Anyone see a therapist about gender desire?

[Trike3]

DH and I are in the process if deciding to sway or go HT, and I'm thinking that before we TTC it might be a good idea for me to see a therapist (especially if we sway), just to make sure I've "got my head on right", KWIM?
Has anyone discussed gender depression/desire with a therapist? I'm terrified of discussing this stuff with anyone other than DH (and you ladies, of course!). I'm especially worried that a dr will think I'm completely daft for considering elective IVF just to ensure #2 is a DD. I've never done therapy before, so I don't know how to even go about finding a good dr.
Any advice on this is very appreciated.

[purplepoet20]

I was afraid so i went to an online therpy site. I was told there are a lot people with those feelings and it is normal. The anything you need to except is the possible outcomes... your dream child or 2 of the same gender.

After this I did see a reg therapist to really let it out, I went without DH. I was told the same thing.

I am doing my 2nd sway but I am more relaxed. I made a basic list of what I am doing. I planned for a long (or short) time frame, I am allowing 18mths. And I decided that if I am not pregnant by the end of next year to not worry because at least I tried. I am not stressing over my plan of checking it like crazy. I am not set on a food plan mostly just bla food with a few cheats. I except that I could have 4 boys and see nothing wrong with it as long as they are all healthy. Do I dream of a girl, yes. Will I cry if it doesn't happen, yes. But in the end will I be happy with the fact that I tried to sway 2 times, yes.

My dad told me, he knew about my sway last time. Except the things that are meant to be!

[Hopingforaprincess]

I did with my 3rd son...I hadn't experienced gd with my other two. My husband wants me to see a therapist agin before we try the end of this year because he doesn't want to see me go through that depression again, especially if we end up having another boy.

[luckyfourleafclover]

yes - I have.

I cannot really talk properly to my DH about it all, so I really needed to talk to her and it helped a lot.

[atomic sagebrush]

I have seen mixed results with therapy for this. Either the therapists are not supportive about it and try to just get people to get over it, or else they want to attribute it to some childhood trauma when really it is a pretty natural and I believe, inborn desire for many of us.

Sooo...I guess my caveat is, be sure that you won't end up with your head on wronger by going to therapy than you were to begin with, if that makes any sense.

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

It's a good idea; and I may do this too. As this will be my last and I will probably experience gd pretty intense.


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[Trike3]

Atomic, yes, that totally makes sense. I fully understand that GD is normal, largely in part due to sites like this that will openly discuss it. DH has been super supportive from day one (he held me and told me he understood when I cried after DS's ultrasound). It's such a horrible thing that this is so taboo, isn't it? Do you suppose there are drs that specialize in this? If not, there should be!

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

That's also a good point. ^^


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[butterflywarbie]

im seeing a therapist at the moment shes really good and ive realized that even though i want a girl so badly i always want a baby no matter what so i think its going to help me if i have yet another boy x

[atomic sagebrush]

Atomic, yes, that totally makes sense. I fully understand that GD is normal, largely in part due to sites like this that will openly discuss it. DH has been super supportive from day one (he held me and told me he understood when I cried after DS's ultrasound). It's such a horrible thing that this is so taboo, isn't it? Do you suppose there are drs that specialize in this? If not, there should be!

I know a doctor from the Sacramento area went through GD and began counseling services based on her experience but I'm not sure if it was successful or not.

I do think it's just awful it's taboo. It is SO common and it is blatantly obvious to me it is some natural thing that is universal to the human experience and people need to get over their d@mn selves!

I don't have any desire to climb Mount Everest and I actually think it's kind of a dumb thing to do. I don't want a granite countertop or to sell Mary Kay cosmetics or read 50 Shades of Gray either. But I would never sit in judgement of someone who DOES want to do those things...it's just something that matters to them but not to me. Diffrent strokes for diffrent folks. Some people take things very seriously and are extremely passionate about stuff I don't care about and vice versa. So why am I some kind of monster in the eyes of certain parties for wanting a daughter???

[ocean]

Yes I have - and over time the therapy helped me counter my negative thoughts and change my mindset. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) specifically. Even walking down the street is different for me now. It took a while, and I'm not cured or anything, but I'm healthier now. It's like breathing fresh air after years of low-grade poison.

When I told my therapist he was quite good and non-judgmental with GD/GDe issues, he said he sees a number of LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) patients -- and he's very familiar with perceptions around gender. So that could be one thing to look for when looking for a therapist.

Example good CBT books if you can't get to a therapist soon - the top one I highly recommend, it's the first homework my therapist gave me:
Colorado Counseling: Recommended Cognitive Therapy Books (http://www.coloradocounseling.com/question6.htm)

I blogged a little about talking to my therapist too:
http://genderdreaming.com/forum/blogs/ocean/2429-my-therapist-i-discussed-gd.html

[Mrs_Incredible]

I've downloaded that first one onto my kindle, probably a good time for a refresher for me! Since ttc#4 and the mc, ttc again, sticky bfp drama, feeling awful with pg illness, believing it was ds4, rollercoaster, disbelief and the extra worry now its actually my longed for dd, I've gotten into negative thought patterns to protect myself again.... Thanks for reminding me it doesn't have to be that way, its a choice! X
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[ocean]

I've gotten into negative thought patterns to protect myself again.... Thanks for reminding me it doesn't have to be that way, its a choice!

EXACTLY

These thoughts are ultimately in our control. It doesn't always feel that way, but that perspective is what therapy can help you integrate into your daily life. Including how we perceive others' comments, one of the biggest GD drivers.