Doubting the possibility of success

[weeziewoozles]

I'm a really bouncy and positive person but I'm getting days here or there where I suddenly have a feeling of doubt. It's unnerving for me. I feel like I'm trying so hard to alter my diet and lifestyle and don't know how long I'll have to persevere, or even when we'll be able to actually TTC as I've no cycles yet due to BF. Then I think that after ALL of that and probably months of LE I'll end up with another boy anyway :(

I'm assuming that eating less protein could be causing my lower mood as I think it's involved in serotonin production. And I had a tummy bug so I lost like three pounds in a day, which is way too fast for me as my BMI is only about 19.5 now. So I ate a few more calories the following day to try and compensate but then worried I was giving my body mixed messages!

In summary, is anyone else having days where they're feeling a bit resigned to their fate and struggling to see the point?

[SamS_TTCPink]

Yes!!! We all do I think! It can seem like all this work is for nothing and that it's not fair that we have to go to extremes to sway in the odds of a girl when others don't do a thing in regards to swaying and get girls anyway. It's a process of ups and downs and it can be hard to stay focused but there have been so many "successful" girl sways recently that we just need to try to look forward to how we will feel if we are one of those successes too!

This is the best place to vent and share though, we're all struggling with the same feelings and can at least be a place to vent and offer support along this journey that is swaying. 😊💜

[stephk]

Yes, I feel that way often. I feel that way about getting a BFP and I definitely feel that way about getting a DD. It is sometimes hard to be motivated and positive but like mum says, this place is fantastic to come for support when feeling low. Sorry you had a tummy bug recently - hope you have recovered from that and you did the right thing in giving your body more nutrients the following day, especially if still BF.

[weeziewoozles]

Thank you! I don't feel like it too often but my darling boys were irritating me yesterday and it just made me frazzled. I guess I also feel like I tried so hard to do this two years ago and got DS3.

[motherofboys]

Me ! I only just started properly this month as my cycles just returned after ds4 and there are days when I feel I'm completely not cut out for this and what is the point in all this struggle when I know I am not going to get a girl at the end if it. It's something that happens to other people. Something that's nice to dream about but will never be me. Like winning the lottery.


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[weeziewoozles]

Yep. A lottery dream is exactly what it feels like!

[QueenB3blue]

I have only been doing LE for a few weeks and have had a few of these moments(mainly when I am thinking about a cheeseburger or fried cheese sticks). I just try and think about a favorite moment I have had with one of my boys. It seems to calm me, because after all, if we didn't already have amazing children we sure wouldn't want to be having more!

[motherofboys]

And that makes it so much harder to stick to the sway, knowing that either way I'll get a boy. Only thing that is keeping me on it is the knowledge that when I hear boy for the 5th time, I'll know I at least tried and that this is just how it's supposed to be. No regrets.


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[SamS_TTCPink]

You're right about the lottery comparison but just like the lottery, we have to be in it to win it, and swaying is our ticket! 😉

[motherofboys]

You're right, no point sitting around hoping to 'get rich'. At least we can say we bought a ticket. Or maybe, ttc is the ticket and swaying is like buying 2 or 3 tickets, improving your chances but still not a sure thing lol


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[weeziewoozles]

I keep holding onto the fact that our fertility is going down as we're getting older doing this TTC nonsense!

[kitkat18]

Yip!! Count me in weezie!!took a month off forced as my DH had a burst appendix and that really really helped me also as much as I love this site trying to stay off it as I am such a Martha I can't help comparing my sway to others!! We all have those days so you are not alone eat some cake that helps! Xx

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[weeziewoozles]

I'm filling myself up on low cal veggies and sugary drinks/sweets so I'm actually too full to want cake! Having said that I did make sure I'd left enough calories and fat the other day for some dark chocolate truffles! They're by "Monty Bojangles" are awesome if you can get them. They definitely help!

[stephk]

googling Monty Bojangles now!!!

[stephk]

woo hoo ocado sell them!

[weeziewoozles]

googling Monty Bojangles now!!!

:) I've bought them in Waitrose and Morrisons before and they've opened up their first truffle bar near me now!

[stephk]

the ginger ones have been added to this weekends shopping delivery :)

[weeziewoozles]

the ginger ones have been added to this weekends shopping delivery :)

Yummy! I've not tried those yet. You'll have to have willpower as DH and I can easily eat the whole box when I'm not doing LE!

