Realistic view of four children

[zebaniee]

Hi everyone

I have three children and eh and I are debating to try again for our elusive boy.

We have concerns though regarding the practicalities of four children, spreading ourselves too thin etc.

Could you please give me a snapshot of your life with four children?

Would you do it again, or in hindsight has it stretched you a little too far?

Thanks for your insight, I appreciate it.

[SamS_TTCPink]

Well we went from 2 to 4 cause we had twins and then went to on to have 2 more and are now TTC our last (and hopefully a girl!). It's busy and some days I feel "overwhelmed" by the noise and the mess and the running around but most of the time I love having a big family!! We do make an effort to have "date days" with the kids individually so they get that one on one time and we have family DVD nights and sit down dinner nights once a week (other nights one of them has something on!).

I found DS5 and 6 just seemed to "slot in" to our family and life and didn't really seem like they added any extra "work" or time and are such relaxed easy kids.

Practical wise..we had to get a bigger car and will soon have to get a bigger house as they're getting older, and were currently filling out college applications and kindergarten applications!! 😉

I do love having lots of kids and I'm looking forward to them having the support and closeness (hopefully) of each other when they're all grown up.

I also believe as the years go by we don't tend to regret the kids we have but if we didn't have so many, we may have well regretted not having them.

Goodluck in your decision!! 😀

[nuthinbutpink]

I have 4. I think there are many factors that affect life with 4.

1. The ages of your kids. Having kids is challenging but if you have 4 in diapers, that's a lot to manage. If the older ones are already self sufficient- can dress themselves, fix themselves lunch, etc, that makes a difference.

2. How active are your eldest? We are in the car after school for hours. My eldest 2 do a lot of the younger 2 are with a sitter or along for the ride. It can be stressful but the sitter helps.

3. Personality of new baby. My son was a difficult baby. Part of it was him and part was me being so over the baby phase. Made my life he'll the first year.

4. Does your husband help? Mine has to. He has to actively participate with carpooling, pickups, babysitting, etc. it is not a one person job. If I leave town ever, I have to have 2-3 people help to do my job. The only thing my DH just can't do is cook so if I am too overwhelmed to get dinner on, we go out. That's his version of cooking!

Vacations are a little challenging because when you go to 6 people, there's either lots of sharing of beds or you get a house. We can't fit into a hotel room nor do we want to try. You can't get one room on a cruise ship anymore so that price just doubled. I have a huge car.

Here's the thing though, once you leave the 2-kids world and have a third, it's different because it's zone coverage from there on out! Everything changes with 3 so adding one more is risky, it's not entirely different than 3.

Wouldn't change it though. Even on my worst days. I do occasionally look at families of 2 with just a hint of envy though but I wouldn't trade places.

[TRL]

I agree with the above posters. I have 4 ages 15-1. So wide range. My older ones have lots of activities and trying to balance nap schedules and play time so she doesn't sit in the car all afternoon is tough. My DH works crazy hours so I never count on him for help. So I always have a nanny with me. You have to have help. You physically can't do it by yourself.
I'm not sure when the last time I sat down to watch tv. At least over a year ago. Although I wouldn't change it for the world it is very busy.
The other thing is the laundry, OMG. It's amazing how much there is. I also have someone 5 days a week to do laundry and clean. I would much rather be with my kids then spend that time cleaning.
I love having a big family and having a crazy busy life!😊



3 boys and 1 HT princess!

[zebaniee]

Thanks everyone. I understand what you mean by busy, with three I always seem to be on the go. Last time is watched a movie was when I was folding a tonne of clothes ha ha!

We already have a cleaner because I was finding it overwhelming with full time work. I return to work from maternity leave shortly so I will continue with the cleaner.

I have kids aged 6, 4 and 6 months. If we have another, I would like it to be No more than 2 years between the youngest child.

The older two are self sufficient, dress themselves, bathing, teeth, sunscreen etc. dd4 still has night nappies and dd6months is also still in nappies. I would hope that she would be out of nappies by the time the next one comes.

We have a three bedroom house at the moment so all the kids would have to share. We would have to more into a larger house at some stage.

Does the business ease off as the children get older or does it increase because of after school activities? At the moment they only attend swimming so there isn't too much. In the afternoons.

Dh does help he usually helps with bathing and will put the kids to bed. While I am off work I have been cooking and washing it. He usually cooks though while I am working.

[nuthinbutpink]

The activity increases so that part can become more difficult. It's like part becomes easier and it gets harder all at the same time!

[WantingPink]

I am finding the older my kids get the crazier after school gets. DS1 and DS2 are in baseball and DS1 is in karate. The homework is hell. My life would be much easier without homework!! Some days are okay and some days the homework becomes a real issue with the activities. I am really starting to get scared about #4 as well but there is no turning back now!! I have a DH who travels for work so my Mom is a big help for me.

[SamS_TTCPink]

Just wrote a long reply but it wouldn't post!! 😕 Try again..

Lol about the TV and movie comments... I don't remember what TV is! We don't have any help at all...no babysitter, no nanny, no friends, no cleaner, no family help or support and DH doesn't do much so it's really just me doing it all, but I do! 😜

DH and I haven't had a meal alone in 16yrs!! But this wouldn't matter of we had 2 kids or our six, as we just have no help at all. We also had our first 2 kids before we got married and no one would even have them the night of our wedding or so we could have a honeymoon, we had a family holiday instead. 😕

I always say our house is full of organised chaos! 😉 Meal times and our mornings of getting ready for school is like a production line. I have 4 different points for school drop offs and pick ups and take and pick DH up from work as well. Some afternoons can be crazy busy, but it's all organised and it works. The kids know our routine and it's just what we do. They've never commented or complained and even DS6 who is 2 knows what we do when and in what order. But there's also afternoons when we have no activities so it's not always crazy busy! It all just comes together and it's our life and it just works. We don't have time to think twice about it anyway! 😉

I have the occasional day (like today when I have a massive migraine) that I say I'd just like a night, a day, an hour or even just a meal "off" but I figure they'll all grow up way too quick and when they do DH and I will be able to have our time then, well maybe a dinner out together one night! And maybe then I'll be to watch this 'Game of Thrones' that everyone talks about! 😉 lol!

[zebaniee]

It sounds like routine is a huge part of having 4 kids and ensuring you make time for yourself and hubby.

We did have family support, but I have noticed that it tapers off the more kids we have :( which is a shame but that is life unfortunately.

[SamS_TTCPink]

Routine probably is a huge part of our lives but I am the most unorganised, unplanned person ever! 😜 My parents are the OCD type that have to have everything planned six months in advance and hate that I'm not like that! In the type of person that says "let's go to the coast for the day today" where my parents (who only had 2 children) would have to plan that months ahead.

Our routine is there cause it's "forced organisation" lol! School is a particular time so we have to have everyone there by then, footy training is at a set time so we do "this" at that time to get there, DS1 has cadets on Fridays, refereeing on Sundays and meetings on Tuesday so we get him where he needs to be when, so although we have a "routine", it's only because of all the things we have on at set times and life falls into place around it all. Outside of all that, there's no routine! 😉 we don't have set meal times or bed times and I've never had the kids as babies on "routines" just put them bed when they're tired and fed them when they're hungry etc and are still relaxed with things like that.

I've probably just confused you even more!! Lol!! 😉

[zebaniee]

No, whatever works best for your Family is the way to go.

I like routine, actually I am probably OCD about it. Every morning the kids get ready in exactly the same way doing the same things. I guess I didn't really think about the whole routine thing because I already do it.

Thanks for sharing :)