Was convinced it was a girl :(

[Etreintedouce]

I swayed for a girl and just found out yesterday that its a boy. I am so depressed and i can't seem to get myself to be excited. I am a ftm so i should be excited for anything and i feel bad that im not! I told dh if it wasn't a girl i was going to be very dissapointed and he was like ya i will to but im pretty confidant its a girl. So when he found out its a boy he didn't seem dissapointed at all... and i stared at the paperwork in shock.. complete shock there must be a mistake! I started crying.. in the middle of my work just burst into tears!How could it be a boy when i worked sooo hard to have a girl. Dh just wanted to talk about my feelings and understand why i was so upset. I thought he would understand if this happened but he doesnt seem to. I think he was shocked with how upset i was.

I knew going into this that i had to put everything i could into this sway because i knew i wouldnt try again next time if it failed.. I feel like i did everything i could and still ended up with a boy so i have no chance ofhaving a girl next time. I only want two kids so i wont keep trying if my next one isnt a girl..

I had been on the diet for 60 days when we decided to try. I had only been working out for a little over a month for the suggested amount of time.. but i did do it for 6 days a week. I stuck to the diet even though it was supper hard some days. I was waiting for a positive opk i haddent gotten one the month before and i was on cd 17 when well dh from not releasing and me just excited to give it a try on a whim. We didnt play on trying for a month and a half. I used rephresh 8 hrs before, shallow release and j&d Well on cd 22 and 23 we finaly got a pos opk. I thought we had barley any chance to concieve that month and was pretty surprised when we got a bfp! Dh didnt believe me so i went and got blood work to make sure.

i didnt know what the baby was before but after the first ultrasound i just had this strong gut instinct that it was a girl. to find out it is a boy was very dissapointing.

Idk if i am super upset because im scared or if i just really dont want a boy that bad. long story short my sil for years has tried to convince me that i cant have kids because if i do they will be extreamily disabled like her boys. I think she was just trying to scare me away from having kids because she would be really upset if my kids came out "normal" i really hope im right because idk if i can handle a wheelchair bound kid that cant talk or do much and almost dies once a year. NOt that i don't love them. I just dont want to see my kid like that. (they refuse to find out what the disorder is so we cant test for it)

i hope i find a way to get excited. any one have any tips? i want to be excited for my first baby :(

[LilithWiser1979]

Aw, hugs! I get it. I was told DS1 was a girl at 12 weeks (tech said she was 96% sure, and I really kicked myself for believing her) and I was in complete shock at 20 weeks when (and I quote,) "This baby has parts that girl babies don't have." I was devastated. I burst out into tears on the ride home and then felt like the worst mom ever, since he was completely healthy and deserved a mommy who wanted him without reservations, not horrible me who had wanted a baby girl.

Obviously, some time has passed and I have come to understand gender disappointment SO much better. I don't feel guilty about it anymore. It really IS more about the children you don't have than the ones you do. You're not selfish or ungrateful because you're having feelings you can't control. Gender disappointment is normal and you're not a lesser person for experiencing it.

As for getting you through this right now, I can tell you what I did. It may sound cheesy, but watching movies with adorable little boys in them helped SO much. August Rush, in particular, was the movie that got me through (it doesn't hurt that Van Morrison's "Moondance" is my favorite song of all time.) The pregnancy hormones that made me overemotional helped me to really bond with the little boy within me while watching sweet little men on TV. Stay away from movies with baby/little girls for the time being, and give yourself time to heal.

Your sway sounds awesome, and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Atomic is careful to let us know that there's always a chance for an opposite, but it never feels like it'll be the ones with the best sways. Did you have one attempt or more in your fertile window?

This sounds super lame, but take comfort in the fact that you have another chance at a girl, as well. DS2 was supposed to be the last, and that's most of the reason finding out he was a boy stung so devastatingly badly.

[Etreintedouce]

Thank you, I will try watching videos with cute little boys and see if that helps.
I know that even the best sways can fail, I knew I would have gd if it didn't work though. I was just hoping it would work.

My brother has a 2 year old girl his ex girlfriend doesn't even appreciate her daughter and barely pays attention to her it breaks my heart! Yesterday I was soo jealous of her having this beautiful cute little girl and not even wanting her. I told the family I would adopt her in a second if the opportunity came up. My niece mostly calls me ne but occasionally she calls me mommy and her mom gets so mad! I watch her a lot and every time I take her home she freaks out and cry because she wants to stay with me.. I kept her for 2 weeks when her mom was having issues and I was completely shocked when her mom came to get her and she didn't get excited or anything just looked at her and grabbed my hand to go play. It makes me sad because she deserves a mom that wants her.


