Preparing myself for the verdict

[Zivic-Bubac]

I'm trying to accept the fact that most likely I'll be mom to four girls :sad: In other words, a living jokeDh and I are already easy targets with three daughters for all kinds of comments.
Unfortunately our social enviroment openly prefers boys.
Tech said it's probably girl on my 13 weeks scan, and though I got mostly boy guesses and boy wishes on ultrasound section (which is comforting, esp.in my state of mind lol) I know miracle won't happen for me.
Just needed to vent.
Of course I love my daughters and I will love this baby girl, but it is so so so unfair I'm not good enough to me a mom to baby boy. And all the nasty comments from relatives, friends and "friends" and complete strangers....
Any recepies how to accept the innevitable?

[Prepsina2014]

I very rarely post comments but I really must write a reply to you and send you a big hug!

I have no recipe on how to accept but I just wanted to say that my first two thoughts were: 1) You are so NOT a joke for having three girls. No one is ever a joke for having lovely children and secondly 2) Gosh, I wish I had a girl... Whenever I see moms with 3 girls (have been seeing so many lately) it physically hurts inside because I feel they are so lucky and I really fight the feeling of envy.

Hopefully you will see that all depends on the eyes of the beholder and I also hope that you can tell you relatives and friends to not make nasty comments. No one should ever make nasty comments and certainly not on someone's children!

Don't get me wrong. I really do understand your longing for a certain gender - as I long for a DD I understand how you can long for a DS - but please don't feel that anything is wrong with you family :heart:

[Zivic-Bubac]

Thank you for your kindness :HH:

[jmomof3girls]

I am a mother of 3 girls and long for a boy also. I get lots of comments from people as well. Usually positive ones but some rude ones too. One comment I get the most is from people at the store and even my doctor who came from all girl families and every single one of them says they loved it. I have heard that countless times. So, when I think I'll never have a boy, I think of how blessed I will be as an old lady with all of my daughter's to take care of me. My girls will always have each other. That's priceless. You're not unlucky if you have 4 beautiful healthy daughters.

[Rosie85]

I agree with the other ladies. You are so so lucky. If I could choose either all girls or all boys it would have been girls. I have a friend who has three sisters..no brothers, they are all so very close and have the most special relationship. So many people are so envious of their family! I understand how deeply you long for what you don't have but like I keep telling myself. .All kids are special and just want to be loved and they in turn love you unconditionally. Some things sadly are just out of our control and hopefully you can raise wonderful amazing daughters who will pick amazing son in laws for you!!

[SamS_TTCPink]

Reading your post, I was shocked with your comment "I'm not good enough a mum to get a boy" because being a mum of six boys, I feel the exact same way but about a girl! I feel I'm not good enough a mum, or deserving of a daughter (not that there's anything "wrong" with having six boys, I just long for a daughter so much, as you must for a son). Where abouts are you? Here, "society" prefers girls (after the PP of course).

I wish I had a magic cure, but instead know I understand. The comments we receive are horrid and make the feelings and longing I have even worse.

I am sure you are a wonderful mum and although you'll love another daughter to bits, i do hope you get to hear boy. xx

[Adia]

Hang in there Zivic...if their is one thing this monster called GD has taught me, it is we will eventually find beauty from this pain, somehow, someway, somewhere.
Big hugs mama....

[Zivic-Bubac]

Oh you are truly blessed with six boys! :heart: I wish you could send me one of them...I'm kiddin of course
I'm from the Eastern Europe, Serbia. Life sucks here most of the time...

[Zivic-Bubac]

Adia sweety thank you!
I'm aware that God is trying to tach me something, but I am such a bad student...

[atomic sagebrush]

I am a mother of 3 girls and long for a boy also. I get lots of comments from people as well. Usually positive ones but some rude ones too. One comment I get the most is from people at the store and even my doctor who came from all girl families and every single one of them says they loved it. I have heard that countless times. So, when I think I'll never have a boy, I think of how blessed I will be as an old lady with all of my daughter's to take care of me. My girls will always have each other. That's priceless. You're not unlucky if you have 4 beautiful healthy daughters.

There are quite a few women on this site who come from all girl families and that is often what gives them such strong GD - because they really enjoyed it so much and wanted to have that type of family too!!

