Those with (or from) large families

[motherofboys]

How do your kids (or you) feel about having so many siblings.
I know the definition of large varies with each person, but for arguments sake say 5/6 kids or more.



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[nuthinbutpink]

I'm from 4 and have 4. The only time it's a big issue is when traveling.

[nuthinbutpink]

That and going out to eat- have to wait for "the big table".

[motherofboys]

See I have 4 now and both dh and I are one of 3, but I worry about how much the dynamics would change for the boys with each extra child I add to the family.


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[Rosie85]

I think it will vary from family to family. It depends on that families particular finances and such. If they were already stretched thin and then added another it would be more detrimental to the other kids. It could also affect them in a non monetary fashion...has the family been doing a good job dividing time up between kids already? Are they all getting what they need for support whether in health, school, friends etc. I think if the parent feels truly capable of providing for another and has a good sense if their kids are happy then the children will be more okay with more siblings. Bear in mind some kids will oppose siblings no matter how many they have and then it's a case of the parents are the deciding factor and you try to acknowledge the childs feelings but in the end...it isn't up to them.

[nuthinbutpink]

You figure it out.

YOU will be very busy regardless. My oldest 2 are involved in sports so we are in the car a lot. Weekends are quite busy. My husband HAS to be VERY involved or we could not function.

[Rosie85]

You figure it out.

YOU will be very busy regardless. My oldest 2 are involved in sports so we are in the car a lot. Weekends are quite busy. My husband HAS to be VERY involved or we could not function.

This is why I desire a larger family! I only hope we can be busy and feel fulfilled as a family that works together and helps each other, stays involved together!

[motherofboys]

My oldest 2 are always in and out to sports etc and hubby helps a lot. Money wise we have enough to have another with out being stretched too thinly. I feel ATM we divide our time well. But I am also a worrier lol


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[motherofboys]

I mentioned to 2 other mums today about ds1 being moody lately and they both kind of implied it was because of the youngest/because there is 'so meant' of them now.


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[nuthinbutpink]

This is why I desire a larger family! I only hope we can be busy and feel fulfilled as a family that works together and helps each other, stays involved together!
I'm not sure "fulfilled" is the right word!!! Overwhelmed is more like it!

[snipsnsnails]

Our limit is 4, I figure it can't be much different than 3. With 3 you already are that bigger family, but have an extra seat at the dinner table and extra seat in the car. But 5 is out of the question for us. Even though I would love another I just think it would be too hard to meet all of their needs, etc.
I asked my kids if I should have another baby after this one, and their reply was NO..lol

[Adia]

I think the age range has a lot to do with it.
My kids are very spread out 14, 8, 5 so we are able to focus more on each child in their particular stage of life.
When you have 4 kids in 6 years like my SIL then yes, you are going to be exhausted and worn out because little children are more physically exhausting while older children are emotionally exhausting and require you to sit your butt in the car and drive them EVERYWHERE to all their activities, but they don't need naps or wear diapers!!!

[motherofboys]

See mine (well the bigger 3 anyway, the youngest is 6 months) all talk about "when you have another baby" and if asked if they would like another baby say yes.


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[Abifasc]

I'm the oldest of eight kids, and while I love my siblings, I felt like 8 was quite a lot. There's no way to have quality one on one time between parents and kids regularly, everything was always stressed and chaotic, and the older kids do end up raising the younger kids in a lot of ways.

[motherofboys]

Thank you Abifasc for sharing your experience. It's nice to hear from someone who has come from a family that size.


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[Dreamofpink]

See mine (well the bigger 3 anyway, the youngest is 6 months) all talk about "when you have another baby" and if asked if they would like another baby say yes.


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My ds2 is the same and has asked for 2 more babies, preferably sisters! He has a name already lined up too. Both of my older boys adore ds3 so much.

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[motherofboys]

It's my ds2 that wants sisters as well. He'd also like 2. Ds1 and 3 are not too bothered and would be happy with another brother.


