My heart is broken after 3 IVF cycles

[oldmama14]

I have one son who I got pg with naturally who is five years old. I did IVF for my second son in 2012. I had 4 embryos left over from that cycle and I had them tested in 2014. All were abnormal. So sad. I then did another IVF cycle and had them all tested. 3 normal boys. I just did another IVF cycle with Microsort. I believe the sperm were damaged by the Microsort and freezing, and only 2 blastocysts made it, both poor quality. I'm not holding out much hope for them. I've done 3 total IVF cycles and not one girl that I even know of, normal or abnormal, though there may have been some abnormals. So much expense and pain, and subjecting my body to the hormones. It feels like it's over. I'm afraid to try again. At my age there's a good chance of only 1 normal and without Microsort it's just as likely (if not more so) to be a boy. I'm devastated at the thought of never having my daughter. It just seems crazy to try again. If it fails I will be just where I left off. With the 3 normal boys I had last time, I could have five sons. Five. I'm so sad I can't even eat breakfast. I don't want to go through another cycle for nothing. This just sucks. I love my boys but it feels like such a huge hole of sadness. I don't know how to cope with it. My Mom died 8 months ago and I somehow thought having a daughter with the close relationship that we had would feel like some kind of healing. Thanks for reading.

[Kittybear]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way :( I think you still have 2 blasts to test (?) and one of these could be a normal female.
I don't have any advice, just don't lose faith just yet, and I'm sending you a massive virtual hug from over the Atlantic, and praying that your DD is one of your embies xx xx

[ever hopeful]

I'm really sorry you feel so down. Have you thought about donor eggs at all to get your DD? Although your initial reaction will probably be shock, horror and no, if your desire for a DD is really really strong, I so encourage you to think about it. I had my 3 DSs naturally at 38, 41 and 43 and then did PDG for a DD at 44, got pg against all odds with DD but sadly m/c at 9 weeks. DH was adamant we could only have one more try and me too because of my age, so we did a tandem cycle (my eggs/DEs) and our gorgeous DD was born 6 months ago. I don't know if she is genetically mine or the donor's but she is our DD and we love her to bits and she has brought so much joy and happiness to our family already. (if someone had told me this was the route I would take 2 years ago I certainly wouldn't have believed them.) That said, not sure how old you are and you can produce normal so there is still a good chance you can have a DD and one of your blastocysts might well be her. Hugs xx

[Pink rose 76]

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I know how you feel though. Cycling alone gives you so many ups and downs. It is such an emotional roller coaster. I have had 2 cycles and been unsuccessful, but like you cannot live or think of life without my little girl so I am having another go.

I think ever hopefuls idea is a great one to consider, if these blastocysts come back as boys or abnormal. But I would first concentrate on your blasts, they shud be girls if the microsort has been performed well. There is no reason why not. I will cross everything for you Hun hey are normal girls x

[My2Sons]

I totally get how you feel... I have done three cycles and out of those I have had 1 normal xx, 2 abnormal xx, 5 normal xy and 3 abnormal xy. A very wise woman said to me to sit and flip a coin & see how many times a head came up as this is the same probability for xx and xy. Lots of girls have had bad gender splits (I am one) and have gone on to have wonderful "lucky" cycles. I wouldn't give up, but at your age I would be looking at going to a clinic that has higher stats and pay the extra. Your dream can come true... Don't give up!

[oldmama14]

Thanks everyone. Yes, I still have the two blasts, and they should be girls. It's just whether they are normal or not, and at my age...

I have considered donor eggs. I know for sure that my husband would not go for donor embryos, but I am not sure about the eggs. I can talk to him about it. I worry that I would feel that she wasn't really mine. I feel so positive for all of the moms who DO go the donor eggs/embryos route and I am thrilled for them that it works out.

I guess what I am wondering is: how do you guys keep cycling? It seems like it *could* work, but there is a strong possibility that it won't, as well. I think about all of the things that we could spend the money on, and for just a gamble, a gamble that I have taken 4x now with my kids and my cycles and have not come out the way that I wanted, how do I go on trying? But stopping now just fills me with this overwhelming sadness.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom - sending you all my extra special "pink sticky old lady dust"!! :)

[TRL]

Sorry this is so hard for you. This is not a easy path.. Yes there are some one hit wonders, but most it's an up hill battle. I did 6 cycles and 1FET 2 finally have my DD. I was 30 when I started the process. For me I could not let go of not having my DD. Yes it was crazy hard, hard on my marriage, hard financially, physically and emotionally. They only way I could move on from each failed cycle was to have a plan for what ever the next step was going to be. What ever that might be for you.. Swaying or another cycle or just being at peace with your family. I have to tell you now that she is here I never think twice about the money or the 2 years of hell I put myself and my family through.
You have to decide when enough is enough or when it's not enough.
Best of luck!


3 boys and 1 HT princess!

[gizmo77]

So sorry! Keep ur eye on the prize. But look at yourself 10 years from now, what would "that you" tell the "present you?"

[EmileeJane]

This is a sad read. I'm sorry for all that has happened. I haven't done and could not afford HT for DD but have most definitely researched it. So I don't have advice on that part. But I can relate to losing your mother. Today is has been 9 yrs since my mom passed away far too young from cancer. When I think I of all that has happened with out her it kills me. Since she's been gone, I've gotten engaged, married, had 2 beautiful sons(one a csect, and one very sought after Un medicated vaginal birth after csect) my mom had both my sis and i unmedicated and I so wanted that for myself as well. It's been hard to go through all of those huge things without her. Even though I always envisioned daughters it makes me want one even more. I want to be able to of course have the hair bows and leggings but I really desire the adult relationship with a daughter that I never had. To talk with her about marriage, pregnancy, relate to her on every twinge of pain and everything amazing. I feel sad that my boys will never fully understand having a baby the way a woman does. I also know none of that would be a guarantee with a daughter but it also feels bad to think I may never know.
So sorry about your mom and process. It is hard and I won't say that time heals all, cuz 9 yrs later for me it still a struggle. Xoxo

[dakota5176]

I understand your frustration. I did three cycles of ivf and got 2 normal boys and one normal girl. Transferred the girl but it didn't take. I did another cycle when I was older and got one normal girl transferred it and it didn't implant. It's so incredibly frustrating! I did everything right took vitamins, wasted lots of money on acupuncture, ate healthy stayed away from alcohol and caffeine and yet none of it worked.
I'm going to try a few cycles of iui which of course might result in an opposite and then I'll transfer the remaining boys.