Only 1 girl to transfer and Im feeling hopeless :(

[jilliciousca]

I need to vent. After years of trying and multiple failed IUIs my DH and I decided to put our savings into IVF. We completed out cycle and I had 17 embryos. They retrieved 16. 8 of those went to blastocyst for Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) test. My DH and I had agreed we were only interested in transferring girls.
2 hours before my ET I spoke with the nurse who tells me that of our 8 embryos only one was a girl. I couldnt believe our horrible luck! There is like 3% odds of getting that low of a number! I bawled my eyes out for the two hours on the way there. When we arrived we asked to speak to the Dr to talk about our options for best success to get our 1 and only girl to stick.
The Dr comes in and starts telling me how lucky I am to have this many great embryos blah blah and people would kill for these numbers - but what he wasnt hearing was the numbers were irrelevant since we only wanted girls. It was like getting one good embryo out of the 17, essentially.
So he strongly encourages us to implant two saying our odds are much better. I ask if perhaps I should wait and do a FET so we make sure to get an ideal environment (since at last measurement my lining was in the 7's and Im high risk for m/c because of high natural killer cells) or if two would stress my system more. He basically got really snippy and said "my recommendation is 2. Make a decision and lets go."
Im still crying at that point and my husband decides to put in one boy and one girl. I cried thru the entire transfer, all the way home, into the night and Im still devastated. Im terrified we will end up having a boy.
On top of this my husband (who has zero coping mechanism) has now decided Im the enemy for feeling upset and that Im destroying our odds by being upset and its making me more upset.
In my head Im fearing the worst...were going to end up having a boy. Or we dont get a viable pregnancy and then we are going to destroy our saving doing another round of IVF which will cause resentment on my husbands end b/c we already have extra embryos (he wanted a girl too but not to the extent I do!) and Im adamant on a girl.
Im just really depressed and feel like I got pressured into putting into two and now I feel like even if I do find out Im pregnant Im just going to be worried for 3 months that its a boy and not enjoy this moment I have been waiting for for so long.
I know Ill love a boy if I have one...thats not a concern. Its just not what i hoped or dreamed or prayed or imagined my entire life. I think I felt that since we struggled for so long and went thru all the financial and emotional and physical toll of all these procedures at least the bright side was we would have the option to select what gender we transfer. I just couldnt believe my luck that the embryologist selected 97% males.
Im just worried that my "depression" truly will destroy my only shot at a girl.

[nuthinbutpink]

Congrats on a transfer! 24-chromosome tested embryo are truly hard to come by...especially if you have fertility issues! The fact that you even had a transfer is great!

Your odds of twins are really high with fully tested embryos. I hope they prepared you for that. What are they doing to combat the NKC? Did you do IVIG or Intralipid prior to transfer?

Where are you cycling?

Age has a lot to do with the number of normals. After that, gender is a toss up. It is the embryologist's job to choose the best looking sperm because the number one goal is fertilization.

You have a great chance assuming they treated you for the NKCs. Most of the people that we have on here only transfer one fully tested embryo unless they are dying for twins! We have seen very high success rates with fully tested ones. Good luck and welcome!

Please feel free to join our HT community by becoming a Dream Member!

[jilliciousca]

Thanks for your response. To clarify we only had 8 embryos total and we tested all of them. 1 girl 6AB and 1 boy 6AA was transferred. Of the 8 tested only 1 was abnormal. I also did an introlipid IV a couple of weeks ago to combat the NKC.

We would be OK w/ twins, but our #1 goal was to get a healthy girl. This is why Im feeling sad and second guessing the decision to also put in a 2nd male embryo. Im worried that it may tax my system more and only the strongest may survive. My worry is compounded by the thinnerr lining (although I had a triple stripe).

Do you know where I can find statistics on 35yr old transferring 2 tested embryos conceiving twins?

Thanks!

[nuthinbutpink]

If they were fully tested, your odds are great at both taking verge NKCs add an unknown variable though. Would this be your first child?

[nuthinbutpink]

So you had 7/8 normals?? Do you have 5 XY on ice?