[Dana-Alicia]

There are quite a few women on this site who come from all girl families and that is often what gives them such strong GD - because they really enjoyed it so much and wanted to have that type of family too!!

True! I have 3 sisters and we had the best childhood! My sisters are my best friends. My mom never experienced gd though, my dad did somewhat I guess and he now has 3 grandsons that he is sooo happy and proud of. I hope you hear boy and if not, I wish you loads of (grand)sons in the future!

[nuthinbutpink]

First, I know I have no right to say what I am about to say but I will say it anyway.

4 girls does not make you a living joke. If it did, what does that make your daughters? Are their lives jokes too? Because of their gender? Certainly not!

I'm sure in certain parts of the world, boys are still the desired gender but look around- girls can be ANYTHING and do ANYTHING! This is 2014. There is no shame in an all girl family and even if you do get a boy this time, the comments will not stop. I am the 3 girls, 1 boy family. The comments are still there BUT, the older my kids get and the more of a life they establish for themselves, I am so, so proud of my family. I think it's hard for all of us when our children are so little. Little kids don't do much....they haven't become anything yet. We focus so much on the right now, we fail to see what lies ahead. Your girls can be strong, able women- where is the shame in that?? My girls are finding their way right now and they are awesome to watch them go. I, too, used to worry about what other people think and the comments they made but now I see that they can kick ass and take names and I am so proud of them, regardless of my son. I'm grateful he is here but it doesn't make the comments stop. It does help me care less about what anyone else thinks and I so wish I could have done that before and not missed out on some of the early years when I was mentally absent.

You and your husband are not a joke. You could be raising the next great scientist, painter, dancer, engineer, footballer, pianist, CEO, doctor...fill in the blank. Your family is your family and boy, girl, once you see what they can become, you may be simply amazed one day.

[jmomof3girls]

First, I know I have no right to say what I am about to say but I will say it anyway.

4 girls does not make you a living joke. If it did, what does that make your daughters? Are their lives jokes too? Because of their gender? Certainly not!

I'm sure in certain parts of the world, boys are still the desired gender but look around- girls can be ANYTHING and do ANYTHING! This is 2014. There is no shame in an all girl family and even if you do get a boy this time, the comments will not stop. I am the 3 girls, 1 boy family. The comments are still there BUT, the older my kids get and the more of a life they establish for themselves, I am so, so proud of my family. I think it's hard for all of us when our children are so little. Little kids don't do much....they haven't become anything yet. We focus so much on the right now, we fail to see what lies ahead. Your girls can be strong, able women- where is the shame in that?? My girls are finding their way right now and they are awesome to watch them go. I, too, used to worry about what other people think and the comments they made but now I see that they can kick ass and take names and I am so proud of them, regardless of my son. I'm grateful he is here but it doesn't make the comments stop. It does help me care less about what anyone else thinks and I so wish I could have done that before and not missed out on some of the early years when I was mentally absent.

You and your husband are not a joke. You could be raising the next great scientist, painter, dancer, engineer, footballer, pianist, CEO, doctor...fill in the blank. Your family is your family and boy, girl, once you see what they can become, you may be simply amazed one day.
Well said!! I love this!! :happy:

[The Anchor]

Oh Zivic, I so hope you hear boy. I do know where you are coming from, and that's why we all end up on this forum, seeking out like-minded moms and looking for a shoulder to lean on every once in a while. Just wanted to send HUGE HUGS your way. I am jealous of you! I'll take #3 please, any gender!

:hugs:

[deaks66]

It was very well said NBP but I guess we also have to remember there are parts of the world where having multiple girls is not just amusing/rediculous/a lack of family planning (these are comments I often receive about my boys), it's really seen as inadequate. I'm not saying this because I agree with it, it's just that some people have to deal with gd on a whole other level and it might be hard to imagine a females future being bright and rosy when in some parts of the world women aren't allowed any of the opportunities that most of us ladies take for granted. I sincerely hope that this isn't the case of where you live zivic, it's just something I think of sometimes when I'm dwelling on gd xx

[deaks66]

Gosh I hope that wasn't a contentious post, certainly wasn't meant to be!

[Hopingforaprincess]

have to agree with everyone else....I'm sooooo hoping my next and last baby is a girl...I would give anything for one!

