What if you could only have an opposite?

[dakota5176]

A few years ago I did pgd for a girl. I had one healthy girl and two healthy boys. I transferred the girl but it didn't take. I'm going to try another round or two but it doesn't look good. I'm older now 42 and may very well not have any normal embryos. We've been trying naturally for a year but no luck. I've talked to my dh about donor eggs but he is unconvinced.

So should I try to convince my dh to do pgd for a girl with donor eggs or use my own egg and have a boy?

One thing I'm worried about is being close with a boy when thy grow up.

[coocoobananas]

Do you have any children yet?

[atomic sagebrush]

That is why I knew PGD would never be for me (even if I could have afforded it, which I couldn't have LOL) I knew I would totally be transferring boys and heck I can brew one of them up at home. ;)

I'd implant the boys in a heartbeat. There are some people who og HT because they really don't want another of the same gender, that was never the case for me, I was just greedy and wanted a girl too.

PLEASE don't worry about not being close with your boys as adults. My oldest sons are 22 and 19 and are and always have been super close with me (DH, not so much). I honestly think that "boys aren't close with their moms" thing is made up. I know tons of women who do not get along with their moms at all and tons of men who do. I feel like I share 85% of everything I wanted out of a mother-daughter relationship with my sons and that there was never any guarantee I'd get that last 15% from a girl child anyway.

[coocoobananas]

Same with me Atomic! I've never understood the wanting one gender over the other. It was just when I didn't get one of the other and than thought 'hey!! I want one of those too!!' Lol

[Eneli]

It's very personal. I think it depends on what is more important for you and your DH: if having a daughter (although she's from a donor) or having your own blood child (although he is a boy). If I were in your shoes the answer for me would not be easy...

[atomic sagebrush]

Forgot to mention that in terms of genetic relationships, they've studied it and found that the offspring you (mother) are actually guaranteed to be the closest related genetically will be your sons and your sons' daughters. The reason being the X chromosome, which controls a ton of stuff compared to the Y, in your daughter will be XX meaning that it will be in competition for getting passed down to future generations, with whatever is on your husband's X chromosome. Whereas with your sons, they only get your one X chromosome and so it's guaranteed that they and any daughters they have will 100% for sure be packing the paternal grandmother's DNA. The relative least related to a granddaughter is the paternal grandfather.

wow complex explanation there and I know that's not really how people's minds work but if the issue or any part of it is blood/genetic inheritance and that a donor embryo won't feel like "yours", well, your boys are really more YOU than your daughter would be anyway, if that makes any sense.

[Mamato3?]

Of course it's something that only you deep inside know what the best choice is.
But if it were me, IF i had the ability to have a healthy child that is biologically connected to me, the gender would not matter at all.
As far as the relationship between mother-son and mother-daughter is concerned, trust me you will fall in love with your child the minute you see its heartbeat at the very first U/S, and this love will keep you warm throughout your life.

[dakota5176]

I tried two more ivf cycles and had 10 embryos collected. Some arrested and of those that were tested I had only one normal a girl. I was really excited and did everything possible to increase my odds of success. A week ago I had a five day embryo transferred but today I got a bfn on an hpt. So upsetting and disappointing. I just blew a lot of money we don't have on something that has failed.

I was thinking of doing a few cycles of timed intercourse with injectibles but it seems hopeless. I'm 42.

Any advice anyone? I've already tried vitamins, diet, and acupuncture and it didn't work.

I'm just so frustrated.

[covered in blue]

Oh I'm sorry it didn't work out :(. I can just imagine how you feel. How do you and your DH feel about donor embryos? That might be an option but probably a bit of a waiting list. Overall cost would be lower than a donor cycle though. Maybe you could sway while you wait? I'd definitely get a custom plan though. Don't give up on your dream yet. It's still possible!

[covered in blue]

Do you have any boys yet? how many? Have you still got those embryos on ice?

[Keshet]

I tried two more ivf cycles and had 10 embryos collected. Some arrested and of those that were tested I had only one normal a girl. I was really excited and did everything possible to increase my odds of success. A week ago I had a five day embryo transferred but today I got a bfn on an hpt. So upsetting and disappointing. I just blew a lot of money we don't have on something that has failed.

I was thinking of doing a few cycles of timed intercourse with injectibles but it seems hopeless. I'm 42.

Any advice anyone? I've already tried vitamins, diet, and acupuncture and it didn't work.

I'm just so frustrated.

