Unexpected "announcement" - SO MAD!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I am fuming!! We are away on the Gold Coast and staying with my DH parents, which is hell on it's own but last night my left leg all swelled up and I had pins and needles etc... So, as I had a blood clot a couple of weeks ago and the fact that were driving 14hrs home tomorrow, I thought I better go to the dr and get it checked today and of course my meddling MIL had to come.

Anyway, the dr wanted to order an ultrasound and was chatting about medication so I had to tell her I was pregnant. She then put on the referral for the ultrasound "pregnant". She then asked the receptionist to call and book it in as it was urgent. So MIL stood right at the reception desk whilst the call was being made and of course the receptionist goes to the lady on the other end of the phone "oh, and she's pregnant" 😦

The look I have her said it all!!! And the look on my MILs face!! OMG!!

I was soooo furious!! I know why she had to tell them, but if anyone had to find out, I did not want it to be my MIL! 😠

So then whilst I was waiting for the ultrasound, I got 50 questions and just as many comments!

"Why would I want another? Did we so anything to ensure it's a girl? Don't I know I'm not supposed to have a girl?? How DH didn't want anymore so I obviously pushed him into it and isn't he trapped enough!?? And how she not surprised as 6mths ago when she last saw us I was all over DH like I was on heat so it was obvious what I was after!!??!?"

I heard how she won't have another child in her house as we already have too many and when we come up to QLD (which is at the most once a year and the only time we see them) she already has kids hanging out the windows??!? She has a huge 5 bedroom house!!! (Which when she bought it told DH it was so he could leave me and move in!)

She then wanted to know everything about everything!! She asked so many questions about "swaying" and so much personal crap! I ended up telling her about the miscarriage thinking she might stop the attack on me, but no!

I now feel so horrible!! I feel "violated" after all the questions and feeling forced to tell her stuff that was only between DH and I (and you all on here of course 😉) and I just feel sick.

She also has such a big mouth that everyone will know by the time we drive out their driveway tomorrow and this is not what I wanted at all. I asked DH to talk to her to tell her "to keep her mouth shut" and he said no, and then went off about the way I asked and how I speak about her. Mind you she has been so cruel to our kids all week, telling DS5 yesterday "to sit down of she will throw him down"!

The minute I say anything to DH, I am the bad person and how dare I say anything about his mother, and he defends everything she does or says.

I am so upset! I feel so disgusted about her knowing and what was said and done today that I don't even want to be pregnant anymore. I want my little girl so much but this has just ruined everything!

And DH is being so horrible, just even the way he speaks to me and looks at me is like he hates me, and I'm filth. It's gotten so bad that I even said today "if you hate me so much and are so disgusted with me, why are you still with me?" He just looked at me even more disgusted and made some scoffing sound.

It's obvious his family hate me, they've made it quite clear over the past 18yrs and this week even more so, and now this, and I'm pretty sure DH feels the same about me as they do. When he almost left me for another girl years ago, they knew all about it, he had their full support and they loved her (because she wasn't me).

I just don't know what to do! I feel so sick, so disgusting and I can't even cry cause I'm under constant watch. 😢😢

If you got this far, thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for such a down post, just have no one else to "talk to". 😞

[Mrs_Incredible]

I get so angry for you. I'd leave him and never see him, your & his family ever again .........

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[Little Lunasa]

Oh God you poor thing to be in such a terrible situation! What a b*tch your MIL is! It sounds to me that she is a complete control freak and has your DH right where she wants him. I don't honestly how I'd handle this, do you have supportive girlfriends IRL? You shouldn't have to deal with this all alone, especially not pregnant and feeling vulnerable
:(
Obviously I don't know your full situation, but if you can I would spend as little time as possible with your MIL and I'd discreetly restrict her time with your children, try to regain your power. You are the mother after all and should have the final say in most things!
I hope things improve for you, at least you know you will get support here
xxxxxx

[oncue]

Wow. This is really infuriating! I'm glad u are leaving tomorrow. Is there any way you can go stay in a hotel or b&b for the rest of time? I don't think with ur leg giving u issues and also being pregnant it's good for u at all to stay in that environment. Even just go for a drive and have a big cry on ur own. Would going back to Canberra on ur own with the kids be an option.
I don't know what to say. If I were in ur situation, given the things u have mentioned before, it might be an idea for u and ur kids to have some space away from DH. Maybe a bit of time apart will help u get perspective and also (hopefully) make him realise what a gem u are. It's not fair on u or ur kids to be exposed to this. U don't deserve this and the fact that they don't care about how they treat u whilst ur pregnant is hideous.
My MIL is a nightmare at the best of times and has said some very nasty things to me and DH as we aren't religious enough for her, but DH saw how it upset me and told her to F@$! Off. She is always like that even when I wasn't with DH so he was used to her and can shrug it off, but he defends me til the cows come home. I wld only want the same for u too. From what we read on the forums u sound like a fab woman and mother and u deserve much more respect and love than that xo

