usuallywrite
July 12th, 2014, 01:56 AM
Hello, everyone.
I have been reading regularly on here for about 4 months, and finally decided to join. I hesitated some because, well, you'll understand in just a minute.
I've been married 17 years, have six unbelievably amazing children, 5 boys, and one girl, she is number 4. A year before her, I miscarried a little girl at 18 weeks, which was tough. I am a stay at home mom and so happy to be doing just that. Here's where my happy little intro goes off the rails...
My second son, born in 2003, our little guy with extra bells and whistles, I call him... He passed away just this past November. We didn't see it coming. He had autism, but not typically so. He made eye contact like crazy, in fact at times it felt he'd look right into your soul. He was really hard sometimes, usual autism meltdown stuff, but was also just hilarious and silly and so, so beautiful... He had struggled with seizures starting when he was 5, at times they got really bad and it was horrible. But since the start of last summer, he had been doing so well. Like, unusually well. So we could not have been more blindsided. Our family has just been shattered beyond words. He just didn't wake up one morning, when all of us were home... since everything else was ruled out, a seizure was blamed (which we did not know for sure until 2 months later). He passed away on the day our baby turned 3 months. There are not words for this kind of thing. I only write this so there is some understanding of where I am coming from. Living out my worst nightmare. I do tend to disappear, sometimes a bit unresponsive, the days are just unpredictable and still so insanely hard.
We had already been discussing the possibility of one more baby before losing our son, so this is not in response to that, but it certainly does make things abnormal and difficult to navigate. Also, I am 40, DH is 42, so we don't have the luxury of taking our time and waiting until we are feeling more 'up to it', if that should ever be the case. We will be happy with any baby, regardless of gender, but we, and our kids, would be just over the moon to have a little girl. It may sound strange, but I almost feel like they need that. Something good to look forward to again, as the past 7+ months have been something no child should have to experience. No parent either.
We have not been preventing pregnancy since January, and since April, I have been implementing many sway tactics, and been more seriously trying. My cycle has not even been normal, I'm guessing at least in part because of the stress of this time in our lives. But I am trying to be hopeful. I guess time will tell. I have been impressed here with how supportive and kind everyone is. I could definitely use that.
I have been reading regularly on here for about 4 months, and finally decided to join. I hesitated some because, well, you'll understand in just a minute.
I've been married 17 years, have six unbelievably amazing children, 5 boys, and one girl, she is number 4. A year before her, I miscarried a little girl at 18 weeks, which was tough. I am a stay at home mom and so happy to be doing just that. Here's where my happy little intro goes off the rails...
My second son, born in 2003, our little guy with extra bells and whistles, I call him... He passed away just this past November. We didn't see it coming. He had autism, but not typically so. He made eye contact like crazy, in fact at times it felt he'd look right into your soul. He was really hard sometimes, usual autism meltdown stuff, but was also just hilarious and silly and so, so beautiful... He had struggled with seizures starting when he was 5, at times they got really bad and it was horrible. But since the start of last summer, he had been doing so well. Like, unusually well. So we could not have been more blindsided. Our family has just been shattered beyond words. He just didn't wake up one morning, when all of us were home... since everything else was ruled out, a seizure was blamed (which we did not know for sure until 2 months later). He passed away on the day our baby turned 3 months. There are not words for this kind of thing. I only write this so there is some understanding of where I am coming from. Living out my worst nightmare. I do tend to disappear, sometimes a bit unresponsive, the days are just unpredictable and still so insanely hard.
We had already been discussing the possibility of one more baby before losing our son, so this is not in response to that, but it certainly does make things abnormal and difficult to navigate. Also, I am 40, DH is 42, so we don't have the luxury of taking our time and waiting until we are feeling more 'up to it', if that should ever be the case. We will be happy with any baby, regardless of gender, but we, and our kids, would be just over the moon to have a little girl. It may sound strange, but I almost feel like they need that. Something good to look forward to again, as the past 7+ months have been something no child should have to experience. No parent either.
We have not been preventing pregnancy since January, and since April, I have been implementing many sway tactics, and been more seriously trying. My cycle has not even been normal, I'm guessing at least in part because of the stress of this time in our lives. But I am trying to be hopeful. I guess time will tell. I have been impressed here with how supportive and kind everyone is. I could definitely use that.