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[SamS_TTCPink]

I think our kids like having so many siblings and except for the eldest (who would have loved to be an only child) they keep asking for another baby. They all play together and love that they can play footy or something and there's enough for two teams! Lol!! DS1 (15) has said we are not to have any more or he will move out but like I said, he would be quite happy to be an only child.

I think what they don't like is the looks and comments and judgement when we all go out.

I only have one brother and we hate each other so I'm glad we have lots of kids and I hope they stay close as they get older, I think they will. 😊💙

It is very busy and they all play sports and have extra activities but it just works!

Going away is always hard though as we have to get 2 rooms most places (not that we go away much anyway).

[Adia]

I'm the oldest of eight kids, and while I love my siblings, I felt like 8 was quite a lot. There's no way to have quality one on one time between parents and kids regularly, everything was always stressed and chaotic, and the older kids do end up raising the younger kids in a lot of ways.

Amen Abifasc! That was me! I was #2 of 7 kids and I was a little mommy from 7 years old and up! By the time I was 16 I picked kids up from school and practice, did the grocery shopping and ran the house so my parents could both work.

I would LOVE to have 2 more so I could savor each of their childhoods but DH says I'm pushing my luck asking for 1 more!

IMO, if you have the financial ability and the mental and physical ability, have as many as you want, just keep in mind that you have 2 adults trying to fill the needs of X number of children and only you know how well you can do that with a certain number of kids.

If I could afford it, and they were spread out, I would have had 10 kids, seriously!

[6bluewant1pink]

My boys are happy together, well that's most of the time. Sometimes they have me :hair: lol. There's always someone to play ball,games, or even do chores with. But I do notice they want a sister. They ask me why can't I have a girl. That breaks my heart to hear because I definitely wanna give them one someday.

[6bluewant1pink]

See mine (well the bigger 3 anyway, the youngest is 6 months) all talk about "when you have another baby" and if asked if they would like another baby say yes.


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Mine say no more boys we want a girl lol.

[SamS_TTCPink]

I'm the oldest of eight kids, and while I love my siblings, I felt like 8 was quite a lot. There's no way to have quality one on one time between parents and kids regularly, everything was always stressed and chaotic, and the older kids do end up raising the younger kids in a lot of ways.

We make conscious efforts to spend quality time one on one with each of our kids. We have "mummy and son dates" and DH takes then out riding or fishing or to the movies one at a time. And we also be real careful not to ask the older ones to help out with the others too much, they might out them in the car or help them open the door, or occasionally we will say can you watch DS6 while he is eating just while I go to the loo or something but that's about it, which I think is just basic family things regardless of how many kids there are.

I think it's more dependant on the parents and being conscious and aware and not the number of kids. I know a girl who's 17 and has 2 brothers that she literally raises and her mother does nothing! And another family of 8 where the third eldest (first son) has to do everything for the younger ones, has even had days off school to help his mum with the you get kids if she has something on! 😳 Whereas we don't and never would expect that of our kids or even think to ask!

[motherofboys]

The thing is with raising younger siblings, my DH was youngest of 3, there were 3 years between each. At 3 years old my SIL was in trouble for not looking after BIL properly and at 6 she was changing DHs nappies. So although I know that with having lots of kids comes a certain amount of delegating I also don't think that is exclusive to big families. At the moment with 4 I would never dream of asking them to take responsibility for one of their siblings. The most I say right now is "I'm going to hang the washing out, call me if he cries" I would however expect them as they got older to help with house hold stuff but I would with just 1.
I know that all of us want 1-2 more. And if I could I'd have 10 but I don't think that would be practical for us. I make sure that we have individual times for each of them. Make an effort to have that one to one with each. Even if it's just when the younger ones go up to bed, sitting playing word games with ds1, he enjoys hang man, and I always make the last one spell out something like "bed time now love you"


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[kaseybaby]

I am one of 5, plus foster siblings. I love coming from a big family. My siblings are some of my best friends and I have amazing memories with all of them.