We only had the one attempt. We did have sex 2 days after my +opk but when I tested that day the strip barely had a line so it had gone down significantly. So I don't think that was in my fertial window right?

Congrats on your successful sway! What was your sway like? I think if I decide to sway again the only thing I would change is maybe eating less soy. I stuck to all the limits but I couldn't get by without something meat like after the first month. So I started eating veggie burgers and the fake soy chicken. (but stayed in that limit too) Also might try a spermicide the first couple times.

[jmomof3girls]

Sorry it didn't work out! You'll be very close with your son, guaranteed! Do you think HT will be an option for you? That would definitely be something to look forward too! And if not, who knows how far the swaying might come within the next few years? Good luck to you!

[LilithWiser1979]

Here's the link to my sway.

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/add-your-girl-sway/41299-lilithwiser1979-ttc-girl-sway-attempt.html

It was a bit of a kitchen sink sway, but there was nothing magical about it. It could have resulted in a boy just as easily as yours did.

I will say this: having my first child wasn't what I thought it would be. It was more exhausting and emotionally trying than everything I'd ever experienced... and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love the little human beings I created so much it hurts. I could never trade him for a girl, either of my kids. I never knew that, while it matters, and I still missed having a girl, I would be so wrapped up in my wonderful boy that my desire took a serious backseat to wanting to be the best mommy in the world for him. I did go back and get my daughter, but I had to come to terms with my grief over not getting her when I thought I was going to (twice!)

Therapy was helpful to me. It isn't for everyone, and I WAS lucky to find an amazing therapist who didn't judge me for my GD, but I was able to resolve a lot of my frustration, shame and regret without medication. You may not be in need of professional help, but I was, and I'm glad I got it.

Don't be too rough on yourself, and don't let other people pressure you into their idea of how you "should" feel, or how you "should" treat this pregnancy or your son. I was too distraught to deal with trucks, trains, sports, and stereotypical boy stuff. The majority of his baby wardrobe was gender neutral, and I settled on pirates, dinosaurs, puppies, and other boy themes I enjoyed. I also didn't apologize for doing this. It was my way of getting through it and being excited about it.

[Kittybear]

Hi Hun, I am so sorry you are feeling this way; unfortunately i remember it well! I was sure that DS1 (and DS2 who is currently cooking away) were girls that to see willies on the US was very shocking, and I did fall apart both times afterwards.
I did not sway for DS1 but did for DS2, so in a way, my 'failure' felt worse (although I 100% do not regret trying). TBH I don't think I have bonded quite as much with this LO as I did with my pregnancy the first time round, however, I really find that thinking about/ choosing his name and shopping for some lovely bits really help. As with Lilith, a lot of DS1 stuff is more neutral/ baby blue/ stars/ puppies/ cartoon characters (Mickey Mouse etc.) just 'boy' stuff I could handle. The choice of boy stuff isn't as extensive as girl stuff but lovely stuff does exist.
I can honestly say that the second I saw and held my son, all I felt was the most powerful, overwhelming love I have ever experienced. He was my child, created through the love of my DH and me, and it did not matter 1 bit what was between his legs. He is still my best thing and I realise he was meant to be mine, just as I am sure this baby boy in my belly is, and the baby boy in yours is.
My friend told me her philosophy on children; just as much as we choose to have a child, they choose us, so you must have something to offer this little guy that no one else in the world can do. He wanted you to be his mama so much that he beat the pink sway odds! :)
I do hope you get your girl in time. For now, just give yourself time and come here to vent if needs be. AFM, I havnt given up yet on my girl, and we will try the HT path to find her.
Sending hugs ((())) xxx

[Etreintedouce]

How can you go the HT route? I looked into it a little but was under the impression that you could only do it if you had fertility issues or if there was a genetic disability. I would really want to go that route but Idk if we could afford it. It sounds super expensive!

I really wanted my kids pretty close together in age but I think I'm going to be scared to try again. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens.

Thank you guys so much for helping me I don't feel like I can talk to anyone irl about this because I feel I would be judged. But it is so nice to have people to talk to that understand.

