Feeling down!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I am feeling so down tonight. It seems everywhere I look there's baby girls! Kelly Clarkson just had a girl, Shannan Pontons wife is pregnant (and my stupid irrational brain just "knows" she will have a girl), there are gender reveals of girls circulating through everything and I went shopping today and there were baby girls everywhere!!

And I'm on CD2 today but don't know what to do about this month as I have been off LE for over a week and haven't exercised for weeks and even tonight, we had fronds over for pizza and I thought "I'll get vegetarian and just eat 2 slices" but I ended up eating 3 vegetarian slices, 2 garlic bread pieces and 2 chicken pieces of pizza!! WTF?? And then I cried cause I felt so bad that I want a girl more than anything but I can't even follow the diet!!??!

If we don't try this month, we won't even think about it again til December, but if I do get pregnant this month and it's a boy, I'll blame my crappy effort of swaying!
But I'm also worried DH will change his mind within the next six months so I'll never get a chance to try again.

I had it all together when we were swaying before the m/c but I just can't seem to get 'my s%#t together' again, even though I want this soooo bad!! 😢

I just don't know what to do. 😞

[SamS_TTCPink]

Oh, and I tried to chat to DH and asked what he thinks and all i got was a "I dunno" 😠

[missxo143]

Sorry you feel down, Try to stay positive I know sometimes it easier said than done... Good thoughts your way..

[SamS_TTCPink]

DH just comes to me and says "so cause were not trying anymore does that mean I can go to the gym??" Arrggghh!!

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks missxo 💜

[covered in blue]

I know some of what you are feeling today. But it's a new day tomorrow darl :). Hope you'll feel better after a good sleep xxx

[angielorna]

I'm sorry you're so down :( I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom to make this easier for you. I hope you find the strength (and some freaking support from DH) to continue on your journey for a daughter. With all the stress that's been coming at you, it's no wonder you are struggling with your sway. Give yourself a break....you've been dealing with a lot. Today is a new day and you can make it whatever you chose. Be kind to yourself...you deserve it.

Angie

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks Angie x

[Marika]

So sorry to hear you are down Mumofsix. It is understandable though, you have been through a lot lately and seem to have a big lack of support. I wish that the girls on here could be there for you irl! Or well, in first place I would wish your family and husband would change.

And I don't think you are doing as bad on the diet as you think, from all I see you are doing such a great job with the sway. I think you being so alone in this swaying process, having to do the decisions and feeling it is all in your hands is putting a lot (too much) pressure on you.

As angie said, be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

[kitkat18]

Hey mum , im sorry you are feeling like this!! I too agree with marika you are too hard on yourself... It always sounds like you are brilliant on the diet. If I was you I would sway this last month and pray for a BFP if not I would take a break from swaying, just enjoy life, relax, re group and come back ready for a Dec conception! Hope you find your answers xxxxx

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[QueenB3blue]

Sorry you are having a hard time Mumofsix!
Hopefully you don't mind me commenting:) Anytime I have seen a post from you I felt that you were a really strong person. It is ok to feel down, don't be so hard on yourself. Sending good thoughts to you!!!

Maybe just let DH go to the gym and do whatever. I get so stressed when my DH is cranky! I realized right away that my DH wasn't going to be very supportive when it came to swaying, so I barely ever mention it to him!

[SamS_TTCPink]

Awww...thank you QueenBblue! That's such a beautiful thing to say.

I'm lucky that DH has been so supportive for the past 6months in regards to our sway. He has been following the diet and doing cardio only and even been having soy and going veg! I just think he is over it all taking so long too. I think he wants to try this month but he said today that he will support wherever I decide to do and that we don't need to make a decision just yet. And he is still on the diet! Probably doing better than me. Lol!

I do feel much better, think getting AF again just got me down. Still undecided on what to do though, I don't want to have any "regrets" if we do get another boy but I guess no month will be perfect.

