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View Full Version : Hi! Have 2 beautiful boys -would love a girl - but may be too old . . .


beingmommy
June 15th, 2014, 10:35 PM
Hi!

I am new here. Not even sure if I will end up using any of the great info here as I am not sure if we will actually TTC for a 3rd baby. We have two gorgeous boys (7 yrs old & almost 1 yr old). We have a large gap between our boys as DS1 has autism and for a while things were very hard and we wanted him to get all the attention he needed. At one point we even thought he'd be an only. THEN he started doing really wonderfully and we decided to try for a 2nd. We lost a pregnancy at 11 weeks and the conceived DS2. He is amazing and I adore him and his older brother. But I realized after opening the door to having a 2nd child it reignited my dreams for a big family. I had previously always dreamed of 4 kids and assumed there would be at least one girl. Now I really want to try one more time to see of we could have a little girl. I just want the chance.

BUT it's tricky because pregnancies are hard on me. They are healthy but very hard. I have horrible nausea and lots of pelvic pain and my functioning level is greatly lowered. Not great for a SAHM who also homeschools a special needs kid.

AND I am currently 41, turning 42 this fall. DH is 46. He is also not really onboard with trying for a 3rd. He has not completely shut the door on it but he has said he really doesn't think it is a good idea. He thinks pregnancies are too hard on me. He is worried about my age and something tragic happening to me. He is worried about our combined ages and the risks of birth defects. I worry about these things too. But the pull to try one more time is so strong. I think about it every day. I feel like if we don't try I will always wonder if we could have had a little girl. If we end up with another boy I feel like I could make my peace with it and just know it is our path. But to not try? I might regret it forever.

So that's where I am. I'd really love if we could somehow sway a girl. But I also want to figure out if we can do this at all. Is it a good idea? Are we too old? Should I quit while I am ahead? And we would not even start trying right away anyway as DS2 was a C-section (he was breech) so I want to wait until he is at least 18 months, if not 2 yrs before even trying. By then I'll be over 42 and then 43 by the time I had a 3rd child.
beingmommy
June 15th, 2014, 10:42 PM
Oh I also wanted to add that reading up on stuff here has made me think I swayed boys because I was very well nourished both times and had high testosterone from stressing during TTC. We had a miscarriage before each DS and so both times I was very anxious and controlling every aspect of TTC. Actually I am a generally anxious, controlly type of person who can get OCD too. Sigh. If we were to try again I think my biggest challenge would be to RELAX and let it be.
ratcliffe1811
June 16th, 2014, 12:50 AM
Welcome :happy: My middle DS has ASD so I know how challenging that can be, but rewarding too. If you did try you could start the le diet before you actually start actively trying.
atomic sagebrush
June 18th, 2014, 06:08 PM
Bump this for me, as I'd like to give a thorough response and am out of time today.
beingmommy
June 18th, 2014, 09:26 PM
Ratcliffe, thank you! ASD is hard sometimes but like you said so rewarding. I am a much better parent and person because of my DS1. I definitely will try the LE diet if we decide to go ahead and try for another baby.
covered in blue
June 19th, 2014, 07:29 AM
Welcome :)
beingmommy
June 19th, 2014, 05:54 PM
Bumping for Atomic and also adding a question as I keep reading more on this site.

I was wondering, for a girl sway, do I want to make my body think things are changing diet and testosterone-wise close to when we TTC? What I mean is, could I keep eating my nutrient dense food (that is very boy sway friendly) right now and then a couple months before we might TTC, switch to the LE diet so my body registers it as a losing weight have less abundance and suddenly sways girl? And then also keep up with my usual state of being right now, being a little OCD and what not, and then a couple of months before TTC suddenly focus on super relaxing and letting things go.
beingmommy
June 19th, 2014, 09:56 PM
DH and I talked this evening and he is warming up to the idea of a 3rd! We are not making the decision yet but it's definitely more on the table. I love him so much, he is such an awesome DH, dad, and person.
covered in blue
June 20th, 2014, 12:20 AM
Definitely beingmommy just keep eating as normal for now and start the diet about 3 months before you start TTC. Otherwise you might lose too much weight, stop ovulation, have to put on weight to get pregnant, and end up swaying blue again. That is unless you have a lot of weight to lose to begin with.
I think with the OCD stuff though you can start relaxing whenever you want. Probably better to start sooner in fact as it can take a while to retrain yourself lol. Just don't start any big projects right before you start TTC.

How exciting :). Three is awesome by the way!
beingmommy
June 20th, 2014, 01:06 PM
Thank you covered in blue! I could stand to lose maybe 10-15 lbs but no more than that so starting close to TTC sounds like a good plan. And I will start learning to chill out now. LOL!
atomic sagebrush
June 22nd, 2014, 11:11 AM
Bumping for Atomic and also adding a question as I keep reading more on this site.

I was wondering, for a girl sway, do I want to make my body think things are changing diet and testosterone-wise close to when we TTC? What I mean is, could I keep eating my nutrient dense food (that is very boy sway friendly) right now and then a couple months before we might TTC, switch to the LE diet so my body registers it as a losing weight have less abundance and suddenly sways girl? And then also keep up with my usual state of being right now, being a little OCD and what not, and then a couple of months before TTC suddenly focus on super relaxing and letting things go.

If you have sway q's it's easiest for me if you start separate threads in swayign forum and ask there. I can't keep up on introduction threads because most of them are just people saying hi! :)

We played around with doing it both ways, but it quickly became clear that slow and steady got MUCH better results and I no longer recommend hitting it hard just before TTC. Start making small changes and continue over time. This is esp. true if you are a little OCD - it seems to be best to "trick" yourself into getting bored with the whole thing, so it becomes second nature and old hat before you actually TTC, instead of launching into "Swaymageddon 2014"!!
atomic sagebrush
June 22nd, 2014, 11:20 AM
Ok first thing, if you are 41 it has to happen ASAP. Time is not our friend here. So if you can convince DH even to simply try not trying, not preventing, then that is what I would do. I really really beg you to look into the absolute earlies you can TTC safely because every month that passes, your odds drop and drop. It's scary how quick it goes away.

So what I would do (and this is actually what I DID because I got pg with a recalcitrant hubby at 41 and had my baby girl at 42) is try to get him to agree wiht NTNP and do diet. You can do an LE-type diet and the "atomic fertility diet" in this thread is best for older moms (although I did the regular old LE Diet and was still able to conceive, I was incredibly lucky!) http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/9052-swaying-under-special-circumstances-part-3-pcos.html

Then I would simply BD unprotected every 4 days and let the chips fall where they may. This ends up being about one attempt in the fertile window. IF you want to up odds of conception a bit more, then add in one additional attempt at pos OPK to that.

Be sure you're taking more like 2000 mcg folic acid. This has been shown in studies to possibly lower risks of Downs.
beingmommy
June 22nd, 2014, 01:41 PM
Thanks Atomic for the great info! I will start working on my "Martha-ness" pronto. :)

I also really appreciate the suggestion to start ASAP. I have to admit, though, that we will still probably wait. :( Unfortunately, one thing that also weighs into our decision is the fact that babies born closer together to families that already have a child with ASD greatly increase the risks for the new baby. It's best for us to wait at least 2 years after the birth of a baby before conceiving again. I absolutely recognize that it could make it much more difficult for us to get pregnant but I do feel strongly that we need to give another baby a lower chance of ASD.

Hmmmm, as I am typing this I am thinking I need to post a separate thread about this in the swaying forum! :)
atomic sagebrush
June 27th, 2014, 09:49 AM
Good luck with whatever you decide!!