[lisvna]

I transferred both too (2xx and 2xy) but they weren't fully tested embryo's. So I wasn't afraid they would all stick.

Unfortunate only the boy stuck (I hoped for at least a b/g twin). But I can tell you you will love your son if this happens to you and I'm sure you will find a way to get your girl too!

But because in your case they are fully tested I'm pretty sure the girl would stick. Try not to worry.

[jilliciousca]

Hi guys! Yes, this would be my first pregnancy and since we put 2 in, we will have 5 boys for freeze. Apparently one (boy) didnt test OK and would not survive.
I want this girl to stick so bad but am just having the hardest time hanging onto any hope. :( I know its pointless to do this but I keep questioning myself on why I even risked transferring the boy. Like lisvna I thought "well twin boy/ girl would be nice" but now I lay awake at night worrying only the boy will take.

[Jany1025]

I can imagine how stressed you are, in a perfect world you will have boy/girl twins and I hope this is the case for you..
A few cycles when I had unaffected(we need to test for a genetic condition) boys I remember I had the embryologist and DH both trying to convince me to put back the boys too but I could not do it, the whole point of testing for gender was to have the girl, I already have 2 awesome boys and I am not anti-boy but really needed to get my girl!

I really hope it works out for you! Did you say where you did your IVF?

[nuthinbutpink]

I thought about your post all night. Obviously, given the mission of our forum, I totally empathize with your feelings about desiring a girl. We get it.

What about your husband though? Do his feelings and desire for a child count? Does he get an opinion? I hope so! You guys are a partnership and you have been at this for 5 years- so has he! I am sure he has been right there with you on the quest for a child- not a daughter, right? With all those IUIs, there were absolutely no guarantees and you were still doing them hoping for a baby, right?

I think you have to step outside of yourself on this and although having a girl would be wonderful, after 5 years of infertility, I would think that having a child, any child, would be a huge blessing and unless you specifically went into this IVF cycle as a Gender Selection cycle, both the doctor and your husband desperately want this to work for you and he wants to have a child.

The fact that you had so many normals is a great sign and there is every reason in the world for both of these embryos to stick and I would have done the same thing if I had been trying for 5 years and was now 35 years old. I would have put back one of each and hope for the best.

Your husband's feelings have to count though. He has been down this road too and I am sure has hopes and dreams of his own.

Good luck. I really hope it works out for you.

[jilliciousca]

Oh Jany, Im so excited to see that you finally got your baby girl and wow you went thru a lot to get her! So happy for you! I went to Dr Acasio in S. CA.

Nuthin, sweet of you to think of me! Husband and I have been married 3 years and started trying then. Its always been about a girl for us. Initially we did all the sway techniques naturally, then we did the spinning w/ the IUI's and we saved the extra $4k for the gender testing specifically to make sure we put in girls. Our goal has always been to conceive a girl. In part this is due to genetic concerns and having autism in boys hit close to home for us w/ 2 boys, so were extra concerned about that. I know girls can get it too, but odds are much higher w/ boys.
DH feelings now are were going to get the girl and hes excited were further along than weve been previously. I dont think either of us anticipated such a long road! Hes definitely more of a glass half full type (and not pumped up w/ hormones for the last month!) haha

[desperate4blue]

Oh Jany, Im so excited to see that you finally got your baby girl and wow you went thru a lot to get her! So happy for you! I went to Dr Acasio in S. CA.

Nuthin, sweet of you to think of me! Husband and I have been married 3 years and started trying then. Its always been about a girl for us. Initially we did all the sway techniques naturally, then we did the spinning w/ the IUI's and we saved the extra $4k for the gender testing specifically to make sure we put in girls. Our goal has always been to conceive a girl. In part this is due to genetic concerns and having autism in boys hit close to home for us w/ 2 boys, so were extra concerned about that. I know girls can get it too, but odds are much higher w/ boys.
DH feelings now are were going to get the girl and hes excited were further along than weve been previously. I dont think either of us anticipated such a long road! Hes definitely more of a glass half full type (and not pumped up w/ hormones for the last month!) haha

Feeling for u honey. I know how desperate one can become in this situation. Please advise where u have had the soerm spinning done? Thanku.

