WWYD? HT or Sway?

[Trike3]

If you could afford HT, would you do it? Why or why not?

DH and I would like to limit our family to 2 kids, and now that we have DS, we are facing the choice of sway or HT for a girl.
Swaying makes me nervous, because I would really like to keep our children to just the two, but I REALLY REALLY want a DD.
DH would prefer that too, but is ok with having 3 kids if a sway were to produce an opposite. He said it isn't what he wants, but he could be ok with it. No more than the three though.
I would prefer to sway, but am nervous about getting an opposite. When I think of going HT, I feel relaxed, because the gender is pretty well set. No guessing. (Of course, there are unique worries associated with HT.)
The money for HT would be hard, but I don't think it's impossible for us to do. Plus, I'm thinking the cost of HT for #2 would be much less than the cost of having 3 kids.
What do you think?

[bluebonnet22]

In your shoes I'd for sure do HT

[bluebonnet22]

And to better answer your question, we can afford HT but choose not to because my DH would prefer 2 boys and in general I prefer boys to girls as well. I'm OK with being a boy mom if that is the hand fate will be dealing me. I would do HT if I much preferred a DD this time.

[Rosie85]

If you can afford ht I would do that. It's a guarantee but then again with only 1 kid so far you could easily have a girl next time and be wasting money. For those of us with 3+ of the same gender ht is much more worth the money without wondering if it was necessary.

[2blue1pink]

We had a DD for my first pregnancy but she passed away after she was born, we have since had 2 boys (and I definitely swayed blue unknowingly for them both). We were reallllllyyyyy close to deciding to go HT for a dd. I had a consult, shockingly managed to talk my DH into it, and then chickened out and am throwing myself into a sway the best I can.

For me, there are a lot of things that played into it.
Foremost, it is the money. While we can afford it technically, we wouldn't be able to afford to travel to like HRC or somewhere like that and do it. And it would be a sacrifice of something else for us financially, and to me there is too much of a risk element (of it not working or taking many cycles) to spend that much money that we could be using for our family. (And this is with IVF insurance coverage that we are lucky to have- the meds and PGD won't be covered so those are the main costs I was considering when factoring it.)

We couldn't really agree with what to do with extra embryos if we had any.

There is just something about it I'm not comfortable with and can't really shake that. I know if we did it, got our dd, but then something went wrong, etc. I would feel like it was 'punishment' for trying to go HT. I already have enough guilt issues with losing our dd, I just don't really need the stress and extra mental stuff going through my head the whole time.

Lastly, having two boys is awesome, I love it and I love being a boy mom. I can see myself having 3 boys and I would be okay with that. Not that I wouldn't love to have a living daughter, but I have always wanted 3 living kids most of all, I am at peace with having another son if our sway doesn't work. For me, I would rather risk swaying and maybe ending up with a boy instead of a girl vs. going HT and losing thousands of dollars and ending up with no transfer at all or feeling like we 'had' to transfer a xy embryo because we didn't get a xx.

Anyway, sorry for all the rambling, we JUST went through this exact same thing last month, and I surprised myself by chickening out when I had it all pretty much lined up to start. I have major kudos to anyone who does HT or sways, there are definitely "risks" to both choices, this was just was right for me when I really thought it all out.

[Makai]

We thought about going HT, but decided against it because of the extra embryos it could create. I totally understand/respect other's decisions, but it didn't feel right for us for some reason- still can't put my finger on it. Also, I really want a girl, but won't be heart broken if it's a boy. So we started our swaying adventure.

[LilithWiser1979]

DH wouldn't let me, so HT was out for us. It's hard to think about what I would have preferred now, because I know my sway was successful. The women who did 4-5-6 and more cycles without getting a healthy baby scared me, and DH had a good point that we could literally spend the boys' college funds and have nothing to show for it. No judgement on the women who chose HT! I just couldn't gamble so much of my family's financial cushion on a plan that might not even yield a baby.

[ocean]

I blogged about this choice - and if you go back to my original blog entries you'll see more.

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/blogs/ocean/2510-why-i-did-ht-didnt-sway-50th-blog-post.html

I felt a LOT of what some of the other posters spoke about. And I still feel a little uncomfortable and doubting at times, even where I am in the process. Swaying for me would've taken more courage and comfort with either gender than I knew I had, deep down. But from what you wrote, I'd look seriously at HT. It is not easy, as you already know, but there's a peace that comes from knowing that if it works, you do get your DG.

