Family's GD Worse Than Your Own?

[Arimethia]

I am realizing now that I am 9 weeks pregnant and totally hormonal that I really really really do hope this one is a girl, and I will be disappointed if I find out it's a boy so I'm trying to thing about all the great things about boys and three boy families.

But my boys insist daily that they want a sister, despite my encouragement that brothers are fun and would be different than the brother they already have. They love when they see little babies in pink frilly dresses and both will sit down and play or ogle with whatever baby girl they come across. They think boy babies are okay but they don't fawn over baby boys the way they do with girls.

And my MIL and my DH's aunt and grandmother bring up that they want us to have a girl every time we see them. We're supposed to break the news to my MIL today and I'm dreading the "I HOPE IT'S A GIRL!" response already. They know we were swaying which I'm afraid may have raised their hopes.

Any of your families' GD amping up your own GD or making it harder!?

[bluebonnet22]

You poor thing! Luckily my DS is under 2 so he obviously doesn't have a preference and my DH prefers another boy. That being said my entire family (mom, sisters, aunts, etc) all reallly really want me to have a girl next. It's very stressful. I have decided I will keep the pregnancy a secret until 8/9 weeks at which time I will lie and say "We're pregnant! We found out early through one of those blood tests that it's another boy and we are so thrilled to give DS a little brother! ". We won't be doing a blood test (I'm under 35 and insurance won't cover it), but I figure this way I don't have to deal with all the "I hope it's a girl!" "Do you want a girl" and other stupid questions I'll be getting. If in the unlikely event this sway works and it's a girl I figure I'll break the news at 16 or 20 weeks and tell them the blood test was wrong.

We aren't even pregnant yet and I'm already getting "Don't you hope the next one will be a girl?" type questions from my parents and his parents and I'm already fed up! Definitely dreading having to deal with all that while I'm hormonal and pregnant!

[QueenB3blue]

Yes, the pressure from my family to have a girl is super annoying. My side of the family is very boy heavy. I know they are not trying to upset me and I think with ds3 some have realized they really should think before they speak. The comments really are frustrating and I hate it when people ask me if I prefer to have a girl!! Of course I want a daughter people! I am always nerves someone will get it twisted and think I am not grateful for 3 healthy children.
When I get pg again I am holding off as long as possible to announce it. And I will probably tell everyone I am not finding out the gender.

I do know how you feel. I hope we all get our daughters someday or feel peace in knowing it wasn't meant to be.

[lemonade]

Omg yes. When I announced I was pregnant with my second, my own dad immediately made it obvious he was hoping it was a girl this time. It hit me like a ton of bricks that it actually mattered to him, and he wouldn't just be happy for another grandchild of either gender. It also made me feel like my cute little boy wasnt good enough somehow. Suddenly my desire for a daughter was externally motivated too. I never expected that and it actually contributed to some pretty bad prenatal depression in my first trimester.

I had always been told my dad wanted daughters, not sons, and he lucked out by having two girls. So I should have known he would feel that way, but it never occurred to me.

That's one reason I'm hoping we can do HT one day. I know if my sister had a daughter and I ended up with all boys, especially if I had failed sways, I would completely fall apart. No matter how many adorable boys I produce, they'd never hold a candle to a granddaughter. I hate how GD is made 10x worse by family. I'm sure if there was no gender preference I'd be so much more relaxed about the whole thing.

[angielorna]

Yup. Every single person in my family wants a girl. My mother has expressed disappointment upon finding out my first 2 were boys, and my sisters soon as well. My mil has 1 grand daughter followed by 7 grandsons.

I want a girl, but I also feel like the pressure is intense. Every time I talk to my mom or sister "I hope it's a girl " is said more than once.

Sigh. Wish I could mail order one, lol.

Angie

[hotdogz&boyz]

Yes. My MIL openly told me it "would be a shame" if my third was a third boy. And even though she is not a nice person and not someone I was interested in pleasing (or catering to), it certainly hits hard when they behave as though another boy is a horrible fate. It makes me even sadder because it was always well known between their boys that she desperately wanted girls. I can't imagine growing up knowing that.

And even though my family was less negative (by a long shot), I know they were all routing for a girl because they made a comment here and there about it. My dad was convinced it was a girl because the baby was due on my grandmas birthday (his mom). I'm not sure how that figured into things, but in his mind, it made a difference. My paternal grandfather favors girls because he only had 2 female grandchildren out of twelve (me and my cousin are also only 2 months apart, the only two girls in a sea of boys). And at that point, my paternal grandfather had one great-granddaughter and four great-grandsons.

So, yeah, there was even more external pressure than internal pressure! It's hard. Coping with that kind of knowledge, that it would "let them down" in some way. Or that they would be less excited.

This time I have some potential GD issues with hubby. Thankfully I don't think they will be strong, but I do worry that he will have a touch of it if he doesn't get his DG. That is new to me, so it's tough to deal with.

[carmella_marie]

I feel the same way! DH wants a daughter, my 4 year old talks about adding a "girl baby" to our family, my MIL (DH is an only child) has made many little comments about wanting a granddaughter. I feel the pressure!!

[Adia]

Add me to the list.

