missingsomeone
September 6th, 2013, 11:08 AM
Hi everyone, like so many of you I too have my own GD story.
Ever since I have been young I have felt a strong female presence with me. If I was asked what I wanted to be when I was I grew up it was a mother. I always thought for sure it would be a girl.
I met my first hubby and we had a boy, then another boy (which everyone told me he would be a girl because he was so different), then convinced my hubby that I had to have another one. I had this strange feeling that we needed to have another child. I was feeling very incomplete. When I found out he was a boy I wasn't upset. There was such a strong possibility that he may not make it, that I didn't honestly care.
Once I met my current hubby and fell pg and had another boy I completely gave up on having a girl. I figured I just was not meant to have girls. I was happy with my boys and didn't want anymore, even if I felt that someone was missing from my life. I just figured it was that little girl, but we weren't really wanting to try incase it would be another boy.
This last Nov all of the sudden people started saying that they thought I was going to have a girl. At first I got angry at people cause we were finished having children. Then (I am a very spiritual person) I was a 'Body and Soul' expo and all these people that don't know me mentioned a female presence with me, or a female child was in my midst. Honestly I laughed it off, but these messages kept coming. I believe in synchonosities as messages from above, our angels. So I started to wonder if this was finally our time for our girl.
What you have to understand is that my body since my last child, I am now in my 30's, was starting to dry up and made DTD very hard for us. To top off all these messages I was getting, my body started to become more moist out of no where. I was starting to have sensations down there again, and we could enjoy DTD with out pain. That to me was a Divine intervention on its own!! Hubby and I just looked at each other and both thought maybe this is it. Then all of the sudden (I am a natural psychic in training to trust my instincts) I started to see this little girl, then hear a little girl calling me when there was no one around, and even feel this amazing presence around me all the time. To me this was our reason to give this little soul a chance.
We caught the egg right away, but found out at about 6 weeks there was a chance that it was ectopic because of a mass on my right ovary. So I chose the MTX shot to avoid losing my ovary. I was devastated that we lost that pg. I have never suffered a loss before. It was horrible.
As we were coming to an end with the three months after the shot, I heard from a friend on another forum about this gender calendar and I thought it would be fun to do. As I ordered it I asked my angels "if I am truly meant to have a girl please show it by having the weekend we planned away as a girl week". I got the calendar back and I almost fell off the couch looking at it. To my amazement the calendar showed a very strong girl week for our TTC/spa vacation we planned, just the two of us.
So we conceived that week, and we couldn't be happier. The signs that we would have our girl just got stronger and stronger. At the 12 week NT scan it looked like the nub was girly. I got so confident that I (which never happened before) wanted to go out and buy a large bag of used girl clothing.
We had a scan at 16 +5 week and I thought I saw a nub, but wasn't sure what it was, so I asked it it was too early. All she said was that she knew it was a boy. At the time I laughed, but when I got home everything changed. All the deep anger, sadness, despair, grief, I could go on, that I would never have a girl hit me hard. I was mad at myself for thinking and believing that all these strangers would know anything. Why did I trust. My belief has been crushed. i even went as far as to research other u/s pic to find out if what I saw was truly a boy. I think I am going crazy.
We are not going to try again. I can not go through this all over again. Even if we lost this pg I don't think we would try again. I am so selfish for thinking I would only have a girl. I honestly don't even know if I want this little guy. I know I will love him, but I am not happy about it right now. I need to learn to let go, but how am I when I am still missing this little girl?
Ever since I have been young I have felt a strong female presence with me. If I was asked what I wanted to be when I was I grew up it was a mother. I always thought for sure it would be a girl.
I met my first hubby and we had a boy, then another boy (which everyone told me he would be a girl because he was so different), then convinced my hubby that I had to have another one. I had this strange feeling that we needed to have another child. I was feeling very incomplete. When I found out he was a boy I wasn't upset. There was such a strong possibility that he may not make it, that I didn't honestly care.
Once I met my current hubby and fell pg and had another boy I completely gave up on having a girl. I figured I just was not meant to have girls. I was happy with my boys and didn't want anymore, even if I felt that someone was missing from my life. I just figured it was that little girl, but we weren't really wanting to try incase it would be another boy.
This last Nov all of the sudden people started saying that they thought I was going to have a girl. At first I got angry at people cause we were finished having children. Then (I am a very spiritual person) I was a 'Body and Soul' expo and all these people that don't know me mentioned a female presence with me, or a female child was in my midst. Honestly I laughed it off, but these messages kept coming. I believe in synchonosities as messages from above, our angels. So I started to wonder if this was finally our time for our girl.
What you have to understand is that my body since my last child, I am now in my 30's, was starting to dry up and made DTD very hard for us. To top off all these messages I was getting, my body started to become more moist out of no where. I was starting to have sensations down there again, and we could enjoy DTD with out pain. That to me was a Divine intervention on its own!! Hubby and I just looked at each other and both thought maybe this is it. Then all of the sudden (I am a natural psychic in training to trust my instincts) I started to see this little girl, then hear a little girl calling me when there was no one around, and even feel this amazing presence around me all the time. To me this was our reason to give this little soul a chance.
We caught the egg right away, but found out at about 6 weeks there was a chance that it was ectopic because of a mass on my right ovary. So I chose the MTX shot to avoid losing my ovary. I was devastated that we lost that pg. I have never suffered a loss before. It was horrible.
As we were coming to an end with the three months after the shot, I heard from a friend on another forum about this gender calendar and I thought it would be fun to do. As I ordered it I asked my angels "if I am truly meant to have a girl please show it by having the weekend we planned away as a girl week". I got the calendar back and I almost fell off the couch looking at it. To my amazement the calendar showed a very strong girl week for our TTC/spa vacation we planned, just the two of us.
So we conceived that week, and we couldn't be happier. The signs that we would have our girl just got stronger and stronger. At the 12 week NT scan it looked like the nub was girly. I got so confident that I (which never happened before) wanted to go out and buy a large bag of used girl clothing.
We had a scan at 16 +5 week and I thought I saw a nub, but wasn't sure what it was, so I asked it it was too early. All she said was that she knew it was a boy. At the time I laughed, but when I got home everything changed. All the deep anger, sadness, despair, grief, I could go on, that I would never have a girl hit me hard. I was mad at myself for thinking and believing that all these strangers would know anything. Why did I trust. My belief has been crushed. i even went as far as to research other u/s pic to find out if what I saw was truly a boy. I think I am going crazy.
We are not going to try again. I can not go through this all over again. Even if we lost this pg I don't think we would try again. I am so selfish for thinking I would only have a girl. I honestly don't even know if I want this little guy. I know I will love him, but I am not happy about it right now. I need to learn to let go, but how am I when I am still missing this little girl?