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View Full Version : Need tips on how to get through next 20wks.



Mabel_79
August 17th, 2013, 04:04 AM
Since finding out I'm expecting DS3 at my 20 wk scan I've totally lost all interest in this pregnancy. I was so, so sure I was pregnant with my girl this time.
Really don't know how I will make it through the next 20wks. I'm still feeling sick as a dog all day (with my boys I stopped feeling nauseous at about 10wks), and am on crutches for SPD. But I could handle it before because it was worth it to get my daughter, but now I know I'm not.
I've cancelled all my MW appointments as don't want to be reminded of the fact I'm pregnant and am trying to forget it. Obviously when I go into labour I won't be able to ignore it, but i'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Need some tips on how to get through these next. 20wks.

RKT Mama
August 17th, 2013, 06:33 AM
Fake it till you make it.
You are disappointed that you didn't get your girl, that's okay, you are allowed to be.
But you have a healthy baby boy in there who needs you to love him.
A huge amount of getting through the next few weeks will depend on your attitude and those around you will pick up on your feelings. You will get stupid comments from people, that is inevitable regardless of the gender of your baby. People are morons and can't resist making inappropriate comments, you can choose to get hurt by them or ignore them.

With my last pregnancy, I told everyone I wanted a velociraptor because then it would be able to defend itself (my boys are like tornadoes).

There are lots of great things about 3 boys, if you can, sit down and make yourself a list of the good things and not just the boring stuff like handing down clothes and toys.
Talk to your baby, name him, he will be differen to your other 2 boys, just as a girl would have been.
GD is a roller coaster, sometimes you just have to hang on and wait for the downhill bit to pass, knowing that it will.

I would recommend continuing your pregnancy care, even if it feels horrid. Not getting your girl is terribly unfair but if your baby died because of an issue not picked up, it will be 100x worse.
Give yourself time. A lot of these threads suggest that when you see your baby you will magically love them and all your GD will go away. Some people may find this, but I didn't.
It took me a while of " faking it" before I really bonded with DS3 and I was a lot less careful with him than the others, almost like if he died I could try again for my girl.
Ironically he was the kid who breastfed longest and would still prefer to sleep in our bed.

Good luck on your journey over the next few weeks, you will get through it

GimmeaG
August 17th, 2013, 11:14 AM
I'm sorry you had to hear boy :( but I do agree with Mama. Give the lil guy a name and buy him some cute new pimp outfits. I felt the same way with my youngest son. But let me tell you...he is the most loving sweet angel. He will stop what he is doing just to run and find me to tell me he loves me...then goes back to playing with his monster trucks lol :) just know you will have 3 boys that would do anything for you, hence the term mamas boys, my husband is one through and through. That's a bond that never goes away lol

I have 2 teenage step daughters and let me tell you...they have attitude pouring out of their eyes! Hormones going crazy, boys on the brain, and cell phones glued to their bodies ugh! It's a nightmare! I know that wont stop the hurt you're feeling now but I hope that can give you some comfort. That is what I would tell people when they make their ridiculous comments about having a third boy..I would say "hey at least I won't have to deal with a hormonal female in the house, I'm the only queen allowed for that!" ( I wasn't planning on divorcing or remaining a man with 2 teens at the time lol) now it's like mayhem in my home when AF arrives grrrr my husband has to duck and cover lol

We are all here to help you get through this roller coaster if you need xoxo lots of hugs!!

Navywife620
August 17th, 2013, 09:35 PM
All I can say is I know exactly how you feel. Here I am 30 weeks pregnant with DS3 and still have some bad days. It has gotten a bit easier. Take it one day at a time. Start planning for him and buying things. I am starting to get excited to see what he looks like. Wondering if he will have a lot hair and what color eyes he will have.

zebaniee
August 17th, 2013, 10:20 PM
I found out recently that I was having my thrived daughter and I was shattered. I was hysterical (sounds overly dramatic but it's the truth) and started researching late term abortion.

