BZ94
August 16th, 2013, 09:15 PM
OK, so two months ago when DS3 was born I posted that I was "moving on" -- getting over my GD and loving my family and realizing this was how it's meant to be. While all that sounded great and I DO love my family, all three of my boys, and know that I won't be getting a girl, the "new mom" euphoria has ebbed and reality has set in and I've been having a hard week. DS2 is 2.5 years old and has become an awful mess --a whiny, clingy, tantrum-throwing, waking-up-at-night mess. He used to be my reason for having a third, he was soooo good. Now he's my reason for being done at 3! I can't tell if it's the stress of a new sibling or just the terrible two's or a little bit of both. DS1 is 5 and a bit easier as he's more independent, but he has been saying awful things like "you're just not into me anymore" or "pretend you love me." So I know he's having a hard time adjusting too. The baby is adorable and very easy going and even sleeps well, but I can't help looking at him sometimes and thinking "you were supposed to be my girl" or even "now I have 5 more years before all my kids are in school and I can resume my career (which has been more or less put on hold since no one seems to need freelance graphic designers in my area)." I KNOW I love him, and I KNOW that if I hadn't had him I'd have always wondered, but my life seems so out of control right now that I can't help feeling like I'm in way over my head and did a stupid thing trying for that girl. To top it off I have a friend who had a DD after two boys who's always posting adorable pics of her DD online, a friend of my mom's had a daughter who had a DD after two DS's and when I expressed my jealousy to my mom she confided HER disappointment in not having a granddaughter which made me feel worse! Finally tonight while out for ice cream we ran into an old friend of my DH who was there with his two DS's and...a 6 month old DD. I was so jealous I had tears in my eyes (luckily I have a cold so it was easy to pass it off). My DH got mad when I told him how I felt on the way home but he's been so excited lately to have his sons go to football games with him, how would he feel if he couldn't do that? OK, vent over. I hope things get better, I just want to move on and away from GD and love my three sons!!!!