Rant about "girl moms" ...

[Trike3]

I wanna vent about "girl moms" for a minute. Not moms of girls... but "girl moms"; the women of only girls, who worship daughters, and make moms of boys (like me) feel like failure pieces of shit.
I've tried making friends at multiple "mommy groups" in my area and there is always this clique of "girl moms" that say and do things that make me feel unwelcome as a mother to a son. These women, even if they have a son, only bring their daughter to these playgroups; like the boy is a shameful secret, but the girl is a prize trophy to be shown off.
Most recently I went to one such group where DS was playing happily with a little girl. Another little girl showed up, ignored DS, asked the other girl of she has sisters, then told DS to go away and that he wasn't allowed to play with them since he's a boy. This girl's mother talked to me for a few minutes, then wanted nothing to do with me once she found I had a son. This "girl worship" makes me sick. I am NOT a failure as a woman simply because I bore a son. And I'm tired of this bitches trying to make me feel like I am, simply because of my child's genitalia.
This treatment makes my desire to have a DD unbareable. I want a daughter of my own, and their smug, self-ritgheous attitudes are devestating.

[Trike3]

Absolutely, Cherrim! I'm having such a hard time finding parent friends because of this "girl worship" attitude that is so pervasive in "mommy groups". I'm shunned because I don't have a daughter. DH is having an even harder time, because he's very paternal and love being a dad. He goes to these things with me, and the women (some of them) turn on him! He was even told not to come to one group, just because "babies are a woman thing, so you shouldn't really be here". We were so pissed about that comment.

[stephk]

OMG I cannot believe what I am reading!! I am so sorry that this goes on where you live, i can't even begin to understand how you feel. I can't begin to understand how these women have such attitudes, I feel so very sad for them and for their poor kids - because they will also grow up with the same awful mindset. Who needs friends like those people anyway. I really hope you and DH find some normal people x

[motherofboys]

I know a few people who value girls so highly and it almost feels like they are 'putting me down' for being a boy mum. Told I shouldn't have any more babies as they'll be boys (so they should get a chance in this world because they are boys?) laughed at as "you're the only one of us now with out a girl!" And told "society wants to keep girls safer as they have the most value, not to say anyone's boys are not worth anything"


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[nuthinbutpink]

What people often say in public is often used to protect themselves and make themselves feel better.

Boys and girls go through stages thinking the opposite gender is yucky. That's normal.

Remember- Nodoby can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt

[hotdogz&boyz]

I deal with one such mother on a regular basis, as she is a member of my church group. Our children are the same age and they often end up on teams, in classes, and other such things together. And I'll say, I never realized people like that really existed until I met this individual. I do everything in my power to avoid her (as do many other people I know) because she is so unpleasant to be around. She had one daughter, a chosen one and done (nothing but respect for that decision, but she harps on it). She has literally made comments about being proud of her child for XYZ and ill agree that I was proud of them for working so hard or whatever and she will say "Well, yeah, but its a much different sense of pride when you have a girl." When her daughter didn't want to hold my sons hand in music class (a circle activity) her mom actually encouraged the behavior by stating that her daugher didn't like to hold the hands of boys. (Thank goodness the music teacher said that she could either hold his hand or sit the activity out).

Honestly, you are best to just avoid these people. As I say, it's common knowledge around here to avoid this woman and I actually feel sorry for her sometimes. Because she basically has no real friends and people talk about her behavior behind her back. I'd hate that life. Ill take my gaggle of boys (and ten more) before I'd want that attitude issue. I agree that it's not your issue or a problem with your child...it's them. They can't see that amazing thing called a son and its their loss. Because sons are awesome creatures who come with their own personalities and joys if one pays attention. They are missing a huge part of life by acting this way. And it won't gain them any friends!

[trifecta]

My mom was a "girl mother" when I was growing up. She never seemed to understand my brother and I occasionally heard her say that raising a boy was foreign to her. My parents are still married but I think she was heavily influenced by my grandmother, who was divorced twice. She had a semi-disdainful attitude toward males. Well, that all changed when the first grandsons were born. She couldn't keep her hands off of them she thought they were so cute. By the time I had my kids I never worried for a second what her reaction would be to me having boys. I'm glad she came around.