[stephk]

Im thinking of just eating them when AF comes :)

[weeziewoozles]

Im thinking of just eating them when AF comes :)

Good plan. I've not seen AF since Oct 2012! I'd quite like to as then I'd know my cycles are back

[stephk]

When I came off BCP, my first cycle was 95 days of sheer hell so I know what you are going through! I really celebrated getting that first AF as I didnt expect that - last time I came off BCP my cycle returned very quickly!

Im surprised that BF can keep AF away for that long.

[motherofboys]

Bf kept af away for 17 months after ds 3. This time I've had 1 cycle and ds4 is 7 months. I have a box of Betty Crocker devils food cake mix and frosting in the cupboard to be made when af shows. I usually bake everything myself but I can't get a chocolate cake as good as that myself lol


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[stephk]

Wow - I only BF for 6 months and was stupidly on the pill so I don't know what would have happened to me. That cake mix sounds great!!

[butterflywarbie]

i think ive wished so many times for a girl now that im out of wishes lol, even though im a busy bee everyday i imagine what it would be like to finally give birth to a girl and what she would look like cause all my boys look the same so ive always had a rough idea before they were born,i think id go into shock having a girl, so many people dont understand the need for a baby girl when i have 5 kids already but this is the last chance, comon pink fairy dust blow my way lol x

[Mrs_Incredible]

Butterflywarbie, I was just saying to dh last night that it's as well we know this baby is a girl because I think, if my reaction to reading the harmony report is anything to go by, if id found out at birth I think I would have hyperventilated and gone into shock. Especially after the emotions of just giving birth + hormones. This is dhs 5th child but first daughter xx

[Hopingforaprincess]

I have the same feeling ^...my boys for the most part look the same and my husband and I always wondered what our little girl would look like. Plus I was a daddy's girl and would love to see that relationship between my daughter and husband. This is my first sway attempt for a girl so I'm keeping hope alive!!

[WantingPink]

I am sorry you are having a rough time Weezie!! I am sure it is hard not having AF to know that you can attempt. I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed because it seems the end of the LE diet is nowhere in sight. Hang in there!!

My boys and my DD all looked almost identical at birth. DS1 and DD still look the same. Sometimes I look at their baby pictures and it is a little creepy how much they look alike. Of coarse DD is always in pink so that is a dead give away:)

[weeziewoozles]

Congrats on another pink bundle!

Most days I feel fine but there are days or even just moments when I feel like I'm kidding myself! I think I've imagined my daughter since I was a kid! I never considered the possibility that I'd not get a girl! As we've always wanted four or five kids, hopefully I will still get my dream.

[WantingPink]

Maybe you can ease up on the diet a bit since AF isn't here. When I dieted (for many many many months) my mind set was more on decreasing overall health. I ate foods I liked I just ate mostly crappy ones (if that makes sense?).

[weeziewoozles]

You're probably right. The thing is that I stuck really well to LE last time, with a couple of cheats at AF, but my diet consisted of healthy veggies and wholegrain naturally low fat foods. With hindsight I think I was eating too healthily really. Still getting quite a lot of nutrients. So I'm pretty determined this time to eat more rubbish! I've never eaten so much processed food!

[atomic sagebrush]

It is really common to feel like that, to such an extent that I do think the diet has something to do with it. Feeling resigned to fate, I believe to be a pink-friendly mindset and it's very much where I was when I conceived my daughter.

do not worry about giving your body "mixed messages", if it were possible to undo the good of a sway diet in one day, we'd all just do diet one day before TTC. Remember, even our prehistoric ancestors were always coming across a mammoth or a beehive and having a bit more cals some days than others, but it's the overall level of nutrients for months at a time that sends a signal to your body. If you don't have enough nutrients for 6 weeks at a time, it makes no evolutionary sense to eat a bit more one day and conceive a boy because of that.

[atomic sagebrush]

And that makes it so much harder to stick to the sway, knowing that either way I'll get a boy. Only thing that is keeping me on it is the knowledge that when I hear boy for the 5th time, I'll know I at least tried and that this is just how it's supposed to be. No regrets.


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:agree: I felt like, if I did not sway, I would for sure get a boy, because that's my lifestyle and personality really. My feeling was, even if it only gets me to the flip of a coin, I'd take it. Much better than going in with 80% chance at another boy!

[atomic sagebrush]

Wow - I only BF for 6 months and was stupidly on the pill so I don't know what would have happened to me. That cake mix sounds great!!

