how can I deal?!

[Rosie85]

So having 3 healthy babies in a row in which I got pregnant with the first try I really stupidly felt I was some sort of exception to the miscarriage rules. Of course I was wrong and my 4th pregnancy ended at 5 weeks. I am now pregnant again without seeing a period so it was 2 weeks after my loss that I conceived and I am terrified now. Every twinge or non twinge worries me. How can I relax?? What are the odds of two back to back losses?

[Babybeaublue]

I honestly don't know but as you saw on my post I'm right there with you as far as worrying goes. I'm sure you are no more at risk than anyone else tho, seeing as you have had 3 healthy pregnancies already. X

[loobylue]

Hi Rosie,

Firstly, huge congratulatons. I really have no idea about the answer to your question but as you know I'll be very interested in the replies myself.

Loads of luck, I'll be hoping so hard for you that everything turns out well. x

[coocoobananas]

How you feel isn't going to change the outcome so I think you should just try and relax and enjoy (if you can) I know that's easier said then done but worrying won't change a thing! I have my fingers and toes crossed for yah!
You have a way better record of keeping pregnancies than losses so hold on to that:)

[angielorna]

Oh, Rosie. The sad part is once you have a m/c (IMO), it takes all the innocence out of pregnancy :(

Having one m/c does not increase your rate for having another, especially since you already have 3 children. I did have back to back m/c (my first and second pregnancies), but I remember the odds of it happening being super low (because I was like, seriously, how many "odds" can I beat). I think it was 5% or less -- forgive my guess, it was over 6 years ago.

It's hard to deal with a pregnancy after a loss, especially when it's so soon after. I'm sure I've told this story before, but my boss lost her baby at full term, got pregnant before her next period and her second child is now thirty something. So it is completely possible to experience a loss and have a successful pregnancy before a period arrives. I know, not actually what you were asking, but....idk.

I agree with a pp, focus on the fact you have had 3 healthy pregnancies. Try your very best not to stress...(waaaaay easier said than done, believe me, I know). And hopefully, once you are past your loss week, it will get easier.

Hugs, Rosie.
Angie

[Rosie85]

Thanks ladies! Such beautiful advice. I agree angie that my loss has taken the innocence and easiness of pregnancy away. I'm trying to not think about it and I know what will happen will happen.

[sugarNspice]

I have had six consecutive losses, after 2 completely healthy normal pregnancies. So far my current pregnancy has been healthy and normal as well, though I will not rest easily until this baby is in my arms and alive.

I tell you this not to warn you that you too could have multiple losses in a row (of course, you could, but this is not common, and not likely), but to try to convey that not only is it possible to go on to have a healthy prengnancy after miscarriage, but that it's possible to survive the fear, and to take good care of your body and developing baby despite the anxiety that you will likely feel.

Things that have helped me: gentle exercise, like walking, yoga--very gentle, has helped sooooo much in terms of relieving stress, having supportive friends and loving people surround me with distractions, trying to focus my attention on pregnancy as little as possible, and instead attending to other things that matter in my life--the kids I already have, DH, career goals, my garden, etc.

Thinking too much about pregnancy--regardless of whether these thoughts are optimistic or anxious--tends to increase my anxiety levels, so for me it's less helpful.

Do know that you are not alone, and that what you are feeling is both normal and common.

My fingers are crossed for a healthy sticky baby for you.

[WantingPink]

I don't have any advise for you on what the percentages are although I do know they are low however, most rainbow babies are girls:)

[ratcliffe1811]

I'm sorry for your loss.I've been lucky enough to not yet (and hopefully not have to) experience an m/c but with my third I had twinges and pains and constantly thought I was going to lose him. It's very hard to relax but it does seem that rainbow babies seem to stick very well in a lot of cases. Personally I'd say stop looking for statistics you will end up more nervous and panicky which isnt good for you or baby. Sticky dust and hugs your way :bighug:

[Rosie85]

Thank you everyone. I am feeling better about it all today. This pregnancy feels way better than my last...more normal. My boobs hurt way more and I feel sick a lot. I'm gonna pee on a stick and I'm expecting it to be much darker today!

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge congrats!

The "odds" are completely individual and really don't tell you a lot in this type of scenario. Later losses take more of a toll and while it was a quick turnaround, I would have gone for it after a natural loss at 5 weeks. It's much easier to come back from physically and many people think that your body would not have been able to ovulate and conceive that quickly if you weren't recovered enough to sustain a pregnancy.

It's totally normal to have fears - I think that once you have had a loss it's never quite the "ignorance is bliss" that it was prior. Huge (((hugs))) and sending you a ton of sticky pink dust.

[The Anchor]

I'm so sorry again Rosie, m/c is one of the hardest things to go through. I think it's because you feel so alone and no one understands, but I also believe that many women don't tell ANYONE about their experiences - you know, the 3-month rule. So it's really nice to have your "faceless" friends on this site :). Although I desperately want another baby after 3 OHWs (the third ending in m/c) I am, like you, TERRIFIED of my next pregnancy. All I can offer is huge virtual HUGS and know that you are not alone.

[hotdogz&boyz]

I'm gonna be honest and say that you will probably have more fears and reservations in this pregnancy than you did with your previous ones. Loss just does that to people. You realize how delicate life really is and it can mess with your mind. HOWEVER, I agree that your chances of having another loss in a row are fairly low, considering your three healthy pregnancies and the fact that statistically, most women experience a loss at some point in their reproductive lives. Not saying its easy, but it is a fairly common occurrence and one that does affect things afterward.

Try not to focus on all the twinges and obsess about the darkness of lines. It will only drive you nuts. You might think it will help, but it really will only increase your anxiety.

I've had five losses total now. Four between my 1st and 2nd child and then the chemical pregnancy we just had (4.2w) and it does color your outlook for future pregnancies (my "serial losses" were explained, please don't be scared by that). I never quite relax and I never quite feel as confident as I did in my first pregnancy. But, the good news is that I also tended to enjoy the little things (heartbeat sonograms, anatomy scan, movement) just a tad bit more because of those losses, just relishing a little in knowing what a miracle it was that things were going well. Not saying that moms who haven't experienced loss don't relish those things, but I did have a bit more appreciation than I did with my "innocent" pregnancy.

I wish you the best in your pregnancy and I hope to join you in the rainbow team soon (ish). Hugs. And big congrats!

[unwirklich]

Having just had 2 back to back losses after 3 healthy boys, I really looked into this (I'm a writer) and wrote a full article on this very topic lol

Chances of multiple miscarriages
Multiple Miscarriages: A Look at Recurrent Miscarriage Statistics - Yahoo Voices - voices.yahoo.com (http://voices.yahoo.com/multiple-miscarriages-look-recurrent-miscarriage-12666222.html?cat=52)

another from before my second loss about what helped dealing with the anxiety :(
Pregnancy After Miscarriage: FAQ and Tips - Yahoo Voices - voices.yahoo.com (http://voices.yahoo.com/pregnancy-after-miscarriage-faq-tips-12660912.html?cat=52)

I sincerely hope things turn out better for you this round. :)

[mommymachine]

My story will start off sad but then be happy:)

I had my first loss after 4 normal healthy pregnancies. The loss happened at 7 weeks but the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks. I got pregnant immediately and lost that one as well at 5 weeks...but then I got pregnant immediately AGAIN and THAT baby is now my beautiful, happy, healthy 7 month old daughter who is just cutting her very first tooth:)