[nuthinbutpink]

If the result was 7 boys, 1 girl, I'd say the spinning isn't very effective. Sperm spinning has never been proven to work.

Have you POAS yet? Any news?

[LuvmyXY]

Oh Jany, Im so excited to see that you finally got your baby girl and wow you went thru a lot to get her! So happy for you! I went to Dr Acasio in S. CA.

Nuthin, sweet of you to think of me! Husband and I have been married 3 years and started trying then. Its always been about a girl for us. Initially we did all the sway techniques naturally, then we did the spinning w/ the IUI's and we saved the extra $4k for the gender testing specifically to make sure we put in girls. Our goal has always been to conceive a girl. In part this is due to genetic concerns and having autism in boys hit close to home for us w/ 2 boys, so were extra concerned about that. I know girls can get it too, but odds are much higher w/ boys.
DH feelings now are were going to get the girl and hes excited were further along than weve been previously. I dont think either of us anticipated such a long road! Hes definitely more of a glass half full type (and not pumped up w/ hormones for the last month!) haha

I know this is a tough situation and just wanted to say that I hope everything turns out well. Hugs to you.

[glory]

Hi there, I recommend you posting in the private section, you have to become a member but there are a ton more people in there posting about this and have so much knowledge.

Personally I think that a clinic should never put you in this kind of position.

Also with the 7 normal embryos and only 1 girl, this can be totally normal. We unfortunately see it a lot, but on the other hand we see it when people want a girl or a boy and get that many of their desired gender.

WIth fully tested embies you should never put back 2, especially first up. Twin pregnancies are hard and riskier.

I think when you cycle on meds you may make decisions you would not usually make. There is never a problem with freezing and coming back for FET if need be, but you should of both been in agreeance.

Good luck, if you both agreed on a girl, if you aren't pregnant then you could try again.

A lot of us have spent a ton on IVF, mine is in the 6 figures and I don't regret a cent, neither will you if you need to do another round.

[jilliciousca]

Hi Everyone, thanks for all the replies and support!

Well, we did our transfer on Day 6 (Valentines Day) and put in our only girl and a boy. At 5dp6dt I got a BFP!! I was so excited and could just feel when it happened. I raced home and took a test and sure enough it was positive. I wanted to be sure all was good before I broke the news to DH, b/c I would hate to break his heart, so I waited 3 days until my beta and when they confirmed pregnancy I told him! I got flowers and made a special dinner, of spaghetti w/ PREGO and I had BUNS IN THE OVEN and then when he finished his plate he noticed the "Were Pregnant!" message on it. He was so so happy and it was a wonderful moment. I wrote him a sweet card about how Id been carrying his babys since Valentines Day..it was an amazing moment.

At 13DPO I did my first beta at 62.4, but 4 days later they said it dropped to 22 and to expect a chemical. Im so sad. It was my only shot at a girl :( AF still hasn't arrived, my BBT are remaining high, despite that I stopped taking meds 4 days ago. Now I guess I just wait for AF. Ill speak w/ my Dr. on Tuesday to see what happened.

My 35th bday is on Monday so Im really bummed w/ knowing we don't have a baby and pray AF isn't that day.

Glory - I completely agree with what you said "I think when you cycle on meds you may make decisions you would not usually make. There is never a problem with freezing and coming back for FET if need be, but you should of both been in agreeance." man I keep going over my decision in my head and wishing I had been more adamant on waiting with my girl.

DH and I have decided that since we have 5 boys on ice we will do a FET with those first, until we work out the kinks with why were having trouble getting pregnant and then do another round of IVF to get my girl.

I keep repeating to myself that "Life is all about how you handle Plan B!"

For those who asked about the spinning - we did spinning only w/ our IUI's at the Fertility Center of CA, but all IUIs resulted in BFN

Thanks again for all the support!

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm so sorry about the loss. You sound much better and I think your plan is great! IVF will always be there if you need it. Good luck and please keep us posted.