[covered in blue]

I'm so sorry. She sounds like a horror story. Don't let her win or steel your joy! You are so blessed to have your gorgeous boys and you deserve this little baby too! If she can't see you and all her Grandsons as a blessing then she is the one who is missing out. Let her make a fool of herself and you take the moral high ground.

[Boysway]

OMG, my heart is absolutely breaking for you. I'm almost at a loss for words. What an absolute bitch your MIL is. I agree with oncue, you seem to be a great Mum and wife and great all round person. There is no need for anyone to treat you like that, let alone family. And, your husband, well he is supposed to have your back! He needs to grow some balls and back you up. Stand up for you. How dare she be like that to you and I can't believe you husband didn't even stand up for you. It just makes my blood boil. I wish I could give you a massive hug! I felt like crying just reading your post.

[QueenB3blue]

So sorry:( Don't even waste your breathe on people that treat you like that! You will never be able to control the way they feel about you. It must be so hard for you right now! I pray you can just focus on what makes YOU happy. Think of your children and how amazing you are to take care of everything on your own.
I say, kill them with kindness. Don't give them any reason to twist it and make you feel bad.
I am really hoping this craziness goes away for you!!

[BlessedMomma]

Oh gosh mum! I dont even know what to say. Im sorry ur in this situation, I hope it works out in the end. Just try not to stress(easier said then done) and take care of yourself. Sending hugs :bighug:

[eleena2014]

i know slightly how u feel,i had a meddling,horrible witch of a mother-in-law ( we werent married so not my proper mil)
if it was me,i would have told her that i dont have to explain anything to her,and leave it at that.
as for your dh,sit down when the kids are in bed,when everything has calmed down,and talk to him and explain that you didnt mean to upset him or his mother but the way she went off at you has left you feeling neglected,hurt and whatever else your feeling.explain you know he loves his mother but with being pregnant you have all these emotions and hormones which you cant control.i hope he comes round to understanding that he really does need to stand up for you.xx :hug2:

[Abifasc]

Oh wow that's horrible. I wouldn't ever talk to her again.

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thank you all so much for your warm words and support. I really am a nice person!! I promise!! 😕 I don't get why they don't like me, all I ever did "wrong" was marry and have children with her son. 😞 In her eyes "I stole him", she has said that to me so many times, then trapped him with our kids. DH has never stood up for me, once, years ago, we met them outside at a park near a McDonald's so they could see the kids etc, and in front of him and the kids she stood them and screamed such horrible things to me including "you're a wicked witch and I hope a house drops on you or you burn to death" and DH didn't even say anything then. I've never even said anything horrible back to her or ever given any reason to dislike me. I just don't get it! Between my family and his family, I've often thought that there must be something just "wrong with me" for them all to dislike me so much for really no reason at all. 😞

Even the other day though, she was bitching to DH about his brothers girlfriend and how she has "trapped" his brother my moving in together and what a horrible, mean, emotionally controlling person she is.....ummm, she's actually lovely and even DHs mum liked her until recently??!!? I actually said to DH later that it had upset me what she was saying about her as it wasn't true and she's actually really nice and it's not fair on her to have such things being said about her.

It's also heartbreaking when people say things about the kids as they really are my entire life and I love them, look after them and devote my entire life, my everything to them! It's not like I just keep having them and don't look after them, they're my life, and I fall more and more in love with them everyday. 💙

Unfortunately, I know that when my parents find out, today's reaction from my MIL will probably be nothing compared to what I'll hear from my family. 😞

Thank you all again for "listening". xxx

[purplepoet20]

In my opinion.... divorce and child support! If your man doesn't stand up for you he is not worth it.

[Rosie85]

Oh mum. I really wish you had a way out of your toxic environment. Does canbera have any type of single mother support program?? I am so sorry your mil is so terrible. She truly doesn't even deserve to see the kids. I am sure you haven't done anything to deserve the hate...Some women just really can't let go I guess...it seems as if she may have a mental disorder. Wish I could give you actual advice or a hug. Please keep is updated and please don't take mil to heart. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction.