Arrggghh... Decisions, decisions. 😉

[QueenB3blue]

So glad you are feeling better:)
I guess my DH isn't to bad, he just does better when it is on his own terms. So instead of me asking him not to eat a cheeseburger, he on his own will decide not to eat one because I am not.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do this month! :) :)

[PrimalMamma]

Mumofsix someone once said to me that you only regret the children you don't have, not the ones you do. No doubt if you had another boy you would have some pretty major gender disappointment but you are a lovely person & a wonderful mother, you would move past that & love that little man to bits. You're right, no month will be perfect, December is Xmas & virtually impossible to stick to LE!!! The decision is yours ultimately of course but I just tend to think its better to go for it rather than be left with a stack of "what ifs", especially if there's a chance DH will change his mind. Your diet always seems excellent to me, as you know I couldn't cope with LE & I've basically given up all hope of having a girl unless its just by luck which I guess is a possibility. In in the 2ww now & keep staring longingly at the girls clothes knowing I'll probably never get to buy them. It's hard. Big hugs. Chin up xx


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[stephk]

mum ive only just seen this post now, I am really sorry that you have been feeling down. And with good reason to, you are not getting the support you need from your family. I do agree with QueenB3, I think you should just let your DH do whatever he wants in the gym (he probably does anyway if you are not there to supervise). This is just another aspect that you may be trying to control which is not good for the sway anyway and its causing arguments between you and your DH. As for the diet I have been pretty bad myself for the past 3 weeks, Ive done my best but the restriction was getting too much. So I can only imagine what our DHs must go through when we are imposing these restrictions on them.

I think if I was you, I would let DH do what he wants (but let him know his comments and behaviour are affecting you and he needs to be more sensitive about it), do your best from here - you are only on CD3 now? So have 2 weeks to do the diet again, give it your best shot - and what is meant to be will be. Dont overthink what will happen if you are successful this time or not, save thinking about that for later. I hope this will be your month and will be praying for you.

[atomic sagebrush]

Aw hun. Huge hugs!!!

It can be hard to stick with the diet. I think after 4-5-6 boys it's mighty tough to believe we can ever have a girl, IKYKWIM, and that makes it hard to deny oneself.

I honestly don't have any real advice, this is one of those crystal ball situations where I just can't say what is best. What do you think will be better/easier for your family as a whole??? Aside from swaying??

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks atomic.

I still really have no idea what to do. I tried to talk to DH about it last night and I said I think I want to attempt this month but it seems he has changed his tune and now wants to wait. He doesn't think we have been "good enough" on the diet and exercise etc to get a girl this month.

I really can't wait til you get that crystal ball Atomic! I need to know what to do and if I'll ever get my girl! 😉💜

DS1 (almost 16) showed my a video last night of parents telling their 3 young children they were going to have another baby and the kids crying saying they don't want another brother or sister. He said that's how he will react if we ever get pregnant again. 😕
The other kids can't wait though and keep saying will you hurry up and have another baby! 😊 I think they just really want a sister though and if we do have another boy, they will love him to bits but will still be pushing to try again. Lol!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I was a bit annoyed by something on FB today... A lady on a parenting site was complaining about her MIL and how she's too in love with this girls new son. She was saying she takes him off her and kisses him all the time.

Anyway, there were so many comments about the MIL not being her mum and how as she's not her daughter she shouldn't be so involved and how this lady needs to put her foot down with her MIL.

Now, my MIL hates me (as do my own parents so it doesn't matter much) but it made me so sad that if I never have a daughter and am always just the MIL to my grand kids mothers will I have to be "not as involved" in my grand kids lives because the mums not my daughter??!?

And I did think about how my mums mum was always more involved with us then my dad's parents but they were very involved in their daughters kids lives, and my parents are more involved in our kids lives (not in the best way) then my MIL and FIL who by their choice have very little to do with them. And then I was thinking about others I know and how it's the same. The maternal grandparents are involved but the paternal ones aren't as much if at all.

Is that my future?? And all because I don't have a daughter and so lose the "right" to be involved in my boys kids lives?? 😞

I want a daughter so badly to have the mother & daughter relationship I never got with my mum, and I know if I don't get a girl I will always feel like that part of my life is missing, but this would make it even worse if I was always having to be on the outer to any grand kids I get. 😢

[myurkanin817]

I'm in the same boat. I want a girl so bad bc I don't think we'll have the money for a second... But I can't even stick to the diet. I'm seriously so disgusted lately.... I hope you feel better & just remember you're not alone!!!