[SamS_TTCPink]

That's so beautiful to hear kaseybaby. 💜

[motherofboys]

It's great to hear a positive experience too


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[Abifasc]

We make conscious efforts to spend quality time one on one with each of our kids. We have "mummy and son dates" and DH takes then out riding or fishing or to the movies one at a time. And we also be real careful not to ask the older ones to help out with the others too much, they might out them in the car or help them open the door, or occasionally we will say can you watch DS6 while he is eating just while I go to the loo or something but that's about it, which I think is just basic family things regardless of how many kids there are.

I think it's more dependant on the parents and being conscious and aware and not the number of kids. I know a girl who's 17 and has 2 brothers that she literally raises and her mother does nothing! And another family of 8 where the third eldest (first son) has to do everything for the younger ones, has even had days off school to help his mum with the you get kids if she has something on! �� Whereas we don't and never would expect that of our kids or even think to ask!

I've seen a lot of families do it right and it sounds like your family is awesome! My dad died when I was 10 and the youngest was 1 (8 kids in 10 years, no twins), so it was a single mom situation which makes things difficult. However I think my parents went into it expecting it to be like the Sound of Music when real life is a lot different! I wasn't trying to be negative, just honest. I think big families are a blessing.

[motherofboys]

I like that you were honest about your experience, I wouldn't call it negative.
That must have been tough, losing your dad so young. And I can see why your mum would have needed your help with the smaller ones to get all that done with out a partner around.


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[Abifasc]

Yes! Me too and I don't regret that because she did so much better than most single moms would have in that situation.

[SamS_TTCPink]

I don't think you sounded negative either Abifasc, and wow your mum must be one amazing woman! I don't think I could do it on my own.

It must have been hard losing your dad but your mum has obviously raised an incredible woman in you. x

[mt9178]

We are having our fifth and I love having a bigger family. The things I hate are due to other people...their comments, looks, etc.
I tell myself that their comments are due to their own issues. Maybe they cannot handle the two they have so they cannot imagine how we do things with four.
Sometimes things are crazy in the house but I can't think of what it would be like any other way.

[SamS_TTCPink]

I could have written the same post mt9178! 😉 I always say our house is full of organised chaos! 😊

[Abifasc]

I don't think you sounded negative either Abifasc, and wow your mum must be one amazing woman! I don't think I could do it on my own.

It must have been hard losing your dad but your mum has obviously raised an incredible woman in you. x

Thank you :)

[Rosie85]

Abi your mom does sound incredible!! So sorry to hear of your dad.

I always wished I had more siblings. I come from 3 so I have two brothers. I wish had 3 or 4 or more. I am extremely envious of those from large families.

[Abifasc]

My husband came from three too but he only gets along with his sister. I'm closer to my siblings closest to me but the younger ones are in a totally different stage of life! But it's fun that they can be aunts and uncles while they're young still. My boys looooove their fun uncles and aunts!

[Rosie85]

I am actually closest to my little brother. He is 8 years younger than me. My older brother and I are only 3 years a part but we are not close at all.

[Am3a]

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[Abifasc]

I will say, I do love it NOW. I'm close with my mom, and my sister and brother who are married. It's fun to think that we could easily birth over 30 grand kids for my mom between the 8 of us - most of my sibs want at least 5 kids.

[Adia]

I'm from 5 and I think it was (in my case) too many. I am number 3. We were poor-ish and I envied the families with 1 or 2 children who were able to have and do more things.

Hand-me-downs, a big clunker car, sharing bedrooms, shared Xmas presents, and not really having a say into anything... Just a few things I disliked! Also, I was embarrassed to say how many siblings I had, I had people chuckle and say things like "didn't you have a tv". Wow, I sound like a spoilt brat when I read that back!

On the flip side, I have a friend who is the eldest of 5 and she loved growing up in a big family. I particularly remember her saying to me 'her parents had a knack of making each child feel like an only child'. I love that, and now I strive to make my own kids feel this way instead of how I felt: just one of many.