[myurkanin817]

I would do HT in a heartbeat but we live check to check so there's no possible way. I wish we could. :flowerz:

[coralsky]

I also think you should seriously consider HT, from what you said in your post... There is never an easy answer to this question though... I remember this thread from a while back, and thought it might help...
http://genderdreaming.com/forum/international-ht-family-balancing/35114-deciding-between-pgd-swaying.html
Best of luck with whatever you decide :) xxx

[Drunken Cockatoo]

Just wanna say that I can relate as I am in your shoes. We always wanted just two kids. But DH would also be fine with two boys wheras I wanted a daughter for all my life. My GD completely overwhelmed me and I am afraid of never being really happy if I never get her and I fear that my family will always feel this sadness although I keep it inside. Swaying is so risky.

DH also said that maybe he would agree to a third child. But we have VERY demanding jobs so I don't think it would be fair to our children.

With HT I struggled at first with the fear of all these medical prodedures. Then I overcame that and struggled with the money. But we would be able to afford it. Then I struggled with the thought that I would be cheating and am not supposed to choose. Got over that, too. But I only recently realised that there will be leftover embryos. And that is the part my mind spins around all the time now. I just couldn't donate them. It would eat me up inside - wanting to find my children which would be out there. Just now I did realise that I don't know if I consider discarding equal to abortion. Don't want to offend anyone. Just sharing the thoughts that spin in my mind and drive me crazy.

[Jany1025]

Swaying is not even a choice for us because 1) I can't pregnant on my own (now down to one tube) and 2) We need to prevent a genetic condition, DH has it and is a carrier and DS#2 has it but much more severe..

When I see the swaying works for women, it think those are the real lucky ladies, almost like hitting the lottery without having to do HT, HT is no joke, financially and emotionally...

The thing is if you sway and get the same gender, you might be back to square one and older (egg quality)... I know I was, I had IVF for DS#2 I was trying for 18 mos no baby, I had no clue I could have PGD for anything(like the genetic condition) but thats another story, anyway the minute I found out he was a boy via a scan @16 weeks all the kept me the least bit sane was researching and cycling like a maniac for a girl (see siggy)

Good Luck!

[LilithWiser1979]

Yes, atomic's stance (and I very much agree with it!) is if you're going to do HT, do HT. Swaying will always be there, and women can sway into their 40's. But your odds of a successful HT cycle go down with age. Do HT then sway, don't have HT as a back-up plan if your sway fails.

[SamS_TTCPink]

I'd go HT if we could afford it but it's just so far out of reach for us, especially as it's not available in Australia so we'd have travel costs too.

[6bluewant1pink]

If I could afford HT I would definitely do it!

[Trike3]

Thanks for all the responses!
I worry about all the money. I'm not foolish enough to think we could get it in the first try. Multiple cycles scare me. Not just because of the cost, but going through egg retrieval and all that multiple times... I totally get that it is a seriously draining (mentally, emotionally and financially) experience.
My biggest fear is trying it and spending $20k or $50k and having nothing to show for it all. I know that's a possibility.
I also keep losing my nerve for swaying. I keep thinking, "we will sway. No big deal" then I chicken out and can't do it.

[odd]

We also want no more than 3 kids so swaying does kinda scares me...but I'm slowly coming to terms with having either and br ok with it

Having said that, I would go for HT in a heartbeat but hubby would never ever agree..

[3girl]

I think we would if we had the money or if we had major fertility issues. But it would take a tremendous amount of convincing DH even with all those factors. But we don't have the money anyway so it's not an option.

[atomic sagebrush]

WHat I would do and what I would have YOU do are two different things.

I couldn't have afforded HT, my husband would never have agreed, and even if I did I would have been that person who ends up transferring the XY anyway LOL.

I do think you should seriously look at HT. Every so often someone just strikes me as a boy-mom (and you do) and while it doesn't mean you can't have a successful sway, I think your odds are gonna be better with HT.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes, atomic's stance (and I very much agree with it!) is if you're going to do HT, do HT. Swaying will always be there, and women can sway into their 40's. But your odds of a successful HT cycle go down with age. Do HT then sway, don't have HT as a back-up plan if your sway fails.

exactly, thank you!! If it's ever an option, do it NOW. Odds don't get better with time and in fact you may trade something that will work for you, for something that won't in 3-4-5 years' time.