DH has 6 siblings...of those 7 kids I am the only one who hasn't produced a son...and yes, I hear about it every.single.time I see MIL. DH finally told her on her last visit to keep her mouth shut, but that was after 10 years of comments like "why don't you have a boy?" or "you need to have a boy next!" Needless to say, I'm a bit bitter over the whole thing.

I have 6 siblings too. Of all of them we all have single gender families except the one spoiled SIL who gets whatever she orders in life. She ordered BBGG and got it. She thinks the other 3 of us who are having babies are sad stories because we can't perform such miracles....:rolleyes: We live far away from both our families...not hard to see why!

DH and I haven't publicized it to our kids that we are trying for another, but we haven't kept it completely secret either. That seems to have opened the door to the begging from DD2 & DD3 for us to have a boy. DD1 is adamant that we have no more children (she has 2 half brothers from her dad and 2 half sisters from me).

Honestly, DH has been the only one who has just stood by and been supportive of this roller coaster not saying anything about gender. He gets lots of sex out of the deal so he can't complain! He has said several times he'd love another baby, & while he would love a boy, he'd be happy with a girl too.

After swaying for so long I am at the point where I just don't want to hear it from anyone. I get enough frustration from my GD and that is more than I care to hear in the first place.

[BeckMom89]

I'm glad I found this post because I've been feeling stressed about my sway due to family pressure. My side of the family is very girl friendly, my mother has 3 girls! My husband's side of the family is very boy friendly, his mother has 5 boys! My father and mother have always wanted a son and have made it clear that they would feel disappointment if we had another girl. I've always wanted a son, I even dream of his face. I get so nervous about my sway and I know it isn't 100% but I don't know how to deal with gender disappointment and my family being disappointed too.

[zibibbogirl]

My poor Dad will never live down one little comment and it's become a little family joke. When DS1 was born we called him and said "the baby is here, what did you want a grand daughter or a grand son?" My brother had boys so he said "grand daughter". I said "too bad, you got a grand son". He was still over the moon but he has always said he wished he had said he had no preference. I wanted a boy, so I was happy and laughed it off but if I had GD at that time it might not have been so funny.

[atomic sagebrush]

just to play devil's advocate here, it also sucks to have the family going "well it doesn't matter as long as it's healthy" and "it will be another boy, boys are GREAT" kind of thing (like I had ever said that boys were inferior or less desirable, it's just that I already have 4 of them, IKYKWIM). I felt like those statements made me feel like a bad person in addition to wanting a girl. I think GD sucks no matter how you slice it and it may just be the case that no one can really ever say the right thing. (except the ultrasound technician haha)

[Francine]

Our first was a girl, then we had a boy... People were disappointed and my MIL even said "looks like we'll have to rely on (sil)..." I couldn't believe the brush off and crystal clear displeasure that our second was a boy. When we came out and told family we were pregnant with #3 we quickly followed it with the 12 week US saying we think it's a boy- even if we thought it was a girl we wanted it set in their mind it was a boy (We were right, it was a boy). They still expressed their disappointment just slightly less open about it that time.

[Marika]

I wish people just wouldn't say anything about it.

Last pregnancy (ended up in loss) everybody was asking if we thought it would be a girl and talked about how much I must want it to be a girl. I found it so stressful and didn't wanna admit or tell anyone how much I actually was hoping for a daughter. People seemed pretty upset when the found out it was actually a girl, but some had the sensibility of adding comments like "not that it would make it easier if it was a boy".

This time people seem to be less gender-focused and most of the ones who know we are pregnant are just wishing for a healthy baby. But to those that ask if I am not hoping for a girl this time too I am just saying something like "well it would be fun, but giving birth to a living and healthy baby is priority" and they don't ask or say anything more about the gender.

I just can't talk about it to friends and family. My husband is the only one knowing about the swaying and I fell bad against my sons for longing for a girl; as if they weren't good enough. (Which they are of course, I know very well my desire for a daughter is totally separated from the enormous love for my sons).

So, I think people are hoping for us to get a daughter (since I know they were last time) but this far the comments aren't that many. Probably will come when/if we find out.

[Arimethia]

We broke the news to my husband's family and the "it better be a girl" comments were as bad as expected. I had a dream I had the baby and my mom handed the baby to me wearing a girl onesie and I asked "girl or boy?" And she said boy. :rolleyes:
I'm just trying to convince myself I'm having a boy by picking out boy names and reminding myself how fun my boys are in an effort to avoid some serious letdown if a penis is found at that ultrasound.
My oldest is still gunning for a girl but my youngest wants a boy now. I'm glad I'm not alone!

[Adia]

We broke the news to my husband's family and the "it better be a girl" comments were as bad as expected. I had a dream I had the baby and my mom handed the baby to me wearing a girl onesie and I asked "girl or boy?" And she said boy. :rolleyes:
I'm just trying to convince myself I'm having a boy by picking out boy names and reminding myself how fun my boys are in an effort to avoid some serious letdown if a penis is found at that ultrasound.
My oldest is still gunning for a girl but my youngest wants a boy now. I'm glad I'm not alone!

Isn't it great when its completely obvious that someone has NOT taken your feelings into consideration?? I hate that crap, "it had better be a girl!"....or what? Am i going to have to send the baby back if everyone doesn't approve?
No, you certainly aren't alone on this one!