You don't sound spoiled at all. My parents had the money & resources to care for 7 kids but it was more my mom who wanted kids to be popular in her religion. My dad never wanted kids but obviously didn't prevent it either.
My mom wasn't all that interested in being very involved with us once we were teenagers. While they had the money they made such stupid choices with loaning family money, helping out immigrants, etc that their wasn't enough to go around & my mom was bored with so many kids & the mundane parts of mothering that she want back to work. What I am trying to say is the choices we make as parents determine a great deal of how things work out way more than the number of kids we have.
DD1 said one day that she didn't like visiting her dad (my exDH) because her brothers were more special but at my house they all knew they were special by the time & energy we put into our kids.
I would venture to bet that all of us are pretty stellar moms regardless of how we were raised!

[Dreamsplanner]

My DH has 2 sisters & 3 brothers and he feels very blessed and the only reason he is giving in to have a third child, as he knows how wonderful it is to have many siblings.
I so enjoy going to their family gatherings, they are all unique and yet I can feel the love among them and I find them so lucky.

DH is the youngest and he is the closest to his elder sister and brother, I find their relationship very sweet especially with his older brother who is so protective of him.

I think it all depends on how you raise your little ones and when you teach them they all matter and to take on responsibilities, that is all what matters...

Big families are blessed I believe!

[motherofboys]

I can see a great bond between ds1 (8) and ds 4 (6months) which I hope remains and that he will see him as someone he can turn to in times of need and talk to if he feels he can not talk to us.
At the moment my boys love that they have things that used to be their brothers (it isn't all hand me downs but some) we only do sharing presents for big things like games consoles and they think that getting a sharing presents means that they have been 'good brothers' through the year. They also don't mind sharing a room and although we do need more space there will still be 2 in each room. If we only had 2 kids we would probably stay in this house with no plans to move so they would still share. I shared with both my brothers till I was 7 then I missed them and was jealous they got to be in together while I was alone.
Dh and I are both one of 3, but we were both from families where you were left to get on with in.
Last night ds1 and I went out together for dinner, leaving the other 3 with daddy. Before he went to bed he gave me a hug and thanked me for taking him. I almost cried! He says cuddles are for babies so to get a hug, with no prompting, was wonderful.


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[maidentomother]

Both my parents were the youngest children of parents who had children into their late 40s, and they had me and my brother at 36/47 & 43/54 years old. Also, all my aunts, uncles, cousins etc lived on other continents. I always felt so lonely/alone and fantasized about having 12 kids and huge holiday gatherings. My brother and I fought badly for most of my childhood and still don't get along well, even though the seven year gap should mean less now that we are both adults. We are both estranged from our parents, too. I'd give anything for more siblings!

I really want 6 but I'm too old at this point and hoping I can manage 4.

[motherofboys]

My brothers and I fought, like most siblings I suppose, but we were also the best of friends most of the time. We were so close until I moved out. There was a disagreement with my mum and she cut contact, and they just stuck with her. We are now in contact again, but the reason for our disagreement still hangs between us, unspoken. And so it keeps my brothers and I from becoming close again.
My mum was an only child and wanted a sibling for me. She ended up with twins lol
There is an age gap between me and dh. He is 45 while I'm 27. This is a factor for me in how many children we will have as well as how closely together.


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[atomic sagebrush]

this isn't a bigger v. smaller family per se reply but I was an only child till I was 11 and then my mom and stepdad, and dad and stepmom had more kids. I did a ton of stuff to help out and for the most part I enjoyed and benefited from it immensely.

Without intending to, I then did the same thing having my 3 littlez when my older sons were 16 and 13. I also think it benefited them as well.

When I look around the world I see a lot of spoiled, mean, greedy, self-entitled people and even tho I totally understand it can suck to look around and see the kids who have everything, and think that it would be better to be them, coming from a big family also has its own set of perks in that you may learn skills and a different definition of happiness beyond the sheer accumulation of "things" that a kid who has everything may not and in fact may never be able to learn.

When I was an only child I also felt a very great pressure from my parents who would watch everything I did 24-7 because they had no one else to distract them and let me just say it was NOT. GOOD.

