Closing this chapter of my life

[Deux Bleus]

Hi all,

Ive never actually ventured to this part of the site before and Im not even sure if this is the right place to post this.
I guess someone here may feel like I do and I really just need to vent without judgement. :sad:

So DH and I have been TTC (pink preferably) #3 for a while now. We were prescribed Clomid and our first attempt was in May.

So far we've had 3 unsuccessful Clomid sways and then I needed a little break from it all.
This month was our last attempt, on clomid, swaying and TTC.

Swaying and TTC has put a slight strain on my relationship, it's def taking it's toll on me emotionally and physically it can be too much. I hate how moody it makes me, esp how my patience wears thin with my beautiful sons.

I decided that as much as I wanted a big family and would love to *try* and make a daughter, I had to set boundaries for myself. The boundary being that if AF shows again this month, then I am closing the TTC door and making the most of being a family of 4 :happy:
This attempt, I didn't 'sway' as hard. Diet wasn't as full on, laid back with the jellies, showers, heat packs, ions, etc. We even DTD more than recommended and had several attempts.

The 2WW always seems to drag and I manage to convince myself each month that I am pregnant, esp because Clomid seems to mimic pregnancy symptoms.
This cycle I have been very calm and although I am so hopeful, I am being very realistic and not getting my hopes up this time.
I have held off doing any HPT as Im just waiting until AF shows (or hopefully doesnt).

Until AF arrives, I can still have faith that my dreams of TTC #3 are still there.

Thanks for letting me have my meltdown online & wishing you all your dream genders and sticky bubs!

[Little Lunasa]

Well this is the perfect place to let loose the feelings :)
I too have closed the door on ttc and only check in now to follow the stories of some of the members. We were only ttc for 5 months but I agree it can affect a relationship negatively. I hope you get your bfp this month, and if not then who knows, sometimes it's when you forget and stop stressing that it happens. Good luck :)


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[rainbowflower]

good luck Deus, I'm glad you've dropped all that stuff - the clomid alone sways pink and if it's stopping you getting pregnant you don't need the other stuff. Most of the ladies who got clomid girls on here did multiple attempts (4+)

I hope AF doesn't show this cycle for you! when are you due to test?

[lovemy2blessings]

I'm so Deux I totally understand um going through the same with my poor dh. I feel that if by the end of the year in not expecting I have to take a break because It's messing with our marriage and that's not good ;( I'm so thankful that my dh supports me, but emotions play with us constantly, I really hope you get a bfp and can move on happily ;)

[Deux Bleus]

Thanks ladies. So nice to know Im not the only one who feels like this.

Im also so emotional right now, I cried reading your posts. haha. Damn this clomid!

Feels so good to be able to get it off my chest and talk about this to people who totally get it. My friends dont know about the meds & DH isn't really the greatest listener. Lucky for me, he is a do-er and took all the supps I fed him LOL.

I am on CD24 and I think I am 9dpo. I started using OPKs from cd9 and they were all very deceiving. It was my first time using them but Im confident my positive was on CD15.
We DTD on cd11, 13 & 15 anyway so hopefully I did O and something worked!

I dont know when to test. I can't bear another bfn and then to feel like Ive been kicked in the guts again. I might just wait as long as I can or until AF shows.
Normally by now I have AF or Im already spotting. I have a very short cycle BUT I know that clomid can make your cycle longer so that doesn't really help me right now lol.

I hope you all get your healthy BFP's too!!

[nuthinbutpink]

Good luck! I hope this is it for you!

[dreams529]

So sorry your going through all of this! Fingers crossed that this is your cycle! Wishing you tons of good luck!!!!!

[Bigwish]

I totally feel you Deux!
This is my third months of trying (12 dpo and AF just arrived, i think) and i know DH hates to see me like this. I wonder when his patience turn into incomprehension. He does want a girl, but not as much as i do. And now i know of all this swaying tactics, i can't just let go all of it and 'just try' to conceive a baby iykwim.

Hope you'll get your BFP!

[Deux Bleus]

I totally get what you are saying.
Once you sway, the tactics become like second nature. I still find myself doing things unintentionally, even though Im not swaying anymore.
After getting off the LE diet, I didnt know how to eat again.
I still found myself eating bland food, only x2 a day & consuming so much aspartame.
Sorry that AF arrived. I hope you get your BFP by the end of the year!

AF still isnt here for me but my clomid bloating has gone so I assume that means I'm out :(

[nuthinbutpink]

If you exhaust the clomid option, is IVF a possibility?

[Deux Bleus]

No. I set myself boundaries & DH & I agreed we would try Clomid but if it failed, then end it there.
As much as I hate to see my dreams broken, I need to draw a line & focus on whats already here & important.
It really took a toll on me & my family so I really dont think I can handle IVF. I really give credit to all the strong women who can go through it all. Amazing!

[Deux Bleus]

So after deciding to use my FRER tomorrow morning at 11dpo, I just got some tinged pink CM.
Safe to say, although I am not really suprised, I am devastated.

Thanks for all your kind words. I wish you all happy and healthy BFPs.

X