No heartbeat at 19 weeks

[onlythelonely]

I had a small bleed early yesterday so went and had an ultrasound and not heartbeat was found. I now have an appointment with my OB today as we live several hours away so could not get to him yesterday.

Just wondering for those that have been in a similar experience what can I except to happen now. I have had 3 previous c-sections. I am completely lost and kind of numb.

[nuthinbutpink]

Oh no! I am so, so sorry.

[kpmum]

Oh no!!! I am so deeply sorry. This is terrible. I am heart broken for u. I haven't been in ur situation but I'm sending u much strength to get through this nightmare. Lots of love xxx

[SpottyBear]

Oh so sorry for your very sad loss :-( Thinking of you

[The Anchor]

I am so so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. I hope you are able to find peace somehow...

[3boys531]

That is devastating. Sending you strength to get through this time. xx

[atomic sagebrush]

I am so so sorry. :( I have no advice but just wishing you peace.

[onlythelonely]

Have induction scheduled for Wednesday lunch time.

[sbowman]

Oh no I am so sorry!!! I know there is really nothing I can say to ease the pain, I'm just so sorry, I hate to see anyone else go through this. It's truly the worst experience. I've never had a csection so I am unsure of the procedure in that case. I'm so sorry. Life is so unfair.


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[TRL]

I'm so sorry:(

[odd]

Omg ...my heart goes out to you ...:(
M so sorry to hear that
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[onlythelonely]

Thank you for all your kind words.

[wantingonemore]

i am so sorry to read this :(

from the experience of a family member who went through this a few years ago (at 22 weeks) she was booked in to the maternity hospital and was induced.

sending lots of strength your way xx

[Rainbow baby]

I am so sorry hun, no words can express the pain you are going through I know it to well. I lost my son at 20 weeks. I think what happens next will be a complete blur for you my sweet. The baby has to come out and because you have had 3 c sections I am not sure how they will go about getting baby out. You may be given the choice to labor naturally considering it is not the same as a normal labour and the risks for complications of baby well they aren't there anymore, the pain medications you can take are increased. I know with my loss I begged for a d and c but they refused as they said it will do more harm than good and a longer recovery time and possible infertility. So I assume they will help you naturally as a c section is a great recovery time and months before you can ttc again naturally you are good to try again whenever your emotionally ready. In any event if you do go natural rest assured the pain that you will feel will be emotional and it isn't as physically painful at all. There is a risk with going natural a bleeding risk that you may indeed need a d and c anyway but for some reason they made me go through it with an induction small tablets placed at the cervix to get things moving. Like you I had some spotting before hand and they said it was a sign my body new it was time and the whole process was reduced to hours they said it can take days. The most important advice is take all the help and information you can from the hospital, pack a little bag with mementos you can keep from baby.. A teddy, blanket, little hat, camera and foot prints and hand prints are something you might like to do as well.... Be kind on yourself the next few months are going to be hard...spend quality time with your family and your partner these are the two things that got me through the hardest parts. Also if I had the chance again I would have spent longer with my little one. The hospital will help you make arrangements of whats to come after there is a lot but do not worry about this they will take care of it for you and help you and your partner decide what exactly you want. Take care honey and if you ever need someone to chat to pm me!

[mandie*wantsaboy*]

I am so so sorry. Absolutely heart breaking :(

[ever hopeful]

Totally devastating - I'm so so sorry. Sending hugs and prayers. xx

[zibibbogirl]

I am sorry for your loss. Words cannot describe the devastation you must be feeling. You are in the thoughts and prayers of all of us. We will be thinking of you as you say good bye to your precious child. I hope it is as quick as possible for you.

[Little Lunasa]

Very sorry to hear :(


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[luckyfourleafclover]

so so sorry for you. sending you strength and hugs

[Dreamofpink]

I am so very sorry & can only imagine the devastation you must be feeling. No-one should ever have to go through this :(

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[deaks66]

oh no im am so very sorry to read this, i cant begin to imagine how devastating it must feel :( Thinking of you and hope you are well looked after during the next days, weeks and months.

[Mumof3girls]

I am so sorry.

[perrypop3]

Bless you heart I am so utterly sorry and gutted to hear you're going though this, my heart just breaks and please know I understand what you're going through, I have lost 2 girls (2012 & 2013) at the same stage and the numbness and shock I felt after 3 healthy boys is so devastating, I'm so sorry I didn't see this sooner, I wish I could have messages you to give you an idea of my inductions & labours, you will be strong and get through this and every day will ease, I'm sending you so many prayers and such strength and courage for you today, gosh I wish id seen this yesterday, please feel free to contact me, I can help you through this process if it's what you want, I'm so sorry xx you are going through the hardest day today, you can get through this I promise you, bless you and your little baby xx

[perrypop3]

I'm so relieved to read the post from rainbow baby, just glad you got the right advice and help when you need it most, bless you rainbowbaby, I hope your advice helped her, it's all the things I would have said too xx

[perrypop3]

Just so desperately thinking of things that could help you but these CDs are definitely for later in time.....for now just scream and shout and cry as much as you need....

