Crappy Mothers Day

[SamS_TTCPink]

Sorry, but I just have to vent!! I had such a crappy Mother's Day! My morning consisted of a million loads of washing, vacuuming and mopping, the kids being painful and DH out for hours looking at hardware shops.

Then we went to my parents for afternoon tea. I had planned to make a cake to take but with DH out all morning, I couldn't go to the shop to buy the ingredients and then ran out of time so I didn't end up taking anything. Then we get there and my brothers girlfriend had bought cakes so she gained brownie points and I was left apologising for not being able to bring anything. She then followed my mum around like a puppy dog and they were chatting like best friends and I was just left upstairs to get afternoon ready.

Then my nan and aunty rocked up and they weren't there 5 mins when my aunty asked if we were going to have any more children. I said "I don't know, we would love another one though" so that answer started an uproar about how we shouldn't have anymore children and how ridiculous even thinking about it was and "where would you put another child? On the roof?!". One of the twins then piped up and said "well she wants a girl" and so my nan said "well of course she does but she needs to get over that and there's no way she can have anymore children" and then that lead to a discussion about how the twins were 'supposed to be a girl'!!!!

Then I gave my mum her present, which I couldn't really afford to even buy after all the birthdays etc we've had lately, but I bought her a really nice vanilla reed/oil holder and a book. She said thank you and said it was nice but then my brother and his girlfriend have her a bottle of wine (which I'm guessing was an expensive nice bottle as they an afford to although still probably less expensive than the present I got her) and she almost cried and said "oh you didn't have to do that, thank you, thank you so much" and then Dad was carrying on about what a great present it was. My present seemed to be nothing compared to this wine! So I went and started cleaning up and washing up. Whilst I was doing that my dad called out that my children had made a mess and put food on the floor so I went and saw the one crumb on the floor and picked it up and then continued to wash up only to have dad call out again saying DS6 had put food on his sleeve (my dad wasn't even in the same room as DS6 but was watching him eat) so I had to stop to go clean his sleeve.

I then finished cleaning up everything while the kids and DH went outside and were playing and everyone else was talking and eating.

When we got home I was hoping to sit down with the kids and watch frozen but I had to go shopping to get stuff for dinner but they watched it while I was out so I missed out.

DS1 then cooked a beautiful dinner, which was so nice of him and the best part of my day but after dinner, the younger kids went to bed and DS1, DS2 and DH sat and watched a movie while I cleaned up 2 days of dishes (as I felt like crap on Saturday so I hadn't done it).

To add to it all, I don't know why, but yesterday my desire for a daughter (and being down cause I don't have one) was at a high. I think it may have had something to do with shopping the day before and seeing so many mums and daughters and even young teen girls together out shopping for their mums and knowing I wasn't getting anything off my boys, and that they didn't really even care that it was Mothers Day. And also knowing that if I hadn't had a mc then I'd have another baby growing inside me that would have made me a mum to 7 this Mother's Day, oh and comments from DH about "would I please hurry up and get pregnant already" as he is sick of the diet.

Arrgghh... Again so sorry for the long post and rant but just had to vent to someone!!!

[Houseofblue]

Mum BIG BIG HUGS!!!!! I'm so sorry your mother's day was crappy :( :( Sorry but I think your parents were acting like jerks!!! Ungrateful and mean. That's just my opinion. If it makes you feel any better mine was crappy too...dh was away in another state working, and I was cleaning etc all day and DS3 was acting up and I didn't get anything for Mothers Day (I don't expect my kids to get me anything b/c they're so young, but my mom, who lives across the street, didn't get me a card and she always does). Just felt forgotten this year.
I'm glad your dh wants you to get PG tho ;) That gives you something to look forward to, I bet you'll have your rainbow bfp in no time. (((((hugs)))))

[coocoobananas]

Oh I'm sorry Mum:( that all made me sooo mad!!! People can be such jerks:/
Try to focus on your son making dinner?!?
Oh I don't know what to say, I just feel really bad for you:(
Big hugs!!!!!

[angielorna]

Wow, how rude of your family!!! I will never understand why anyone other than the mom/dad/immediate family thinks they have ANY say in whether or not to have more children. That is YOUR decision (well, I suppose your DH as well, haha) NOT theirs. Inexcusable, if you ask me. If you don't have anything supportive to say then keep your mouth closed!!!!
I'm so sorry your day was so hectic and filled with negative people. I'm happy you were able to find a ray of sunshine in all the murkiness (your son making you dinner, that was very sweet). I hope you have a peaceful night's rest and can start fresh tomorrow. I hope I don't overstep here, but you ARE a mom of 7. Your last child watches over you and your family until the day comes when you are reunited.

