Help me cope with mean SIL

[Trike3]

Just found out that I'm going to have to see SIL in a few days. I hate her. She's very mean, insults me all the time and just generally looks down her nose at me. She has a PP, and is very smug about it. When she starts making smug comments about it and about how I just have DS, what can I say? She's SUPER competitive and loves to try to make other people jealous. I hate hate to say it, but naturally I am jealous that she has a PP. It's exactly what I want, so her smug comments are going to really hurt. What can I do? I hate her so much! I hate the way she acts! I hate the way she treats me! And I hate a universe that would bless her with a PP like I want, on top of everything else she gets! (Long story short, her daddy is rich and pays for everything. I mean, EVERYTHING. She and BIL don't work, haven't in YEARS. So she gets everything she could ever want, and doesn't have to lift a finger to get it. DH and I struggle, but are self-sufficient, and she makes fun of us for it. We are poor trash in her mind.)
How do I cope with this? She LOVES to make people jealous, and I never really was in the past. Now that she has a DD, that was the icing on the cake for me. I lost it, and now am jealous. How can I stop feeling this way? And most importantly, how can I keep her from knowing I feel this way?

I'm going to lose my mind. It's too much for me to take. Seeing them pull up in a brand new nice car (that daddy paid for), seeing them in the expensive clothes (that daddy paid for), listening to them talk about their lavish vacations (that daddy pays for), talk about their big, expensive house (that daddy pays for) watching their PP play with expensive toys (that daddy pays for) ... It's all too much. I just wanted one thing her daddy's money couldn't buy her; a daughter. But look. Here we are and I have DS, no DD, and she has the perfect little PP that just adds to her smug feeling of superiority. Great. FML.

[bluebonnet22]

I cant offer advice but I can relate! My sil has a perfect PP and an amazing career and belittles me all the time for being a Sahm (says she has perfect kids and a perfect job, why don't I go back to work, etc). Its tough because I am jealous of her perfect career life balance and perfect PP kids. Sigh....

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[laVieEnRose]

The best thing to do is to 'meet them with love' - hate feelings are negative and will not bring you peace.. They may seem to have it all, but do they really? Are they really happy in their mariage? Is the showing of and 'in your face attitude' not a way to hide unhappiness?
You are self sufficient and be proud of that. You have your own values.
Also try to be grateful for what you have : a husband and a healthy child etc...
I know these feelings of envie, I have them too but it really doesn't make our life better. There's a reason for everything and we just need to accept and be grateful.
I'm trying to apply these principles to myself and I do find it easier to deal with relatives who seem to have it all. Actually, I'm convinced I have it all too now...:-)
Be strong and loving...
Big hugs xx

[Dana-Alicia]

In my experience, people who treat other people like sh*t and making them feel like it, are UNHAPPY people. No one in their right mind would actually enjoy stamping on other people's feelings. So her life isn't all that awesome, trust me. And I bet your son is such a cute little boy, no PP can top that! He's yours <3 And everything you got, you earned it, all by yourself. She has done nothing to deserve all that, so don't let her get you down. Everytime she says something nasty, smile and brush it off. It will drive her crazy. And if she really goes overboard, tell her she is crossing the line. She is not better than you and you should not ler her make you feel any less than you are. She can try, sure, but you won't let her ;)

[hotdogz&boyz]

^^Brilliant!

To quote Eleanor Roosevelt: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Meaning, you need to stop letting her "perfection party" get to you. Life ain't all roses when Daddy pays for everything (where is the sense of worth there?). And who really knows if her life is that great. Frankly, her kids won't grow up with any sense of pride or accomplishment if they get everything handed to them. Which will make them spoiled brats. And mommy and daddy, who don't have the tools to teach self-reliance...and also don't have money or earning power...won't be able to bail them out. Frankly, your kid is so much better off. Be proud of YOUR perfect family. (And have wine, it never hurts).

[Wanting a daughter]

When she says something nasty, instead of responding to the comment, put your hand on her shoulder, look at her with sympathy and say "Honey are you okay? Is there something bothering you? It's just that when people lash out like that, it's usually because there's something going on in their life that's making them unhappy. Do you want to talk?"
Might make her think about things... maybe. :rofl:

[Mrs_Incredible]

Trike3, how did it go? Hope you used wad's phrase ^^^^ lol!!


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[lisvna]

Curious too!!!

Btw: it isn't a nice feeling if somebody pays everything for you. You always have to ask for something (because you can't do it/finance it yourself) and you always need to say thank you and you need to be grateful. What kind of life do you have if you don't have influence in your own life?!? Such a life must be really poor!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I know how you feel...my parents are rich and have always handed my brother everything on a silver platter. From 14 I worked and had to pay board but he didn't. If I wanted something I paid for it, but he had everything bought for him. I left home and had our DS1 at 18 and my DH and I have paid our own way since. My brother lived at home til last year when he built his own house, which he could only afford to do because although he was almost 30 and worked full time, they still paid for everything for him including his petrol, his phone bill, his car insurance, his clothes, his food...even when he wanted to play cricket they paid! If he wanted to go to the movies, they paid, go away for a weekend with friends, they paid!! They always compare us and say how he is so successful and has so much money and we have "nothing" but feral kids. My parents say how they only had two kids, one of each, so they could have a good and successful life and how stupid we are for having 6. We struggle all the time but we send our kids to expensive schools, they all play sports, and we try to give them what they want at Xmas and birthdays etc (probably too much) but we are also nicer people! My parents and brother look down on us, and anyone not "rich" as they measure success purely on money. I got into trouble for not congratulating my brother when he bought his house, and I said "it's not something to be real proud of when he can only afford it because his mummy and daddy pay for everything. We may not have much but when we do get a house etc, it will because we earnt it and did it ourselves". Even now, my parents do his food shopping, paid and put up his curtains etc, do his gardens and even his washing!

Just think, what would your SIL do of suddenly that money ****** was cut off?? They'd be lost! And her perfect kids are going to grow up spoilt and with no sense of accomplishment and real life. You'll always be richer because you're a better person!


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[Mrs_Incredible]

How can parents help out one child so much!?? My parents would never see one struggling while giving the other everything (if they had the means) :'( so sad, then to praise your brother having money!! Can they not see why he has money!? You've given them the gift money cant buy .... Grandchildren xx

[SamS_TTCPink]

Giving them grandchildren "ruined their lives", they don't consider them gifts, just something they have to put up with and another present they have to buy at Xmas. 😁


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[Mrs_Incredible]

Do you see them often? I'd need to stay away from there self centred judgmental lives x

[maidentomother]

Mumofsix, that is so awful! I am sorry your parents are like that.