Can not let got of gender desire

[dreams529]

Having a hard time dealing with the desire & slight disappointment that I have that I am having another boy. I thought I had it under control. Cried at first got it out than started to get excited for this LO. All of that came crashing down in the past few days. First I got an insensitive comment form a "friend" who knew I swayed & threw it back in my face that "it's just a 50/50 shot & none of that stuff works", than I was at Disney with my kids & everywhere I looked all I could see were adorable baby & toddler girls. It truly was heartbreaking to think I will never do the princess thing again. Now I know in a way this is ridicules of me to feel this way I do have a DD & I did do all of the princess stuff with her but why can't I do it one more time? I couldn't help to notice all of the families with multiple girls going by me constantly & think why couldn't I have that. I wouldn't give up any of my sons but why couldn't this pregnancy have been twins & be boy & girl. More importantly why can't I just be happy with the family I have????????

I have been so sick this pregnancy & swore before & during that I was done so now why do I want to try again? This kid is not even here yet & all I can think about is what did I do wrong, what can I do better, how soon can I try again. I really just want to feel happy with the family I have & I don't understand why I cant. How do I find peace with my family the way it is? I did feel my sway was strong & that this little man is meant to be so would there even be a point of trying again or would I end up with the same feelings?? I'm hoping a lot of what I am feeling right now is hormonal & will chill out but I can not let go of wanting to try one more time & I really don't know if that is in our best interest or even worth it. Honestly have never had so many questions in my mind & I'm just feeling like an emotional mess.

[babyb5]

I totally know how that feel. I have 4 DD, my 4th DD, I was trying really hard to sway for a boy but still ends up with a girl. I was trying research for HT to get my self hope there is a possible to have my boy in the future. But the cost and age (40 years old), I give up the HT. I would plan to try again for #5 when this DD just turn 10 months old..... Now, my 4th DD is almost 2 in May of this year. I'm already ttc 4 months without bfp, still trying for a boy. It hard for me to let go the dream of have a baby boy.

[boymommyx3]

dreams, I totally understand. I feel exactly the same way. DS4 isn't due until August but I can't but help think about trying again. Everywhere I turn I see precious baby girls and my eyes fill with tears at the thought of never having a DD. Then I think about how painful the GD has been and I don't know if I could do it again. I swayed so hard this time, and I am really doubting if we can even conceive a DD. I just can't seem to get over this ache in my heart for a daughter. Hoping the pain lessens before DS4 arrives. I feel guilty for not embracing this pregnancy with a joyous heart. I know God sent us these baby boys for a reason and I know they will bring joy and happiness to our lives just like their siblings. Praying for peace and acceptance of God's plan.

[dreams529]

Thanks ladies its just been so much harder than I hoped. I really just want to be happy with my family the way that it is I'm perfectly happy with this boy just wish he came with a girl also. Wishing I had tried for him sooner than I could be trying again now. But I'm also wishing I could just let this go & fully appreciate the wonderful kids I have. So many emotions & I keep telling myself to forget all of them & live in the moment with this one. So much easier said than done....

[jen75]

i so know how you are feeling, i will be having ds4 in July, but cannot give up the thought of a DD for me. If we decide to go again it will be HT or nothing as i am 38 now. even though age is not on my side i know my GD would be too much to take again. I too wish i could just be a peace with my lot, but do not think i will be able to give up on this until i know i have given it my all. xxxx

[dreams529]

I just feel like I am so blessed I have no right to feel this desire & need, but still I can't make it go away. I do wonder if its partly the fact that I'm getting older & my clock is def ticking away....

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry Dreams - I so wish I could have helped this go your way.

I really do believe that it isn't a question of doing things "right or wrong" but just a simple fact that there is always going to be luck involved and even if we ever were able to get to 90-10 odds there would still be opposites. I see so many people do "perfect" pink sways and get boys and then laid back people get girls doing nohting any different than they've ever done. Please please don't view it as what went wrong but instead that this was just meant to be this way.

[dreams529]

Atomic I do & I thank you for all of your help. I felt really good about my sway & I do believe this LO is meant to be. I just can't let go of the desire for another DD. I don't know I'm just all over the place at this point. Wish I had known about swaying before. Wish I had this LO sooner. Wonder if it would even be worth it to try again. Maybe I already got lucky once & I couldn't ever do it again. Just run so many things through my mind constantly. What I really need to do is find away to be happy with what I have.

I do appreciate all you have done to help me!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I totally get where you're coming from. I even feel bad TTC again when we already have six beautiful healthy boys. I was thinking last night how selfish I'm being when others try so hard and can't even have one child. But I know i would regret it of we didn't at least try once to sway for our daughter, I'd always wonder what if. I also know that the chance of a DS7 is still there and even though I haven't even got a BFP yet, I was thinking of it's a boy is there any chance we could try once more (and I like even numbers 😉). I do know though, that this is our last try as DH isn't even real keen on having another baby as it is, and is only doing it to try for our DD. I guess it's like any broken dream, it will always be there and always hurt, even though you love all your kids and wouldn't change them for the world.

I also know how you feel seeing other families with your desired genders/families. I see so many people with boys and girls and think, it's not fair!

It's normal what you're feeling and doesn't make you less grateful for the kids you've got, but it's so hard to let go of a dream that may never come true.


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[2boysJustOneGirl]

GD completely consumes me somedays and when it does my whole world is wrong. I know what all you ladies are feeling. This site helps to sort it all out and validate the feelings we all share. It is human to want our dreams to come true and when they don't it can take time to heal and move forward. I struggle most days to remember that I am lucky to have my two boys and they need me to be well for them. Not consumed by somebody that doesn't even exist. I look forward to days when all of this pain will only be a memory. I'm sure you all can relate.


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[3littleladies]

Not a good feeling is it, I hate gender desire, even though Im done, no more children for me, I still at times look at little boys and say 'why didn't I get a son', but I know there's a reason for it all.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Thanks for sharing 3littleladies. It isn't often a mom of only sons sees the other side of the coin. I think I assumed that having all girls would be easier but you have turned a light on in my head. Thanks for sharing☺️


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