[trifecta]

One other thing I want to mention is that I think cultural expectations play a huge role in this. If women don't see males as complex, compassionate, and fully human with the full human range of emotions those expectations come out in their parenting and it creates exactly the kind of son these women won't relate to.

[3BoysBlessed]

Thank you for sharing your stories. I have experienced very few of the passive-aggressive women who have girls. It is a sad thing for them. 1. I whole-heartedly believe that they are jealous or have a big battle in their lives and minds that I don't know about. 2. If they are not jealous, it is that they are self-absorbed and hence want a miniature of themselves...yikes. Their family needs prayers for peace. 3. I am so glad I am not like them because I am happy with my life and my family is my pride and joy. I am blessed beyond words. They only cause me to realize how blessed I am and how wonderful my life is. They are certainly unhappy if they would be so unkind, so spiteful and so deliberate in their meanness. They are targeting a specific issue. It makes it obvious that they lack something very specific that would bring them joy in their lives. If that weren't the case, they would not be doing or saying such negative things. If only I could count the times people have said "oh three boys!", I'd be a millionaire. My responses are amazing these days...lol. I totally blow their minds hahaha. But it's the ones who go further that I know live sad lives. Like the woman who once said to me-in a very snooty tone, " oh I've got MY two (she has two girls) so now I need to get my husband one for him." What does that even mean!? My response was, "We have OUR 3 and I have always wanted a boy since I was a little girl...my prayers have been answered 3 times over." People can be cruel, but when you're happy in your life, nobody can take you down. These women only make me feel sorrow for them and I just hope that their family isn't all miserable on their account. All children are little beautiful human beings. We can choose who we do or so not associate with very easily. One of my friends once said jokingly to me that I'm , "not that girly" so maybe that was why I had all boys...she realized immediately what she had said was so ignorant and hurtful and tried to fix it...I forgive her and wish I could forget it:( tanks for letting me vent, too.

[Peebell85]

These girl mums who are saying these revolting comments are completely shallow, and will unfortunately indoctrinate their simple mindedess into their girls and they will end up like Dahlia from Suburgatory. NO ONE LIKES GIRLS LIKES THIS.

If anyone makes you feel less of yourself because your beautiful boy is a boy, I'd stop spending time with them immediately. How dare they! i'd rather my boy spend time with just me, than with other children who will make feel less of himself.

Most of my GFs have boys, and the one who has a girl is raising her to be a really balanced 'person', not a frilly pink tulle beast who only cares about being pretty because that's all her mum cares about.

This hideous girl worship behaviour actually puts me off wanting girls too, even though I know I'd never be like that.

It's just such a shame that boys, for some reason, are rated as runners up. My boy is the best, because he is sweet and funny, not because he or a boy, or a girl... That doesn't matter!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I hear you!! Being a "boy only mum" and a mum of six, I cop this all the time!! At the kids schools it is really bad. Even at the preschool, the mums that have 2 or 3 boys and 1 girl only talk to the girl mums and I'm just talked about!

The other day they were standing right near me talking about how they can't handle their noisy boys but were doting on their girls and then looked at me and said "oh sorry, not something we should talk about near you with you not having boys and six of them, you poor thing, you don't even have one girl", like I was some poor, disadvantaged mother who they have to feel sorry for. Made me so mad!

[Peebell85]

I feel so bad that you have to hear crap like that mumof6, just such horrible behaviour.

[Adia]

I didn't read all the responses but I completely understand what you are saying.

I think what one previous poster said about cultural differences is true. Where I live its all about being a man's man and having a son to do manyly things with.

My MIL has been lousy too always asking my why I am the only daughter/DIL who hasn't had a boy, blah, blah, blah. DH finally told her to shove it last August, bless him.

Anywho, these types of moms revolt me too and IMO I think they are trying to live out their fantasies, dreams, etc through their daughters. I live in an area where sports/gymnastics/extra curricular activities are super intense so you get the wack-o dance moms and the crazy gymnastics moms. They are so obnoxious, I can't stand them. BUT I have to admit I totally fascinated listening to them blab in the waiting area about their girls. They are totally obsessed with their girls and I think its a little over the top. I feel bad for the girls. They don't get to be kids, they have to continually compete and practice to try to live up to their parents expectations, which will never happen because the mothers are trying to live out their dream through their daughters.

