Jealous of my best friend.... :(

[Claire33]

I have a bff who has tried to have a baby for 8 years, in the mean while I got boy after boy, 3 to be specific. I'm sure it was difficult for her to see me and her other friends getting baby after baby without really trying. She finally managed to get pregnant after countless IVF attempts and obviously a lot of heart break. I was so happy for her that she finally got pregnant! She was clear during her pregnancy that she wanted a girl, and of course she got a girl. Now, I feel so petty, as I find it difficult to cope with the fact that she has a "dream baby", dressed in cute girl clothes, getting so many ooohs and aaahs, everyone is so besotten with her miracle child. I find it difficult to see all the cute pictures on Facebook, with so many "likes" and comments and attention. I stopped commenting on her pictures now, even though I feel so petty and like such a bad friend. I'm just tired of being confronted with her now "perfect" life, while I'm "just" a tired mom of 3 boys who argue and play computer games all the time. I love my boys to bits, they are wonderful, but this situation just confronts me with the dream I had that never came true.

[sbowman]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's always rough when someone close to you has your DG. I personally find it odd that she had a gender preference for her first child when it took so long to conceive...makes me wonder if she chose the gender. Anyway. You just need some time away. Maybe stay off Facebook and lay low for a bit until you come to terms with things. We have chosen to go HT for a girl and that really helps me when I see my good friends with their DDs. I just focus on that and it gets me through. Big hugs. Xxx


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[GreaseMonkey]

FB is the devil and there to make GD 10 times worse!!!!!! I have seen a couple of friends who all hey do is post pictures of their DD and their DS's are nowhere to be found...Yes I know when kids get older they don't want to take their picture but maybe if you mention your kids more than once or twice it wouldn't be bad!!

You are not petty at all, I struggled when my sister got pregnant and got a girl because that's what she wanted.....I am sorry you are feeling this way but I get how you feel, it's rough :(

[luckyfourleafclover]

Oh Claire I feel your pain & I know exactly how you feel. It's not petty and you are in the right place to vent.

My sister had a baby girl in August (her 1st baby), and one of my best friends told me yesterday she is expecting a girl (she has a boy)…it feels so awful and then the guilt makes it even worse…you just have to put on a brave face and fake smile and 'oh I am so happy for you'…and then after have a big cry to your DH or a big vent on here anytime.

Just remember you are not alone…there are SO many of us on here, especially the all boy mum's.

[maria02]

I completely understand (except opposite...) I wanted a boy and ALL my friends got boys except me. This might sound horrible, but I had to change the settings on one person as I couldn't take seeing her constant updates of how lucky she was to have a little man rah rah rah. It was wearing me down and I really did want to stay friends with her, but seeing a constant ****** of updates and being jealous really didn't do anything for the friendship on my side, and struggling with GD as it was it wasn't something I needed to see constantly.


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[The Anchor]

I know it stings, GD is such a hairy beast isn't it? You know she was probably dying inside every time you announced one your pgs...you have to be a good friend and put on the fake smile. She's your BFF! You don't have to feel it, just look like you're feeling it. HUGS to you.

[Claire33]

Thanks for the support ladies! I'm glad that I'm not that abnormal to have these feelings, I'm happy for my friend, but I wish she'd had a boy :) She didn't do HT PGD, she didn't know what she was having, but just wished for a girl. I guess even if she tried for 8 years she still had a preference! And yes, I'm sure she died inside each time I got pregnant, which is one of the reasons why I feel so petty now....

[The Anchor]

There are so many of us that have been there sister, the guilt can be crushing sometimes. You can't change the way you feel. We're all here for you :)

[hotdogz&boyz]

What you are feeling is totally normal. It's not petty or mean or anything like that. I agree that you might have to just fake it until you feel a bit more stable about it all. I totally get that it's hard and you feel like you can't handle seeing all the oohs and aahs about the little one you wanted so badly. Maybe just click "like" on the pics (without reading the comments) and move on without giving it a bit more thought. At least until you feel more okay. It still is supporting her and showing your interest (because if you are best friends, you can make it through this), but also putting yourself at a safe distance.

I felt this way when all my cousins were popping out kids (I have 24 first cousins, all of whom are between 35 and 16 and I am close to 20 of those 24, like sibling/friendship close). I was wanting a girl with my second and thought he was one...and my cousin had his girl only a month before I had my second son. And his GF (crazy one she was) was all "oh, you don't want a girl, they are needy and frilly and so much work" (as she primped over her hair, dressed her in a pink bubble suit with a bow on the bum, and handed her a doll...oh, she only had that one child too). So I felt that pettiness and a bit of rage over the fact that she got what I wanted (and did a pretty good job of rubbing it all over the place, although probably unintentionally...she was nuts, but not mean). And then my very close cousin got a little girl for the second time (although she was wanting a boy, so I think that helped my own GD in a twisted way).

All that to say, I felt it before too. And was not loving my reaction either. But I did get through it without having my DG and felt happy for them (and secretly just thought my kids were much cuter and more fun. Lol. It's all about coping skills ;))

[4 blues~hopingforpink~]

I know exactly how u feel... I have had 5 boys (4 living.. 3 with ex, 1 with dh) and wanted so very badly my 2nd to be a girl. Well u can see how that turned out.. I had 4 more boys after that. ALL of my friends have girls and I was the only one with just boys. My brothers first baby is about to be a year old.. He wanted a girl and got one! So u can just Imagine how I felt.

I never ever thought I would get to experience having a girl.. I just couldn't imagine hearing the words "Its A Girl" or having one cuz I was so use to the idea of having boys. So this time when I got pregnant, I still wanted a girl but just didn't obsess or think about what gender it was cuz I didn't want to be disappointed and all I really wanted was a healthy baby after my loss.

Well come to my surprise and disbelief this one is a girl, but I still wont believe it until I see her. Miracles do happen and dreams do come true. Are you done having kids? Did u sway and it was a failed one?

[emmake]

Claire, you could have been me :-) I feel exactly the same about my friend who was struggling to conceive for 3 years and now is due with her first daughter to be borne somewhere next week. And also I'm so much jealous when my other friends post their cute daughter's pictures on FB, I do adore my sons but this GD keeps poisoning my life, I even feel I cannot enjoy my sons the way I should because of my heavy desire for a daughter.. I feel bad about being like this and have such feelings for my friend, sometimes I just hate myself for this, but cannot do anything about it. My DH even suggested I should consult a psychologist but I do not feel it will help me in any way, I'm just glad that this site exists and we can freely speak about our feelings here.....

[Houseofblue]

BIG HUGS! You're not petty! I went through this with my SIL and best friend, smiled and all "congrats!" to them to their faces (and they both wanted girls too), and sobbed my heart out to my mom (lol poor mom). I love my niece and bf's dd VERY much, and I guess what really helps is that both my SIL and bf absolutely adore my boys and think they are gorgeous and gush over them, etc. I still get a little pang now and then about the clothes or some other girly thing but it's nowhere NEAR as bad as it used to be. :)