"You're gonna have your hands full!"

[lemonade]

I have gotten that old chestnut so many times from strangers I've lost count, pretty much from the moment I knew that Baby #2 was another boy. What do they even mean by this???!

Just today, my new hairdresser was asking me about my kids. She asked, "Boy and girl?" and I said, "No, two boys." Then I braced myself for the comments. Sure enough, she was like, "Oooh. You're gonna have your hands full!"

I told her, "well, I only have nieces, so I was happy to have the first boy." And she was like, "Yeah, happy until you found out you were having another one! Boys are so......... aggressive!"

I know she wasn't trying to be insensitive, but it kind of stirred up the GD again.

I rarely, if ever, get positive comments about having 2 boys. I would love to hear "aw how cute!" maybe just once.

People act so offended by gender desire and disappointment, like it's the worst thing in the world. Yet it's obviously deeply ingrained in our culture. When a mom doesn't have a daughter, she is actually pitied. I know my GD wouldn't be half as bad if my own dad didn't openly state he was glad he had daughters and hoped my second baby was a girl.

What is the equivalent to a mom who has two little girls? Surely there must be something. Are boy moms really that singled out?

[beshow2]

opposite for Asians the more boys the luckier you are for some reason! if you have girls you get pitted and if you don't get on with a person they say she deserves it shes got girls. like its not girls but aids.

[Abifasc]

I have two boys and haven't ever heard that. Most people say "two boys? You're lucky...boys LOVE their mamas". Which is true ��. Still since people know I'm pregnant again, I'm getting a lot of "hope it's a girl" type comments and though I obviously agree, I feel protective of possible boy #3.

[SamS_TTCPink]

With six boys I have heard it all and people can be so rude and insensitive. As much as I'd like a daughter it makes me so mad that boys are thought to be "consolation prizes" as I adore my boys and would like a daughter as well, not instead!

The other day at preschool one mother was so disgustingly rude to me about having six boys that I was gob smacked and didn't even know what to say and went home so upset.

The girl mums ignore me completely and look at me in disgust, the PP mums will talk to me but are always full of comments! Drives me nuts!

[covered in blue]

Oh I'm sorry. Some people don't think before they speak. I get the hands full one all the time! Also have the same issues with the Grandparent. My Mum was so bad when I was pregnant with DS3. She refused to believe it was a boy. She keep implying that it was because I didn't want a girl that I was getting another boy. And she knitted him a whole lot of pink stuff and got it out to show me every time she saw me! It was torture! My MIL just keeps saying "just have a girl next and then no more" after each pregnancy. They are Asian too so definitely wanted a boy first but now that there have been 14 consecutive boys born in their family they are really beginning to value girls. It is the girls that hold up most of the family traditions after all!

But by far the worst thing that that has ever happened was when I just found out that the 3rd was another boy and was suffering pretty bad GD. I went out for lunch with some girls I went to school with but had not seen very much since and I had been looking forward to it so much. 2 of them had just turned 30 and with no man in sight they were discussing freezing their eggs. Anyway discussion turned to my belly. When I said it was our third boy the discussion turned so nasty. Everyone chimed in about how awful having 3 boys would be and how they would not want that. One of the other Mums chimed in that she only wanted a girl and would call her Lilly (side note she just had a little girl - first child, and named her Lilly. Makes you sick doesn't it). Anyway I just excused myself and left in tears. GD sux enough without having to deal with all of that too!

[bluebonnet22]

This makes me so sick! I'm not even pregnant yet, but my mom knows that we want another baby soon-ish so she's always saying "Let's just hope the next one is a girl" or "I would hate to have 2 boys, brothers don't have a special bond like sisters do". UGH UGH UGH. My Mom had 3 daughters so she just doesn't get it.

Personally my DH wants another boy and I *almost* would prefer one too. It's my stupid family pressuring me to have a girl and telling me how sad my life will be without one that's making me feel so compelled to sway. How do people not understand how hurtful it is to say things to a mother who has NO CONTROL over her children's genders and just wants to be happy and love the family that God/fate/destiny has given her.

[maidentomother]

It's such hypocrisy. I don't even have kids yet but I get so mad hearing about what people say to boy moms. I definitely feel there is a bias against male children in English-speaking cultures and it disgusts me. And of course the fact that mothers can't control the gender of their offspring makes all the unpleasant social attitudes even more unfair.

[sugarNspice]

I have to say, from a totally opposite perspective, that I've gotten a number of comments about how my DH must have been disappointed to find out that this one was also a girl. For me, because I *wanted* another girl, it doesn't sting, but I do often notice that people seem completely oblivious to how insensitive they're being, or how people seem to assume that *everyone* would want one of each.

My DH comes from a family with three kids, and has two brothers, and he has always LOVED coming from an all-boy family, and has long wished for an all-girl family for us. I think single-gender families are great, and there are a lot of advantages--it's cheaper and easier to hand down toys and clothes, it's nice for siblings to share activities, etc. Of course, PPs can be lovely too, and I imagine it's nice for parents to get to experience having one (or some) of each, but...

I do think there's an anti-boy bias in our culture (I'm in the US), but I think there's also an anti-single-gender-family bias. And for some reason, people feel free to make comments about the gender composition of other people's families that they would NEVER utter about other aspects of their lives.

[lemonade]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Guess what? It happened again yesterday.

I was grocery shopping with my littlest one and a woman came up to him and starting cooing over him, and asked if he was my first, and I said "No, second." And then she asked if my oldest was a boy or girl (why does this matter SO MUCH to strangers?) I told her "boy". Then she turned to my baby son and cooed, "I bet Mommy wanted a girl but then she got you instead!" in this obnoxious baby voice.