[Beccal1]

I just found out we are having our 4th boy. I find comfort in thinking that I did everything I could do in my sway. I also strongly believe that things happen for a reason, and that this little guy is meant to be - yours too of course.


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[3boy mumma]

Im sorry you are dealing with GD. I am too. I just found out we I are having our third boy. I'm so relieved he looks to be healthy but I can't help but feel absolute devastation that bub isn't the little I girl I've so badly wanted. We swayed heavily for pink this time around & this pregnancy has been completely opposite to my others so I thought the sway had worked. I've been so upset the last 24hrs (husband is disappointed too) but I find some comfort in the cuddles and smiles of my beautiful boys whom I love dearly. I know once I meet mister#3 I will adore him. I just have to grieve the daughter I will never have first. It's ok to feel shock, disappointment and despair. Talk it out with someone you can trust who won't judge. If not a friend or family member, maybe a counsellor. Xx

[Beccal1]

Same exact situation here, 3boy mumma. Pregnancy is totally different and swayed heavily. I also know I will adore him, but grieving the daughter we will never have. Were you planning on this being your last pregnancy?


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[Etreintedouce]

Same exact situation here, 3boy mumma. Pregnancy is totally different and swayed heavily. I also know I will adore him, but grieving the daughter we will never have. Were you planning on this being your last pregnancy?

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I'm sorry I hope your little boy is adorable and steals your heart! I think it would be even harder knowing this is your last chance and it's another boy. *hugs*

We plan on having one more but after that my husband will get "fixed" so we don't have any accidents. So I hopefully this next one is a girl.

[3boy mumma]

Beccal1 yes I'm afraid 3 children is it for us :-(. I feel sad whenever I see little girls with their Mums and know that it won't be me. I just for some reason always thought i'd get to experience that relationship one day. I don't have any sisters and not the closest relationship to my Mum when I was growing up so I felt like it was my opportunity to have that relationship with a daughter. Do you feel the same? We'll just have to focus on special relationships with our sons.
A week ago a friend of mine had a girl after 2 boys, and I met her baby girl for the first time today. I'm so elated for my friend but at the same time my heart hurt when I saw my husband nursing her. I could see the hurt in his eyes too.

[kitkat18]

I'm sorry etre you are feeling this way we have all been there whether it was our first, second, third,fourth etc.... Mine was with DS 2 I cried my heart out it took me a while to mourn the daughter I would not have, in my head it was my turn for my pigeon pair. To help me cope I focused on his nursery choosing cute clothes thinking about cool boy names and I looked at other boy mums for inspiration!! Sure enough my DS 2 is the light of my life and we have a super tight bond Hugs to you !! Your sway sounded amazing!! Xxxx
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[JG60611]

I'm in the same boat too! Did what i thought was a pretty darn good girl sway and ended up with a boy... First few days were tough ill admit i was angry at myself for failing and what i thought i did a good job at. And like you i thought i only wanted 2 kids (i already have a DS1) so it added another layer of sadness. I'm also as someone else said upthread having a hard time being as connected to this pregnancy for whatever reason which just makes me feel worse. But i know deep down my son will love having a brother and everyone will be excited for this little guy when he comes in December. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings and they will get better. With my son i was devastated when i found out he was a girl but when i held him i literally forgot all about the fact that he was a boy- instantaneously. And was just in love :)

For us i think if we went for a 3rd (which is unlikely) we will either go HT or nothing at all but probably wouldnt sway again. For me, and the way my personality is, I was just way too hard on myself about "failing" than i could handle to go through again.

[Beccal1]

3boy mumma - yes, this is our last.... Probably. I thought I would be satisfied with 4 even if this one was a boy, but now I can't help thinking about a daughter. I am only 30, my last pregnancy was twins. I am not throwing out the possibility of having a 5th in 5 years or so. Like JG60611, I think the only way I would do it is to go HT, so it was a guarantee. I thought my sway was pretty strong, too, and obviously I still have that yearning for a daughter. That is the only guarantee. We'll see what DH says, lol. I haven't even mentioned any of this to him yet. Never thought I would have 4 much less 5 kids, lol. We will see. I know I will love this baby endlessly, though. Just want to have the same relationship one day with my own daughter that my Mom and I have.


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[Hopingforaprincess]

I'm sorry you didn't hear girl but you will be so in love with him when he comes...trust me!