I have also seen lots of only children who are girls where I live. (I mean no offense to anyone who chooses to have an only child, this is just my observation of where we live.) I feel bad for them, so much pressure from two parents. They are the only ones to fulfill the parents desire for the 'childrearing experience'. One little girl in DD3's class always cries when she has to leave a birthday party or school she says she misses her friends and has no one to play with at home. I always feel bad for her. I know her parents love her but two people living out all their expectations through one little girl has to be a lot of pressure on one kid who is just trying to be a kid!

Don't let them get you down Mum!

[monkeysnuffer]

I had a friend like that. We were pregnant at the same time,her with a girl and me with my son. I found out first and she said "ugh im so sorry. I cant imagine going through life without a daughter." It really hurt me and she didnt even know what she was having yet!!

[Peebell85]

REALLY? Can someone PLEASE tell me what is wrong with boys? Because all the little boys I know are treasures.

[motherofboys]

Boys grow up to be men, and "all men are the same". Well if my boys will be the same as their father and grandfather, then I will be proud.
I have found that the friend of mine who is the worst, her mum is the same, both of them have had strings of bad relationships, and the few nice guys they have dated they have done something to mess it up, or dumped them for such little reasons it almost makes you think they don't want to be with someone, or they are expecting too much.
She will stand and praise her daughter all day long, and has nothing good to say about her son. And as a result he acts out to get her attention and she pushes him further away.
I have to say for the most part I've been met with "girls are such trouble, you got it right having boys" which in it's own strange way is supposed to be a good thing and people obviously don't realise how I feel about it.
My church has a coffee morning once a month and I am pretty much the only one with all boys who I sit with and talk to. The other month I sat with 4 women who all have 1 daughter each and all if them said the same thing. A boy would be nice next, but they were not too fussed either way "now I've got my girl" but they had had a boy first they "would be desperate for a girl"


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[stephk]

I love my DS so much I would not swap him for anything. I cant understand these people. Yes I would prefer a girl next but its not the end of the world if I have another beautiful boy and I would not treat a boy or girl differently I would love my children so very much.

[Peebell85]

Yep I feel exactly as you do Steph! And now i'm having my little boy, my desire for a girl has faded dramatically. I follow this italian soccer player on instagram and he has two of the most adorable little sons, and seeing those pics makes me feel so lucky to have what he has. My obsession with girls is over.

[Rosie85]

I run into ladies like this a lot. I don't know them personally. .just see them around. I get a lot of looks when I cart my three boys around. They stare at me like they feel sorry and then they call their daughters over and show them off silently but it's obvious as they fuss with their hair and bows. I hate women like this. They are the first to whine and place blame too when someone gets hurt at the park. I am the only one of my friends that doesn't have a daughter. It's gets awkward for me at times but nobody has ever said anything negative to me.

[Houseofblue]

Wow. Just wow. I mean I've gotten comments but never ever been treated nasty like that. I love my boys and am damn proud of my gorgeous sons, in fact I feel very womanly for having created these beautiful boys (no knock on girl moms b/c I would feel womanly too for having girls!). I have never been that girly so I think for me the desire for a girl is part wanting what I don't have, and part wanting what everyone else wants me to have. ;)
Back to the OP, I think you need to start speaking up. I don't let anyone say bad things about boys ESP in front of my boys...I always keep things positive, like if someone says "oh wow 3 boys!! No girl?" I'll cheerfully say "Maybe someday but I am VERY happy with my boys, they are sooo sweet and fun!!" and make sure to give a huge cheesy smile lol. I don't let other steal my joy anymore...sure, some comments get to me but I do everything I can to not let the other person know it did.
Now...if someone was THAT nasty to one of my sons, for simply being a boy, hmmm I think I would get nasty back... like about the one girl/mom who didn't want to hold your son's hand, I would be like "that's okay, in about 10 years your little tart will be throwing herself at my gorgeous son, and he won't want to dirty himself by being anywhere near her" lol. Yes, I know, nasty nasty nasty...but sometimes nastiness needs to be answered with nastiness lol. I think it's funny when *some* girl moms are all "eww he's a boy" to their girls, when once these very same girls hit the teenage years (unless they are gay), they will be drooling after and dreaming about the very same boys!!
Boys were never "icky" to me, from the time I was a young girl I had mostly boy friends and preferred them to girls (although I also had a few select girls I was friends with who weren't super girly and were down to earth). The whole concept is so strange to me.