[carmella_marie]

I would have told her to shut up and mind her own. Seriously the nerve !

[Mrs_Incredible]

The biggest issue for me would be your dhs attitude and lack of support. We've not seen our in laws as a family for over 4 years. I too ask myself why they would hate me when i love their son. I said my piece once and mil turned it into a family witch hunt. They didn't expect dh to stand up for me and eventually keep the kids away after months of toxic phone calls etc. He's tried to build bridges with them but because he won't take the kids back over until they rebuild their relationship they've not bothered to put any effort in.

Your dh and you should be united. Your mil comment to your son was vile. They should worship their grandchildren who they only see on occasional visits. To say those things about your children and unborn is unforgivable. Your dh needs to man up because eventually you will have had enough. You deserve so much more hon xx hugs
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[laVieEnRose]

This makes me mad - you poor thing. Why do people have to be so unkind and judgemental ?! Your milf has a serious problem but its not you! She doing the same to your sil so that proves she won't let go if her sons who seem to be totally under her coupe. My advice would be to open up a serious dialogue with your DH and get his support. He needs to 'see' how hurtful and dividing his mother is being to you and your couple.
And you need to remind her that you didn't get pg on your own- our DH was totally 'consenting' and 'willing' was he not?!
Big hug. Sending you some living and positive vibes xxx

[MyByC]

Of course a lot of "he should" and "she should or "they should" exist..the only true thing in this is that they are some persons without heart.
There is no such thing "my husbands mother loves me sooo much and we are so good together" and I dont believe in this AT ALL! Whoever says it, it's bulls***
No mother of 1 or 2,3 boys will ever "love" their wife cause it's like you want to "teach" their boy something different then they did in all the years before....

You have a family...some years behind with this family...you are not new in this..so fight!

Taking in consideration your husbands "moves" ....
I'd personally leave all this and go further alone but what support you have? You are pregnant and have 6 wonderful boys...who is going to support you?
We are all here...supporting with words but you need more then this.
I know it sounds hard but this is the truth...

So the only thing that remains is COMMUNICATION!
Just get her in a quite room and talk to her..tell her everything she has done to you in the last years, how you think about this and what you think for the future...just have a talk and tell her " I considered you as my mother and thought I could relay on your support...even if you are far...we are a family....I might not be the one you wanted for you son but I can tell you that none of the girls would have been in my place could have been THE ONE so just deal with it and stop controlling your son "(never say "my husband" - these moms still like and want to think they are yhe quinn)...
You know her better and I'm sure you know what to say, just that avoid "my husband" and "my family"...tell her how beautiful she raised her son cause thats why you are with him making another baby and if it's a boy, what? Just make small jokes and say you are planning for a football team..You need to get her on your side ...even if it's for 1%....cause fighting will bring you fight in your home as well and you dont need this! As far as you told us about your husband, he will probably do what his mmmy says, and again, you dont need this...

I'm really sorry and as you can see, we are all here for you giving any advice you would need...but just that you need to stand up and communicate in your behalf...even if this makes you nervous...just view your interest...(my opinion).

I'm hoping you will be better soon.

[girliedreamz]

I am fuming on your behalf! Ugh, how nosey and annoying!

Tell her to butt out. Just take her nosey old self out of it. It's not her family, it's yours. End of story. What can she do? Bitch more? Moan more? Bullies are only bullies if they have a victim, so I think it's time you turned it around and become the big, ol' bully yourself. ;) Maybe hint to dh how you plan to have this last baby, then get yourself into such awesome shape you take a boy-toy lover. bwahaha. Give those meanies a taste of their own medicine.

And big squishy hugs. NO ONE should pick on a pregnant lady.

[TishTashTosh]

Ditto everything above - I can't type well on TapaTalk! If she has this same attitude with her other kids as well it sounds like she is totally controlling and can't face up to the fact that they are now adults with their own lives. Big hugs lovely..... Do NOT let this nasty women ruin such an amazing wonderful thing. X


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[1+2+3boys]

Oh man, she sounds like an awful woman. I can't believe some people. Hugs.

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thank you all.

We are home now but before we left my dear MIL commented on DHs "thining" hair and said "well I'm not surprised, you have so many reasons for your hair to go thin being married to her and trapped with all those kids!" -Ahhh, they are ALL his kids too!

And then she came up to me and said "you know of you're only 5weeks I can influence and change the behaviour of your baby" and started doing these weird hand gestures towards my stomach!!??!? I just said "thank you for having us" and walked away to get in the car.