WTF.

[bluebonnet22]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Guess what? It happened again yesterday.

I was grocery shopping with my littlest one and a woman came up to him and starting cooing over him, and asked if he was my first, and I said "No, second." And then she asked if my oldest was a boy or girl (why does this matter SO MUCH to strangers?) I told her "boy". Then she turned to my baby son and cooed, "I bet Mommy wanted a girl but then she got you instead!" in this obnoxious baby voice.

WTF.

That's so insane. I would have had to be overly obnoxious back "we hoped and prayed for a second precious baby boy and are so completely pleased with him!"

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[Dana-Alicia]

Today I was at the grocery store with my two sons. My youngest was in the push chair and my eldest was running around at the frozen section (ice cream). A lady saw my youngest and she said hi to him and waved, he reached out to give her a handshake (he's such a cutie pie) and she said: 'oh my gosh, you are so rich to have such a beautiful boy!' Then my eldest came running around the corner, shouting, being rough as usual, 'moooom where are you? I want my ice cream!!!' and she said: 'oh my gosh, 2 boys?? You are more than rich, wow so lucky!'

Thank you madam, yes I am. Very very rich and lucky. They may not be perfect, they may not always be cute or wel behaved. But they are mine. Your boys are yours, you are so lucky and rich. We are all so rich. And let no one tell you other wise! What they say is merely their opinion and it's, to be honest, quite dumb. Why would you take that to heart? If she told you to dye your hair purple cause she thinks that's gorgeous, would you? Nah. She's dumb, leave her opinion where it should be, up her... ;)

[TishTashTosh]

OMG Lemonade.... Where do you live to have these sort of attitudes? I am English but live in France and have never had this sort of thing with my 3 boys!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[ratcliffe1811]

I've never heard that, my boys are a pleasure and dont have an ounce of aggression in them. Mischief .. thats another story ...

[Hopingforaprincess]

I have three and always hear "oh you poor thing" then it is proceeded by "are you going to try for a girl?" Even though we are I just tell people no we are done.

[KidAtHeart]

The other day, I was introduced to a friend's aunt as the friend who had "three boys and then a girl". The (elderly) aunt said, in front of my son, "so you finally got it right!" Are you kidding me? Who says that? People can be so stupid sometimes. I know it's really her issue so I let it go.

[blueeyedguys]

Wow, we've never had anyone make rude comments about having boys. Maybe that's an American thing?

I have gotten the hands full comment once or twice and I got funny looks buying a pregnancy test with 3 kids in tow, but those are nothing, really.

And you only have 2 boys. Baffling.

[TishTashTosh]

I am with you Blueeyedguys ! I am English and have had a couple of comments in UK about hands being full but thus is in relation to number of kids not sex of kids! I now live in France where it is typically European and very family focused so with 3 boys I am envied! So out of interest what nationality are the ladies getting negative comments with just 2 boys?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[SamS_TTCPink]

I'm from Australia and the comments I get are shocking! Not just about having six kids but the fact that they're all boys. It's unbelievable how insensitive people can be.

[lemonade]

I'm in the US. East Coast. I guess I'm surprised, myself, at how much attention that my having two boys... only two... has drawn and the comments I get. It certainly doesn't help what I used to think were my own, very private feelings of wanting a daughter one day.

Having said that, I do think it's unusual to see a mom with more than one kid who doesn't have at least one girl. I make a point of looking out for other "boy moms" and they are kind of hard to find.

[blueeyedguys]

I'm in Western Canada. Maybe we're just more polite? lol

I know a number of moms with either 2 boys or 2 girls & a few with 3 all one gender, usually boys. I had to go online to find other moms with 4 boys, though.

It's kind of funny, really, TWO of the women who've commented on me having my hands full, or something similar, have 6 kids themselves. They both have 3 of each.

[purplepoet20]

I am from Cali but spent the last 8 years in AZ and NV!

I come from a family of GBGBGGBG, oldest G passed so I am now the oldest G. So far in my family as far as grand kids go big bro has GBG, I have BBB, and as of yesterday my other bro has GG. My SIL even got a commit in the delivery room that they will see her again in a few years for another G.

It is very hard to avoid commits. I get them all the time at every store I go to. When I am shopping with the two youngest someone will go "o what beautiful boys are you going to try for a 3rd". Once I say my oldest son is at school they quick say "O I am so sorry you have 3 I bet you are going crazy (or your house must be a mess)". I have learned to smart mouth people with comments like "I am sorry you think that way about boys but maybe you should have your head checked"

I do love all my boys beyond anything else in the world! I even joked with DH once that if there was zombie invasion I would go back for the boys but not him. But he knows I expect him to go out of the way for the boys over me.

When I was younger I did think 8 boys, then 6 boys, and now I will be happy with 4 babies whatever I get. I can not imagine life any other way.

After all if you had to pick from your children which one you would/could live without would you do it to get your dream gender next! I cry at the thought of any one of mine being hurt and I can not bring myself to imagine anything beyond a little cut, bruise, or bump.

[Peebell85]

Such a beautiful post Purplepoet. I feel the same way about my boy. The love I have for him is so extreme and I cant wait to have that again with my next son.

[Wanting a daughter]

Then she turned to my baby son and cooed, "I bet Mommy wanted a girl but then she got you instead!" in this obnoxious baby voice.

WTF.

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you not slap her???? That is beyond rude. I would have been furious, how dare she put an idea like that into your son's head. I really think I would have ripped her head off. I can't believe someone would do that to a child. Shaking my head!!!

For what it's worth, my comment to you about your boys would have been, lucky mummy, you must be so loved-up. Boys are so affectionate. :o)