How do I handle the comments?!?

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I have a family wedding this weekend upcoming and I haven't seen most family since the birth of my first son (I have two). I just know that ppl will be rudely inquiring about our unbalanced family and saying insensitive things such as "oh DH IS SO LUCKY he got two boys" as they look at me with pity and a sense of superiority. Nobody else of the women my age in our family has only boys. Just me. I am already fuming at them and I haven't even seen them yet!

Any tips on how I can handle this? I need some witty yet assertive comebacks. Or do I just drink more wine and stay on the dance floor to make it all bearable? Lol


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[eleena2014]

just tell them...'yeah there mummys boys' lol
i know how you feel,i am dreading it if we get pregnant again and its another boy as i know people will be like ohhh didnt u want a girl,and 'arent u dissapointed' while you have to grin and bear it say no,lol

:bighug:

[Adia]

I have a couple of responses I use, it depends on the person asking and how stupid I want to make them feel for their dumb questions or comments.

A good one - I get a very bewildered look on my face and say, "What's wrong with girls???"....usual response is, "don't you want a boy to0?"....my comeback, "I am sure it would be fun but what's wrong with girls????" Honestly, I am trying to make the person feel stupid for even asking such a question and usually they do.

FWIW, we usually get the comment "your POOR DH, all girls!". I have to shoot back with, "he's pretty happy that he has three healthy, beautiful children, he doesn't pity himself at all."

Good luck, those situations are no fun and wine is a must!

[Adia]

2boys....let us know how it goes! I always get a kick out of people's reactions!

A while ago on FB I defended a SIL that was having DD3...some of our other SILs and BILs were being jerks, she thanked me and the nasty comments about "poor DH" all disappeared! People are so lame sometimes!

[ratcliffe1811]

I always get asked if I want a girl (yeh I do but we are secret swayers) I just reply asking why? and say im happy with my boys. :bluecheer:

[nuthinbutpink]

I don't think it's all that unusual to have 2 boys so I don't think people will just automatically start in with comments. What's bad about having brothers? That's an awesome gift. I think when you have 3,4,5 of the same, comments start to roll but with two the only thing that may come up is if you are going to try for a girl.

People assume we want balance. That's what this entire site is about. Everyone knows it but for some reason we feel bad about expressing what we want. Why? Why can't we say yes we would like a girl. Got any tips?? That will change the conversation. Maybe they can relate to you.

[Abifasc]

I have two boys and we swayed girl for this baby. I'm pretty vocal about loving having two boys, but I've never lied about deeply wanting a daughter. I just say my desire for a girl is separate from loving another son. I can and will love a third boy to the moon and back but I do want a girl and those closest to me know that.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Thanks ladies. I will definitely let you know how things go. I am prepared for a lot of "are you having more kids, gonna try for girl". I think I will just be honest and try not to lose my classiness. Sometimes I feel like I could just rip the throat out of ppl who inquire. Especially those with both boys and girls...they are always the ones who ask. I can't think of one young family who will be there who has only boys so I know this will be coming up.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Yeah, are you guys with 2 boys really getting that many comments?? I do remember people occasionally saying "you need a girl" when I had two boys, but no one seemed to think it was strange...till I had 3...and then 4...LOL!!!

People are SO weird!!! Good luck and I hope you have a great time!!

[bluebonnet22]

In my mom's large family literally everyone has all boys or all girls (my mom had 3 girls, her sisters each had either 2 boys, 2 girls or 5 boys). I never knew any mixed gender families growing up. So crazy 2 boys is enough to be considered off balance these days!

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[LilithWiser1979]

I'd get comments all the time about my 2 boys. When they were rowdy, "Oh, don't you wish one was a girl," or "I'll bet you'll be trying for a girl next." Ugh, the one I hated the most was, "Poor mama needs her mini-me." Yuck! None of my kids are mini-anything except for being mini-people! I'm not having kids to have a younger version of me to look at! That's called cloning!

I agree wholeheartedly that my friends with three or more boys have to deal with WAY more comments than I do. There's something ridiculous in Western culture that makes people think they should make comments and make you feel inadequate about something you have no control over, like the gender of your kids.

Only the SMOGs really get to me (Smug Mothers Of Girls.) Hearing, "oh thank god I didn't get a boy. I have no idea what to do with those!" I mean, I'm glad that they're happy with their family make-up, but rubbing that in anyone's face is just horrible. And yes, I know SMOBs, too. They are the flipside of SMOGs, just as bad, and queen bees to boot!

[TishTashTosh]

I never had any comments when I just had the two boys and don't see why people would comment?! With 3 boys I get LOADS of comments and usually just say there can only be one queen in our castle! Of course I never mention I am thinking of swaying!


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[Adia]

I think things like comments about 2 of the same gender is part of the problem of perfection that has come about in our culture.

The internet has allowed us to filter what a lot of people see from us and given us the ability to make things seem more perfect than they may actually be.

It does seem to be a recent phenomena that everyone considers a PP to be perfect. In my grandmothers day and age you got what you got and that was it.

We are so accustomed to manipulating so many things to fit our liking. Having a specific gender of children is just part of that silent social agenda of perfection. Its a real problem IMO and creates an internal struggle of feeling 'less than'.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Thanks for all your support and feedback. Luckily I faced minimal discussions about my two boys...I guess this crowd stayed focused in the bride, which is great!


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[2boysJustOneGirl]

I think things like comments about 2 of the same gender is part of the problem of perfection that has come about in our culture.

