How old is too old, do you think?

[beingmommy]

I am 41, turning 42 this fall. My DH is 46. We have two boys ( 7 yrs and almost 1 yr). Both gorgeous and healthy (DS1 has ASD). I'd really love to try for a girl. DS2 was a C-section so I need to wait until he is 18 months-2 yrs old (and wouldn't try earlier than that anyway). So I'd likely be 43 by the time the baby was born.

DH is really not onboard because he thinks we are too old. He is afraid of birth defects or something happening to me. I know risks go up substantially in your 40s but is it a given that it will go badly?

I feel very sad at the thought of not at least trying for a girl. If we had another boy I'd know that was just our path but I think I forever regret at least not trying for a girl.

[mythreesons]

I got pregnant at 43 and will be turning 44 this month. I prepared for this pregnancy by eating healthy and exercing. Prior to that, both my kids were conceived with fertility treatments. One by having my tubes flushed in 2005, and he other by IVF in 2009. DS#3 is 5 months old now and passed all his tests thus far. So if I can do it, anyone can. Don't count yourself out. Good luck. :)

Edit: I meant to say 5 months in vitro. He will be born in October 2014.

Edit: Ok, not good with terms. Thought "in vitro" meant in belly. Turns out it means in-vitro dish. DS#3 was a natural conception. So yes, it is possible.

[Keshet]

I'm trying. About to turn 42. I worry about the same things that you do. But, I can't get this baby thing out of my head.

[beingmommy]

Mythreesons, that is great about your littlest so far. It does give me hope. :)

Keshet, I feel like I am obsessed right now with just one more baby. I think about it every day and my DS2 is still a baby. I have a baby but I want more babies! :rolleyes:

[atomic sagebrush]

It is NOT a given at all. I had a daughter at 42 and it was an easy pregnancy, easy birth.

[atomic sagebrush]

Mythreesons, that is great about your littlest so far. It does give me hope. :)

Keshet, I feel like I am obsessed right now with just one more baby. I think about it every day and my DS2 is still a baby. I have a baby but I want more babies! :rolleyes:

Do it NOW, time is not our friend here!!

[ever hopeful]

Despite your C section fairly recently, I'd definitely not hang around. There were 21 months between my C-sections for DS2 and DS3 and I was absolutely fine afterwards (DS1 was also a C-section). You are certainly not too old, I had my 3 boys easily and naturally at 38, 41 and 43 and my HT DD at 45.... Good luck. xx

[beingmommy]

Thanks Atomic and ever hopeful!

My pregnancies were hard on me in terms of nausea and pelvic pain but both were very healthy. And both my boys are healthy. I think I would wait until DS2 was 18 months but that is only 6 months from now. And I could work on getting myself as healthy as possible until then. Then do the LE and RELAX (since I am prone to that whole testosterone OCD/controlly type stuff). I do tend to get pregnant quickly. At least so far I have, though I know I am older now. But at 40 with DS2 it only took a couple of months and it was right after a pregnancy loss so I think my body was still getting reorganized.

OH, but I still need to get DH onboard. And I really want him to be sure or it's a no go. He hasn't shut the door but he is currently very against. But maybe in 6 months when things are easier with the boys . . .

[ever hopeful]

If it helps my DH was VERY opposed to number 4, but now she's here is totally smitten - it took some time and a lot of tears to get him there as HT also went totally against his beliefs! Good luck xx

[beingmommy]

My DH would love a little girl. I think he just sees how exhausted I am right now (I homeschool and DS1 has autism). But *I* think most of it is just first year of a new baby stuff and DS2 has been very high need (even more than DS1 who was also high needs). It's already getting easier as DS2 gets closer to 1 yr.
But I think DH is afraid that we should quit while we're ahead. AND he's much more worried about something happening to me. I think the C-section was scarier for him than he admitted at the time.

[BZ88]

I share these concerns. Then I remind myself that my grandmother like many during her time had 6 children total 2 of which were in her 40s. I believe it's definitely possible to have healthy children in our 40s.

[mommymachine]

My mom had me at 40. I'm A-Okay! My husbands Aunt had twin boys at 48!!! They will be two in September and healthy strong little men. Her pregnancy was fantastic, zero complications...had a C-section at 37 weeks because one was presenting wrong.

[beingmommy]

BZ88 and Mommymachine thank you! It IS true that women have had babies in their 40s for years. I guess it is all the recent stuff about "advanced maternal age" and such that gets me all stressed out.

[BZ88]

I saw this post. Incredible.

A midlife fertility surge left Louise holding FOUR babies in her 40s: The little-known phenomenon that can deliver big surprises | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2357909/A-midlife-fertility-surge-left-Louise-holding-FOUR-babies-40s-The-little-known-phenomenon-deliver-big-surprises.html)

[beingmommy]

BZ88 wow! I cried while reading that. How amazing for that couple! I wonder about the idea of a last burst of fertility. I've always been fertile but since my DS2 was born, I got my AF back at 5 months despite exclusively BFing and now, every month I have crazy huge amounts of EWCM. More than anytime in the past. Hmmmmmmm.

[BZ88]

Let's take advantage of this last surge. I believe it's totally possible to have healthy babies in your 40 so ladies let's think positive and focus on caring for our bodies.

Not sure if there's much activity on this later mom board. I'm wondering if anyone had a personalized diet for us later moms ie. Dhea eating lots of good fats veggies and protein exercise HIIT and IF (eating in a 8-10 hour window).

[atomic sagebrush]

Well, not all those things are going to be necessary or doable for older moms, but I do have a diet that is better for fertility that I've had a lot of my older moms on here, 5 posts from top, called "atomic fertility diet" (yes, this is a PCOS thread but the diet works for anyone who needs to maintain higher levels of fertility and there are variants for pink and blue) : http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/9052-swaying-under-special-circumstances-part-3-pcos.html

[Makali]

Hi there,

I don't think there can be a blanket cutoff age and every individual is unique and incomparable. I dont think there is a 'too old' until you reach menopause.

My mother had my younger brother when she was 40. I am currently 39 with twins. There are mothers in the toddler group I take my 2 year old daughter to who are in their mid-forties (one of whom has a 2 year old girl and a newborn daughter and she herself is 43). The lady sharing the same room with me at the post natal ward after I had my son had just turned 50.

I asked my midwife if she thought I was too old and she looked at me odd and said "I get loads of mothers much older than you. Only today I saw two ladies in their 50's." And she also added that they were healthy pregnancies with no complications.

There is no such thing as 'too old' in my opinion. Medical textbooks are there as statistical guides. They're in no way determinant. Women used to have children well into their 40's in the victorian times and before according to census records. Nowadays healthy pregnancies and childbriths for women in their 40's and over have nearly caught up to their younger counterparts with the medical advancement in place.

[maidentomother]

My maternal grandmother conceived my mother (and her twin brother) at age 40, then my mother had me at 36 and later my brother at 43, both perfect pregnancies. My mum also conceived boy/girl twins at 47, it was an oops/unplanned, and she miscarried them both.

My paternal grandmother had my dad and then 2 of my aunts, all between age 45-50! She had 6 children total (4 girls, 2 boys).

[Jenneilbluebell]

loving this thread ladies

im 38 this year and we are having to hold off a little longer until we hope to get our baby together, but i agree with whats been said, congrats on your twins makali :) :) xx

[Nahri]

As your supply dwindles you definitely run into tougher odds of conception but as long as you are healthy, low risk for issues, and are totally cool with being 60 when your child turns 20 then go for it!