[Luvmyboys]

I just wanted to pipe in and tell you that my MIL is very involved! She sees my kids every week and my mom only sees them on holidays. They both live about 5 miles away! I think the difference is MIL makes an effort. Of course, I would love it if my mom was around more, but my boys have their nana. :) thought this might help you feel a bit better knowing it can happen. :)

[PrimalMamma]

I totally get the MIL thing MumofSix my MIL has 4 sons & little to no relationship with any of them beyond text messages/Facebook posts etc. My brother spends an enourmous amount of time with his inlaw's & the rest of his wife's family but hardly sees us or my parents, despite us never having any sort of falling out & still caring about each other deeply. We are just not a priority for him & he is happy living far away & accepting support from his inlaws whose relationship is fostered by his wofe. I am very close to my parents (my mother especially) & she struggles immensely with the difference between the relationship between her & I & the relationship between her & my brother. She doesn't know we are TTC at all (let alone the sway) & often says she really feels for me that I'll never know what it is to mother a daughter. If I am pregnant this month I don't believe it will be a girl as I have done everything wrong (never got a definite OPK so ended up attempting several times) & as much as I am not falling to pieces over the idea of having a 3rd son I know I will grieve.


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[stephk]

mum thats exactly how I feel too. I dont want to be the MIL or pushed out. I really really want that mother daughter relationship but I have always had a brilliant relationship with my mum. When I was PG and when DS was born I know who I wanted around (apart from DH of course) more than anyone else and that was my mum. I dont have a MIL because unfortunately my DHs mum died before we met so I have no idea how our relationship would have been although from what I hear we would have had a brillant relationship. She would have been living in South Africa and we live in London so again, I wouldnt have seen much of her apart from Skype calls and the rare occasion I can visit SA because my DH chooses to go at a time that I cant take annual leave at work. Although I like my FIL and get on with him, I find that he is pretty lazy and wont help or babysit and when he visits he expects me to do a lot, and when I visit him in SA he has stupid expectations too (which I often refuse to live up to but thats another story!!) My family live up in Yorkshire and visit when they can in school holidays, I go up at christmas and easter. I am not very good at calling them (but they are the same and thats fine!) and for this reason (plus other long story things) my dad doesnt want to know me or my brother. So I really only have my mum (plus her partner) and my 2 brothers as close family if that makes any sense.

OK i am rambling but what I meant to say is that I totally understand where you are coming from and I think it is out of order people commenting that the MIL should be less involved!!!

luvmyboys - thank you for chiming in with your experience, i hope others also chime in - I am sure there are a lot of loved and involved MILs out there. My mum gets to see my niece a lot and is involved and my brother isnt with the mother anymore, and if my youngest brother ever had kids i know my mum would be so involved, they are so close. But as he is with an older lady who already has 3 kids (and is good friends with my mum now) I dont think he will have any of his own.

[atomic sagebrush]

in my fmily it's been the other way round, it's the sons that have hung around and the daughters gone off across the country with husbands and jobs. This has been true for literally everyone in my and my husband's family (like a dozen separate nuclear families) The daughter moves away with husband, and at least one of the sons stays behind or even travels with the parents to a new area!!!

[Rosie85]

Goes to show you never know. My family has all the girls moving away. The boys stick around. I too will be moving out of state and that means every girl on my moms family's side will be living out of state. Every boy though remains here in mMinnesota.

[atomic sagebrush]

Honestly, I don't even GET this concern because that is all I see is the daughters hooking up with Studley McSexydude and moving off into the middle of wherever for his career or his dreams. Sons stay put way more than daughters, not just in my family but in most of the people I know IRL.

Virtually all Asian cultures and also many African and Middle Eastern cultures are based on the idea that girls getting married move into the husband's family home and actually live wiht the mother in law.

[atomic sagebrush]

And not trying to say it's not a legit concern or that people don't have a good reason for having it, just that it's so far removed from my whole life experience that it is confuddling to me.

[Rosie85]

I think the concern is very valid not in terms of the son moving away but instead in being removed. Both my husband and his brother spend way more time with the wife's side. We don't go see my husband's parents often. ..they annoy me. It is common for the wife to play a huge role in deciding I think. My older brother also ignores my mom but not because of his wife. Almost every married male I know spends more time with the wives side though so that part of it concerns me.