I am so upset that she knows, and so is DH cause of her big mouth. He doesn't want her telling people in case something goes wrong and then everyone has to know that too. But he won't say anything to her.

Then today, DH and I popped down the road for 5mins whilst DS6 was asleep and DS1 was home (the others were at school) and I wanted a particular chicken roll from a certain place. So we went there and they don't have these rolls anymore, and I lost it!

I burst into tears. DH said "you don't need to cry over chicken" and I said "it's not just the chicken" and told him how I was feeling about everything. How I feel like he HATES me, how the way he looks at me, speaks to me, and treats me is upsetting me...how I feel like I've given up everything for him to have the job he wants, live where he wants, do what he wants etc and look after the kids it's all for nothing because even the kids don't appreciate anything and are learning to disrespect me too. How the way his mother treats me upsets me and I don't understand why as I've always been nice to her, how my parents and family upset me and how I have noone and feel so alone and just like "nothing" and I don't get why as I'm not a horrible person! I told him how I don't think I'll ever get our daughter and how scared I am that this baby is a boy and I feel our m/c was our girl. I told him how upset I was and how much we need to move houses but the fact that he won't help paint, fix the gardens or make any effort really gets to me, and about how the way he has been treating the kids has upset me (and them) and I feel like I've achieved nothing in my life and want to study or do something and how I can't without his help. I said I want my husband to love me, to have my happy family.

I literally poured my heart out and told him everything about how I'm feeling....all I got back was "well you need to work out what you want to do with your life". That was it!! No hug, no I don't hate you, I love you, no nothing!

Then we all went out to watch DS5 play his school footy final (and win! 😀) and went to the shops to get all the kids stuff for school and now dinner and kids bathed and in bed etc, and I've got a massive headache from crying.

Maybe I'm just over emotional because I'm tired and pregnant, but I'm feeling pretty crappy about it all. 😞

[SamS_TTCPink]

And thank you for all the virtual hugs. I needed them. 😊💜

[WantingPink]

They say you teach people how to treat you and I believe that to be true. If you feel your Mom, MIL, DH, and now your kids are disrespectful it is because you allow it. You need to call people on the carpet in the moment they disrespect you... they will actually respect you more for it.

[Tomgirl]

Ugh that is just aweful! So sorry you are dealing with this and on top of not feeling well to have to put up with that! People like that aren't used to people standing up to them they are used to pushing and getting their way. I would tell her since she has made her feelings about you and your children so obvious she is no longer allowed to see them until she can learn to respect you and behave in a better manner. She doesn't have to like you but she has to learn to respect you as the mother of her grand children. I would also get your DH away from the situation and have a conversation with him about how much he has hurt you. Don't yell and accuse even though he deserves it but all he will hear is you being dramatic so it's not effective. If your heartfelt and say how it hurt you and what you need from him maybe he can then see things from your side and learn to start backing you up!!!

Good luck hun

[carmella_marie]

I agree with some previous posters that you and your DH really need to be on the same page. He needs to present a united front to his mother and stand up for you and his children, he needs to put you first which it seems he is not doing at all. He needs to respect you, which will in turn teach your children to respect you. I think that you both would benefit from some marital counseling. I don't think it matters if you're emotional from the baby or not, the fact is that your feelings are hurt and that needs to be resolved, no matter what the reason for your hurt feelings. The longer this goes unaddressed the worse it's going to get. I wish I could be more help to you. Hang in there, HUGS

[granddaughter]

For the sake of you and your children it is time to separate you and them from this awful life, you and your children would be better off without all the negative things that surround you. You can do it, your life will be better and so will theirs.

[Boysway]

Mum, you weren't being extra emotional. I was teary just reading you pour your heart out only to be met with the cold shoulder. I wish there was more I could say or do to help you. Just know despite me being in the next state, you can pm me anytime. You have strength in you. He needs to support you and be a man, a husband and a dad to his kids. :hugs:

[kitkat18]

Oh honey!!! I feel for you and girlie is right no one should pick on a pregnant women. I agree with everyone he needs to have your back, would he consider counseling? You are a fantastic mum don't listen to anyone else and please don't visit that MIL again!!! Xxxxx
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[ratcliffe1811]

What a b*tch!!!! Completely childish and bullying behaviour. I'd stop her getting near the kids if there's already too many grandkids for her, (to be fair i'd have been tempted to swing for her!) and doesnt it take two to make a baby? So sorry you're going through this xx