Hugs to you,
Angie

[Marika]

Oh, I get both sad and really angry when I hear about your parents and family. That is so rude!!

You if anyone, the mother of six beautiful boys, should be celebrated on mothers day! I literally don't have the words to say how crappy that sounds and I feel so sorry you had to spend the day there. (I could write a novel in swedish about what I think of their behavior but that would take me all work day to do in english!)

Big hug to you!

[SamS_TTCPink]

thank you all, and you're right about my angel baby angie. xx

[Marika]

Maybe need to clarify that with "your parents and family" I meant that SIL and aunts and so on, not your kids. They seem so sweet!

[stephk]

Gosh I do not know what to say other than to agree with what has already been said! I dont know how people can be so rude to thier own family. Do they not realise that your brothers girlfriend is able to make/buy brownies, buy expensive wine etc, firstly because they have the TIME (and money) to do so but also she is his girlfriend so has to step up the effort!! Maybe they were making a fuss over it to make her feel welcome (I dont know how long they have been together/how much she sees your family).

What a lovely DS making dinner for you, I am sure that all of your sons are so well behaved and will turn out lovely. A credit to you.

Even the most on-board DHs make unhelpful comments, if he doesnt want to do the diet and it makes him feel better about TTC, I guess he could eat normally? Mine wont do the diet, he has agreed to eating 3 vegetarian dinners a week but he will sit and eat a packet of ham for a snack so it kind of cancels it out lol

[Mrs_Incredible]

Honey I'm so mad for you right now. I think I said before, but it just couldn't be around them anymore. I would explode. Next year, send a card to your mum and let your boys fuss over you all day. Hugs xx


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[WantingPink]

I totally agree with Mrs. Incredible. I wouldn't go over there next Mothers day. After all it is YOUR day. Plus you are going to have a LO next year so I would just stay at home and let your kiddos and DH fuss over you and hold the baby like it should be. Can you tell your Mom how you feel or would that just make things worse?

[SamS_TTCPink]

I can't tell my mum, it would defiantly make things worse. They seem themselves as these perfect parents with a horrible daughter. My dad even said the other day that it was a mistake having me! Nice!! 😞

It must have been really hard having a straight A student who wasn't allowed out ever and the worst thing I did was get pregnant at 17 to my boyfriend, now DH! And even then, DH worked and we paid our own way, our house was always kept nice and we raised our son well and by ourselves. They seem to think I went out drinking and took drugs and slept around, which I'm not sure when as I was always home under their constant supervision or at school or work, which I did to pay my own way including board! my brother on the other hand did do all that, got arrested, spent nights in the police "alcohol bins", slept with underage girls and did a whole lot worse....but in their eyes he was perfect and they have no idea what he is really like. He never contributed to anything at home and now that he has only just moved out (at almost 30) mum still goes over and does his housework, washing and ironing!! He kicked me when I was pregnant and said he hopes my baby dies and it was "my fault". I've never been good enough as I'm not a lawyer and single living in a penthouse (their dream for me).

Oh well, not much I can do but whinge! Lol!! And hope for a better Mother's Day next year. 😊

[Mrs_Incredible]

:( :( :( too sad a story. I'd concentrate in your family and leave them to it. Who needs that sh!t in their lives!???? Xx

[Adia]

I have tons of family drama with my parents and siblings too.

After a horrible experience last summer with my mom acting like a crazy lady and treating me worse than ever in front of my kids after I had flown halfway across the country to help her at HER request, I finally cut the chord. No longer do I see my parents and siblings as my immediate family. My DH and my girls are my immediate family. My parents and siblings are our extended family and I don't have time on a daily basis for extended family.

I no longer feel obligated to buy plane tickets to fly across the country to my parents home for holidays or talk to them on the phone every weekend. I make it a point not to keep up on FB with my one brother that turned on me and I only chat with the other brother when he calls me, which is rarely.

I am consciously trying to slowly let the day to day differences of our lives divide us to the point where when we are together its catching up after big chunks of time rather than knowing what's doing on in their day to day lives.

It has been hard for me because I was always so dedicated to my parents and my siblings. Their behavior has made it clear that they are not as dedicated to me, and reality is, they never were. I have to start mirroring them and realizing that if I exert myself to do things for them or visit them and they aren't doing the same for me, its my own thinking that has to change.

I dearly love my dad and we have always been close but he had two strokes last year and functions more like an older child than the brilliant Nurse Practitioner he once was. My mom has all control over him and he just follows along so that is another cue for me to stay away. I can't help him and if I tried, I'd just be a bigger target for my mom. We don't get along at all. She has 3 other daughter so I am disposable!