The day after finding out it was another girl I forced myself to go to the shops and buy some clothing for the new baby. I have started a bag where I put the new items and my daughters are so excited they are dragging the bag around with them every day and sleep with it in their bed. Sometimes I sneak new items into the bag and the girls get excited to show me the new things.

I guess what I am trying to say is to involve your kids in the pregnancy as it helps with the gd. I talk about the scan and them visiting me at the hospital when the baby is born and how they will have to come and pick me up.

My husband has also been helping by saying how excited he is to have three girls and how he didn't really want a boy anyway. He also tells me how sexy I am when I am pregnant which helps with my self esteem.

I hope my rambling helps, I just want you to know you are not alone.

Mabel_79
August 18th, 2013, 03:03 AM
Thank you all. Feeling a lot more positive a few days on. I like the 'fake it till you make it comment'. We had a party to go to last night and I was dreading it- was so scared I was going to burst into tears. But everyone at the party congratulated me on my pregnancy (I had kept it secret till 20 wk scan due to my miscarriage last yr, but it is now very obvious as my bump has gone huge), and surprisingly I was able to tell them "it's another boy", with a big smile on my face and joke about what chaos it's going to be in my house.
Everyone was very nice and only one silly person started harking on about 'bet you were trying for a girl and how disappointed you must be'.
Luckily I was saved by a lady who is very close to her teenage son but is having terrible problems with her tear-a-way teenage daughter who started going on about how much easier sons were which shut the other lady up.

I also ordered the lovely pink changing bag that I have been coveting all pregnancy (or since 2008 when I was pregnant with my first son). I was waiting to hear the words 'girl' before I went out and bought it- then I thought, who cares if I'm having a boy- I'm going to be the one carrying the bag and I'm a girl so why shouldn't I have a cute girlie changing bag.

Also ordered a 'colour pack' to customise the buggy and crib my sister-in-law is lending me as she had a girl so they are currently very pink.

Haven't bought any baby clothes yet as boys clothes are so dull- they only seem to come in grey, blue or at a push, orange. Not sure I could bear to go into a shop and walk past the lovely pretty girls clothes. We have boxes of boys clothes in the loft anyway.

Definitely feeling a lot more positive than how I did just a couple of days ago though so I guess things can only get easier as time goes on.
Bel x

BZ94
August 18th, 2013, 03:07 PM
One thing that I found helped was planning something more for you -- like instead of decorating a nursery redecorating your bedroom the way you want it...or buying yourself something nice for after the pregnancy (although that's what your diaper bag sounds like it is). Also looking at my boys' baby pictures and reminding myself how adorable they were helped me get excited.
And when it comes to faking it till you make it I think I'm the queen. I jokingly referred to my house as a future frat house and when I announced it on facebook I wrote "Look out world it's another Z---- boy! SO excited to be in the company of other 3-boy families" and then I tagged about 5 moms (including my mother in law) that I know who have 3 or more boys. The moms I tagged "welcomed me" to the club and a few others told me how "awesome" the post was. I definitely have my GD moments/days (I recently posted about a particularly bad week) but trying to throw myself into the role of an all-boy mom does kinda help...

Mommyof3boys
August 23rd, 2013, 10:46 PM
We redecorated our bedroom after finding out that we were having our 4th boy. It gave me something to do to keep my mind off of the pregnancy and not having a daughter. It took me weeks to feel better about having a boy. I cried (to the point of sobbing) everywhere I went for a solid week and teared up for several months afterwards, but now I'm fine. I love my boy more than I ever would have imagined I could love another son. I still wish I had a daughter but it is more of a wish to have one more and it be a daughter rather than having him be a daughter.

zibibbogirl
August 27th, 2013, 06:02 AM
Focus on the things that make you happy. Without a doubt, the happiest I have ever felt in my life was the day my DS3 was born. They laid him on my chest and I was instantly in love. Focus on what it felt like to have your new baby in your arms last time and the time before. You are going to have that awesome experience again, whether it is a pink one or a blue one, that feeling is just as wonderful. It might take a little while to get used to the idea but once he is here it will feel a lot better.