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thanks ratcliffe. I have tried to not let what she said get to me, but it's hard. Especially knowing that I'm also going to cop it from my family too. I did know this would happen when TTC but I guess it's still just hard. I don't even feel happy about this PG anymore, which is stupid because we tried so hard! I also feel like it's a boy and know the comments will be even worse then. DH and I don't even mention the PG, except mentioning it with all this stuff with mum, it hasn't even been spoken about since getting a BFP. Usually DH would touch my tummy and "talk" to the baby or we'd be talking about names etc, but nothing. It's like it's all a big mistake that's being swept under the rug in the hope it goes away. Maybe it's all got something to do with out m/c in April and now this unexpected "announcement" when we didn't want anyone to know??!? I dunno. 😕

My MIL sent an email to us yesterday, saying DHs aunty had said to her that our kids are lovely and that DH is obviously doing an awesome job raising them!! 😠 I know his aunty wouldn't have said DH and would have said "we" so I was annoyed that MIL had changed the story of what was said, especially as they're "my" kids that he is stuck with when it suits her, but then it's DH who is raising them so well??!!? Considering I practically raise them on my own too, makes me mad! 😠

Anyway, enough whinging!! Sorry.

[BlessedMomma]

Oh man mum!! Sending so many hugs ur way. Im so sorry ur mil is so terrible, and im so sorry ur dh is not supportive. I really hope things get better for u guys

[angielorna]

Honestly, my blood boils and my heart aches for you. No one deserves that kind of treatment from the person who vowed to love, honor, protect (or whatever your wedding vows were) them. I don't even know what to say about your husband's behaviour. Completely appalling. His reaction to you pouring your heart out to him .... I do not have enough evil words in my vocabulary. And refusing to stand up for you...ugh.

I wish I could give you a hug and help you find a way through this mess. But all I can do is send you positive thoughts and encourage you to use whatever support you have to help you through.

Angie

[honeybee]

Oh man, I am so sorry you're going through this :(

[stephk]

Gosh I have just seen and read through this. I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for you. I am so sorry you are going through this. We are all sending positive thoughts and prayers to give you the strength to get through this. You really do seem like such a lovely person and maybe certain people have taken advantage of this.

As for your b1tch mil, no one will ever be good enough for her sons, it is not just you. She is the one with the problem, it is just a shame your DH and his brother can't see it. Fools.

Your DH is in danger that one day he will wake up and you and your kids will be gone and living a better life without him. He needs to wake up to what he has before it's too late. I can't believe his reaction to you, I just want to slap him :(

[usuallywrite]

So sorry. Your MIL sounds an awful lot like mine. Mine passed away in 2008 when I had only had 3 kids, which for their sakes I saw as a blessing. Who needs their own grandmother cristicising and belittling them? It is her problem. Particularly since I am sure there are and have been plenty of people in your life who think the world of you. She is the mean nasty exception.

Your DH, I don't get it. I'd much rather at least a good row than someone who is just checked out. AT least then they're still invested. I'd probably try a counselor, if he'd do it. He needs to get talking and explaining where his head is before too much damage is done.

Regardless, this baby will be loved. And this baby will love you, for wanting it so much, for just being there and being its mum. Sorry right now it's so hard and stressful. Hugs to you.

[Nahri]

Good thing I saw you are in AU otherwise I may have asked if DH family was related to my DH family. I love my MIL to death I got lucky there. Its the Aunts on my FIL side... They treat ANY woman married to one of the nephews or brothers like satan spawn. We are all just corrupting them and using them for money etc etc. I don't know about the other wives but I make more than DH :D If she has that much hatred towards your kids sounds like she need not be around them. With the way she talks to them and to you, they are going to learn that behavior and then some day when they meet their SO's they are going to treat them the same way especially because they essentially see dad ok'ing that behavior. You and he need to sit down about how this makes you feel and the same with you and she and then possibly all three of you together. Eventually she will come between your marriage because he is always going to listen to mum first and you second if you dont stand up for yourself to this because its obvious he wont. I see it with my DH's cousins. They tell their wives to roll over and just let the aunts etc say whatever they want in front of the kids and then the kids have repeated it, its caused major marital issues etc. I put my foot down calmly yet firmly with my husband. They have no contact with my DS because he doesn't need to learn that behavior and I don't need to deal with it and he backed me up on it because he can see the misery in his cousins marriages. Your marriage is you and him not you him and her holding the leash.