Big hugs Mum! I feel your pain. You have beautiful boys and a wonderful life. And you have a whole swarm of us cheering you on to try for that girl if that is what your heart desires!

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thank you for your post Adia. And I'm sorry that you've had to go through all that drama too but you are amazing with your attitude and self respect. We are "stuck" here for a while, which I absolutely hate as my parents are 5 mins away and Canberra is such a small place but as soon as we can leave I am moving away, from them, from their drama and their negative impact on my life and that of my family.

I've also been dedicated to them all, even at our wedding (which I was so scared they'd ruin as they did our reversal) I have them a gift of a hot air balloon ride as it was just days before their 30th anniversary. I've always been there to help them out if they needed a lift cause their cars were being serviced, always made such an effort with everything to do with them and also just put up with their put downs, abuse and the appalling way they treat me and yes in front of my kids too.

I can only hope I gain the strength and sense of self worth that you have and step away too.

Thank you again. x

[stephk]

mumofsix I cant believe you have been treated this way by your own family! It is disgusting, I am so sorry! I really hope you manage to get out of Canberra and away from the negative energy. At least they have shown you how not to behave and how not to treat your kids.

[WantingPink]

Mumofsix even if they are physically close it doesn't mean that you have to go over there, or do things for them, or even take their calls. If my Dad said it was a mistake having me that would be enough for me. You should just focus on your own family. When someone brings on drama and hurt feelings that isn't someone you should have in your life. My Dads wife can be a major PITA and say things that are totally inappropriate and I just give it right back to her. She has learned over the years that she needs to watch her mouth cause I am not going to just sit back and take it from her. My Grandma can be the same way and say awful and hurtful things and she tries to start fights between everyone. We have all learned to ignore her.

Maybe if you stood up for yourself your parents wouldn't walk all over you?? I would tell your parents the next time you say or do something hurtful I am leaving and you won't see me again until you learn how to be supportive and not hurtful. I don't care if it is their birthday I would leave. If they are at your house I would ask them to leave. Sounds like they are going to keep treating you poorly until you make them stop. So sorry your parents aren't more supportive.

[Mrs_Incredible]

^^^^ I was thinking exactly the same as wantingpink! Really hon, you don't need that in your life. They give you nothing but hurt feelings and heartache, keep contact to a minimum, and don't be their skivvy. And tell them when they're being rude, hurtful, nasty sand take your gorgeous family out of the situation. You deserve so much better. I hope you can find the strength to stand up to them, it doesn't sound as if they are there for you emotionally or to help with your children .... What are you going to lose? Xxx


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[aidansmum]

Sorry you had such a crappy day, how can family be so insensitive? :( Haven't got much to add, just hope you feel better soon, you are a fantastic mum, not many can handle a family of 6 (I know I can't!) and I really admire you. Sorry about your angel baby and really hope you get your little girl in the future. Your family has no say in how many kids you want to have or what you do with your life. I feel like giving them a piece of my mind, seriously! :hug2:

[atomic sagebrush]

mine too just utterly awful. huge (((hugs)))

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks atomic. Sorry your day sucked too. x

[maidentomother]

Huge hugs to all you wonderful mums, especially mumofsix. My heart breaks hearing about your awful parents/siblings. In fact I am crying right now. Their insensitive and strange reaction to the gifts really gets me. As for you not bringing food, you DO have 6 kids. It's amazing you ever bring food, and that you make the time to visit them at all. They should be doting on you, IMO, and helping you out. Sound like instead they tale advantage of your caring, hard-working nature with no gratitude at all.

I know just what it's like as my mum and bro are very similar. I hope you can move soon as that will help tremendously. It's been 4 years since I last had contact with my mum and I only wish I had cut her off sooner, before she was able to do so much damage (emotionally and financially).

On the flip side, how lovely that DS1 cooked. What did he make?

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks maiden. 💜

He made pork cutlets with a cranberry sauce with mashed cawliflower and green veg. 😊

http://img.tapatalk.com/d/14/05/15/6ygymesu.jpg

[Mrs_Incredible]

It's only 10am and I'm now starving, looks delish! Xx


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[SamS_TTCPink]

It was yummy! 😊

[maidentomother]

Fancy! And healthy, too. Thanks for the pic :)

[mt9178]

My husband and I have learned to put some distance between toxic family members and our family. Life is way to short to have stress like that even if they are related. Sorry that you had a crappy mothers day, p.s. that meal looks amazing (way to go DS1). Hope you are having a better week so far

[Adia]

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but after having lived in other countries and traveled to other countries, like Australia, their are cultural differences in the way women are treated and 'allowed' to behave.