(and this does not mean or imply that anyone with 1-2 kids is in any way spoiling their kids or that big families are better in any way, I'm just saying that there are hidden benefits beyond "Ashley has her own car and is taking a trip to Hawaii while I am stuck here changing my sister's didey" that may not be obvious on the surface.)

[flowerlily]

Really got inspired by all these lovely comments. Wanted to add my bit too but something got in the way every time!
I've always wanted to have a big family(5, ideally 3 girls and 2 boys or vice versa) since my dad married my latest step mum and they had 8 kids. I loved every minute of it, although not so sure about my brother.
Also DH comes from a family of 7 where he was the eldest and it was so nice hearing that he enjoyed having so many younger siblings when we first met. And we immediately knew we wanted a big family.
My mum on the other hand, only ever wanted 2 cause she already had her dd (me) and then my brother, so, perfect family. But sadly she passed away when I was only 4!
It almost sounds ridiculous but I wouldn't have learnt the things I have learnt from having a lot of other siblings if it were only me and my brother. :think:
And I would have still wanted to have a big family too and wouldn't have enjoyed having an only brother, as we were both spoilt rotten.
Not that we weren't when we had all these other siblings, but differently.
As for my brother he's dating his long term girlfriend who comes from a large family too and loooves kids!

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[maidentomother]

Totally agree with Atomic. Only children can turn out so badly and yes, the pressure/over-attention on them is frequently problematic. There are no guarantees but I do believe that most people benefit from having at least one sibling close-ish in age and I think large families are far superior to only children in most cases, in terms of resulting personalities.

Yes, you have more financial resources as an only child, but I think the world needs more caring, sharing types, not individualistic ones. In fact, smaller families may be partly responsible for the breakdown of society (as I consider modern society much less closely knit than in the past, for various reasons).

[Rosie85]

I agree with Maiden. We have gone from having large families as a norm to having only one or two kids and the dynamic of everything has changed, people are more selfish and less social. It could have to do with the family size or it could be all the technology :wink:

[motherofboys]

It's been so great to hear everyone's different experiences and family make ups and how it affected your decisions when having children of your own.




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[maidentomother]

Technology and urbanization are huge factors. But I think family size is too!

[Kittybear]

I am an only child, and that is NOT what I wanted for my son. Since the passing of many older family members and the birth of my child I feel the hole where a sibling(s) should be more keenly than at any other stage in my life so far; the shared memories and life experienced, someone just to chat idly to etc. I also feel bad for my dad that his family name 'dies' with me as I am the last in the line....
Saying that, I am also nervous of how I will cope with 2 as this is unknown territority for me (and my ever supportive parents lol)! As I have now set my sights on 3 children I'm hoping the 'leap' from 2 - 3 will not feel like such an emotional up heaval as from 1 -2.
I am very jealous of you all having many siblings :) xx

[motherofboys]

Can't believe my eldest son who is 8 asked me on the way home from school if he could have 4 more brothers!!! He even said "but you're only young, you won't run out of eggs till you're at least....50!"


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[blueeyedguys]

When my oldest was 8, he thought 20 more kids would be good. Now he's nearly 13, he just wants a sister, although he thinks twin girls would be even better.

Part of me feels bad even thinking about a fifth when I already feel like I don't have enough energy (medical issues) to give them all the attention they need, but I've asked the 3 oldest a few times & they all like the idea.

The 2yr old does not, but I don't think he gets a vote. lol

[timjn]

I think if the parent feels truly capable of providing for another and has a good sense if their kids are happy then the children will be more okay with more siblings.

[Dreaminboy]

I have a sister and we are completely different people. Everything about us is opposite.
I always felt alone as a kid.
I always dreamt of having bothers, and when I finally got in contact with my dad when I was 21 I found out I have three boys! I was so heartbroken that I never got to grow up with them.

I then moved to Australia and was a nanny for five kids; it was so much fun and so lovely that they all have each other.

I've currently have two girls and I would love to complete our family with two boys.

I believe having sibling to share all your memories with is wonderful xxx and think of all those possible grandchildren [emoji6]


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