I'm your age and doing IUIs. My doctor thought that it would be more effective than TI and much cheaper than IVF. I would be interested to hear what you find out about injectibles with TI.

[ELP]

Forgot to mention that in terms of genetic relationships, they've studied it and found that the offspring you (mother) are actually guaranteed to be the closest related genetically will be your sons and your sons' daughters. The reason being the X chromosome, which controls a ton of stuff compared to the Y, in your daughter will be XX meaning that it will be in competition for getting passed down to future generations, with whatever is on your husband's X chromosome. Whereas with your sons, they only get your one X chromosome and so it's guaranteed that they and any daughters they have will 100% for sure be packing the paternal grandmother's DNA. The relative least related to a granddaughter is the paternal grandfather.



That is probably the most interesting thing I have heard this year!! I am the image of my Dads mum! Atomic do you have this written up anywhere else as I don't want to crash the thread xxx

[ELP]

dakota, so sorry for your bfn :( Is it just too early to pick it up or does the timing say your definitely out?

[dakota5176]

Well it may be a little early to test. I have my beta tomorrow but I'm sure I'm out.

I have two frostie boys in storage. Even though my first two fets didn't work I know in my heart I would succeed with them. Some times I just think I should give up my dream of a girl and just move on but other times I can't let go.

I have a son. He can be a handful at times, temper tantrums etc but other times he is so sweet and loving.

I'm trying decide my next steps. I don't have any tries left at ivf. I can try timed intercourse with injectibles or iuis but the odds of success are really low. Obviously I might still have a boy but at least my odds would be 50% instead of zero. I was leaning toward timed intercourse because there is nothing wrong with my dh and I didn't want to inconvenience him for no real reason. I will discuss it with my nurse tomorrow.

So it comes down to using my male frosties or embryo adoption. I would probably do it. I can't afford it today but since my age wouldn't matter I guess I could wait. My dh was against donor eggs but oddly I think I could convince him to do embryo donation.

I just continue to be torn.. A dd that would have no genetic connection or a biological son. Why can't things just be easy?

[covered in blue]

I'd do both! You only have one son. You could put your name down for a DE girl now and then give the frosties a chance while you wait. But then I always wanted at least 3 kids and I think it would be awesome for your little boy to have a brother. A second DS will mostly likely have a different personality and will bring something different and special to your family. Most kids go through stages where they throw tantrums etc. It's normal and they grow out of it. Don't let it get you down :)

[atomic sagebrush]

That is probably the most interesting thing I have heard this year!! I am the image of my Dads mum! Atomic do you have this written up anywhere else as I don't want to crash the thread xxx

No I never have written it up - but I too know several people who closely resemble their paternal grandmothers!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Any update, dakota?? FX.

How old is your son??? Sons are often easier over the course of time.

[dakota5176]

Nothing new. Blood test today but I won't get any results back.

When my son was younger he was so crazy I was sure I'd never use those stored embryos! But now that he's four he's so much better, so sweet and loving that i can easily imagine another boy.

I wouldn't mind splitting the difference and doing one donor embryo and one fet but I'm not sure I can convince my dh. Now the biggest unknown is how I would pay for all the donor embryo expenses. I'm still drowning in debt from my pgd attempt!

[atomic sagebrush]

4 is a lovely age. I have found they get a bit worse at 5 (but NOTHING like the terrible 1's, 2's, 3's that some go through) and then once you hit 6 it's all golden. My boys got better the older they got and were absolute dreams come true as teens. My two eldest are adults now and the most supportive and loving guys - I can't imagine being any closer to a daughter than I am to them (and no, there is nothing weird or creepy about it either) :)

Also, you never know, I had two calm and two crazy, and my little brother was incredibly easy (my sister not so much!!) so you may have a different experience the next time through.

[dakota5176]

Well it was definitely negative. It's so frustrating I defied the odds to have a healthy girl at my age and then it didn't implant! I was so hopeful.
I think I'll do a few cycles of iui. Can't hurt right? I have extra meds from previous cycles lying around so I'm thinking of increasing my dosage. The risk for multiples at my age is low and I figure it may help.
If I can't get that to work I'm meaning toward just using my frozen boy embryos. I may change my mind tomorrow but right now that seems best.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes yes can't hurt and you do have those frosties to fall back on. Good luck.

[n710]

No I never have written it up - but I too know several people who closely resemble their paternal grandmothers!!

Crazy when I read this. 2 of my daughters look so much like my husband's maternal grandmother. It's uncanny

[atomic sagebrush]

My daughter looks more like my husband every day. It's weird!!!