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, deaks, I still do not believe or view her family as a joke so I stand by what I wrote. And, yes, I do understand that in certain parts of the world women are not valued the same as men but I have seen great things come from women even in those parts of the world. Where there is a will, there is a way.

[atomic sagebrush]

JMO and not intending to hijack this thread, but I would also take the whole "people in certain countries only want boys" with a HUGE grain of salt because I get a surprising amount of TTC a GIRL plan requests from women in Asia and the Middle East, and also people of certain ethnic heritages living abroad. I've gotten more TTC a girl sway plan requests than I have TTC boy ones from the Asian and MIddle Eastern Nations.

Sometimes things may be slightly true and then the media and "common knowledge" stretches it all out of proportion. :)

[deaks66]

All fair points, I was just saying I wander if it's harder for some more than others due to cultural reasons. I stand corrected x

[atomic sagebrush]

I do agree it is harder for some han others for cultural reasons. NO offense meant, I just like to clarify it when the topic comes up for purposes of fostering international understanding, I suppose. :)

[purplepoet20]

Hey zivic... I wanted to sure this with you!

My maternal great grandmother was left to raise 3 girls in the 1930's. Her husband left when the last girl was born. I do not know the real reason why he left but my grandmother was told because he wanted a son. All 3 of the girls grew up to have strong son desires. My grandmother had 3 girls and with her fourth preg she somehow caused a miscarriage thinking it was a girl but it was a boy. She later went on to have a total of 6 living kids GGGBGG. Her son was spoiled beyond anything you could imagine. My grandmother even kept the the 2 youngest girls in their cribs all day until the older kids would come home from school and feed them or even change their diaper.

All the girls in that family had the same strong desire to only have sons... I learned not to long ago that my mother may have caused the death of my older sister when she was a month old. She left her alone to cry in a crib at a month old and the next morning she was blue. My mother had even ignored me and left me to cry in a crib while she was spoiling my older brother.

My mother's youngest sister abused me when I was 4y because I was a girl. She also abused her own kids GGGGGGGB and 4 of her kids were placed in foster care.

Because of everything in my family I was afraid to have or want a girl. Not because I didn't want one but because I was afraid I would abuse her. I know I would never hurt my children but after years of family abuse just for being a girl I felt it was in my blood.

It is sad what things can affect you for life. The things that people say or do. But no matter what in the end it is all about YOU.

I tell my husband all the time not to worry about what other think because they don't matter, all that matters is what we think. My DH went shopping with just the 3B's while I was cleaning the carpet and someone asked him if his wife left him after the baby was born... and told a little story about herself... my husband was so pissed he doesn't remember what else she said. He told her off and left the store without the groceries. He has a right to be upset what people say but in the end it doesn't matter because we love our kids.

[Peebell85]

Wow Purple, that is really eye opening... I'm so sorry you're family has had to go through such a tragic life. All because of gender... seems so ridiculous doesn't it..?!

[Rosie85]

What an awful story. I regret reading it. :omg:

[daydrmbelievr]

Man, I have two boys and I seriously cry (or feel a punch to the gut) whenever a friend has/announces a girl. It is so wrong and I know it, but I so fear never having a daughter. We are all so lucky to have Gender Dreaming to keep us sane during and after pregnancy :)

[daydrmbelievr]

me too!! Pink dust your way :)

[Zivic-Bubac]

Purple my dear friend, I'm so sad and sorry to hear you were abused as a young child :sad:
And about comment your DH got in the store: most of the people are suprisingly insensitive, which is more than annoying. My MIL asked me if we are going to sell 4th child if it's a girl. That was supposed to be a joke (??????) Hahaha.....

Today, for the first time during this pregnancy, I felt a joy for having another baby. I guess the hormones are kicking in...:wink:

[jmomof3girls]

Zivic, Did you ever get a confirmation ultrasound on the baby?

[3littleladies]

Z-B I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to culture cause im serbian married to a croatian we live in australia, I dont have many serbian or croatian friends but I know the culture well. Growing up I heard my father on a few occasions say to my mum 'you couldn't even give me a son' & being the youngest it made me feel like he never wanted me cause I was another girl! I know this was a big reason why I really wanted my 3rd to be a boy, strange enough I felt like a failure to my father :shrug:

Z-B try your best to not let ppls cruel comments get you down, hold your head up high & always know there's someone out there who would love to have a family like yours.