I just had a look on circle & bloom for you and they have a special meditation cd specifically for what you're going through, listening to these really helped me, I used to walk every day for half an hour listening to these meditations, they can really help you to emotionally heal. W

When I used them they didn't have the one specifically for loss, I used ones for positive thinking and healthy mind, but this is a new programme they've released and so so needed and circle & bloom are so wonderful & they re not charging for this new programme...their programmes are normally about $30... have a look, it'll be a way for you to make time for yourself to process your pain and grief, I know how busy it is with 3 kids and going through this tremendous loss xx

[nuthinbutpink]

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com) is a wonderful organization that provides free services to capture any moments you may want to with this baby. Their website is difficult to view but I think it is a great service and perhaps something that may help.

[glory]

Only I am just so very sad to be reading this, I am crying at what you are now going through. I know how much your struggled to finally get pregnant and this is just not fair.

I have no advice, I am just so very sorry and I think Rainbow baby gave some really nice advice xxx

[purpledream]

I'm just numb reading this, I'm so utterly devastated for you and I wish I could give you big hug. It brings me back to my two losses and my heart aches for you. I did not labor my 19-week baby, my OBGYN though that D&E was the better way to go, I'm glad I didn't have to go through labor since I know that was going to make me feel worse than I already was. I did recover quickly physically, but emotionally was another story, it will get better, no matter how horrible it looks right now. I couldn't take pictures or other things like that, the ultrasound pictures and movies before the surgery were enough for me to have and that's how I wanted to remember her. Take time to grieve, scream, cry, be angry at anyone and anything and know we are here for you! You can always PM me. I'm so sorry..:sad:

[onlythelonely]

Thank you all. Have started the induction lunch time yesterday , waiting on 2nd dose and hoping after that all will go quick.

[perrypop3]

We're all thinking of you all around the world, you can do this and however hard and utterly sad it feels the sun will shine again in your heart I promise....I will go to sleep praying and thinking of you, I wish I could hold you hand and help you through this...my advice is to spend time with her, don't be scared, she will be beautiful and you'll look back and treasure your moments with her, I too like rainbow baby wish I could've had longer with her, it is something magical I will always remember holding her and even so young you will recognised her, be strong and let the midwives surround you with compassion and love, I pray for comfort and strength and most of all peace in your heart, be strong you can do this x

[4BOYS]

Im so sorry , and am just devestated for you xo

[Rainbow baby]

<3 aww sweets my thoughts are with you and your beautiful angel today xoxoxoxo Bears of hope are the organisation that helped me through all the emotional pain after, their Australian based and not for profit a god sent. They have free counseling advice and a facebook chat forum..Plenty of women on there who have been through it as well!! Rest assure you will feel normal again.....it took me months to feel normal again. <3

[Wishingforpink]

Thinking of you xx


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[Wanting a daughter]

Shedding tears for you right now. I can only imagine the heart ache an know there are no words that can ease it. I have included a link to an organisation that has volunteer photographers for parents going through what you are now. I hope you are surrounded by your loved one and can find some solace in their loving embraces. So very very sorry.

Heartfelt : giving the gift of photographic memories - Home (http://www.heartfelt.org.au/)

[onlythelonely]

I delivered our angel at 1:20 this afternoon, but had to have placenta surgical removed. Will be home with my family in the morning.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers and helpful information. I wish no one had to know this pain.

[Wanting a daughter]

So wish there were words because that's all we have on here. I'm glad at least that part is over for you. Huge cyper hugs. I just don't know what to say except I'm so sorry.

[Rainbow baby]

Had to come back here and check on you before bed.. I am so sorry sweets. Rest in peace little angel. Be kind on yourself and rest up <3. Hoping you get to go home soon as posible!! <3 <3

[Minimelton0173]

So sad to read this. Praying that you'll find the strength to get through this difficult time. Thinking of you x

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm so sorry.

[3boys531]

So so so sorry. You have lots of prayers going out to you tonight. xx

[The Anchor]

Sending prayers to you and your angel...

[perrypop3]

I'm so sorry, I wish with all my might you hadn't had to go through this, it's so unfair....you have got through the worst bit sweetheart, you're going to feel terribly dazed, I don't think I stopped crying for days, weeks, but gradually you'll heal, be patient and gentle with yourself, go with your feelings and let it all out! I found it helped to write and write and write, mostly on here. I hope the labour was somehow cathartic for you, when I look back on my labours, I think all the hours of crying and pain got a lot of emotion out of me, although it was horrendous at the time...your angel will always be with you I promise, she'll be in your heart and mind forever, I promise they stay with us, just this winter I've had a single Violet grown outside my back door, I never planted it and it's winter, it shouldn't be there, but she is...I know my Violet & Primrose are with me and your angel will always be too xx sending hugs, love and I pray for peace to be laid on your heart x

[luckyfourleafclover]

Am crying for you. Rest in peace little angel…she is getting so much love from all around the world and you are too..