The internet has allowed us to filter what a lot of people see from us and given us the ability to make things seem more perfect than they may actually be.

It does seem to be a recent phenomena that everyone considers a PP to be perfect. In my grandmothers day and age you got what you got and that was it.

We are so accustomed to manipulating so many things to fit our liking. Having a specific gender of children is just part of that silent social agenda of perfection. Its a real problem IMO and creates an internal struggle of feeling 'less than'.

I too feel my family is less than perfect because of the crazy image we are all expected to live up to. As if a mother of sons is less than a mom of daughters or a PP?!? How did society ever get so shallow? Is feminism to blame? Why do we all value daughters so much, to the point of complete depression when the reality of never having one sets in? How can human beings possibly believe one baby gender is more or less fulfilling? I am beginning to wonder if the reason I want a daughter so badly is because a daughter is what I do not already have.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Keep in mind tho that a fair bit of this is just marketing. Greedy people who want to trick us into buying a bunch of blue plastic crap for boys and pink plastic crap for girls and are willing to use psychological manipulation into thinking we are "missing out on something" if we don't get to buy both pink and blue plastic crap! ;)

[Linzshine32]

This kind of thing annoys the crap out of me. I only have 1 child and it's a boy and I constantly get the "you have to have another kid so you can get your girl" - as if I purposely chose a boy the first time around and I can purposely choose a girl the second. I hate when people assume that the only reason you'll have another is to get a certain gender. I'm always saying things like "Well a girl would be fun but we just think DS would be a good sibling so we're going to try to give him one"... instead of just focusing on the gender. It's so annoying. And I also can't stand SMOGs. UGH!

[2boysJustOneGirl]

SMOBs and SMOGs! Hilarious yet very annoying. I think their attitude can often be a front to their inner feelings. I think it's human nature to want both male and female offspring, if for no other reason, women want a son to surely please their husband and maybe even save their marriage. Some cultures really do not embrace women/girls and it can strain a marriage. Just as my insane desire for a daughter has strained mine. These smug mothers ( genuine or not) need to learn to keep quiet. We don't know what kind of battles other mothers are facing, emotionally and maybe even physically. I wish moms can be kinder to one another.


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[Peebell85]

I've already had people say that I can try again for a girl and I'm happily telling them that I am quite content with my family of boys. I dont 'need' a girl (I understand some mums do and I dont judge that) but I'm glad my GD has gone, I'm SO excited now about having little boy brothers.

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: it is TOTALLY possible to both be very happy and satisfied as a boy mom, which I was and still am and yet still want a daughter. People outside of all this have never understood but my wish for a daughter is absolutely separate and outside of my love for my sons and enjoyment of the "boy world"

I sometimes try to compare it as you are sitting at dinner and everyone is eating steak and a potato but for some reason you're sitting there with like this massive portion of steak and it's like, hey, steak is fab, but it's just a LOT of steak and I could go for some potato y/k?? :)

[luckyfourleafclover]

I WANT STEAK AND POTATOES!

[sweetdream]

Yeah, are you guys with 2 boys really getting that many comments?? I do remember people occasionally saying "you need a girl" when I had two boys, but no one seemed to think it was strange...till I had 3...and then 4...LOL!!!

People are SO weird!!! Good luck and I hope you have a great time!!

Plz don't ask.
When my second son was born. I was proudly walking around with him. This women came up to me.. aah.. a girl would have been so nice... (WHAT?!)
she had 4 girls herself before having her boy!

I even had questions like Are you happy with it?! (I should have said NO don't want it at ALL.. do you want him!) my goodness ofcourse I'm happy with MY baby!

and this is only a nutshell.

[atomic sagebrush]

Ack rereading my comment that almost sounded like I was doubting that people are getting comments - but I mean that I am incredulous about how horribly RUDE people are sometimes. I can understand why people might remark about 4 boys I suppose, it's just not that common but 2 boys is just so...normal!!!!

[sweetdream]

Written words! No I did know how you ment it! Its cruell rude and insensetive. And UNBELIEVEBLE ppl can be like this.
But they are.

I was somewere I had the only boys and 4 baby girls were present. Someone said!!! Oooo how Nice al these girls. ........ And oh boys are Nice too

[Pinkmeup]

I'm pretty sure people dont mean what they say a lot of the time, at least I hope not!!! I used to dread the comments every time I left the house with my baby triplet boys and my elder boy. Top comment being "you've got your hands full" (several times a day, and everyone thinking they were funny and original. Sigh. Worst ever being "that's my worst nightmare. I'd have had one put down"!!!! And always getting "Aaaw, what a shame. You'd have thought one of them would have been a girl....

[sweetdream]

I don't think they mean to be cruel. But they are. They just don't think.

Pinkmeup. Thats awfull!

[weeziewoozles]

I'm lucky to have never had a bad comment like that. I normally get the "you've got your hands full" one. If I get asked "Are you having any more to get a girl?" I always answer "Yes! We've always wanted four or five kids so hopefully we've still got a chance get a mixture"

[2boysJustOneGirl]

People are always remarking on my boys. Sickening. As if they are are bad thing, not good enough or something. I can't stand how ppl can be such jerks. I love my boys and can't imagine my life without them and when ppl devalue who they are based on their gender I can't help but feel sick. If I do have ever have a daughter I doubt I will love her more (or less) than my boys.


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[zibibbogirl]

Worst ever being "that's my worst nightmare. I'd have had one put down"!!!!

Wow that is atrocious. Did you say "pity your parents didn't think of that". I wouldn't have been able to help myself!