Need help from those who have moved past GD and into acceptance

[Babyblues]

Hi all,

I have 2 lovely boys and had many, many challenges to try for my little girl. Around 6 times with HT, of which the last one failed miserably by not even producing one normal embryo.

I think its time to give up, but I still can't help but look into prams, look at family compositions, try not to look at girls clothes in the shopping centre, etc. I can't help but wonder why not me?

What I do need is ideas on how others have come to terms with not ever getting their DG. Did counselling help? Will I just not feel better until I go through menopause?

I'd love to hear tips from those that have moved on and are prepared to accept their life and family for what it is.

Lists in order of their importance would be great. I really need help to move on and get out of this rut.

Thanks all.

[covered in blue]

I'm not sure there are many on here who have moved on from their GD without getting what they wanted. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you :(. I thought we were done and moving on for almost a year but it's come back for me and we are going to try again at some point. I wish you all the peace in the world with your decision xxx.

[coliny]

Hi! I have 2 boys and did ht for a girl. Got 3xx and 4 xy. We had a bfn and chemical on transferring my 3xx. We kept our xy frozen. Tried for a year to get pg and 2 iuis but nothing. Long story short, I wanted a baby more than the gender in the end. We ended up going back for our xy and now pregnant with twins and could not be happier.

In the end I realized that gender doesn't really matter. My mom had horrible gd. She had 3 girls and finally had a boy in the end. My brother is the laziest of us. He does not work hard and relies on my parents too much. So it does not really matter what gender you get. Each person has a different personality. Whatever qualities you are hoping to get from the gender that you want might already be in the gender that you already have. Besides, whatever relationship you want to have with your kids is really up to you on how you build on that. I always thought having a dd will mean having them closer to me but you know what, my eldest son is already very loving - what I would want my dd to be.

Hope it's helpful.

[Leokat]

Hi, I don't have much to really give you on this one, but wanted to let you know that we're all there with you. I have two boys and had horrid GD with my youngest who is only 10 weeks. I tell him often when we're alone that I'm so glad he is here and that I couldn't be without him, and if course I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. I'm in two minds as to whether to go for number 3 as I don't want to get those hopes built up then end up with GD again if I get a 3rd boy - it seems unfair that we can't get a chance to raise both genders. I guess that's just the gamble... I agree with, and like Coliny's reply to you...our children are what they are already and sometimes I do wonder that if I did get my dd then would I get on with her the way that I have envisioned all these years? She may be my total opposite... I hope you find a way through this, and I'm glad we all have this site to confide in one another. I guess that I'm not quite as over the whole GD thing as I'd like to be. Maybe as I may not be done having kids so the hope is still there... Hugs to you xxxx

[Peebell85]

Again, I have no solutions for you either, but when I found out my second was a boy (which every fibre of my being was telling me it was going to be the much wanted girl I so swayed for and desired) I cried for a few days, and did get into a depressive rut, but I had a 3D scan of my boy two days ago and seeing his sweet face helped me love him for being my baby, not boy or girl.

I tend to suffer with anxiety/depressive thoughts and I had to go on anti-depressants and they do snap you out of a negative way of thinking, and obsessive thoughts than can spiral you into a bad pattern of thinking which is virtually impossible to snap yourself out of. I'm not saying you need meds but that is my type of personality and they definately helped me stop "obsessing" about something I couldn't control.

[Peebell85]

Oh and I follow some super cool instagram mums who have the coolest little boys, and they are just gorgeous.... I have started focussing on boy families instead of looking at pictures of the cute little blonde girls...

Check out these hot boy mummas:
@mrs_paulie_
@breumel_
@rachelmenard
@hush_babydesign

[Leokat]

I also follow boy mums on Instagram, haha I thought I was the only one who did this! I follow Jennifer Stano, Gwen Stefani, Danielle Lloyd, the stiletto me up and a few others. xx

[3littleladies]

I can honestly say ive moved past gd & into acceptance, I have learned everything happens for a reason, its like a puzzle it all eventually falls into place, I think learning to accept well for me anyway was that I dont want anymore then 3 children so I have no other choice but to accept what has been given to me, even if I was guaranteed a boy next I wouldnt go for a fourth, I think it would be much harder to learn acceptance if your not done having children, but in saying that I think time heals many things.

[1+2+3boys]

I like the idea of following Mums with all boys on social media. I don't do Instagram. Does anyone know of any others? I just read a magazine article about one of New Zealands top fashion designers Kate Sylvester who has three boys. I didn't know that and what makes it even cooler is that two of them are twins so we are a bit alike and I like fashion too and have just started sewing.

She said "It was a shock to end up with all these boy children"
But she says now (at 47 and her boys in early teens) that it is the best thing that could have happened for her. She keeps her work and family life totally seperate and they are such a great contrast that one is a break from the other. Girly at work with mostly female staff being a Woman's fashion label and then boy zone at home which she loves too.
I really loved reading it and I guess I may feel the same way in years to come. I doubt the pang of wanting a girl will ever truely go away but I can imagine it getting much easier with time especially as my boys grow more into amazing people. I want to be a Mid Wife so my work will be VERY female orientated and then if I don't get my girl it will be boyzone at home and with my hobbies I can slink away on my own. I need my alone time, as much as would have liked to share my hobbies with at least one of my children.

I still want one more child but it may always not happen or it might not be my girl. So I try to accept things the way they are now just in case.

Hugs to you and I hope things are getting easier

[Navywife620]

I can honestly say now that DS3 is 10 months old that I am happy with 3 boys and that if we don't have anymore I will be fine. And if we did have another I don't know I would sway much. Maybe do a couple of girlie things for fun but I think I would be content if I had a 4th boy. I love my boys to death. I had horrid GD with DS2 and even worst was DS3 to the point I was crying daily. And if you are looking just at the material things for girls, there are so many cute things for boys now. Like DS3 i love to put him in bow ties Heres some pics of him.20439

[Adia]

Holy smokes Navywife! He's so cute! I need a boy!!

[1+2+3boys]

Navy wife he is adorable! Seriously a really cute guy and I love that you dress him up. I do it to my boys too. I can't wait for summer. I have the cutest suspenders ever in waiting

[Navywife620]

Thank you!! I love that there are so many more options for boys now. With DS1 and DS2 there was nothing. I love dressing DS3.