[kpmum]

Rest in peace sweet angel xxx

[onlythelonely]

I am now home with my sweet boys and hubby. My littles has been so sweet and has not left my side and gives lots of hugs and kisses, it helps a lot. I feel like it has all been a bad dream and somehow it is not real but I know it is.

I thank everyone for the kind words and the wisdom from those that have been the same heartbreaking experience, it has helped me greatly.

[glory]

I am so sorry, I have been thinking about you constantly. Happy though that you are back with your boys and hubby.

I am sorry if this is insensitive, but I hope you were able to spend the time you needed with your little angel. I don't know what protocol is in Australia and if they give you the time you need.

[onlythelonely]

It is not insensitive, and am happy to answer especially if others in the same position see this and it helps in some way.

I was able to see bub but not hold as it had passed a while ago but just seeing how tiny and perfect our angel was helped greatly. The hospital had a Sister from the local church came and that was a great help.

[My2Sons]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you x

[Frilly Lady]

So very sorry for your loss x

[Wanting a daughter]

How are you doing Only? Thinking of you. xxxxx

[onlythelonely]

Feeling very up and down and like the pain will never go away. I am trying to stay busy and move forward.

[Wanting a daughter]

In my experience of grief the pain doesn't ever go away. It's just the intensity and frequency that drops over time. It's been 18 years since my Dad passed and I can still be suddenly overwhelmed with sadness and find my eyes suddenly welling with tears. I am able to recover far more quickly now though. Allow yourself to feel this when it comes and indulge in the need to fall apart. You need to in order to be able to build yourself back up again.
You're in my thoughts.

[onlythelonely]

Have just found out I have very low Iron levels. So will have to get them under control before my FET. Still waiting on results from tests on Baby and placenta.

[Rainbow baby]

Have just found out I have very low Iron levels. So will have to get them under control before my FET. Still waiting on results from tests on Baby and placenta.

Stay strong hun, when I had to go back for the results it was one of the hardest days of my life. They found nothing with my angel and even though it means a green light to ttc again it definitely was very bitter sweet. Its a mad rollercoaster ride in the first few months especially hormonally and it took my body I think around 3 cycles for me to ovulate again and settle down into my normal cycles around 4... but emotionally I will never be the same person again. It doesn't go away 19 months on and I am still getting my head around ttc again. I don't have Bad days regarding it any more I have bad moments where something will remind me of it all and I will have a cry for 5 mins and then be ok and honestly not think about it the rest of the day.
It takes time..be gentle and concentrate on being a healthy mum for now and good luck with your FET...

[hoping4agirl2014]

I just want to say my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Tickled Pink!]

I just now read this thread and cannot stop crying for you. This is just so emotional and I am so very sorry. I love all of the kind words and advice from others who have been in your shoes, so nice to have this forum for support.


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[maria02]

I'm so sorry, thoughts & prayers with you xx


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[onlythelonely]

Had my follow up appointment and tests on Bub and placenta showed not abnormalities to bub but the placenta had several blood clots.

Dr said he was not certain that was the caused as there they may have formed after bub had stopped growing.

I have got the all clear to go ahead with transfer when I want to but to add low dose Asprin. Transfer will be in August.

Is there anything I should be doing before hand?

[Wanting a daughter]

So sorry you didn't get a clear answer. Sometimes, whatever it is, an answer helps us to heal.

The only thing I would suggest to ask about would be clexane.

Wishing you all the very best luck for August.

[Dana-Alicia]

So sorry for your loss. I'm only reading this now but with bloodclots I would insist on using bloodthinners. I use fraxiparin myself and there are no real side effects other than some bruising in the spot where you inject it, but that's totally worth it if that means you have more chance of a healthy baby. Did you get tested for any blood clot issues?

[onlythelonely]

Yes I had tests which showed that I have some mild clotting issues but my RE was not inclined to use blood thinners only aspirin.

I have spoken to my OB and he is happy for me to be one thinners and aspirin if it will make me feel better, so that is what I plan to do.

I will be having my natural FET in August.

[aidansmum]

oh no, how heartbreaking :( So sorry you had to go through this. :HH:

[onlythelonely]

My C-section would have been on Monday 2nd June. I am having a hard time of things as the day gets closer. I keep thinking of what I should be doing and getting ready to do, and how I feel like I am starting all over again as I first started down the IVF route 3 yrs ago.

I feel like I have gone through hell the last 3 yrs and have nothing to show for it. I have completed 3 IVF cycles and an FET and I still have nothing.

Sorry about the long rant and I know that there are many others that have been through so much more than me and have been on this journey so much longer, but it just sucks to get so close and then have it all taken away.