I think American women are so lucky and don't always realize how good we have it. We are able to stand up for ourselves and speak our mind much easier than women in other cultures.

DH and I spent some time in Australia and we were educated at how women are expected to listen to men and not well respected when they speak their mind, from what we saw. This is not the only way things exist in Oz...its just what we observed.

With that being said Mum, I know its hard to not be as dedicated to your family as you have always been living so close, but I do think you could quietly not be around them as much, or come up with more creative reasons you can hang out with them as often.
Distance does help a lot, but cutting down on your frequency of interaction may help you too. And you do have a beautiful family that needs your focus too so that is no excuse - its the truth!

[Princess of Pink]

Adia I'm not sure where in Australia you visited but I have to disagree with you. I am Australian and I know there are some people out there like that, especially in certain areas that have large ethnic population's from other cultures. But as a whole country I think it's completely the opposite. All of my friends, family, workmates, kids friends, etc...the woman in the family wears the pants in the relationship, controls the finances, makes most of the decisions. We have even had a female Prime Minister (President) here! Not speaking our minds is not something Aussie women get acussed of often lol. We are quite outspoken generally.

I have spent a fair bit of time in the US and think we are pretty similar countries, we just have much lower poverty and crime.

Mum I have the same problem in my family that you do. Can't go a month without some comment about us not having anymore kids. My mum is the absolute worse (outspoken Aussie women). I don't talk to large parts of my family anymore and I am so much happier! We also just like 20 mins from each other so don't let distance stop you from cutting them out for a while! Good luck xx

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[Adia]

I wasn't trying to offend anyone POP, I am sorry if I offended you. It wasn't a glaring difference, just a subtle difference and could be an undercurrent that only someone like me would notice because of my life experience and travels.

On a bigger scale I think American women have a lot of things I consider luxuries (not material) that I have seen women in other countries not have. Just my observations.

On the flip side of that, I think American women also have to pay the price for those added luxuries and sometimes our families, therefore our whole society, suffers because of it.

What I wouldn't give to have Canadian maternity leave!!!

[Princess of Pink]

Not offended at all! I just don't agree. Women even get preference on university applications here and I know I work for a 'female preferred' employer (university) that advertises as such. We get 6 months fully paid maternity leave here and a further 6 months unpaid if you wish to take it.

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[Adia]

Glad you aren't offended.

I wasn't at all referring to the workplace or government. What we saw was only human interaction tendencies. When DH was in the Navy and docked in Australia he had a 'cultural awareness' class before he could get out and run around. What they told him in that class was in contrast to some things we are used to in the USA and set a tone for us and what we saw. Had he not had that 'awareness' training we may never have picked up on those things. He had those types of training on numerous countries and every country has its unique customs and traditions!

I would love to write a 'cultural awareness' class for where I live. It would be hilarious...:rolleyes:not necessarily in a good way!!

IMO, the USA would be a much better place if we got maternity leave like Canada or Oz....6 lousy weeks is what we get, vaginal or c-section. It's a complete joke and a huge contributing factor to a lot of issues in our society.

I should clarify: I think American women are lucky and don't always realize how lucky they are...I didn't mean it to sound like we have better luck than others, because in many ways, women in other countries have the opportunities that I wish I had, but never will while I am living in the USA.

[WantingPink]

Adia do you work for a small company? If your company size is over 50 then you get 12 weeks total maternity leave (FMLA). You get 6 weeks of disability for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks of disability for a C-section. In California you get the 6 (or 8) plus 12 weeks so 18-20 weeks total leave. Not sure who your employer is but you need to look into it if your company size is over 50. It is a federal law.

[Princess of Pink]

Wow 6 or 12 weeks is just not enough! So many women are still struggling with feeding and sleep at that stage. We are really lucky here with maternity leave etc.. to be honest the average Australian mum can stay off work until their youngest starts school and get paid Family Tax Benefits by the government if they want to. If hubby earns too much you don't get anything and it's not a massive amount of money (once the maternity leave pay ends) but a lot of families with a few littlies find themselves better off staying home when you factor in childcare costs. I stayed home after baby #2 until #5 was 6 months because we were better off.

My work has it's own 6 months paid maternity leave on top of the government's but it is flexible so after 6 months I plan on returning to working 4 days a week until the 6 months runs out (130 weeks) and still get paid full time wages. I just have to get pregnant first lol...but don't tell my family I'm trying for #6 cause I will never hear the end of it!

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