Honestly, I could care less about the pretty dresses, it's the more adult relationship I'm looking forward to. Especially as I had a bad start in life after growing up in a very sexist culture, I long to have that connection with a girl and to leave her feeling empowered.

Of course this son could be an important part of her life. NOT in the protective older brother sense, and I hate it when people say that, as that attitude and that she needs to depend on men to protect her leaves her more vulnerable to being attacked by men. But more that a woman can never have too many good men in her life.

Now I wish that I could stop crying out of fear that our daughter will never exist, and enjoy our son.

[atomic sagebrush]

I really don't have but a minute this morning but I just wanted to let you know that your odds of a girl will NEVER be 96%. I am not sure how you are coming to that number but that is inaccurate and I hope you don't base any decisions on that figure.

LE Diet does not have to be junk food. Some people choose to do it that way, others do a version that includes whole grains, fruits and veg.

All that the LE Diet is, is lower calorie, lower fat, lower protein, and fewer nutrients than you were eating previously. That's IT. There are no right or wrong foods and you can include any foods that you like.

[Shakti]

Ah, I got that based on 20% chance of opposite if I went with say the Dutch study, so if I have 2 more pregnancies, 20%x20%=4% chance of opposite for both pregnancies.

Obviously I know that there's no way 96% odds can come from 1 pregnancy, I know even Microsort promises 90%. But the more pregnancies we have left the higher the odds of having our girl.

Generally though I eat very healthy. It's very difficult not to and feel like I'm functioning. Although in hindsight my diet did have a lot of protein. And I felt like I was starving myself if I did try and eat low nutrients. I think it may be because I'm fairly active, so definitely need another way diet-wise.

[rainbowflower]

I think the dutch study is very optimistic. Other than clomid sways we've not seen anything like that on any of the at-home swaying websites (this one or the other one)

I wanted to tell you that having a boy is amazing, though. I always wanted all girls and now I've got two boys (one is a swaying opposite) but I wouldn't change it. I still hope for a daughter next. My boys are funny and cheeky and affectionate. They are just so scrummy I could kiss them all day! I was nervous about having boys because, being one of 4 girls, I had no knowledge/experience and the unknown was more scary. GD hasn't gone away, but I think that WHEN I have a DD (being positive) she will love having older brothers (or brother, in your case)

I also think it was a sensible decision to just try normally the first time if you'd have regretted never being able to have a baby at all more than you would having a boy. Some of my friends have fertility issues and would have had no clue before they started TTC - when swaying pink you don't need that additional stress as it's tough enough as it is.

[Shakti]

Thanks, and I often think that too, that it was better to make sure we're actually fertile before trying swaying. We know several people who took 2 years or more to conceive without swaying, still pleasantly shocked that it happened for us in one cycle! My intuition told me to do that and not sway, and maybe we got a really good son out of it.

The main things I'm struggling with are the terrifying fear that we'll never have a girl. And also, I try so hard to visualize myself with a boy and start bonding with him. In my meditation, I kept seeing a daughter, and still keep seeing her clearly. My husband also had a few dreams about her. As for a boy, I can't see anything at all. Becoming a parent is already scary enough, but there's so many more things that scare me about having a boy than having a girl.

Really conflicted too about if a better strategy is to try and visualize the future with all boys, or to have a good plan worked out to maximise our chance of having a girl next.

[katewantsagirl]

It makes me so sad when its your first child and you are so upset about it being a boy. Im not judging but it truly just makes me feel sad. Im am so so so grateful for my boys and when you have him you willwonder what the issue was. I just honestly dont get why boys are the second prize especially for a first child :(

[boymama]

I couldn't have said it better katewantsagirl. I also agree with something I saw Atomic write - Boys should come in pairs! My two are just divine. No judgement from here either, but maybe go and spend some time with other little boys, or some women who have close relationships with their adult sons (they do exist!) to help you get excited.

Good luck with your GD. Remember that you are building a relationship with a little person and their gender is irrelevant. You will have a close relationship with your child regardless of gender if you nurture that relationship.

Speaking as a the most girly girl who is a mother of boys!

[Shakti]

Well, there are some issues that I would rather not go into on here, except to say that my husband is the only man I've ever been able to trust, besides a few gay friends and a couple of friends of my husband, and after a horrible childhood, I have a primal need to send a happy, confident girl into the world. Not to mention that my mother's relationship with my brother (aka the golden child, even though he was a wife-beater) was just creepy!

I have spent time around really nice little boys, though I will admit I often feel intimidated by them, but what really scares me is when the teen years hit and he's tempted to cave into peer pressure at school to be a macho man in order to survive. That, and as many players as I encountered before I met my husband, it's really difficult to fathom exactly how a man really could respect his mother. My husband and mother-in-law have a good relationship, but then again, he's so different from every other man I've met that he might as well be an alien species.

It's a huge hangover from my childhood, where boys were the only children that mattered, even to their mothers. I just want to give a girl the advantage I never had, especially now that I live in Holland, which is way more progressive with gender equality.

[BeadinMom]

I'm also a very girly girl & the mom of 3 AMAZING little boys.
Well, I say little, but one is currently a teenager. He's gone from preschool to grammar school with several of his friends - girl & boy - and I've maintained a friendship with their moms. Guess who is having the hardest time right now? Not the boy moms...lol. My friends with girls cry to me all the time about the hormones & attitudes...meanwhile, my son & the other boys are happy & smiling.
That's purely a generalization...and I'm sure we will have issues to deal with later.