Some may quibble, but if you are exclusively breastfeeding, there is NO reason to be on birth control that first 6 months. It is virtually impossible to get pregnant when EBF those first few months. (now I know a bunch of people are going to chime in with "buts" right now, but it's been studied and it's a fact.) Even if your cycle comes back sooner, it's not a fertile one usually

[LilithWiser1979]

I'll quibble because of the 3 women I know who conceived while EBF their less than 6-month-olds having not had a first pot-partum period. One of them is a lactation consultant, who said she wouldn't have believed it until it happened to her. I had a full-on period at 6 weeks pp while EBF. Some of us are just fertile.

I figure, if you eventually want another kid, and having them SO close together wouldn't bother you, go for it. But the worry was never worth the BCP vacation for me, and the morning after pill is expensive!

[carmella_marie]

I feel you! I swayed SO DARN HARD with DS 2 and he was still a boy! I feel like I'm just destined to create boys and if I sway really hard maybe it will get my odds up to 50/50. But I had a great sway last time--LE for 12 weeks and crazy FR plus Zyrtec, fiber, Vitex, rephresh, baby aspirin. However I was also super martha! We bd thru o and u went couch potato route. So I know there are things I can improve upon for this sway--more processed food, intense cardio, one attempt, alcohol, and maybe clomid this time. But I hear you, all this work and I still feel destined for a boy!

[atomic sagebrush]

There are always exceptions (altho I am skeptical about the EBF nature of some of these, as I've been told that many times as well and then the lady goes on to say, "well except for the bottle my husband gave him/her at night" or "except for a little rice cereal here and there") There's a strict definition of what EBF means and so let me clarify and say, meeting the definition of EBF it's very difficult to impossible for the majority of gals to get pg before 6 months postpartum. Should you be careful, of course, and no one should rest on my assurance that it can't possibly happen.

My doctor told me that if it's 6 weeks and your bleeding resumes, it's still considered lochia. It is not uncommon for lochia to stop for a while and then start back up again. It happened to me with a couple of mine. With my first two sons I bled off and on till 8 weeks and then with my third, I stopped bleeding for the better part of a month and then lost a huge chunk of tissue and the bleeding resumed again (sorry for TMI!). It's not true AF and there was probably not an ovulation, thus I stand by what I say, the data shows that even if there is AF, and beyond that even if there was an egg released, pregnancy is just not gonna happen for the majority of women if they are EBF.

The vast majority of women are being given birth control postpartum that they do not need on the basis of a circumstance that happens very rarely. BCP has been shown to undermine breastfeeding for some people. Steph has just been thru the wringer with the BCP and ~my opinion~ is that people are being given medications with some pretty serious, even fatal side effects and it's not worth it. :)

http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/fertility/

[stephk]

What can I say. I was "persuaded" by midwives that you are super fertile when BF so it's best to be on the pill. Yes this is what they said. Yes I believed them as I was in a state, and they were professionals. Even though I own the taking charge of your fertility book and supposedly knew different. My husband hates me for the fact I went back on it but he was here too when those mudwives were here and blaming me isn't helping :( sorry but sometimes he is just an idiot, telling me that I should have consulted him. Well hello! You were sitting here!!! I had bad back issues from being pg so had to heal but he doesn't get it.

Sorry I've been on a night out, I have stuff going on, not in a great state of mind. All I'm saying is even supposedly intelligent people get persuaded that this is the right thing to do when they are hormonal.

[WantingPink]

You're probably right. The thing is that I stuck really well to LE last time, with a couple of cheats at AF, but my diet consisted of healthy veggies and wholegrain naturally low fat foods. With hindsight I think I was eating too healthily really. Still getting quite a lot of nutrients. So I'm pretty determined this time to eat more rubbish! I've never eaten so much processed food!

I went from a diet of meat, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, etc. to a diet of processed junk from a box. Other people might not see anything wrong with it but in my book almost everything I ate was not naturally nutritious. I had to eat less of these foods to keep from gaining weight. So I didn't eat a lot but over the coarse of a year I did gain about 15 lbs. I just can't loose weight eating refined carbs and foods from a can/box. I also drank way more alcohol and I drank what I like which is red wine and margaritas (salted rim). I am not going to lie, I didn't feel great and I got sick more than I usually do but it has seemed to work so I have no regrets!! The key for me was eating foods I liked to eat to keep from burning out. If I was really wanting something or craving something I would eat the crappy version of it or just a very small portion. Hope you get your girl this time!!