But I guess my point is, PLEASE don't assume ANYTHING...
It's not fair to you or that sweet baby.

Instead of looking at it as a chance to send a strong girl out into the world, why not look at it as an opportunity to establish a HEALTHY mom-son relationship & send a well-mannered, respectful, respectable, young man out into the world.

Please don't waste time being upset right now...enjoy every minute of your pregnancy & go buy something blue :) Pick a name & bond with him. :)

And continue to focus on the future & swaying for a girl...but don't focus so hard that you miss out on enjoying the right now & the new sweet man in your life.

Definitely not judging you...just speaking as someone who has been you. XO
Good luck!!!

[Adia]

LE Diet does not have to be junk food. Some people choose to do it that way, others do a version that includes whole grains, fruits and veg.

All that the LE Diet is, is lower calorie, lower fat, lower protein, and fewer nutrients than you were eating previously. That's IT. There are no right or wrong foods and you can include any foods that you like.

While there were times I could subsist on junk food for a day or so, it was never true junk food. It was cookies or cake or pastries that were always homemade.

For me, when I am eating my natural LE ways, what Atomic wrote best describes how I ate. Lower everything, but nothing that awful.

[Shakti]

It still surprises me when people complain that teenage girls are more drama than teenage boys. I remember teenage boys being awful when I was in school. As in, in some extreme cases, sexually harassing girls but then getting away with it because "boys will be boys". Then again, my brother was very good at being charming to my mother, while beating his wife and kids. In any case, peer pressure scares me a lot, that boys are easily pressured into being womanizers and bullies so that they don't get bullied.

We did buy some clothes and we have a name though. Have to admit, the clothes were a challenge. Both boys clothes and girls clothes seem to be a lot about enforcing traditional gender roles (i.e. encouraging boys to be as aggressive as possible), but we did find some good ones.

It comes down to I really have so many bad experiences with men that I'm intimidated by raising one. I was very confident that I'd be a good mother up until the scan last week, now, I feel like I'm going to suck as a mother.

That, and at the end of the day, you can't make anyone, boy or girl, into anything, good or bad. Especially from the teenage years onwards, when peer pressure is likely to be a bigger influence than I could ever hope to be.

[katewantsagirl]

I think you just need to concentrate on raising a very strong secure boy (or girl) who knows right from wrong. I'm sorry that you experienced that but absolutely no way is that what all boys are like. I really think once you get that first look at the wee man your thoughts are going to change so much. Ugh boys are just so so sweet

[Two of a Kind]

I just couldn't read with out replying, firstly I am so sorry that some of your life experiences regarding males have been so negative. I just want to say that beautiful & precious son growing inside of you will be raised with your values & morals & he has all the abilities to grow into a wonderful boy, teenager & man. Good luck with your parenting journey & enjoy your baby boy.

[1+2+3boys]

Thanks, and I often think that too, that it was better to make sure we're actually fertile before trying swaying. We know several people who took 2 years or more to conceive without swaying, still pleasantly shocked that it happened for us in one cycle! My intuition told me to do that and not sway, and maybe we got a really good son out of it.

The main things I'm struggling with are the terrifying fear that we'll never have a girl. And also, I try so hard to visualize myself with a boy and start bonding with him. In my meditation, I kept seeing a daughter, and still keep seeing her clearly. My husband also had a few dreams about her. As for a boy, I can't see anything at all. Becoming a parent is already scary enough, but there's so many more things that scare me about having a boy than having a girl.

Really conflicted too about if a better strategy is to try and visualize the future with all boys, or to have a good plan worked out to maximise our chance of having a girl next.

You don't need to worry about the bonding and having not visualised a son. Before their first Birthdays babies are babies, boys and girls act the same. You don't really start to notice gender traits until at least 18 months. My 15 month old twins are still really just babies and not little boys, they do not act like boys yet. You will love him when he comes and you still have two more tries by the sound.
It's sad you are so upset over your first pregnancy, it is really an amazing experience to enjoy and becoming a Mum for the first time and looking into your new babies face is the most amazing experience on earth. I wanted my twins to be girls so much because they were meant to be my last but I have since decided I want another baby anyway because I am still so clucky. You never know what life will bring so there is no point worrying over what might not happen, especially when you are not on your last chance.

[1+2+3boys]

Also I think it is quite normal for Women to want to have the chance to 'fix' things that were not right in their lives through their children. That is why I really have a deep desire for a daughter, I was never close to my Mum and want to recreate the Mother/Daughter relationship the way it should be. If I do not get that chance I just have to remind myself that I do not need to have a daughter to prove I am a better mother because I am already doing a better job with my sons. It sounds like now you live in a place very different to where you were brought up so even if you worry about other peoples influence on your son, it will already be better from where you grew up.
Goodluck to you and I hope you can find peace :)

[BeadinMom]

Kids live what they learn...and learn what they live.
Teach them to have morals & high standards & they will.
Boy or girl.

[1+2+3boys]

How are you feeling? I have been thinking of you?

[3littleladies]

Regardless of this being your 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th child its ok to feel the way you're feeling, you wanted a daughter!

Im sorry that you have experienced bad men in your life & like you said your dh is an awesome man, well your son will have his dad as a great role model and a strong mother who will teach him respect.